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Goner Message Board / ???? / stuff every band should know
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 5:59 pm
 
OK, I'm just a dumbass, barely able to function in society and all but here some shit even I figured out that apparently some of you musical artistes can't be bothered to comprehend.

1. Name you band something easy to search for. If you name your band "The Players", or something equally stupid, we will get frustrated trying to google it and go back to watching "Who's The Boss?".

2. The same thing goes for songs. If you name your song something that has already been used for a title a whole bunch of times (example: http://allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=17:2849036) people will never find it and there will be no gold records hanging on your walls. Go ahead and buy some unicorn posters to fill up that space.

So it's easy to come up with something that has not been used before. Slap some words together that have no logical connection, like Brocolli Confusion or Interstellar Fudge. Whatever. You're more creative that I am so come up with a good name or I will unplug your amps during a show.
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 6:28 pm
 
vex ruffin and the lo-fi jerkheads = totally searchable.

but if you're a regular person that goes to record stores like everyone else there shouldn't be any problem finding the players.
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 6:40 pm
 
OK, if the local record store has all the records from all different genres, generations, countries, demos, live recordings and bootlegs, I'm all set. Otherwise, The Players are not getting enjoyed, I'm not spray painting their name on the water tower and nobody at the bus station is hearing how good I think they are. The worm has turned and shit has to be internet friendly now.
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 6:45 pm
 
i named a song"intergalactic shitstain"
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 6:51 pm
 
i named a song"intergalactic shitstain"


Go to the front of the class! I assume you are living in a European castle now.
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 7:04 pm
 
I'm with you on both points. I figured out workarounds for finding information on some of my favourite bands like Speed or SS but I still have difficulty finding videos or out of print recordings from a band like the Go! Team because of their name.
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 7:18 pm
 
Basing your band name on how easily it can be Googled is super gay. I am also totally over the Slap some words together that have no logical connection route since every blog "band" in the last ten years has beaten that Antelope Toaster to death . Who's the Boss is better than most of them anyway
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 8:17 pm
 
back on topic:
bands that take more than 20 minutes to break down after a set. absurd.
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 8:22 pm
 
If you're the worst player in a band...keep your mouth shut.
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 8:36 pm
 
bands that take more than 20 minutes to break down after a set. absurd.

bands that take more than 5 minutes between stepping onto the stage and hitting the first chord. i'm not talking loading in. i'm talking about the ol' fake out of amble onto stage, tune up, dial in amps, mumble to each other, then put the amps back on standby and go grab a drink and a smoke and chat up chicks like you got nothing better to do while everybody has to stare at a vacant stage and listen to the bartender's ipod for another 20 minutes.
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 9:10 pm
 
no one likes you
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 11:15 pm
 
Tommy - tried that. It's hard on the ego when you're the worst player in a two piece. How does this apply to one-man bands?
Posted: Jun 12, 2010 12:25 am
 
If you're the worst player in a band...keep your mouth shut.
-Master Shredder
Posted: Jun 12, 2010 12:30 am
 
One thing every band should know:
Most bands suck (sad, but true)
Posted: Jun 12, 2010 12:32 am
 
Interstellar Fudge

pretty sure this is a gay porn starring scott rogers
Posted: Jun 12, 2010 12:34 am
 
i dont want people talking about my band at the bus station. i would rather be in a band with no name that never recorded or played anywhere, that would be the punkest/diy/non sellout ever! if any audience does show up by mistake, kick them the fuck out! this is our music! not for you...
Posted: Jun 12, 2010 3:56 pm
 
so, with your line of thinking i shouldn't have called my band The Google and named our album "The Seach"??? get your rosaries off my ovaries, pal!!
Posted: Jun 12, 2010 4:16 pm
 
i remember back when Fucked Up were totally ungoogleable - (hell they weren't even officially ebayalbe at that point) is it more impressive that they got themselves #1 search result for "fucked up" or they broke the "fuck" barrier on ebay?

just checked - Sex Vid still the least googleable band i'd bother googling
Posted: Jun 12, 2010 9:33 pm
 
Basing your band name on how easily it can be Googled is super gay.
seconded on that...Dilbert cartoons anyone?...
Posted: Jun 13, 2010 8:55 am
 
If you're the worst player in a band...keep your mouth shut.


