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Goner Message Board / ???? / help me pick up on someone...
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 6:28 am
 
okay, i'm a tad drunk and need advice...
what's the best way to ask a girl whom you've never met, never really talked to, and i only know where she works.
ladies, care to give some insight. it's sad that at my age i've never asked a girl out 'cold' like this before...as i am afeared of coming off like the dreaded 'creepy' guy who comes into your work to ask you out.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 7:14 am
 
Well, depending on where she works, you could actually be a "creepy" guy. If she waits tables, bar tends, or otherwise works in a service job or retail where she interacts with the public, then you have some latitude. If she's an account executive on the 12th floor, and you choose to drop in on her unexpectedly while at work, you may find yourself escorted from the building in handcuffs. You've left far too much latitude for anybody to be of much help.

If you don't know her, how do you know of her?

If she does have a service job, whatever you do, don't drop in on her while her place of work is busy. Then you will prove incredibly annoying. Drop by when it is slow, order very little, make friendly small talk. Unless she straddles you in the chair, you should not make even the slightest hint of an advance on her. Give her a good tip and leave when she's not around, when she's gone back in the kitchen. Then go back a couple days later and see if she remembers you.

Does she work in a book store? That's easy. Ask her what to read. Find out what she likes to read. Do likewise, then you will have tons of stuff to talk about. At least a book's worth of conversation.

For some reason women love self depricating humor.

Where she works, what she does will make all the diference in how you pull this off.

Best of luck.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 1:02 pm
 
Dress as an Italian gondolier, pick up a Spanish guitar, go over to her building and give the window cleaners five bucks each to take you up on their platform to the window of her office. Then serenade her.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 1:09 pm
 
Jerk off to porn, hook up with the occasional drunk girl at the bar... other than that, stay far far far away from women.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 1:22 pm
 
Personal hygiene is key; smearing my underarms with onions has always worked like a charm for me.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 1:50 pm
 
have a shot of jameson to fortify yourself (but just one because SOME butterflies are good), go in there and strike up a conversation on the FLY, otherwise it will come off rehearsed and stale. if it seems to be moving along easily and if you're making eye contact that makes your stomach jump, just go for it and ask her out. be straightforward. a woman likes a man who knows what he wants. she'll feel singled out and special.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 2:13 pm
 
you've never met, never really talked to, and i only know where she works.
whoa, sounds like you need some stalking 101

she'll feel singled out and special.
see, i told you so! works every time.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 2:47 pm
 
if you really like her... a murder suicide should seal the deal.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 2:48 pm
 
Don't overdo it so as you start tempting dogs, though, as it can lead to real trouble-

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mb606/F2241577?thread=1247780

'Jailing him, Judge Alistair McCallum told Hoyle "Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway. Frankly it is beyond most of our comprehension. It is an absolutely disgusting thing for members of the public to have to witness.'
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 3:00 pm
 
That's insane!
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 3:13 pm
 
Only in Huddersfield. I'm surprised it's a crime there.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 3:23 pm
 
she works at the whole foods a couple blocks from my house. i'm there all the time for dinner...the problem is she's not a cashier so i can't pull the whole 'get into her line' shim sham, but she works on the floor so i bump into her all the time.
shot of jameson is a check....someone suggested i 'ask around' about her to other people that work there but that seems like a horrible idea. thanks chris and jenna.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 3:31 pm
 
Just bring her a mix tape and tell her you think she's lookin' good. You'll be in like flint!
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 3:31 pm
 
MAKE HER GIVE YOU BEER

HEE HAW
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 3:38 pm
 
don't ask around, dude. her co-workers will tell her some weird dude is asking about her. creep central. nah. just be straightforward. have some balls.

there's a book out called "he's just not that into you" and it's main point is "if a guy likes a girl, totally wants her, he will go for it, because guys want what they want." masters of the universe. so do it! and report back!
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:06 pm
 
Hey Jenna, wanna go out?
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:11 pm
 
shit, that was my next question...
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:18 pm
 
For some reason women love self depricating humor.

not this woman

Personal hygiene is key

yeah, that too. but NO onions smeared on armpits, please.

