Posted: Oct 24, 2008 1:34 pm
I invented a new method of ass wiping that renders the use of toilet paper completely obselete: Have a small airplane outfitted with handles and stirrups on its underside. It is important that the stirrups are toward the front of the plane, ahead of the handles. After a big sloppy shit, all you gotta do is grab on to the handles and put your feet in the stirrups. Then have the pilot fly very low over a cornfield, so that countless leaves wipe away the shit flecks as your ass flies through them. This is especially pleasent on a crisp spring morning, when the dew on the leaves transforms the experience to one that supercedes the traditional bidet by several orders of magnitude.
Plus, tonight I am watching OVER THE TOP, the arm-wrestling movie starring Sylvester Stallone, and getting WASTED!