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Goner Message Board / ???? / quit naming your kids Tyler!!!
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 3:12 am
 
or Taylor. Give em good names like Henry.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 5:53 am
 
ava is the disease du jour around here
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 6:12 am
 
I hate when kids are named "DAKOTA"
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 8:59 am
 
or any texas city. Although you know your kid is going to be a bad ass if you name him Fort Worth.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 9:15 am
 
Aiden and Riley (girl) are the worst.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 10:25 am
 
Many years ago a buddy of mine knocked up his rocket scientist girlfriend ("Why should I stop smoking weed while I'm pregnant? My first kid turned out okay!") and she insisted on naming the kid "Tyler--do NOT call him Ty!". So we called the kid T-Bone.

-Ryan
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 10:30 am
 
T-Bone

like the car crash?
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 10:34 am
 
And the steak. And the blues guy. Really you can't go wrong with a T-Bone in any application.

-Ryan
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 10:37 am
 
Riley (girl)
any texas city
Taylor
"DAKOTA"

well if y'all have better suggestions for america's future strippers then i want to hear them
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 10:41 am
 
america's future strippers

Why can't Bravo put this show on their faggy network?
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 11:41 am
 
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 11:52 am
 
Skyler

That's really bad, but I've witnessed a male named Skyler.

Women are so stupid.

Frankiln.....now there's a good name.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 11:59 am
 
america's future strippers


isn't that the summary of every show on SPIKE?
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 12:26 pm
 
I always like the name the name Bill, cuz every Bill i met was a nice guy, but they later turned out to be a bit lame.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 12:38 pm
 
I've never met anyone named Carl before, therefore I doubt whether Carls truly exist.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 12:44 pm
 
I'm gonna name my kid Hunter, even if it's a girl.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 1:31 pm
 
The girl across the street from me where I grew up was called Dallas. She was a big girl too.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 2:16 pm
 
I've never met anyone named Carl before, therefore I doubt whether Carls truly exist.



I know a guy named Karl (he spells his name with a K as you can see). Real cool dude, oh and he just happens to be the keyboardist for Fortune & Maltese.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 2:45 pm
 
Hunter, even if it's a girl.

Sorry, nooooooooooooo! Girls need girl's names.
Cash is also the latest hipster atrocity for boys...
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 3:00 pm
 
Girls need girl's names.

I agree!
Cookie, Trixie, Candy, Taffy, Desere', Mercedes, Bambi, and miss linda are ALL EXELENT girlie names!
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 5:24 pm
 
Cash is also the latest hipster atrocity for boys...

ugh, I dated a guy in high school who planned on using that name. He ended up having girls and naming them Raven and Winter. Ouch!

I like really old-fashioned names like Annabelle and Guinevere. But I don't like kids.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 5:32 pm
 
If I ever have a kid, I'm naming it Fontaine - boy or girl.

My dad's middle name is Mac. You don't see that one very much anymore.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 6:36 pm
 
Cashier at Wal-Mart last week : Jazzina
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 7:04 pm
 
If I ever have a kid

I've got one you can have, and you can call him whatever the hell you want to.
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 7:36 pm
 
oscar
fergus
martin
maude
uta

those are real names...
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 8:44 pm
 
Turbo. Thats a good name!
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 8:49 pm | Edited by: Windy
 
Former student of my mom's :

Kadeeja Penis (pronounced pee-ny-us)

Can't remember the last name
Posted: Jul 19, 2008 8:50 pm
 
my mother-in-law has taught some classics.
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:05 am
 
My black daughters will be named Loquacious and Excreta.
My black son will be named Duracell.
My white daughters will be named Penelope Houston and Brannon Araya.
My white son is s.o.l. cuz I haven't thought of a name for him yet. Wait a minute--okay, my white son's name is Sol! Jewish is practically white, right?

-Ryan
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 2:10 am
 
Cashier at Wal-Mart last week : Jazzina
Arby's employee: Chiquita...she sounded like a chipmunk.
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 4:44 am | Edited by: Scott
 
Target employee: Latrina
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 11:38 am
 
Sierra is a terrible name too. and Nevaeh....heaven backwards. My girlfriend's mom works for CPS, and said she's placed more Nevaehs in foster care than any other named child.