just strike up a convo with her next time you "bump into her." ask her an honest question that is at the same time character revealing about both of you (although this is better when the topic is cultural - like movies & books)... i guess "how do you cook spaghetti squash" is not the best opening line in the world.... but you'll be inspired, i just know it
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:19 pm
 
Tell her she smells like your mom.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:24 pm
 
Tell her your "touched".
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:25 pm
 
Hey, Theresa, were you at the Dead Boys show last night? Didn't see ya.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:26 pm
 
"bump into her." with the front of your jeans. Constantly.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:27 pm
 
Ask her if she want's to be "touched".
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:28 pm
 
Hey, Theresa, were you at the Dead Boys show last night? Didn't see ya.

nope. I'm in LA. how was it?
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:30 pm
 
Also, that trick where you turn your eyelids inside-out is pretty special...
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:33 pm
 
Ask her for health food recommendations that could make you a little less gassy....
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:36 pm
 
Strike up a conversation, but make the "O.K." sign with one hand, and constantly insert and exit your index finger on the other hand the entire time...
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:39 pm
 
Ask her if she's ever been cleansed in the waters of Lake Minetanka...

I saw that work in a movie once...
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:41 pm
 
Ask her if she likes Bush. If she says she doesn't tell her you do, and stare at her pants. A lot.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:44 pm
 
Walk up to her with your dick out and tell her it's organic.
Posted: Nov 1, 2005 11:44 pm
 
Ask her if her thumbs are "opposable". If she says yes, ask her why she doesn't like her thumbs...
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 12:08 am
 
heir ick, next time you're in NYC, we'll go on a date. I promise. thanks for asking. but no goner flirting from now til then. I gotta stay a free agent!
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 12:25 am
 
Deal.

Theresa, the Dead Boys show was alright. Nothing spectacular, but OK. I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I just got hammered and walked around entertaining myself.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 12:32 am
 
Be all like "daamn sugah, I nevah wanted a cavity so bad in my life!"
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 12:46 am
 
Strike up a conversation, but make the "O.K." sign with one hand, and constantly insert and exit your index finger on the other hand the entire time...

you. are. such. a. nerd.
xo!
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:04 am
 
Pick her up by saying "Man, your legs must be tired..."
When she asks "why", tell her
"'Cause your fat."
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:06 am
 
Tell her you just got your back waxed so "THAT" shouldn't be a problem anymore...
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:08 am
 
Ask her if she's into Scientology...
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:09 am
 
Tell her you were just on the Internet "thinking" about her....
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:11 am
 
walk up to her and lift her off the ground while making roaring gorilla noises then walk around with her lifted off the floor.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:12 am
 
Keep your hands in your pockets, and jingle your change. Even if your sitting down at a table....
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:14 am
 
Go over to her and cut a huge fart
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:15 am
 
Oh hang on, no that doesn't work
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:16 am
 
Tell her you'd like to go out for drinks sometime, and you can introduce her to your friend "Mickey"....
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:21 am
 
Ask her if she's into athletics, "You know, like watersports..."
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:21 am
 
Moonwalk up to her, grab a tittie, moonwalk away. Repeat.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:27 am
 
Pretend like you're working on a crossword puzzle; ask her how to spell "felching".
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:28 am
 
Ask her if she's ever played "Kiss the Bunny"...
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:29 am
 
sometimes a simple "hey" does the trick.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:32 am
 
sometimes a simple "hey" does the trick.

That shit never works. Kiss the Bunny. I'm telling you. Then pull the pocket linings out of your pants...
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 1:38 am
 
Awkward stares, baby, awkward stares.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 2:05 am | Edited by: tapecase jackson
 
sometimes a simple "hey" does the trick.

Only if you yell it at the top of your lungs right into her ear.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 2:13 am
 
Fuck the "i got kicked off of gargepunk" thread. This is where the party's at!

Tell her to come over and sit on your lap and talk about the first thing that "pops up!"

