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Goner Message Board / ???? / The Social Aftermath of the Election
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:09 am
 
Hey all, glad to see you here. I need you more than ever. I'm going to try to explain what's going on as simply as I can.

A lot of you have been to my home in PA, or you know about my domestic situation. Xtine and I are the sole residents in a building owned by her dad. Her dad has a seafood business on the bottom floor. Xtine works there over the summer (it's a seasonal operation).

We have neighbors that we've been very friendly with over the years. We have dinner together often and we do neighborly favors for each other. The wife over there also works at my dad-in-law's business with Xtine. The family are fervent Trump supporters. We tolerate their beliefs, and we have an agreement - with them - to never discuss politics.

Every year when the business closes, we take a trip to the Chesapeake Bay to stay at a marina inn that's owned by the seafood supplier. The few employees and their spouses and a few friends go. It's a very important weekend for Xtine's dad. He was really upset last year when we couldn't make it because Xtine got sick a couple days before. This year, we're considering not going, mostly because I had an intense emotional breakdown last night. I don't want to be forced to spend a significant amount of time with our neighbors. I can't do it in good conscience, and I certainly can't fake being OK with them and their decision for two days. There is a lot of drinking that takes place on this trip, so there's a good chance that I'd lose my shit all over them. I believe they voted for white supremacy, especially considering the appointment of Steve Bannon as the chief White House strategist.

If we don't go, not only will it crush xtine's dad's heart, but our neighbors, as dumb as they are, will likely figure out why we aren't going. The decision will change the status of our relationship from friends to enemies, and it will likely effect the employment situation at the shop. Last night we even considered moving from our palatial apartment so we won't have to be face to face with our new enemies. But this is our home. We've spent 8 years getting it dialed to near perfection, and if you've been here, you understand why we'd never want to leave. Even if the place sucked, it's still our home.

If we decide to keep the peace and just go on this stupid fucking trip that we don't really enjoy anyway (seriously, it's cold and there's nothing to do but get drunk and spend money on the touristy strip), are we condoning our neighbor's poor choices and all the sick baggage that comes with a Trump presidency?Which is the more righteous decision? Is there one?
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:27 am
 
That's a tough one. I would initially say that family is family and that you should do what you can to support Xtine's dad. I totally get why you wouldn't want to go, even if the election wasn't a factor. Have you thought about discussing this with your father-in-law? Having a talk could either give you an out, or, at the very least, help frame the trip so that your pops could avoid those divisive subjects on the trip. You said that you and your neighbors have an agreement to never discuss politics. Do you think that they would break that now? Maybe you should build a wall in the hallway.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:31 am
 
Dude. First off, had a helluva time remembering my password to the board since I haven't logged on in years. I think it's complete shit what you're going through because of this whole election and now for the next 4 fucking years. It really is hard for me to say I can relate or have the best input since I have never had to face all of this terrible bullshit you do.

With all that being said, I would just stay put in your place and knock it off about moving. Xtine's dad owns the place and he loves you, right? He should have your back. Have you talked to him about all of this?
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:34 am
 
go, bring a lot of weed, and dont drink

also spend a lot of time hanging out at the beach
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:39 am
 
The Troll:
Have you thought about discussing this with your father-in-law? Having a talk could either give you an out, or, at the very least, help frame the trip so that your pops could avoid those divisive subjects on the trip.

Yes. Forgot to mention that we're considering having him and her uncle over tonight for a meeting to discuss our position. She's worried he's gonna blow up, but I reminder her that he's a die hard patriot who fought in Vietnam and that Trump supporters are the least patriotic citizens we have, and they shit all over all veterans by electing him. Of course my plan is to keep it civil, but he's a tough nut to crack sometimes.

Rev_Dan:
knock it off about moving. Xtine's dad owns the place and he loves you, right?

Correct.

Mark Beef:
go, bring a lot of weed, and dont drink

I can't smoke mweed unless I'm drunk. Up until last night I was considering psychedelics for "the trip," but that's now the last thing I'm gonna do.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:42 am
 
Go on the trip. Get out of your comfort zone. I'm not taking the past week very easily either but the most therapeutic thing has been to get out of the house and stop looking at the goddamned internet for a change. You may not have a come-to-jesus with your neighbors that solves the world's problems but what is the worst that could happen? If you get in a bitter argument, at least your feelings are out in the open and you move on. And at least you get the scenery and hopefully some good seafood.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:44 am
 
bazooka joe:
I can't smoke mweed unless I'm drunk. Up until last night I was considering psychedelics for "the trip," but that's now the last thing I'm gonna do.

thats the stupidest shit Ive ever read

you have bigger problems then going to some booguie vacation with Hitler
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:47 am
 
Everything I've typed so far sounded stupid, but if they are your friends, an appeal to compassion for those who are being singled out (which potentially includes you) because of campaign rhetoric may help them rethink what they've done and compel them to fight with you.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:48 am
 
Womb Raider:
what is the worst that could happen?

i explained that above. terribly strained relationships with the people that live just feet away, AND my father in law.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:51 am
 
bazooka joe:
terribly strained relationships with the people that live just feet away, AND my father in law.

