Goner Message Board
 | Forums | Register | Reply | Search | Statistics | Manual |
Goner Message Board / ???? / Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crappy Script
Posted: May 22, 2008 2:44 am
 
Please, Mr. Lucas. You have enough money. Stop making movies.
Posted: May 22, 2008 2:53 am
 
God Hates You.
Posted: May 22, 2008 2:19 pm
 
Stop making movies.

it seemed to me that perhaps spielberg had crafted his own swan song w/ that Crystal Skulls chapter of the Indiana Jones franchise. it was like the Steven Spielberg Greatest Hits including all the Indiana Jones movies, Empire of the Sun, and fucking ET (which I actually have never seen)... there was plenty of water (JAWS) but no shark. had there been a shark, i'd say Spielberg was gonna retire. he seems to have had his say about education, god, legacy and love

george lucas's part was the best part of the movie.... best special efx i have ever seen in that kind of movie. only one scene where i could see the shift from outdoor to soundstage cut but that's because of the spielberg tell-tale lighting (ie: the source is from nowhere)

yes, the movie is so obvious but they all have been.
Posted: May 22, 2008 2:44 pm
 
Whatever...I could care less about the craft of moviemaking.

I wanna see Indy escape certain death, kill some Nazi's, figure out the secret location of some cool-ass shit, overcome his fear of snakes, make some wisecracks, ride a horse, snap his whip, and land a babe.

I'm going tonight. Check this out:

http://youcallhimdrjones.ytmnd.com/
Posted: May 22, 2008 3:33 pm
 
I thought it was cool. Yes, the script is flabby and at times reeks of kludge. But all of the performances are good. Harrison Ford is having more fun than he's had in years, and Cate Blanchett almost walks away with it. And even Shia LaWhatshisass is good. It might be an Indiana Jones movie on the level of Temple of Doom, but it's head and shoulders above the conveyor belt of crap coming from Hollywood these days. All in all, I'll give it a B.

They (meaning Lucas) threw away four complete scripts before settling on this one. I've read one of them (Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men) and this script is actually much better than that one.
Posted: May 22, 2008 5:08 pm
 
Whatever...I could care less about the craft of moviemaking.

jeez, thanks for trashing my craft andy!

this script is actually much better than that one.

really? i shudder to think.

Cate Blanchett almost walks away with it

oh yeah - that lady is genius! i'd say her performance is worth the price of admission
Posted: May 22, 2008 5:57 pm
 
fucking great. If you don't like it stick with yer romantic comedies. Some of us like to be entertained.
Posted: May 22, 2008 6:25 pm
 
there's a really fabulous errol flynn fencing sequence between the kid and cate blanchett straight out of the 1920s

that's entertainment!
Posted: May 22, 2008 9:11 pm
 
Just saw it.

It was exciting, but not enough neat stuff. Not sure how to elaborate on that.

Two major criticisms, without spoiling the movie:
1. The tarzan bit was GAY.
2. The final scene was SUPER-GAY. I mean, it was crazy-ass gay.

I didn't mean to trash anyone's craft, but when it comes to movies, I don't pay attention to camera angles and shit. I want to be entertained. Just like my lovely wife likes music that makes her shake her ass. She don't care about compression and how the drums were mic'ed.

That's how I am with movies.
Posted: May 22, 2008 9:13 pm
 
I recently saw the Illusionist and was totally entertained.
Posted: May 22, 2008 10:13 pm
 
I'll give you that, AndyB. Those parts were pretty gay. But on the whole it's another great Indiana Jones movie.
Posted: May 22, 2008 10:21 pm | Edited by: Miss Faye
 
We just got back from the movie. While it was not as good as I or II, and the ultimate premise was well, gay, it was still a whole lot of fun. I kinda liked the silly-ass stuff like the Tarzan scene and the odd/unnatural shots. Added to the comic bookiness of it all. Oh yeah, and Cate Blanchett was really good.
Posted: May 22, 2008 10:44 pm
 
While it was not as good as I or II,


I > III > II.
Posted: May 22, 2008 10:59 pm
 
I > III > II.

She doesn't even know there was a third I.Jones. Dumb girl.

I was waiting for the movie to be over. Just could not get into it. Story was silly, didn't care for the special effects, didn't care for any of it. Except for C. Blanchett. She was good.

On the way home from the movie, ashley said that she could not see how i didn't like Indiana Jones but liked "that piece of shit" Smokey and the Bandit. I tried to explain to her that Smokey was 10 times better than what we had just watched, and then reminded her that she also likes to listen to Coldplay, so her opinion about whats good and whats not doesn't mean shit to me.