BADABOOM BADABING BADABING BADABOOM!
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 2:18 am
 
Ask her if she wants to sit down and chat...then say "here let me clear of a place for you" and wipe off your face around the mouth region.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 2:42 am
 
Unzip your fly, pull out a little scrot and ask her if she can help you get the gum off your balls.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 2:44 am
 
dude ain't no chick impressed by a little scrot.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 2:46 am
 
You can't give it all away at first. It's about finesse. You can't just throw the taters out there, that would be crude.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 3:37 am
 
I would take Jenna's advice and just go for it. Tell her you've seen her around, she looks really interesting, ect. Don't be all Hugh Grant about it and change the convo into some weird, off-subject "hmm....what do they put in the salads, a bit of, hmmm..." kinda thing. Just nut up and ask.

If that doesn't work, rape her in the parking lot.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 6:06 am
 
If that doesn't work, rape her in the parking lot
using roofies or qualudes?
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 7:01 am | Edited by: SinglesGoingSteady
 
Have some faith.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 7:08 am
 
Grab her ass, man. If she comes to serve you, pull out a Hustler and ask "You Like Stuff Like This?". Write her a dirty letter. Tell her she needs a good spanking. Follow her home from work.

She'll fall in love.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 8:58 am
 
- GD, CH
- SIIHP
- YSSCKY

-oot
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 9:25 am
 
You should give up and kill yourself
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 9:31 am
 
You should give up and kill yourself

STFU n00b
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 9:36 am
 
You should pretend like you own the company next time you walk in. Tell her if she wants to keep her job, she better know how to suck a mean dick in the men's room.......
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 10:01 am
 
Ask her if she was a guy ever. Tell her you need to lose your virginity and ask for her help. Say that even a handjob is fine but that you would really like to go for a-hole-in-one and get it all over with. If she accepts and she helps you out, ask her if you can see each other again. Maybe go to a sports bar on Sunday and knock back a few while rooting for your favorite team.

If that doesn't work, rape her in the parking lot.

FUKKKK YEAAAAA UUUU FUKKKKNNNN BITTTTCCCCHHH, UUUUU FUCKKKNNN TTTTEEEAAAZZEEE! DOOOONNNTT BBBB TTTEEEAAAZZZNNN MEEEE SOOOO MUUUCCCCHHH!
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 10:18 am
 
Tell her you've been thinking about her, then show her this thread. Now ask her on a date.

Fuck her brains out, brotha! Please keep her panties as a souvenir. Post a pic (if you can) when you're done. Remember: nothing sez love like giving a girl a creampie of a shot of jizz to the eye. Try to do her anallly too if you can. Maybe ask her if you can take pics to remember the occasion. I'd love it if a girl told me she was really into me. I'd be so turned on (if she was hot.)
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 10:32 am
 
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 12:21 pm
 
Roses and chocolate would be a wonderful touch when you finally talk to this lady. Just kidding. I don't even know where that shit came from. That's from about the '50s right? I can't believe you've never talked to this girl. Whatever you do, make sure she doesn't have a rock on her hand. Don't wanna look stupid now do we!?!? Hee hee. Give us an update if and when you finally "go the distance." Whatever that means.

I love you. I would give you a box of heart shaped chocolates if I had a crush on you, misterhayworth.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 2:59 pm | Edited by: kermitthefrog
 
but she works on the floor so i bump into her all the time

what department? next to you see her ask her what (fill in the blank with item from her department) she'd recommend. go from there.

which whole foods?
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 3:16 pm
 
If she works on the floor then she HAS to talk to you by law. 1) Ask her about some product, then ask funny questions about product and keep a straight face... when and if she laughs, then (right away) ask her out for coffee. If she says "no", kill yourself.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 5:34 pm
 
Club her over the head and drag her back to yer cave.

Works for me.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 8:44 pm
 
That should work as long as you make her breakfast in the morning.
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 9:11 pm
 
also, make sure you can either outrun or beat the shit out of her boyfriend
Posted: Nov 2, 2005 9:46 pm
 
Try this it works...compliments me.

Go by Goner Records and bring me a Goner Business card and I'll give you 20% off a Dozen Premium Longstem Roses in a Vase with all the accents Delivered Free to anywhere Downtown or Midtown excluding Holidays.

Meet your Date at The Peabody Hotel and I'll deliver them for 25% off.

DraculRose
http:www.sharpflowers.com
Sharp Flowers at The Peabody Place Trolley Stop
Posted: Nov 3, 2005 9:23 am
 
Go in wearing a t-shirt that says "Who Farted?".