Twins in my Girlfriend's sister's class in Columbus: Orangejello and Lemonjello.
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:34 pm
 
Heaven Backwards is a pretty good name, either for a boy or a girl.
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 1:16 pm
 
Cub foods employee with a mis-capitalized name tag: LarHonda.
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 5:15 pm
 
i plan on using all muppet names. kermit, oscar, ernie & bert for twins, guy smiley, lew zealand, janice, statler & waldorf for the other twins, beaker, rowlf, link heartthrob... you really can't go wrong.
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 5:16 pm
 
a guy i worked with went to high school with a girl named chlamydia.
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 6:17 pm
 
i usedta live with a girl named tyler, but everyone called her holly
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 7:34 pm
 
We call my Step-Grandpa Tyler...but he's a sexy salsa dancin' black man from Oakland...and it's his last name.
Posted: Jul 20, 2008 10:09 pm
 
I like really old-fashioned names like Annabelle and Guinevere. But I don't like kids.
I have some good (old-fashioned-ish) kid names too, with absolutely no desire to personally use them. Future dogs maybe.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 12:31 am
 
im naming my kid EL DUCE regardless of gender
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 12:37 am
 
Turbo. Thats a good name!

Friend of mine goes by that when he isn't going by Steve.

I've heard of Shiturdra but the best by far is Formica Dinette.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 12:41 am
 
checkout girl at rouse's the other day was named tangelique.

I think that's swahili for heavenly citrusfruit.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 1:03 am
 
I think i'll call my daughter Specialized bike.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 8:36 am
 
Cashier at Wal-Mart last week : Jazzina
Arby's employee: Chiquita...she sounded like a chipmunk.


The cashier who's been on duty at the Circle K at Madison and McLean most times I've been there has a name tag that says "Montreal." I haven't decided whether I'm supposed to believe that's his name.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 9:34 am
 
Cash is also the latest hipster atrocity for boys...

Agreed. My step-brother named his first son Roy, which is a great old man name and awesome for a baby. But then he named his second kid Cash and ruined everything.

My step-sister's kids are named Hudson (boy) and Tatum (girl), which I think are equally lame.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:04 am
 
"Montreal."

He used to have the most disgusting keloids on his arm, then he had them surgically removed. That guy is awesome compared to "Kevin".
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:09 am | Edited by: Windy
 
"Montreal." I haven't decided whether I'm supposed to believe that's his name.

Believe it, but pronounce it "Mon-Trail"
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:38 am
 
this lady really wanted a baby with a stupid name:
http://news.aol.com/article/unfathomable-end-for-pregnant-victim/90089
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 4:22 pm
 
I met some gal once, told me her name was "Tyler". Wha?

Turns out her Mom was really into Texasss, and her brothers' names were: Houston, Dallas, Austin ... and Irving
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 4:39 pm
 
Wasn't/isn't there some basketballer named "Amferney"? ...that always cracked me up.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 4:43 pm
 
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 4:55 pm
 
finger on the NBA pulse have I...close enough...and yep, still does!!
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 5:00 pm
 
That's really bad, but I've witnessed a male named Skyler.
That used to be a pretty popular name for WASP-y old money-type boys, except it was spelled "Schuyler." They've dumbed-down the spelling now that the unwashed rabble are using the name.

I'm waiting for Aloysius to make a comeback.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 5:13 pm | Edited by: SSSSSSS
 
I think i'll call my daughter Specialized bike.

Stump Jumper is more appropriate for girls. Stump Jumper Hercules. That's gotta good ring to it.

Perhaps choose from their road bike line for really girly shit. Allez, for instance.

Hard Rock if you have a boy at some point.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 6:33 pm
 
Wasn't/isn't there some basketballer named "Amferney"?

Nickname "Penny", and one of the greatest Memphis State ballers of all time.
I ought to know. I have boxes and boxes and boxes of Penny memorabilia (my son was crazy about him).
There's a funny line in "Mean Girls" where Tim Meadows is bemoaning the fact that his sister named his nephew "Anfernee".

