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Goner Message Board / ???? / The thread that ends with me becoming a pro darts player
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 4:02 pm
 
I'm on the dole, and don't have a lot to do with my time.

I got really good at darts when I left school and didn't know what to do, apart from catching dead chickens whilst wearing Wellington Boots, or packing nappies (diapers).

I got to the point were I was hitting 180 quite consistently.

Darts players can make good money if they win tournaments, and their women are quite attractive.

I'd really appreciate any support/help that you can provide.

I'll post significant updates whenever I get the chance.

Thanks.
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 4:14 pm
 
New band alert: Muddy Spear and the Double Tops
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 4:22 pm
 
I miss the days of having full blown cable so I could spend some serious couch time watching darts on TV.

Wait, you were catching dead chickens? Who was throwing them?
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 5:08 pm
 
The chickens would drop into buckets from a clothes-line-type-set-up depending on their size. The buckets would get slippery though, so the chickens would fly out. I had to try and catch them before they hit the ground. Some people would just let them fall, but I was the conscientious one who thought chickens on the floor wasn't a good idea.

Anyway, darts!
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 10:45 pm
 
Now I can say that I visit the same message board as an aspiring darts player, and in the future I might very well be able to say "hey you know that guy that's pretty good at darts? I used to visit the same message board as him." In which whomever I would be speaking to would respond "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about."
Posted: Oct 7, 2009 11:28 pm
 
The chickens would drop into buckets from a clothes-line-type-set-up depending on their size. The buckets would get slippery though, so the chickens would fly out. I had to try and catch them before they hit the ground. Some people would just let them fall, but I was the conscientious one who thought chickens on the floor wasn't a good idea.
you folks over there got wierd games.
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 1:46 am
 
I'll play ya a round at GF7..at The Bucc.... High Score, Cricket...you name it...it's on!!
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 3:12 am
 
Before you developed a proper booze addiction, be sure you post some before and after pics.
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 9:39 am
 
at The Bucc

Fuck that. They got one of them electronic dart boards that uses plastic tipped darts.

CORK FOREVER!!!
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 10:16 am
 
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 12:19 pm
 
Is it true darts players and billiards players are bitterly opposed to each other?

That could get ugly.
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 12:19 pm
 
http://img70.imageshack.us/img70/1911/dartaccidentfm3.jpg
Darts is one of the manliest of arts, good luck to you sir.

I wish I could be on the fucking dole.
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 1:05 pm
 
CORK FOREVER!!!
where's a good spot in Memphis with a cork board..?? next time im down, im callin some Goners for a round of cricket!! I'll do it..I'll do it!!
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 1:15 pm
 
KEEF TALENT!!
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 1:20 pm
 
Is it true darts players and billiards players are bitterly opposed to each other?

I've never heard or read this before, but I guess it could be true. By billiards you probably mean snooker, right?

Darts is really the only working class sport that still exists. Snooker used to be, when the players were allowed to drink booze and smoke smokes on TV, but I guess Aunie Beeb thought that inappropriate.

Darts players can't smoke and drink on TV of course, and it seems that the game is becoming richer and more flamboyant, but I think it'll always be thought of as a true working class sport.

The Hercules pub around the corner has a darts board, so I'm probably gonna head there for my first practice tomorrow. I haven't thrown a single dart for a few years, but it should be fun whatever happens.
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 1:26 pm
 
http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j291/chrisv_02/100_4484.jpg
Soft Points. (I do prefer steel points over soft...like Scott said "Cork Forever")
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 11:46 pm
 
i got a dart board in my house. love it. i spend hours listening to records drinking beers and throwing darts.
Posted: Oct 8, 2009 11:56 pm
 
dutch my house or buttermakers, i set mine up outside for smoking so ,....
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 12:14 am
 
I believe you don't need to go practice. Just find the nearest tourney and demand your money. It's yours'n. Congrats on your new career- hope it pays more than the dole.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 1:12 am
 