She'll do the rest.
Posted: Nov 3, 2005 11:57 pm
 
say this:

Do you like the band 7 Seconds? Cuz that's about how long I last, baby!

or this

I won't hurt you baby. It's so small, it's been called a Minor Threat.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 12:02 am
 
Always remember this: Its 90% attitude and confidence, the other 10% are the actual words that come out of your mouth. (heard this on a talkshow this morning from some guy who wrote a book about picking up women and never losing!)
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 1:31 am
 
confidence only goes so far before genetics kicks in. I'm a keen observer of bar and party life, and I've noticed that really out going, really fat, really ugly guys usually don't get as much play as model looking jockobots who sit around and act like deaf mutes. Chicks are as superficial as guys half the time.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 1:47 am
 
yeah, but there is someone for everyone.

this newlywed couple i know - the wife - hot babe could have anyone she wants; the husband, big, fat and unkempt HOWEVER he's a gentleman, nice as can be and confident.
no, he's not rich.
ya see?
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:21 am
 
Ask her if she wants some Jesus Juice.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:25 am
 
Get her in an headlock and say 'agree to go out with me and I'll stop squashing your head'
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:28 am
 
Ask her if she's got a boyfriend and if she says yes, tell her he's not as good looking or as strong as you then show her your muscles
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:29 am
 
get really drunk and dive on her
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:30 am | Edited by: Jack Stands
 
Get her in an headlock and say 'agree to go out with me and I'll stop squashing your head'

YEAH! YEAH! ...And then turn your class ring inside, and bang her on the head with it really fast, repeatedly, and yell at her, "Who loves you? WHO LOVES YOOOUUUU?????".....
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:47 am
 
Wear that "Axe" stuff. On the commercial, dude hooks up with his date's mom.




Make sure her mom is hot, first....
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 3:01 am
 
Kiss the Bunny. I'm telling you. Then pull the pocket linings out of your pants...

fucking hilarity.

you could also tell her that you are going to go home and jerk off thinking about her.

ha.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 3:16 am
 
Get drunk, act like an immature asshole, then ask her if she wants to make out. If she says no, grovel. If she says yes, either try to parlay the kissing into awkward and unpleasurable inebriated sex, or laugh at her.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:12 am | Edited by: jenna
 
no. do NOT act like an immature asshole. if you really like her, just tell her you like her. is that so hard???

think about it--how many times are you alone and thinking you'd like to be hanging with someone you actually dig? so then when you find a cool person to hang with, do you want to play games? no damn way. you just want to be like, "ah, finally!"
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:16 am
 
Tell her you can't find your balls. Tell her you lost them sometime around where you couldn't figure out HOW TO SAY HI!

Fuck, dude. Have you talked to her yet? Kiss the Bunny everytime.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:21 am
 
you know what really worked on me recently?

guy walks up to me and says, "you're theresa?" i say yes, then he introduces himself. he mentions he's seen my photos and liked them and asked me a question about a band and we kept talking, etc....

he was direct, polite and light-hearted, curious about all the right stuff (me, stuff we might obviously have in common, etc).

WHAT'S SO HARD ABOUT THAT??? jeez.... why do people make things so much harder than they have to be?
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:23 am
 
KISS THE BUNNY!!!
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 8:34 am
 
Just ask this chick out already. Weirder shit has happened. My parents met on a blind date. I met my last girlfriend because I was trying to find out where the keg was at a party. We dated for seven months. People always meet randomly. This is no different. Doesn't even strike me as all that "weird".
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 8:36 am
 
ps- but seriously, if it doesnt work out......threaten to kill her. Sometimes you gotta scare the ladies into liking you....
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:23 pm
 
"sex is great and everything, but having a person you care about and who cares about you to share your life with is so much more valuable than that."

yep. bradx, that's beautiful.

misterhayworth, did you say hi yet? god knows you've probably had to go to whole foods in the time this thread's been weaving. shit, i've gone twice myself.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:35 pm
 
but having a person you care about and who cares about you to share your life with is so much more valuable than that."


yeah and what's even better is when THAT PERSON UP AND LEAVES.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:53 pm
 
Circles... girls like it when you go in circles.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 2:55 pm
 
Did you talk to her yet? If not, which Whole Foods does she work at? Memphis? Shir, I'll be in Southaven this weekend, I could use some strange. Shit or get off the pot dood.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 3:31 pm
 
no. do NOT act like an immature asshole.