Sounds like that would be more likely if you didn't go. So why not go?
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:53 am
 
Dude, been dealing with similar. You can do whatever you want most definitely, however. You should go on the trip. Avoiding the issue now is part of the problem in the first place. Talk to them. Talk through it. You're an intelligent human. If ever your family felt threatened they wouldn't be going either. Trump supporters are everywhere. If you move from your house, there will be more supporters at your new place too. It's not going to help and will also dodge the problem. Talk to your family and let them know what you're feeling. Let everyone know how you feel...just be nice. That's also important. Violence and anger is what's expected. Be nice. Like in roadhouse. Don't run. Talk to them. Stand up for what you believe in. Be nice;) Remind them of your heritage and be nice. Then if they get shitty. Tell your family. Expose the dirt, grime and filth that is present if it is. Tell the world. Don be ashamed. Be nice. Be firm. Be yourself. I love you and hate to hear this. Tearing up as I type. Call me if you wanna chat. I'm at work but can talk at lunch and am off at 5:30pacific time. Cheers joe. Much love and strength
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:53 am
 
Womb Raider:
So why not go?

because i don't think i can fake being cool with them right now.

TWO STRAIGHT DAYS. ALCOHOL. DISMAY.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 11:57 am
 
Invite Alienator. Then he will take all the focus off you and be the talk of the weekend
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 12:00 pm
 
Mark Beef:
Invite Alienator. Then he will take all the focus off you and be the talk of the weekend

LOCK THREAD.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 12:12 pm
 
Joe, I admire you for posting this and getting the goner community's help and support.

My advice is simple and difficult. Pause a moment, take a reeeal deep breath and just be yourself (your true self). At every turn.

If you wanna go on this trip, go. If they say something that upsets you, say "that upsets me." If they flip out, you stay calm. If you don't want to argue with them, say "I'm not going to argue with you." If they ask some dumbass passive aggressive leading question you don't want to answer, don't answer it.

But don't give excuses or be insincere. Just don't let their behavior influence your behavior.

Stay centered and be yourself. If they lose their shit, DO NOT LOSE YOUR SHIT. Your loved ones will love you more and the dumbasses will end up looking like dumbasses.

It won't be easy but it's the right thing to do.

Posted: Nov 15, 2016 12:13 pm
 
I love you Joe! And I agree with the Arm. Talking, quietly and calmly is maybe the best choice. And that can happen even if you don't go. By talking to your neighbors first and saying you aren't going because you are upset, and tell them why honestly and from your heart. They know YOU, and to them YOU aren't the "problem". If you tell them that's why you aren't going, they may understand and come back from the trip and you can continue being neighbors without being enemies. Much love from me to you.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 12:31 pm
 
Thanks everybody, for your concern, advice, support and love.

at: angryscott, that was the best of the bunch. You are 100% right. We've decided to go and I just hope that I can maintain my cool. Will try my damndest.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 1:06 pm
 
Dude, just "get sick" again a few days out. Your pee-paw can't get mad about that, and it will give you another year to figure shit out. We'll have a more realistic idea what life is like in Trump's America, and the shit with your neighbors will likely have blown up or blown over.
Posted: Nov 15, 2016 1:16 pm
 
Scott:
just "get sick" again a few days out. Your pee-paw can't get mad about that

he was mad about it the first time! not an option.
Posted: Nov 16, 2016 6:08 am | Edited by: Cole
 
I live in Blue Springs MS..... you deal with this sporadically. .....I deal with it every day. Just get along to get along. Just master the art of speaking and not saying anything. Keep up with sports.....even if you don't care. Great way to steer a conversation. Have a kid and raise him to be like you....you'll always have one interesting person to talk to..It's tough but I would....and have toughed it out. These people aren't even bad.....just not really informed.. In MS if you hate abortion and Muslims but love God and Guns....your going to get the vote. Find happy mediums. .....I love history and that's what I try to go for.I've gotten so good at this that I can always find one thing that we can bond over. Old country music for example.....I love it and there's a good chance that Trump supporter love's it too. Hope you figure it out Joe.
Posted: Nov 16, 2016 6:49 pm
 
