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Goner Message Board / ???? / the more the vinyl the more the pussy??
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 3:07 am
 
is this true? i have approx 1000 lp's..should i be getting laid more?
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 6:39 am
 
i'd say you have 'approx' 1 in 1000 chance.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 6:45 am
 
sell records, buy hookers with money
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 7:14 am
 
.should i be getting laid more?


yes

if this were one of them

http://www.usounds.com/images/italian_edition_birken_smal.jpg
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 10:36 am
 
I think collecting vinyl is actually a pussy repellent.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 11:50 am
 
I had sex the night I brought home the Ethel Mer-Man disco LP with a real female with a real vagina. I've also had similar sex after bringing home a Jesse "The Body" Ventura pic disc.

here are some helpful hints:

1. study Pac-Man maps to get high score
2. wash butt
3. buy a lady 1 drink before you ask her to buy you 10

repeat as needed
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 12:43 pm
 
if the lady says " I gotta pee" I shouldnt say " I gotta Q".
nuff said. -Stan Lee.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 12:45 pm
 
Back in college, or rather back when I lived in a college town and snuck into dorm cafeterias on a regular basis and hung out with college kids but was never actually enrolled in college, my line to get girls to come home with me, or in the event of a house party into my room was "you wanna come to my room and listen to some records?". It worked a lot, but sometimes girls thought I was actually just asking if they wanted to listen to records and not make out or get it on, boy were those situations akward! Anyway, it eventually became an inside joke amongst girls around town and a few times when I used it I just got laughed at. If you want a girlfriend you should make mix tapes for girls, but don't make them too awesome, put a lot of semi-awesome stuff that girls like. Girl singers are usually a plus. Don't make it too lovey-dovey or obscure, obscurity doesn't impress girls as much as you'd think. I suggest stuff like the Limes and Headache City. Also, try to smell good, and pretend you're rich, and don't be too serious. Anyway, having a lot of vinyl can totally impress girls, more so than playing fantasy football or being really good at Kung-Fu or something like that, it's just that "collectors" of any sort have this tendency to be shy or socially maladjusted, I've noticed that guys who collect and have some degree of confidence usually have really awesome girlfriends.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 12:48 pm
 
Also, if you get a girl in your room, putting on the "Billion Dollar Babies" LP by Alice Cooper is usually a bad choice. I learned this by trial and error but I don't know why it took me so many times to figure it out, look at the song titles! "Raped and Freezing", "I love the Dead", etc...
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 1:00 pm
 
I suggest stuff like the Limes


pussy magnets!!!
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 1:07 pm
 
pussy magnets!!!
Exactly, I think they are awesome but I'm not sure what it is about them but they drive the ladies crazy. American Death Ray are also pretty good as I recall. I've been meaning to give thee Oh-Sees a try, what do you think?
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 1:09 pm
 
Harlan T. Bobo.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 1:17 pm
 
Harlan T. Bobo.
yeah, also a good call if you get a girl into your room, just play the whole LP.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 1:56 pm
 
collecting vinyl is actually a pussy repellent.

collecting ANYTHING is a pussy repellent
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 2:02 pm
 
collecting ANYTHING is a pussy repellent
Except for collecting money.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 2:49 pm
 
Except for collecting money.

only if you're willing to part with your money collection
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 2:55 pm
 
Harlan T. Bobo.

Yeah, my old lady made always axed for that one.

Except for collecting money.

"Hey sweetheart, do you want to come back to my apartment and look at my Morgan dollars?" = Pussy Repellent.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 6:04 pm
 
"Come back to mine, I have some fireworks"
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 8:29 pm
 
collecting ANYTHING is a pussy repellent

I have a friend who collects those little stickers that they put on bananas.

And his mom wonders why he can't find a girlfriend...
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 8:32 pm
 
I know a dude who saves his own fallen eyelashes in a glass vial...and he gets laid all the time.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 8:34 pm
 
I collect those! And I have a pretty smokin' girlfriend. Though she doesn't know I collect them. Time will undoubtably tell.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 8:35 pm | Edited by: Shaun A
 
Those things off bananas, not eyelashes I mean! Damn, you got in there before me
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 12:06 am
 
collecting ANYTHING is a pussy repellent

That's not true, it's just that shy, antisocial, or irrationally irate collectors would rather blame the collecting than face up to the fact that they are pussies, spazzes or assholes. It's not you're record collection's fault that you are a knob, you can't blame the records any more so just face up to it.
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 1:34 am
 
"Come back to mine, I have some fireworks"