But what if you're really an immature asshole? The plot thickens.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 4:08 pm
 
then grow up! i've seen you, eric. you're young, but i'm sure you're not an asshole.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 4:23 pm
 
Steal a baby in a pushchair and wheel it in going 'dudes! check this out! A fucking baby!'. she'll be all gooey and think you're a sensitive dude.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 4:24 pm
 
I like to appear to be single personally. It makes me more appealing to the record-buying public.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 4:42 pm
 
then grow up! i've seen you, eric. you're young, but i'm sure you're not an asshole.

Wasn't really talking about myself; just bored and fucking around on the computer. I imagined the second sentence whispered in my ear. The Hand always has the best answers!
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 4:50 pm
 
Jenna is hot.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 5:01 pm
 
So is The Hand!
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 5:32 pm
 
just ask her out, and if she says no, just pretend like she said yes anyways and set up the time and place. that way she'll feel bad and show up. you'll then at least become friends and maybe in like 4 or 5 years she'll get dumped or something and then yer in. TRUST me it works.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:23 pm
 
You don't have to take a gloryhole out to dinner. And it won't resent you for childish things. And it won't smoke your grass.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 10:34 pm
 
After you're done fucking her tell her you'll make a call to the orthodontist to get her braces and make a call to the doctor to repair the stretch marks you've inflicted upon her. After that, do the Moonwalk! She'll be dyin and love you forever.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 11:25 pm
 
holy shit, i don't sign on this thing for a few days and 108 replies!
i actually was in there a few days ago and talked to her, so now a few of you can relax. didn't ask her out yet but at least introduced myself. baby steps....i'll keep the few of you who seem interested in this saga posted...
it's pretty entertaining to see how many of you are trying to one up each other in the crudeness of your jokes..they're starting to repeat themselves.
thanks for the advice, the few of you.
also, if it explains my patheticness...i've always been super shy. it's slowly getting better over the last few years, but that is why i was asking. i'm fine once i meet somebody, it's the initial meeting that baffles me. i've never met or seen you gals (jenna, theresa, etc...), but i'd definitely go up to youse and ask you out .
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 12:27 am
 
Believe you me, youd be hittin' it in minutes too.
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 12:31 am
 
yea-- good for you! one girl at a time, misterhayworth, one girl at a time. um, you would NOT ask me out if you saw me. 'cos god knows you'd probably see me rocking balls to some balls rock and be like, "whoah, that girl's embarrassing herself!" therasa, however, draws in the boys like candy.

speaking of rock, i'm off to the tyrades.
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 1:13 am
 
she also knows quite a bit about bechemel sauce and the culinary arts... (previous thread...)
and to the above commenteer who asked if it was the memphis whole foods...nah, i'm waaaaaaaay out here in california, anxiously counting down the days till kkahn/bbq show...hey, that could be the first date right there!
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 1:15 am
 
Dude, bring her there and she will either love you forever or go home with from someone in the band. Tough call.
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 1:18 am
 
it's pretty entertaining to see how many of you are trying to one up each other in the crudeness of your jokes

That's advice, there, son...

KISS THE BUNNY!!!
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 2:21 am
 
the gilman show? that is going to be the stuff of legends. kk&bbq plus harold ray, riff randells and mothballs. totally ridiculous
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 2:45 am
 
gilman????? didn't hear about that shit...i only know of thee parkside on the 18th. what night is that show? gilman???
Posted: Nov 6, 2005 3:11 am
 
the 19th
Posted: Nov 7, 2005 3:25 am
 
Posted: Nov 7, 2005 4:26 am
 
That shit is great. My friend is way into that stuff, has books, tapes, ect. One that he played me in his car had a sample AIM conversation, and the advice was to keep calling her "brat". Like, "hey brat!" was the starting line. Do women love being called brats? I'm not gonna try that one for myself....
Posted: Nov 7, 2005 6:31 am
 
