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Goner Message Board / ???? / How to quit a book club?
Posted: Sep 21, 2010 9:59 pm
Several months ago my friend Andrea and I were bamboozled into joining a book club, which supposedly we "decided to start and was our idea," though I adamantly insist that I was wasted and didn't do that nor did my friend. It was after a saint game.

Anyway, with the exception of the bamboozler, every in the book club is a shrieking fat retarded banshee. And, we need to quit now, in such a way that neither of us is expected ever return.
So, excuses like "we have theater tickets," will not suffice.

I was thinking, "Our boyfriends wont let us go to book club anymore."

Any other ideas?

Please help!
Posted: Sep 21, 2010 10:24 pm
start trying to get the club to read these

Posted: Sep 21, 2010 10:43 pm
How about this:
"You guys should totally check out this awesome website! It's http://www.goner-records.com/board/index.php?action=vthread&forum=4&to pic=50413 "
Posted: Sep 21, 2010 11:13 pm
let me supply the books.

book club r.i.p.
Posted: Sep 21, 2010 11:38 pm
Umm..what's wrong with a simple "I'm no longer interested in being in the book club" and leave it at that.

I suppose you could always tell them the bookclub meetings were interfering with your Overeaters Anonymous meeting schedule. Sounds like they should be able to appreciate that.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 2:29 am
Move to Alaska. Works every time.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 7:06 am
show up with some bruises about the face and arms and tell them you're having some "issues" at home.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 8:05 am
Just pee in your pants...that's what I tell my cousins trying to get out of cub scouts or altar boy duties.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 8:11 am
divulge your not really reading the books and thats why all of your comments have been like ," So even though at first I didn't identify with the protaganist but at the arc of the story when the character self actualises their life I found the entire work to be rewarding and uplifting."
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 8:33 am
"Hey guys, have you read the new danielle steele book? It's like, the best ever!"

that should work."
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 9:12 am
just stop going and stop answering all their calls/texts/emails

or make an announcement that the book club is over

or tell them "it's not you, it's me"

or start charging cover

or tell them the next "Book" is going to be this month's issue of playgirl
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 9:14 am
Invite Peggy and let her rip into the stupid bitches.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 9:23 am
Wait, wasn't this an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm?
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 9:47 am
Make a new book list:

Moby Dick
Brothers Karamazov
War and Peace
Gravities Rainbow

Surely this will scaire off the Lilith Fair crowd.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 10:27 am
Claim illiteracy.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 11:37 am
Inviting Peggy is, so far, the best plan. Might be better to just send her in our place. Overeaters Anonymous would not work as they are all probably also in "eating club".
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 11:56 am
10 drink minimum.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 12:15 pm
I was thinking, "Our boyfriends wont let us go to book club anymore."

"We have boyfriends, and they'll be joining us"

along with the drinks minimum?

that ought to do it.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 6:44 pm
10 drink minimum.
How do you think I have made it through 3 stupid meetings already? Not sufficient.
Claim illiteracy.
Also no good since most of them don't read the book anyway.

Someone I know just found a bunch of kittens. We could leave those on the porch of the next host's home in a box, with a note saying, "In lieu of our company at book club, please accept these feral cats."
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 9:27 pm
tell them you are dying of AIDS and Cancer.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 9:57 pm
Also no good since most of them don't read the book anyway.

Tell 'em they're a shitty book club, and you're moving upwards and onwards. Your intellectual animal needs more food.

You can also tell 'em they smell like Cort, Scott, Bruce and Robin and you can no longer tolerate their stank.
Posted: Sep 22, 2010 10:03 pm
Tell them you just read Fahrenheit 451 and you only want to burn books now,
or just invite me. Book club incinerated
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 8:00 am
Out of curiosity, what have you guys already read?
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 8:10 am
Andy, please go to bookclub and destroy it.

We read Kafka on the Shore, Anthony Bourdains newest turd, and Hunger.
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 8:53 am
Just tell them to fuck off and feel no remorse for it.

You actually pitty them, that's why you can't bring yourself to take away their emotional crutch....pitty is an insult.
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 9:00 am | Edited by: tigerblinds
It's not easy being a pioneer or leader....sometimes you cut into a major artery and the person dies....oh well you win some and you loose some.
Just do the best you can and shake off the losses.

I have to give that pep talk to the surgeons I work with. Pitty doesn't help when you amputate legs every day.
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 11:02 am
book clubs are gay.
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 12:18 pm
suggest Terry Southern's "Candy" for the next selection

hey, it's satire!
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 1:33 pm
Suggest Naked Lunch. That should do it.
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 2:55 pm
The Consumer by Michael Gira. They'll never speak to you again.
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 3:02 pm
peter sotos "total abuse"
georges bataille "story of the eye"
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 3:18 pm
Out of curiosity, what have you guys already read?

romantic books about "vampyres" in billowy shirts unbuttoned at the navel?
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 3:48 pm
No, but the other members have a second Harry Potter bookclub that we are explicitly not allowed to join.
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 3:52 pm
A side note about these people that I feel is potentially useful to divulge: They have a separate Harry Potter book club (to which Sarah and i have, thankfully, not been invited) where they discuss how much they want to be witches or wizards. I kinda think they might not like us either. If I were them, I would really hate me. All I know is that I'd much rather stab my eyes out than go to another one of those meetings.
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 3:53 pm
HA! Same brain.
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 4:27 pm
"It was arousing. Violently arousing."
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 6:36 pm
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 7:25 pm
Terry Southern? Naked Lunch?

did none of you people click on my link?!?!?!?


I mean scheisse, that is just one example of the delicacies that await
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 11:26 pm
umm......This is embarrassing...but, I've read all the Potter books. I have this geek thing that I can't quite kick. Anyone up to playing someD&D?!?
Posted: Sep 24, 2010 2:58 am
Anyone up to playing someD&D?!?
-Attn. JackStands
Posted: Sep 24, 2010 9:28 am
My favorite Harry Potter is the one where he poors gasoline on himself and then sets himself on fire as an act of protest.
Posted: Sep 24, 2010 9:59 am
Anyone up to playing someD&D?!?

i play every sunday.
Posted: Sep 24, 2010 10:02 am
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