I don't know where there's a public (in a bar) cork board in town. All of Memphis' fine drinking establishments seem to have gone electro. One of the main reasons I don't play as much as I used to.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 1:45 am | Edited by: dutch hercules
 
i spend hours listening to records drinking beers and throwing darts.
Ive gotta bristle board..but not enough room for regulation distance/height..etc.. Hey!!...who knows the actual height and distance for cork boards...?? there is a place in Grand Rapids that has like 35 cork/bristle boards...true champ bar..!! I forgot the goddamned name!!!! shit.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 1:47 am
 
dutch my house or buttermakers, i set mine up outside for smoking so ,....
no prob...lets throw a round or two...drinks on me.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 1:51 am
 
p.s. whats the "dole"..?
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 8:40 am
 
The Dole is like welfare except a ton easier to get.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 11:11 am
 
Yeah, and apparently you can get a free suit to go to interviews in.

I hope buying a darts shirt to enter a tournament classes as going to an interview.

I'm gonna use the song by The Intelligence that goes "...arrows, arrows, arrows, arrows, arrows, arrows, arrows..." as my entrance theme*, and I think 'The Spear' would be a decent nickname. It's not as good as The Viking or Barney, but at least it's pointy.

*I know Scott will appreciate that.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 11:19 am
 
I'm not sure what you're trying to imply.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 11:20 am
 
Never mind. I though you meant I would appreciate the fact that "it's pointy."
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 11:20 am
 
But I wouldn't.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 11:23 am
 
I thought you were trying to imply that I was implying that you'd enjoy me being entered, but I wasn't, and hopefully you wouldn't.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 11:34 am
 
Guy's ex-girlfriend had an 'entrance theme'. Pretty great video that went with it.

All girls should have entrance themes.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 11:42 am
 
I hope buying a darts shirt to enter a tournament classes as going to an interview.

Perhaps you could take tournament classes to improve your chances.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 11:44 am
 
Pretty great video that went with it.

Love the bit where the rain goes backwards.
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 8:59 pm
 
I wonder if those dart champs clean their noses out with their darts..cuz im always tempted to...
Posted: Oct 10, 2009 11:17 am
 
Pretty great video that went with it.

I don't know what the fuck that's supposed to mean because I only watched it for two seconds.
Posted: Oct 11, 2009 12:31 pm
 
I have no idea either. It makes about as much sense as him being responsible for driving Nobunny, the R'n'R Adventure Kids, and the Okmoniks from Bournemouth to London tomorrow evening. Could that really happen?
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 10:32 am
 
Surely the British Government doesn't allow him to drive.
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 10:54 am
 
This is what I thought, but I was told earlier on that not only is he allowed to drive, but at one time he actually had a car.

Earlier on I got a phonecall that went like this -

Me - Hello?
Chris's phone - inaudible music coming from a car stereo
Me - Hello?
Chris's phone - 'I'm on the motorway!!!'
Me - Hello?
Chris's phone - 'Weeeeeeeeee!!!'
Me - Hello?
Chris's phone - inaudible music coming from a car stereo

The end.
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 7:45 am
 
I don't know what the fuck that's supposed to mean

It's one of my world-famous, subtle dick jokes.

It makes about as much sense as him being responsible for driving Nobunny, the R'n'R Adventure Kids, and the Okmoniks from Bournemouth to London tomorrow evening. Could that really happen?


Remember about 13.5hrs ago when I rolled up to the Stag's Head in perfect time for the show? Me too.

inaudible music coming from a car stereo

107 miles of Head! Tire shredding!

(No darts)
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 9:12 am
 
Darts on a Motorway? Like Snakes on a Plane?

Chris could drive a car w/ the traditional English wheel-on-the-right-hand-side while Scott drives next to him, with the traditional American wheel-on-the-left-hand-side. Scott could hold the dart board out the window and Chris could toss the darts out of his. We could switch Chris and Scott's cars if we wanted to handicap Chris.

Screwball comedy or disaster movie?
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 9:51 am
 
You're a screwball comedy.
Posted: Oct 13, 2009 10:13 am
 
It wasn't so much the timing of the Muddy driving, but more the possibility of an arrival of a large vehicle with children and assorted pedestrians smeared across the front of it.
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