I'm well on record about "normal" names for kids. The boringer, the better for me. But hey...I also firmly believe that the mom gets to name the kid anything she damn well pleases after carrying it for nine months.
My kids are named John, Alex, and Jackson. (Jackson because I wanted to call John the classic John nickname, "Jack", but he never was a Jack. So, I couldn't very well have a John and a Jack, and Jackson was an old family name too.)
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:28 pm
 
My two best friends are named Quinn and Zach, but, those really are unacceptable names, along with Dylan, Todd, Skip and Lance.
Good Names-John, Jack, Jim, Tom, Keith, Dick, Harry, Ralph, Wendell
I also like Phuong, Yen, or Dao for girls

There's a funny line in "Mean Girls" where Tim Meadows is bemoaning the fact that his sister named his nephew "Anfernee".

Mean Girls is a fucking hilarious movie, especially the first 45 minutes. I am dead serious, I own this movie and recommend it to anyone who likes anything that is funny. It was adapted for the screen by Tina Fey, who is really funny on her good days.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:31 pm
 
When my wife told her father she was dating someone named Robin, he automatically assumed she had turned lesbian.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:45 pm
 
John

Love the name...not sure why, but it's just kinda perfect. I think I just like 4 letter names. I'm freakishly over protective, so I won't say my kid's name online, but it ain't MacKenzie or Madison...

Hey! The whole Lil' Penny thing makes sense now!
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 5:23 am
 
When my wife told her father she was dating someone named Robin, he automatically assumed she had turned lesbian.

I still think you're a girl.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 6:08 am
 
Nickname "Penny", and one of the greatest Memphis State ballers of all time.
I ought to know. I have boxes and boxes and boxes of Penny memorabilia (my son was crazy about him).
There's a funny line in "Mean Girls" where Tim Meadows is bemoaning the fact that his sister named his nephew "Anfernee".

the urban myth about the genesis of anfernee's name is when his mama told the hospital what name she wanted for her lil boy she said anthony but pronounced it anfernee

i have heard that story from very non cruel people making me half believe it

i once taught a class where there were 4 girls named Kianah, with each one spelling it radically different from one another


you know like

q'iannah etc...
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 7:46 am
 
i knew a dude named CAPERS
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 8:57 am
 
I've heard that Oprah Winfrey's name was intended to be ORPAH...but her Mom misspelled it on her birth certificate...it worked out, though didn't it? BOTH names are SO sexy.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 9:43 am
 
But hey...I also firmly believe that the mom gets to name the kid anything she damn well pleases after carrying it for nine months.

With you here. Choosing names for my three made me more of a wreck than the whole pregnancy thing. After taking in consideration family names, botanical, mineral, favorite authors, and German inlaws, they all seem pretty happy with my choices so far.

My favorites were a set of twins in a scout troop I had named Aspen and Siera. Their parents were loaded and rich people name their kids the dumbest things.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 10:42 am
 
John
Love the name...not sure why, but it's just kinda perfect.

I think John is the best name, hands down.
I also like Ben and Sam. And James.
Grace is my favorite name for a girl - that was my grandmother's name.
Mean Girls is a fucking hilarious movie
It sure is! I watch it every time it comes on.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 10:48 am
 
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 12:52 pm
 
i once taught a class where there were 4 girls named Kianah, with each one spelling it radically different from one another


when i was working two jobs a couple years ago there was a point where i was working with 4 keyana's with 3 different spellings. and they all went by the nickname "kiki".
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 1:33 pm
 
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 1:35 pm
 
I have a friend who named all her kids after cities:

Meridian (MS)
London
Savannah
(plus 2 more I can't remember)
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 1:38 pm
 
I've heard that Oprah Winfrey's name was intended to be ORPAH...but her Mom misspelled it on her birth certificate...it worked out, though didn't it? BOTH names are SO sexy.
Better yet, my dad had a patient who named her baby "Female", because when she filled out the kid's birth certificate, she saw that word as one of the gender choices and thought it would make a good name for a girl. She thought it was pronounced "Fe-mah-lay." Totally true.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 1:44 pm
 
her Mom misspelled it on her birth certificate

ha! my Louisiana mama did it to me and my brother -- three years apart.