1.)Fireworks
2.)Condoms
3.)milk, eggs, whatever....
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 1:07 pm
 
be sure you lube up.
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 5:07 pm
 
More records, less sex

What I heard from the girls I dated:

"I didnt know they still made records"

"My parents had really old records, they were all scratchy and terrible, CD's sound much better"
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 5:32 pm
 
What I heard from sum yung ho:

"how do you skip songs?"
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 6:36 pm
 
I own/collect fucking videogames forchistsakes and have managed to keep my penis sufficiently moist since '96. It's all about what you do BESIDES collect nerdy shit.
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 8:59 pm
 
have managed to keep my penis sufficiently moist


we're talking hetero here. sry
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 10:08 pm
 
everytime i buy a record from goner i get laid. thanks!
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 11:17 pm
 
More records, less sex
It's so fucking pathetic to hear you guys blaming your records. The records help, you just don't wanna face the fact that you're fucking losers.
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 12:38 am
 
The records help, you just don't wanna face the fact that you're fucking losers.
...or flat out NERDS!
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 5:42 pm
 
we're talking hetero here. sry

I as well. I really didn't realize that men's buttholes were "moist." You might want to get yours checked out.
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 7:01 pm
 
I really didn't realize that men's buttholes were "moist."

vs.

you are a knob, you can't blame the records any more

Official stalemate!
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 7:14 pm
 
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 7:37 pm | Edited by: Wire
 
You might want to get yours checked out.

I'd be willing to bet it's been examined by experts.
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 7:59 pm
 
"My parents had really old records, they were all scratchy and terrible, CD's sound much better"

Was a domestic dispute call made to the police after that comment?
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 9:31 pm
 
you guys remind me of that guy from "high fidelity"
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 10:25 pm
 
I have a friend who collects those little stickers that they put on bananas.

I think this is very funny, although I know exactly what you are talking about, Chiquita!
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 8:52 pm
 
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 9:03 pm
 
All kidding aside, I once lured a fag hag back to my depressing and beer soaked hovel. To keep her amused, I busted out an old compilation that the White Stripes appeared on. After that, I was sucking and fucking her like a fucking madman (with her consent even!). I don't know if the rare slab o' wax had anything to do with that though. This is a fag hag that I'm talking about. I could've busted out an ol' K-tel compilation and could've achieved the very same results for all I know. Really though, do you think any chick ever kicked down her quim to Dr. Demento on account of his second to none record collection?
Posted: Aug 24, 2008 3:56 am
 
sell records, buy hookers with money

That's wisdom.
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 1:02 am
 
well, I have had at least one girl home with me who was impressed with my record collection; it just depends on the girl, I guess
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 2:03 pm
 
Have you thought about putting your records in front of your pants??
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 2:13 pm
 
This thread brings to mind Charles Darwin. I keep thinking about survival of the fittest. At this point in my life I wouldn't get laid at all were it not for my record collection, but some of you guys have used your record collecting habit as a scapegoat for not getting laid. That's why you'll always be the guys who are going home alone.
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 4:13 pm
 
You seem like a big fucking wanker.
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 4:37 pm
 
yeah...
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 5:55 pm
 
Seriously. A white man living in Asia gets laid? No shit! Sad but true...like shooting fish in a barrel. You could be Andy Dick (or...hmmmm, Gary Glitter?) and they still gonna love you long time...not because Darwin is your homeboy.
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 11:30 pm
 
True enough, good point, but it worked in America too. Blaming your record collection for being socially maladjusted is pathetic.
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 11:42 pm
 
Blaming your record collection for being socially maladjusted is pathetic.


I think the vast majority of women, will think you have a screw loose if you take them back to your place and they see shitloads of records by bands that they have never even heard of (if they're still undecided). It will likely not be a deal-maker with at the very very very least 51% of women. The remaining 49% will likely just be fag hags that will fuck anything that moves so they have something to talk about to their gay friends the next time they get together.
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 11:49 pm
 
My last girlfriend used to bitch at me for buying records all the time. She didn't have any probs with me blowing $80 on an expensive dinner though.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 12:05 am
 
Blaming your record collection for being socially maladjusted is pathetic.

Agreed. Yet bragging about the play you get is the most unsexy thing ever.

Paul Lips, that is just sad...and I don't buy it. Find a chick who collects records too!
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:59 am
 
Agreed. Yet bragging about the play you get is the most unsexy thing ever.

That's true, that's true. Ok, I have made some really stupid statements on this thread. I don't want to turn into "that" guy. I've just had friends who were really interesting cool guys with great record collections who would sit at home and mope about how lonely they were. I would get frustrated because some of them wouldn't even try to meet girls. People I've met who are into collecting records generally seem to be more intelligent, interesting,hip, and considerate than people who are into, say, pimping out their car. Maybe I should just switch teams and start dating record collectors. Any gay record collectors out there?
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 4:14 am
 
Find a chick who collects records too!

