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Goner Message Board / ???? / patton oswald
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 5:32 pm
i heard the live at the 40 watt recently. brilliant shit. take me with you gay pride parade.
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 5:34 pm
Do you have any idea what Dianne Keaton's pussy tastes like after it's been soaking in apple juice for eight hours?
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 5:36 pm
i want to wax my chest and make catty comments while watching 6 feet under.
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 6:24 pm
I look like a gay wizard in this thing.
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 7:47 pm
the human anus is almost nightmarishly elastic.
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 7:47 pm
one time he was on the Jimmy Kimmel show and it was Wednesday, that hallowed day, and he was making fun of himself because it was new comics day.
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 9:38 pm
There's a version of the Robert Evans bit (not sure if it's on the edited 40-watt) in which he includes, "You could fit a VCR inside of Loretta Swit's bush."

It may be on the 222 minute version....

"Donald Sutherland shoved a Rubic's Cube up his ass and shat it out solved."

Or was it Elliot Gould?
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 9:47 pm
As the joke goes, it was Robert Evans himself who shoved the Rubix Cube up his ass. On a bet with Brian Dennehy. Then a heroin-crazed Rodney Allen Rippy burst in and punched him right in the solar plexus.

the human anus is almost nightmarishly elastic.

The usage of the word "almost" in that sentence is brilliant.
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 9:48 pm
And now that I think about it, it was four rubix cubes he had shoved up there.
Posted: Sep 13, 2005 10:12 pm
Yeah, I got that one totally wrong.
Posted: Sep 14, 2005 1:51 am
This guy is genuis.
Posted: Sep 14, 2005 8:45 am
yea!!!! i saw that guy on some comedy show.. he was really good..!!!
Posted: Sep 14, 2005 4:32 pm
not sure if it's on the edited 40-watt

yep, that it is. i saw that robert evans documentary last night. hilarious!
Posted: Sep 14, 2005 10:23 pm
More of Patton's online musings and wit of can be found semi-regularly in the Netjerk section of:

Posted: Sep 14, 2005 11:48 pm
that's where i first heard of him. haven't gotten the new cd yet but i loved his 'no reason to complain' (alarm clocks?!?!?) on comedy central. he's goddamn funny.
Posted: Sep 15, 2005 12:32 am
(alarm clocks?!?!?)
Posted: Sep 15, 2005 12:52 am
This guy is also on "King of Queens," right?
Posted: Sep 15, 2005 2:01 am
"maybe if you'd eat a little pussy..."
"your twat smells like a baby's coffin!"
"fuck you asshole!"
Stella-Doro Breakfast Treats...snacktime anytime...
Posted: Sep 15, 2005 2:15 am
Continuing the Stella-Doro bit....

"hunched-over, unfuck-able hedgehog of a wife"
Posted: Sep 15, 2005 2:57 pm
doing the whole softball team in the abandoned hospital
set 'em up country music! it's party night!
Posted: Sep 15, 2005 7:09 pm
"Tom Wopat loved the three Fs: food, fun, and fisting"
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