I was supposed to be Andrea, and she misspelled his name Jeffrey as Jeffry...

we have great names in our family, but they bypassed em all. a few of my faves: Alethea, O'Real (pronounced ORail), Tempe (we have a T1, T2, and T3 in the family), Tennyson (my grandpa's middle name), Silver and Lancelot (both great uncles). My grandmother's name was Alice Winston Minor Maclin -- but she named my mother Betty. Not Elizabeth, but straight out Betty. it's always funny to me when people name their kids nicknames, like Trey or Trip or Betty or Liza...
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 2:07 pm
 
Hayden, Caden, Jayden....wtf? My grandpa's name was Junior Waylon Armstrong...now THAT'S a name. I like that some of my breeder friends are picking good names for their kids...I know a Henry, a Sophie, Frances, Hazel...good names.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 4:12 pm
 
Lucifer

A DAMN good name.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 4:21 pm
 
I swear to god my great-great grandmother was named Missouri Tennessee Baggett.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 4:23 pm
 
Cash

My son is named Cash...he's 6. Old family name on my old lady's side...we like it.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 4:49 pm
 
My cousin has all "H" named kids...Hannah, Hayden, Hayley and Houston.
What's up with that?
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 5:06 pm
 
My son is named Cash...he's 6. Old family name on my old lady's side...we like it.

Poor kid.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 5:10 pm
 
One time I was eating at Hardee's, and the cashier was a H'mong girl named Cum Cum.

Worked with a chick whose name was Dasha. It was short for Diet Shasta.

Heard of somebody somewhere naming their kid Cigarette. Can't corroborate the story at all.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 5:19 pm
 
I'm gonna name my son "lil' miss Hot Dog Breath Jr.",
and my daughter "Cum Bucket".
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 5:33 pm
 
Real live Viet name in the Des Moines phonebook circa 1985 (I called it to confirm): Man Ly Phuc
Posted: Jul 22, 2008 6:24 pm
 
Old Memphis Viet attorney:
Phuc Yuan Go

True.
Posted: Jul 23, 2008 4:54 pm
 
What about Tyler Keith?

His existence negates the existence of this whole thread.
Posted: Jul 23, 2008 5:25 pm
 
I went to school with these saimese conjoined twins named Lemonjello and oranjello!

I swear to god it's true!!!!!
May I drop dead Right Now if I'm lying!!!!
Posted: Jul 23, 2008 7:44 pm
 
well if y'all have better suggestions for america's future strippers then i want to hear them

My crazy mom said that if I was a girl they where gonna name me "Angel".
That would make make name "Angel Fox"... " Give it up for Angel Fox on the main stage"... What the fuck where they thinking???
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 12:34 am
 
Marsh once imagined a kid from the street where he works that was named Dijon Jones.
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 11:24 am
 
There used to be a girl in the Oxford, MS phone book named Connie Lingus.
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 11:37 am
 
some guy listed in the credits of a TV show we were watching last night was named Rider Strong.
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 11:46 am
 
Dylan

yeah i really like the Basement Tapes, too, but fuck you. move to L.A.


i agree with original post; Henry is a pretty awesome name for a little dude.
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 12:03 pm
 
some guy listed in the credits of a TV show we were watching last night was named Rider Strong.

What you doing watching Boy Meets World? Ah, yes, Topanga, whose name fits nicely into this thread.
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 1:41 pm
 
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 6:57 pm
 
it's always funny to me when people name their kids nicknames, like Trey or Trip or Betty or Liza...
Names on my dad's side of the family- Tommie, Danny, Bobby, Kenny, Tommie Jr. These are on their birth certificates.
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 6:58 pm
 
Kindergarten through 12th grade i knew a girl named Tequila.
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 9:06 pm
 
I know a girl named Twinkle Van Winkle.
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 9:07 pm
 
Her grandfather's name was Rip.
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 9:09 pm
 
two odd names in the credits of Blind Date:

Roger Lodge (host)

Harley Tat (producer)
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 10:33 pm
 
i had a friend of mine from louisville who was thai who was named veraporn. she went by "bee" though.

my mom has a friend named mary christmas and she lives in santa claus, indiana in a subdivision called christmas lake village (no fucking joke).

i went to the perkins up near poplar and highland here in memphis several years ago and there was a waitress there named chlymidia. (eek!)
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 10:45 pm
 
chlymidia
such a pretty name
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 11:07 pm
 
i had a friend of mine from louisville who was thai who was named veraporn. she went by "bee" though.

yeah, from what I understand, they all go by nicknames over there; like, I dated a girl from Bangkok (yes, yes, make yer jokes) and her name was really Siriporn, but I refused to call her by her nickname Aoy (pronounced "oi")- she didn't exactly understand what I was talking about when I tried to explain what a skinhead was and had only *heard of* The Beatles and Elvis (mind you, she was born in 1977!!)

