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Goner Message Board / ???? / Worst place you ever had to SHIT!?
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 12:34 pm
 
I'm sure there's better stories than this, but for what it's worth I had to shit in a port-o-pot at Summerfest this July. I don't think I ever shit in a port-o-pot before and it was pretty nasty. Laid down mad paper. I was smokin' a doobie at the same time though so that part was pretty cool.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 12:39 pm
 
Toys r Us bathroom. 1987.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 12:46 pm
 
all over France
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 12:50 pm
 
sandbar on the wisconsin river, june 2008. mobbed with mosquitos. pants were down for maybe 30 seconds and I swear to god I had at least ten mosquito bites in my nether-regions. yes, ballsack too.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 1:01 pm
 
tijuana. i paid 15 cents for not enough t.p. from a bandito and he directed me to an abandoned cinder block wreck of a place and i shat in there with a million flies hovering around me waiting to lay eggs on my log.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 1:06 pm
 
a port-o-john in the middle of the summer in the mojave at the army's national training center outside of barstow, ca. full of flies and a mountain of shit in the pot.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 2:04 pm | Edited by: Scott
 
all over France

URL

First time I ever used on of those things I felt dirty and ashamed.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 2:08 pm
 
i dunno, its a helluva lot cleaner than my bathroom...
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 2:16 pm
 
First time I ever used on of those things I felt dirty and ashamed.

and that one looks clean, almost to eat out, compared to the wooden ones we encountered on our International La Poop Vacation a decade ago (thanks mom!).
God, the holes we shat in! Spread your legs, press, and yes! You shitted all over your legs.
And the toilet paper these people use! It smears your poop all over your ass instead of takin at least some off.

And these people prepare your food?
Whatever you order in France, it comes with a shitdip.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 2:19 pm
 
K-Mart parking lot, 1 a.m., Brainerd, MN, Summer '06--it coulda been the worst but it ended up being great.

The worst was probably hiking in the woods behind my grandma's farm when I was a little kid and suddenly having to go and realizing there was no way I was gonna make it back to the house so I squatted down with nature and went--the rough part was finding appropriate plant matter to wipe with--ended up with a real mess. That sucked big time.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 2:20 pm
 
Any basement show.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 2:46 pm
 
URL
Is that a bidet? How does that thing work? You're supposed to shit in it? I thought first you shit in the toilet and then you mosey over to the bidet and flush out your ass, giney, etc. So basically a bidet is a toilet that squirts water at you?
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 2:52 pm
 
Well I guess its not the worst "place" I ever had to shit, but its definitely one of my worst shitting experiences. Whipped into a Mcdonalds in Chicago and barely made into the bathroom with one of those "in the van all day after drinking large amounts of beer the night before and eating fast food all day" stomach blowouts. Sweating profusely and dizzying I made it into a stall and let it go. Great stuff until I saw that there was no toilet paper...and this was not going to be the opposite of one of those "clean swipes". I waited for a while for the bathroom to clear out and it just wasnt going to happen. So...I took my shoe off and and slid my right sock off that Id probably had on for 5 or 6 days and used it to clean it all up. I tossed the sock behind the toilet and went on my way. Got back to the van and "man what took you the fuck so long?" I satback, lifted my right pant leg up and politley explained. Cotton and so bad really.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 3:03 pm
 
Is that a bidet? How does that thing work?

If only...a bidet is toilet height and, exactly, you move your ass onto it after you've dropped your deuces in the toilet. Squirt, quirt...all fresh and fancy. THAT is a floor shitter...see the little platforms for your feet? I used them in India for 8 weeks straight. As long is they are clean and you've got the hang of it, they're OK. They have a spigot and bucket/ladle situation next to them. After your business...you pour water down your butt-crack in lieu of wiping with paper. I'd always pour about 35 ladles worth before I was satisfied to walk away...
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 3:17 pm
 
all over France

france is one big toilet
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 5:09 pm
 
Cambodia.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 5:29 pm
 
This one's easy.....Antenna Club men's room! Actually cb's, at least antenna Club had a DOOR on the stall!
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 6:57 pm
 
I have to find that photo of alberto ploppin his spaghetty on the autobahn.

GAARY!!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 8:03 pm
 
various outhouses in the U.P.

In winter...
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 9:12 pm
 
I had to shit in a port-o-pot at Summerfest
Yeah, that's probably mine too. Though it was a different Summerfest and it was like 5 years ago.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 9:55 pm
 
Oh yeah, once I worked in this factory and somebody was vandalizing the bathroom so they took out all the divider thingies between the toilets. Like, "well, we had to take away the dividers because somebody's been writing on them". Fortunately I never had to shit when that was going on, but I remember some bearded middle-aged dude in there going "They just expect us to shit out in the open?!" That woulda been awkward as hell to walk in there and have to see a grown mad sitting on the toilet.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 10:29 pm | Edited by: a cobb
 
Yeah, Scoot Inn didn't have any dividers when I had to shit there. Just a toilet and a urinal in a room about the size of a toaster.

