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Goner Message Board / ???? / Dead giveaways that your fart is going to fucking stink
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 9:42 am
 
If it feels all hot when it comes out.
If you've eaten Mexican food for three days in a row.
If you know you have a big ol' turd-log up your butt but you haven't gotten the chance to shit it out yet.
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 9:49 am
 
You haven't showered in a couple days.
You want to sneak it out in a meeting.
It's wet.
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 9:52 am
 
Yeah man..when you got that "turd-log up your butt" thing happenin, that gas is basically passing THRU the turd-log in order to make it out into the air. By far the stinkiest!
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 10:40 am
 
Oh yeah, also if diarrhea sprays out along with the fart, it will probably be a real corker.
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 10:45 am
 
if you're the Great Khali who is a vegetarian that drinks raw eggs for most meals.
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 10:58 am
 
if you fart.
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 11:55 am
 
Not all farts are stinky, Joe. Some are loud but you can't smell them. Some are silent, but they stink bad. Some are loud AND stinky, and some are neither.
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 12:28 pm
 
some are neither.
If a lone spirit farts in the woods, will make a sound - or stink?
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 12:32 pm
 
Not all farts are stinky, Joe. Some are loud but you can't smell them. Some are silent, but they stink bad. Some are loud AND stinky, and some are neither.


no, i meant if YOU fart!
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 12:41 pm
 
How do you know? You have never seen OR heard one of my farts. Here, maybe this diagram will clear things up for you.
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 3:41 pm
 
As my mom used to say, 'That one was wind off a turd!'

She also used to use the expression, 'hotter than a popcorn fart'. Any idea what the fuck that's supposed to mean? It's been over 30 years, and I'm still not quite sure. Never heard anyone else use it.
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 3:44 pm
 
you have a big ol' turd-log up your butt but you haven't gotten the chance to shit it out yet

thats called a T.O.T.S. (tip of the shit) fart
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 3:49 pm
 
She also used to use the expression, 'hotter than a popcorn fart'. Any idea what the fuck that's supposed to mean? It's been over 30 years, and I'm still not quite sure. Never heard anyone else use it.
When my sister and I were very young we would categorize all of our farts, either by calling them a cheese (most toxic= limburger, least toxic= gruyere, medium= havarti, renamed "hafarti".)

However, the most special fart was the "burnt popcorn." The title was very apt, because a really hot fart (the kind that seems to shoot up the waistband of your pants like an erupting volcano) smells almost identical to burnt Jiffy Pop or stovetop popcorn.
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 7:57 pm
 
You're at practice in a basement with no windows
Posted: Sep 11, 2008 7:58 pm
 
PBR + Steakes N Shakes = Pungent Stench Been Caught Buttering.

I have a problem farting in record stores. Sorry.
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 5:02 am
 
However, the most special fart was the "burnt popcorn." The title was very apt, because a really hot fart (the kind that seems to shoot up the waistband of your pants like an erupting volcano) smells almost identical to burnt Jiffy Pop or stovetop popcorn.


Aahh, I see. Glad to know I'm not alone here.
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 9:44 am
 
I don't know how she has managed it, but in my entire life, I have never smelled a fart out of my mother. I have only heard a handful, one of which was brilliantly caught on video.

This thread has had me in the floor laughing!
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 10:18 am
 
You OUGHT to like it, "WINDY"!
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 11:51 am
 
oh, she loves it.
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 12:58 pm
 
Best thread ever!
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 1:33 pm | Edited by: CS Eunuch
 
Cupper: the act of farting into one's hand and then placing said hand over the nose of your victim so they get a whiff.

It really pisses my dog off to no end.
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 2:14 pm
 
Cupper: the act of farting into one's hand and then placing said hand over the nose of your victim so they get a whiff.

My girlfriend calls that "cupcaking". I dunno, I think she made it up, but it makes about as much sense as some of the other fart nomenclature that's present in the parlance of our times.

It really pisses my dog off to no end.

That is AWESOME. I like fart on my girlfriend's cat's head, but he just sits there and glares like he always does. I'm actually surprised a dog would be pissed, being as how they like smelling butts and eating garbage. What is his/her reaction?
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 2:18 pm
 
Oh yeah, another one I'm a big fan of is the CROPDUSTER: Stealthily farting as you walk by somebody in a crowded store, etc. My favorite is walking past tables in a restaurant!
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 2:25 pm
 
My favorite is walking past tables in a restaurant!

When shat by a disgruntled server, the fart is referred to as "top dressing."

I, personally, enjoy ripping ass all over stray children at the grocery store.
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 6:41 pm
 
Anyone have a name for the farts that sneak out when you sneeze?
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 6:47 pm
 
escapees
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 7:09 pm
 
Anyone have a name for the farts that sneak out when you sneeze?

snart?
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 7:33 pm
 
Stealthily farting as you walk by somebody in a crowded store, etc

i did that one at target the other day. hehehe.
Posted: Sep 12, 2008 8:21 pm
 
i've heard particularly powerful crop dusting referred to as carpet bombing.

dutch oven is good fart slang, too.
Posted: Sep 13, 2008 3:26 am
 
I'm actually surprised a dog would be pissed, being as how they like smelling butts and eating garbage.

My highschool sweetheart's dad always farted when the dog took a nap in his lap. Dog woke up, smelled the coffee, turned his head, looked at the fucker in total disgust and then took off, totally depressed.
The guy WAS a cunt, but this was very, VERY funny, every fuckin time again.

Same dog always went for my fingers as soon as me and the girl entered the livin room to check if I'd fingerfucked the little lady. If I had, he went for it like Ophra for a shake.

Dogs shoudl be restaurant critics.
Posted: Sep 13, 2008 4:06 am
 
dog

Dude's meetin' his girls family and he's gotta fart, so he lets it out all discrete. Shit's lethal and everyone smells it. Granma says "Fido!"

Homeboy's gotta fart again so he does, again granny scolds the dog.

Finally, guy's gotta fart again and decides to do it and make his exit, so he let's fly and granny says "Fido, if you don't move, he's gonna shit on you."
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