I had another Thai friend whose name was Sanchit, but she went by Pure
Posted: Jul 25, 2008 2:50 pm
 
I know a girl named Twinkle Van Winkle.

I met that woman!
She was over at some chinese ladie's house....drankin.
Posted: Jul 25, 2008 3:02 pm
 
some guy listed in the credits of a TV show we were watching last night was named Rider Strong.

The way I figure, it must have been either a western or a porn flick.
Posted: Jul 25, 2008 3:09 pm
 
when i was a kid my friend and i prank called this lady with the last name "LIPSHITS". we asked her if her lipshits does her ass whistle.haha! YES!
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 6:10 am
 
I had a former student named Phuc My Son, and I dated a Thai girl named Sureerat Poondang.
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 11:34 am
 
I just now, right this minute, found out that a cousin of mine that I have always known as "peanut" or "little Earl" is named Finis.

Fine-us, the grand Southern mispronunciation of the Latin, Finis.
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 11:47 am
 
i worked with an Aquanette.
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 12:35 pm
 
chlymidia

I tried to find this incident on the internet, but couldn't. Nevertheless, I'll bet good money on the fact that that waitress was one of the kids born in Memphis in the late '80s who were delivered by a certain group of UT Med students. these students were often given permission by the parents to name the babies, and they had a competition to give them names of sexual diseases, genital parts, etc. without being discovered. a huge scandal when it finally came to light, as its a violation of the Hippocratic Oath. I remember it being all over the news... guess some of the babies never changed their names.
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 1:06 pm
 
Number 16 Bus Shelter

I appreciate that the names that were allowed by the judge included: Midnight Chardonnay and Benson and Hedges (twins).

I will name my child, regardless of gender, Little Lord Fauntleroy.
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 1:21 pm
 
This thread has me laughing out-loud in the office!
My crazy ass mother wanted to name me Christopher Robin if I had been a boy.Can you imagine how much ass kicking I would have endured on the playground for that? Thank fucking Goddess I am a female.

Reason #666 I should never breed, I would probably name my kid 'O' -
fuck a stripper name let's just go there a raise a pure deviant!
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 1:22 pm
 
Also, I like Henry & I never met an Eli (boy) that wasn't super great.
I still prefer Zoey for a girls name too.
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 1:31 pm
 
fuck a stripper name let's just go there a raise a pure deviant!

then name him or her: albert fish
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 2:46 pm
 
Orangejello and Lemonjello.

This is either disturbingly common, or an urban legend.
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 3:06 pm
 
My crazy ass mother wanted to name me Christopher Robin

My (other) step-brother named his son that - the kid's mom's name is Robin and they thought it was cute to make that the poor kid's middle name. Barf.
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 11:08 pm
 
Orangejello and Lemonjello.
I went to school with someone named O'rangelo pronounced Orange Jello
Posted: Aug 15, 2008 8:58 pm
 
2 new ones from this school year:

Noriega

Tityana (titty- anna; apparently a misspelling of Tatiana)
Posted: Aug 16, 2008 2:42 am
 
Lil Miss Boobies.
Posted: Aug 16, 2008 10:58 am
 
I know a dude who has a baby girl whose mama named her Malasia.
Posted: Aug 16, 2008 12:02 pm
 
Tyler Keith is gay.
Posted: Aug 16, 2008 12:06 pm
 
My crazy ass mother wanted to name me Christopher Robin

were i to have a child, i would want to completely bypass the greek naming convention (ie: after grandparents) and call him samuel beckett -whatever-his-father's-last-name-is

as for girl's names. anything normal and old school from the 50s, like mary, jane, janet... you know GIRLS names - not states, not unisex, not food stuffs or cosmetics... although "coco" is a kind of cute name... even though coco chanel's real name was gabrielle
Posted: Aug 16, 2008 1:05 pm
 
you know GIRLS names - not states, not unisex, not food stuffs or cosmetics...

flower names are good, though.
I'm also partial to Jane. That was my nickname when I was a girl.
Posted: Aug 16, 2008 1:15 pm
 
gabrielle

I always like the name Gabbie...as long as the girl isn't gabby.
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