Oh, and the crowd was about half wierd-punks and half Mexican nationals.
Posted: Aug 4, 2008 10:58 pm | Edited by: m t millionaire
 
My high school's bathrooms didn't have stalls--just wide open toilets. The retarded kids were the only ones I ever saw using them. Everyone else just waited until lunch and took a shit at Wendy's.
Posted: Aug 5, 2008 12:03 am
 
places I've never shat, but sure wouldn't want to:

Metro, Chicago
The Buffet, Tucson
Five Points bar, Seattle
Yamhill Pub, Portland
any Shopko store in the 1980s -- poop smeared walls in every single one!
Posted: Aug 5, 2008 12:10 am
 
Cambodia.

One time I was taking a bus trip in Laos which has more unexploded ordinance(landmines) than any other country on earth, so when the bus would stop for bathroom breaks (in the middle of fucking nowhere) you couldn't go into the bushes to shit, you had to go right alongside the road. Toilet paper? water to wash your hands? outta fucking luck buddy. So, anyway, the worst place I ever had to shit was on a Laotian highway at 9am in front of a crowd of about 30 laotian men, women and children.
Posted: Aug 5, 2008 2:11 am | Edited by: dont wanna be a fat boy
 
The Beat Kitchen in Chicago; nuh toilet seat an' t'ing

just about like that scene in Trainspotting, I'm telling ya; I wasn't swimming around in the toilet looking for opium suppositories ("custom fucking designed for your needs" etc.), but y'all get the idea...

and I'll be back up there in a week too; fingers crossed
Posted: Aug 6, 2008 2:21 pm
 
Guitar Center.
Posted: Aug 6, 2008 3:43 pm
 
i spent a summer in college making dough at a pizza shop.

every morning, i'd stop & get breakfast at burger king before I came to work. and every day, i'd have to shit at the same time - right after the dough was balled up & before i put it in the cooler.

before putting in the cooler, the dough needed just a few minutes to rise. but anything beyond that few minutes & the dough would be ruined because of the hot summertime temps & the oven heating up for lunch.

so, all those shits were like mission impossible shits - having to finish & get back upstairs before i ruined all the dough.
Posted: Aug 6, 2008 4:15 pm
 
Outhouse in Oneida, IL.

Coney Island.
Posted: Aug 6, 2008 4:41 pm
 
Best thread ever. Once husband and i had morning after hot butt sauce at the same time- on the freeway passing a Del Taco- we pulled over and only had one quarter for the room. Sweet husband let me go first. Sooo gross in there I had to hover. But, we got her done...
Posted: Aug 6, 2008 4:49 pm
 
Up a holy mountain in Bali at around 6am as the sun came up.
Posted: Aug 6, 2008 6:07 pm
 
One time I was dropping a deuce in a port-o-let and my lousy friends on the outside started tipping it over. I jumped out just in time. God, I've always had losers for friends.
Posted: Aug 6, 2008 6:22 pm
 
Once husband and i had morning after hot butt sex
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 2:52 pm
 
In a port-o-pot at the 4th of July Fair in Alton IL about ten years ago...Some asshole was bumping the back of the jon with the front wheel of his motorcycle as he revved the shit up and scared the shit out of me.

Black river in Missouri near the Ozarks...Canoe trip...Ankle deep water...No TP...Friend was watchin as I had " the Natty light camping squirts"....He gagged as I squirt all over my legs...I had to find water deep enough to wash it off. That shit was crazy.
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 3:22 pm
 
1109 house in cedar rapids, Iowa. Winter - frozen pipes, no running water. Everybody just kept shitting and pissing in the toilet anyway. MMmm MMmmm.
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 4:03 pm
 
I forgot about the time my "friend" tried tipping a port-o-potty in fucking Boystown -- while I was in it. Don't ask.

I tried to jump-kick him.

Also, Japan.
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 9:03 am
 
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 9:14 am
 
Here in Afghanistan by far.



Fucking Haji shitters you have to squat down and aim for the hole. Your thighs start to shake and it's fucking hot. Plus there isnt much of a sewer system, so it stinks of sour Afghan shit. And the flys... Flys, flys are EVERYWHERE and landing on your balls and your asshole it's self. You can feel they are there... but not much to do about it.
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 9:19 am
 
"Don't ask. don't tell."

thats the policy, remember?
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 9:21 am
 
add to the list in chicago: the public restroom in the basement/food court of the thompson center downtown.
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 9:22 am
 
Up a holy mountain in Bali at around 6am as the sun came up.


fuck enlightenment, all it is is a good shit.
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 9:27 am
 
BP gas station between Wales and London.
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 2:55 pm
 
the piggly wiggly bathroom at cleveland and avalon
Posted: Aug 9, 2008 9:10 am
 
some place in france similar to the photo above, except it was literally a hole in the wall, no door, about knee high, along the hall everyone used to get in and out of the venue. i squatted down, grabbed the pipe in front of me for balance and let the splatter loose while people strolled by.
Posted: Aug 10, 2008 4:00 am
 
Cambodia.
ditto
Also, I went to see Metallica at some big outdoor bowl, maybe Irvine Meadows?, anyhow made the mistake of eating at some sub Del Taco semi-chain gringo mexi-food place and I was about to explode when we got there. There was a long hike to the actual arena so I went off into some woods and squatted. Resorted to using my chones to wipe and then all of sudden I hear all these people coming towards me - WTF? Bunch of dudes had jumped a fence or something to sneak in...
Posted: Aug 10, 2008 4:38 am
 
then all of sudden I hear all these people coming towards me - WTF? Bunch of dudes had jumped a fence or something to sneak in...

You must have one hell of an asshole.
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