Bam. We do exist...
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 7:14 am
 
Every girl I have dated/had a one night stand with since I started collecting records has never been turned off by the records. Hell, a lot of the one night stand girls have even liked it. IF anything, the girls I have been involved with have been turned off more by my heavy drinking.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 12:13 pm
 
Find a chick who collects records too!

We do exist...


It's true! Just remember to brace yourself for the day when you break up 10 or 15 years down the line and have to separate your record collections. Worse than giving up pets. You can get another dog or cat easy enough, but you're gonna be "replacing" records you "lost" in the break-up for the rest of your life. Ugh.

Wow, sorry to be such a bummer. Apparently, I'm still bitter.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 12:57 pm
 
"fine, you can have all my Bronski Beat lp's!!! now git!!"
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 1:38 pm
 
I have a friend who collects those little stickers that they put on bananas.
Does he have the Gorilla's Choice sticker?
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 1:53 pm
 
Find a chick who collects records too!

We do exist...

It's true! Just remember to brace yourself for the day when you break up 10 or 15 years down the line and have to separate your record collections. Worse than giving up pets. You can get another dog or cat easy enough, but you're gonna be "replacing" records you "lost" in the break-up for the rest of your life. Ugh.

Wow, sorry to be such a bummer. Apparently, I'm still bitter.



ha! I had a psycho ex that borrowed my Fela Kuti "Expensive Shit" LP...a rare one...I never went back for it, even when she told me to come over to get my things...I was afraid some BAD drama would occur if i ever saw her face to face again. Still sucks she has that record...
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:21 pm
 
“That one’s mine. I mail-ordered that shit from Holland.”

“No WAY, man! I bought that 7-inch at the record swap in the Fall of 2001. See how the corner’s all VG’d? I had to edge out that creepy, sweaty dude who’s always trollin' for Krautrock to get my hands on it.”
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:23 pm
 
Find a chick who collects records too!
Girls who collect records usually seem to have their pick of any guy they want.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:31 pm
 
Girls who collect records usually seem to have their pick of any guy they want.

Damn straight.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:34 pm
 
Damn straight.
So...
are you single? Nevermind, I can't talk about it now, I'm busy. I've been meaning to dust my captain beefheart LPs anyway.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:36 pm
 
Ha! My Beefheart never gets dusty.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:50 pm
 
Ha! My Beefheart never gets dusty.
This is the point of my argument, this woman is obviously amazing, and, if you are a record collector, you probably stand a better chance of getting a date with her than a guy who is into, say, watching every episode of house. Don't sell yourselves short!
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:54 pm
 
I guess it doesn't hurt that I'm a club-him-on-the-head-and-drag-him-back-to-my-cave type of person, record collecting notwithstanding.

And House sucks. Total dealbreaker.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:55 pm
 
if your a record collector, who cares if you are getting pussy...once ya have rubbed your penis in a kenny loggins LP sleeve, there is no going back...
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 2:59 pm
 
if your a record collector, who cares if you are getting pussy...once ya have rubbed your penis in a kenny loggins LP sleeve, there is no going back...

A. The final word on the subject and B. One of the most beautiful bits of philosophy I've ever heard.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 3:02 pm
 
Just remember to brace yourself for the day when you break up

True. I've been pretty lucky in this department...mainly by keeping everything as separate as possible, but if my current relationship goes south....oh my.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 3:03 pm
 
I mean, I have more 7''s and bubblegum, but he's got all the soul/r&b...
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 3:05 pm
 
True. I've been pretty lucky in this department...mainly by keeping everything as separate as possible, but if my current relationship goes south....oh my.
Your answer

Just remember to never write your name on the records. I hate records with "Jim" or "Amanda" written on them.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 3:10 pm
 
No shit...my Suzi Quattro has 'Jim Fleck' written on it in red pen. Which is kinda funny, I guess.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 4:11 pm
 
Just remember to brace yourself for the day when you break up

Separate record collections. Separate checking accounts. Still...you're really freaking me out.
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 4:29 pm
 
Separate record collections. Separate checking accounts. Still...you're really freaking me out.

Nah, sounds like you're in good shape.

My advice? When in doubt, buy two copies!
Posted: Aug 26, 2008 4:59 pm
 
I'm just lookin' for a broad that'll hang out long enough to listen to at least one side of an Aksak Maboul record.
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