Really, Tommy? Really?
Posted: Jun 13, 2010 9:24 am
 
keep your shirts on
Posted: Jun 13, 2010 9:38 am
 
stop re-reminding friends and associates about your upcoming shows. if they like your music, they will be ask when you are playing and make the effort un-coerced...
Posted: Jun 13, 2010 10:01 am
 
stop promoting, everyone!
Posted: Jun 13, 2010 3:32 pm
 
dont ask "the kids" to "dance" or "come up front"
Posted: Jun 14, 2010 3:47 am | Edited by: dont wanna be a fat boy
 
just checked - Sex Vid still the least googleable band i'd bother googling

Indeed; have fun with that one. I think the album actually says Sex/ Vid, but still

Also, try not to give your brand new band the same name as somebody with a single out on HoZac or whatever, especially if you kinda sound like them too. Case in point: saw a brand new band the other week, who were fucking good actually, but have the unfortunate already-taken name of Flight
Posted: Jun 14, 2010 1:02 pm
 
stop tuning up on stage. you oughta be able to make your noise anyway.
fer gawdsakes, have some show duds. you're on stage now, not in Mom's basement.
Posted: Jun 16, 2010 8:35 pm
 
make sure to read message boards and take the advice of cubicle assholes who the closest they ever got to "being in a band" was when some "queen" took em on a "journey" to "brownsville station"
Posted: Jun 17, 2010 9:05 am | Edited by: Tiger Blinds
 
I think The Lamps did that on purpose.


Tiger Blinds is kentucky art deco slang for any underground bar...It's fallen out of common knowledge since prohibition ended...but still all the bars stay open untill 4 in my city, because so many were profiting by staying open after the legal hour. It was seriously hurting business for the legit places, and helping the rogue ones.

I can't wait to explain it to a Sparkle Horse fan.
Posted: Jun 17, 2010 10:05 am
 
On a completely unrelated note, one of the guys who works for me said yesterday that he would really like to see Rammstein.
Posted: Jun 17, 2010 12:00 pm
 
since reading some reviews from Australia, I've found out that not everybody loves AC/DC. so bands, lose the cannon!
Posted: Jun 17, 2010 4:56 pm
 
I think The Lamps did that on purpose.

There is no "The".
Posted: Jun 18, 2010 3:34 pm
 
That when you tour you should at least have 1 piece of merch. Preferably a tape filled with MP3s or some baby tees. If you run out of merch in the middle of your tour always have a can of spray paint and a piece of cardboard with your name cut out of it. Buy a stack of paper plates and make some collectible plates in your parent's Astrovan.

since reading some reviews from Australia, I've found out that not everybody loves AC/DC. so bands, lose the cannon!

My wife told me that some people in Orstralia pronounce AD/DC as Akka Dakka and I told her that she was absolute ludicrous. A week later some Aussies stayed at our place and one confirmed that her sister did indeed pronounce it Akka Dakka and now I feel shame for myself and her.
Posted: Jun 18, 2010 4:06 pm
 
That when you tour you should at least have 1 piece of merch. Preferably a tape filled with MP3s or some baby tees. If you run out of merch in the middle of your tour always have a can of spray paint and a piece of cardboard with your name cut out of it
this is my general approach to life...
Posted: Jun 21, 2010 7:07 am
 
If you name your band "The Players", or something equally stupid, we will get frustrated trying to google it and go back to watching "Who's The Boss?".


Don't Player hate.
Posted: Jun 21, 2010 1:21 pm
 
If you run out of merch in the middle of your tour always have a can of spray paint and a piece of cardboard with your name cut out of it.

Also bring a paper bag so you can put that spraypaint to good use killing time and braincells while on the road!
Posted: Jun 29, 2010 11:45 pm
 
how to get to the damn club on time
Posted: Jun 30, 2010 9:01 am
 
Are my Dead Moon plastic merchandise bags worth anything yet? No?
Posted: Jun 30, 2010 12:14 pm
 
Don't ask your friends if they liked your set. They are there for moral support. If you insist on asking this question anyway and they say something like "You guys were really tight" then you suck balls and should probably quit right there and then. If they tell you that you suck, then they are not a true friend, but they are, unfortunately, telling the truth.

People (friends or strangers) that go out of their way to compliment you should be immediately directed to the merch table.
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