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Posted: Sep 9, 2006 3:48 am
 
i just started working at a local health food store. here's a rundown of stuff I've tried:
kombucha tea: smells like vinegar, tastes a little better than what it smells, but doesn't live up to the hype.
izze soda: not really soda, just pure fruit juice with "sparkling" water. pretty decent actually and not full of high fructose corn syrup
blue sky soda: also natural, pretty decent, dr pepper ripoff is called dr becker, which is not very cool, but overall the fruity flavors taste almost as good as faygo, which is saying something
organic whole bread stuff: tastes good, gives you healthy poos that make the day better
guru energy drink: totally sucks
various organic/natural cookies: pretty good, though don't every substitute organic fake ass oreos for real ones
soy milk/rice milk: have no desire to try this shit
tofutti: same as above

pretty soon we're getting a whole bunch of natural/organic beer and wine... will update after I've tried.
Posted: Sep 9, 2006 5:48 pm
 
get deadcityrebel to tell you about the time he ate the whole bag of health food store candy
Posted: Sep 9, 2006 7:42 pm
 
Izze's are king. We served them at our wedding rather than sodas for mixers. We put a bunch in big tin buckets.

Try a Tofutti Cutie. You will be amazed at how much like an Ice Cream Sandwich it tastes.
Posted: Sep 9, 2006 11:02 pm
 
All food is health food. I tried starving. Dont recomend it.
Posted: Sep 10, 2006 6:55 am
 
buy a bag of fake health food store m+m's. then eat the whole thing. i won't need to tell you how much you shit out or how fast.
Posted: Sep 10, 2006 6:29 pm
 
buy a bag of fake health food store m+m's

yeah that's the story
Posted: Sep 10, 2006 8:02 pm
 
i still gotta drop off my application there..." excuse me sir how much is it for one sesame seed and yer cheapest granola bar..?" Health Food Shop Asshole. by The Wholeblivians..??
Posted: Sep 11, 2006 3:21 am
 
dude dutchy boy, we just had someone quit, you might have an "in". worked register the whole day today, i feel bad to say it, but I'm really starting to hate old people who can't function. they don't understand how to pay, or walk or anything. stay at home you incontinent fuckers!
Posted: Sep 11, 2006 5:11 pm
 
Whatever you do, do NOT try the wheat grass.....they say it'll cure everything but I did a shot once and it is the most god awful stuff ever.....took 3 Snickers bars to get that taste out of my mouth
Posted: Sep 11, 2006 6:33 pm
 
I'm really starting to hate old people who can't function. they don't understand how to pay, or walk or anything. stay at home you incontinent fuckers!

good thing you dont work at ROI!
Posted: Sep 11, 2006 7:06 pm | Edited by: Hugh Jass
 
One of my first "real jobs" out of high school was working at a health food store. I worked there for almost 2 years.

The 6 most important things I learned while working there:

1. Alfalfa sprouts smell exactly like jizz. The manager's wife pointed that out to me one morning while she was making sandwiches for the store's deli case.
2. There are hundreds of medicinal herbs used daily by people around the world. These folks mostly ingest the herbs as a tea. 99% of those herbs are used as laxatives.
3. EVERY SINGLE PERSON that buys Inositol powder (a B-complex vitamin) is a drug dealer who uses the stuff to cut cocaine.
4. The Macrobiotic diet lowers your sex drive.
5. In the time it takes you to make seitan (aka wheat gluten), you could slaughter, butcher, and cook an entire cow.
6. Carob is disgusting.
Posted: Sep 11, 2006 7:15 pm
 
I love carob, and even carob milk!
Posted: Sep 13, 2006 1:09 am
 
Aren't those health food M&Ms carob? Yee-uck!

My first job ever was also in a health food store--Squash Blossom on Evergreen, then out east. We used to steal beer and go drink it in the Sanderlin parking lot on our break. And smoke weed out of carrot pipes out back. Damn hooligans.
Posted: Sep 13, 2006 3:39 pm
 
EVERY SINGLE PERSON that buys Inositol powder (a B-complex vitamin) is a drug dealer who uses the stuff to cut cocaine.

How much would they buy at one time?
Posted: Sep 13, 2006 8:12 pm
 
How much would they buy at one time?
They'd usually buy a dozen large bottles or so, which must've been 10oz each or so. That doesn't sound like much, but when coke is sold by the gram, 10oz of inositol will cut a lot of coke. You could totally tell the guys buying the stuff didn't belong with the rest of the patrons. Everybody else there were either geriatrics or granola-types. The inositol buyers would be greasy-looking white dudes with silk shirts and cologne who drove up in Corvettes or black guys who looked like Ol' Durty. Keep in mind this was in Des Moines, Iowa circa 1985.
Posted: Sep 13, 2006 9:16 pm
 
3. EVERY SINGLE PERSON that buys Inositol powder (a B-complex vitamin) is a drug dealer who uses the stuff to cut cocaine.

This is so true it's not even funny. We sell it in four sizes and it is almost always out of stock, despite coming in on a weekly order.
Posted: Sep 13, 2006 9:20 pm
 
The inositol buyers would be greasy-looking white dudes with silk shirts and cologne who drove up in Corvettes or black guys who looked like Ol' Durty. Keep in mind this was in Des Moines, Iowa circa 1985.


This has not changed in the least.
Posted: Sep 13, 2006 11:34 pm
 
Burger King don't sell none of that shit! That's why I only eat at Burger King.
Posted: Sep 13, 2006 11:34 pm
 
I love Burger King.
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