I don't get it, why can't Dad go by himself or just with his daughter. You stay home, get drunk there.
Posted: Nov 17, 2016 12:55 pm
 
Jesse Garon:
why can't Dad go by himself or just with his daughter.

because i'm trying to get in on his will, mo-ran.
Posted: Nov 17, 2016 3:16 pm
 
My advice, if it's a 2 day trip and you're worried you'll spout off drunk and upset Pa, don't drink. It's only 2 days. Go on lotsa walks and nap a bunch if you need to avoid certain situations. Not trying to discount your feelings on the general matter one bit - just saying it's a lot easier to keep a clear head sober, and the trip will probably fly by a lot faster than you think.

All said, I do feel for you. Living in the Bay Area, I don't have to deal directly with that nonsense much, but being in Reno over the weekend, it was definitely disheartening seeing protesters getting heckled right and left by bozos on the street.

Also, good to see you back, Cole!
Posted: Nov 18, 2016 8:55 am
 
chiXpoXparty:
don't drink

Not an option. My dad in law is the peer pressure king, and he's a drinking mo-sheen. I think I'll be OK. Have had a few days to decompress and come to grips with reality. Here goes nothin'!
Posted: Nov 23, 2016 4:20 pm
 
You back?
Posted: Nov 25, 2016 11:23 am
 
BACK! Since Sunday. I wanna tell everyone some stuff, but will wait until THIS Sunday. All good for the most part.
Posted: Dec 6, 2016 3:37 pm
 
Sooooo, how'd it go?
Posted: Dec 9, 2016 4:01 pm
 
Oi... OK sorry for the delay. It was fine. I never freaked out. I had some stuff tat I wanted to bring up but forgot already. But, unrelated, three weeks ago, shortly after we got back, we were at the American Legion and this guy that we play pool with on the league was talking about people playing dirty pool and referred to it as "nigger pool." I told him to never talk to me again, paid my bill and left in a huff. Came back home and burned my membership card. Xtine hollered at me about the card and convinced me not to hold the Legion accountable for what he said. OK. Two weeks later, my own partner who's this funny and kooky old drunk guy said the same fucking thing! I sweated him in front of the rest of the league. He said "I'm sorry, that wasn't nice, but nobody heard me." I told him I wasn't the only one that heard him but I was the only one that was gonna say something about it, and to never talk that way in the Legion again. He apologized again. I let it go. That put me in a position to say something to the previous guy. I went up to him and and told him that I wasn't sorry for blowing up at him, but I asked him to never speak that way in front of me again, and to never use words like that in that building. He was super apologetic. We shook hands and all is cool.

I figure some of you are thinking "but didn't you used to say that shit on this board all the time?" Well, yeah. I did. It came from a super ironic place for me, considering I've always been staunch anti-racist. I used to get harassed by punk friends who thought it was hilarious that I would get so mad about racist shit. And they were anti-racists too. I guess they just wanted to fuck with me. But when I was in my mid-20s I started using shit like that ironically. Mindless degenerate talk. I knew what it meant from my mouth. And not being white I probably felt I could get a pass. Not that I'm black, but... I always figured any Goner would understand my perspective and humor. Most of you probably did. And if we're hanging out to this day there's no telling what disgusting joke I'm capable of making. But when I hear talk like that from a bunch of yokel townies in a place where I'm the sole minority it seems to carry a whole different weight.
Posted: Dec 12, 2016 11:45 am
 
I feel you Joe. That is the number one thing that I hate dealing with. You know what's funny about MS ? It's not the way you think it is. It''s not the lower class people.. Hip Hop has pretty much broken down all those barriers amongst anyone under 40. It's the older upper middle class. These people were told they were better their entire lives. My mom told me a story the other day (she's 80) about her dad having an African American gentleman who's farm bordered theirs. If he needed to talk to my grandpa he would come to the back door. My grandpa told him to come to the front door He said he came to the back out of respect. My grandpa said " I mean this out of respect, you knock on my damn front door" my mom said they didn't see any difference. ...in her words" it didn't matter we were all just poor...scratching out a living ...helping each other...and doing the best we could " I'm proud of my family. I was raised very well..
Posted: Dec 19, 2016 11:55 am
 
Check out this joke I came up with last night:

Where do black Alaskans live?

In NIGLOOS!
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