Do women love being called brats?

definitely not me. i think if someone said that to me, i'd probably just look at them, then walk.

best thing you can do is just say hi and be yourself. lines don't work. it comes off as cheesy. if you're somewhere comment on the music, but then again you run at risk of the person you are talking to not sharing the opinion...*shrugs*
Posted: Nov 7, 2005 7:15 am
 
Do women love being called brats?

definitely not me. i think if someone said that to me, i'd probably just look at them, then walk.


i agree. my sister's ex-husband jokingly and presumably fondly calls their 3-year-old a brat and my sister has taught the kid that "brat" is a perjorative term and has also taught her to tell the dad when he calls her a brat to respond, "i am not a brat; i am a good girl."

so... uh, don't go there with the "brat" thing!
Posted: Nov 7, 2005 7:41 am
 
I wasn't really asking a serious question, I sort of assumed girls don't like being called by a term you would use on a 6 year old.

But what about "hosebag"?
Posted: Nov 7, 2005 7:43 am
 
But what about "hosebag"?

man that one would get me EVERY time. you should pick up mad ladies that way. would work best in a one-two knockout combination with the kiss the bunny comment.
Posted: Nov 8, 2005 3:19 pm
 
Posted: Nov 8, 2005 3:52 pm
 
ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: Nov 8, 2005 4:26 pm
 
according to the Commercial Appeal, humor works...

http://www.commercialappeal.com/mca/lifestyle/article/0,1426,MCA_521_4 220743,00.html

... because women don't see punch lines coming.


hmmm.
Posted: Nov 8, 2005 4:29 pm
 
"thanks for the advice, the few of you."

C'mon, man. Bad advice is the best!
Posted: Nov 8, 2005 5:33 pm
 
Posted: Nov 8, 2005 6:03 pm
 
I can help you pick up someone, but it'll cost you!
Posted: Nov 9, 2005 7:07 am
 
So you wanting to know female sexual secrets, eh? Haha. Is no problem. Wait till after working. Say "I need some help....my car may have been broken". When she walk over, stab in back of head. Make sure trunk open so you can throw here in as soon as possiblity. Wait till after moonlight times, drag body up to apartment, and bammy! She your to have cool time! rockin!
Posted: Nov 9, 2005 3:16 pm
 
YES!
Posted: Nov 9, 2005 3:26 pm
 
wang chung rules!
Posted: Nov 9, 2005 4:51 pm
 
Wouldn't the cool time be better if she was still wigglin'?
Posted: Nov 9, 2005 5:33 pm
 
Moonwalk up to her, grab a tittie, moonwalk away. Repeat.

this is probably your best bet. good luck!
Posted: Nov 9, 2005 5:34 pm
 
Yo Wang,
When's the Nagasaki Atomic Chainsaws LP coming out? Still coming out on Rip Off, right?
Posted: Nov 9, 2005 9:16 pm
 
http://www.consumptionjunction.com/downloadsnew/cj_38668.jpg

go up to pay at her counter. pull your pants down and start jacking off to her. better yet, take her employee of the month photo off the wall. go up to her and ask if she'll personalize it to you and autograph it. take it home and jack off on it. take it back with your cum on it and give it to her as a present.
Posted: Nov 9, 2005 9:25 pm
 
D-A-M-N, you are scmoove, toasty! Only thing I would add? Sparkles!
Posted: Dec 28, 2005 10:27 pm
 
So, have you broke up with this chick yet?
Posted: Dec 29, 2005 1:59 am
 
Did King Kahn's cock win her over and leave you in the dust?
Posted: Dec 29, 2005 4:05 am
 
I'm so glad this thread is back! I was just wondering if this love ever came to frutation?
Posted: Dec 29, 2005 5:25 am
 
i always grab the ass first.. then say " hey whats yer name..?" and " so.... do ya like The Monkee's.. Peter is the best." never fails.
Posted: Dec 29, 2005 5:44 pm
 
she works at the whole foods a couple blocks from my house


damn, its too bad you don't live in austin, tx.... someone from whole foods just looked at 15 pages of my website.... i could have put in some subliminal seduction for you hayworth!
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