And no, i'm not joking about the coldplay.
Posted: May 22, 2008 11:14 pm
 
dang brah, y?
Posted: May 22, 2008 11:27 pm
 

I > III > II.


Thank god someone said it first. I watch II maybe 5% as much as the others.
Posted: May 23, 2008 2:34 am
 
Whatever...I could care less about the craft of moviemaking.

I wanna see Indy escape certain death, kill some Nazi's, figure out the secret location of some cool-ass shit, overcome his fear of snakes, make some wisecracks, ride a horse, snap his whip, and land a babe.



Fuck yeah!

I read somewhere that Lucas was gonna do another without Harrison Ford & Shia LaPoof as the lead.

jeez, thanks for trashing my craft andy!

Can I get in on that, too?
Posted: May 23, 2008 6:08 am
 
"that piece of shit" Smokey and the Bandit

What about them Cannonball Runs?

Me and Nadia have rewatched the first three Indy flicks and they're all a bit spotty in places, and progressively played fer yuks, but we'll still prolly punt up to see IV, even though it looks a bit beyond the pale, plot-wise...

Multi-baddie Pat Roach will be much missed by us this time around, though...
Posted: May 23, 2008 9:39 am
 
at least MANOHLA DARGIS of the NYTimes and i agree 100%

and as for you gene mullett:
jeez, thanks for trashing my craft andy!

Can I get in on that, too?


anyone BUT you
Posted: May 23, 2008 11:51 am
 
ya can't go see a movie like this and expect it to be Oscar quality...it is what it is...mindless entertainment...too much CGI for my taste...and that Shit LaBeef kid fuckin bugs!
Posted: May 23, 2008 4:13 pm
 
Another potentially great flick ruined by CGI! Awesome, now I'll have to rent it and laugh at it while I'm high. It's kinda like the acting on all of those HBO dramas. How do people take shit like The Wire seriously?
Posted: May 23, 2008 4:21 pm
 
all movie making should be left to ACTUAL teenage retarded kids from now on
Posted: May 23, 2008 5:36 pm
 
are you kidding? the CGI in this movie is at the apex of CGI craft. its pretty flawless. i complained and bitched and moaned over actual oscar calibre films with too much CGI (GLADIATOR; ELIZABETH) but man - the george lucas special efx machine really got a handle on it like no one else. i mean - the special efx are exactly WHY i go see george lucas stuff. Industrial Light & Magic are the very best executioners of ... well, industrial light and magic.

i don't think any of the Indiana Jones movies is "potentially great." they are archetype stories with predictable (as they should be) plots. the dialogue could be better - but considering i often watch these movies years later with the sound down - i can't say it really matters all that much.

when they do occasionally put something that tries to be historical and that wants to matter, they manage to botch it - in Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade, Sean Connery got to invoke something he says is Charlemagne but is REALLY Washington Irving - they get the drift but they get the attribution wrong --- so, i'm almost FOR the crappy scripts in a way.

i don't know. i just weirdly like harrison ford. a real unlikely "movie star."
Posted: May 23, 2008 6:48 pm
 
rent it and laugh at it while I'm high.

or get REALLY into it. maybe try synching it up with "dark side of the moon".
Posted: May 24, 2008 4:29 am
 
"Dude, did you just here the sound his whip made? I'm rewinding it."
Posted: May 25, 2008 11:44 am
 
The first scene sums up the entire movie:

In Indiana Jones flicks, the Paramount logo always fades into a mountain.

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:
The Paramount logo turns into a mountain...
The mountain turns out to be a prairie dog hole...fucking brilliant.
A motherfucking CGI prairie dog pops out.

You're telling me that the two richest and most powerful men in Hollywood couldn't find a REAL gopher? It's this kind of cheat that almost ruins the movie.

To be honest, I blame Spielberg. The CGI cheats, and DF (dumbfuck) script additions (or non-deletions) such as the Tarzan bit, tank going off a cliff onto a tree, waterfalls, etc. could have been avoided with a little bit of quality control. I'm willing to suspend disbelief once or twice, but there was far too much BULLSHIT in this one.

This movie is far behind the other three. Unfortunately, it easily could have been on par with the other two sequels.

But then again, Indiana Jones is kind of like cheeseburgers...even when they're bad, they're still pretty good.
Posted: May 25, 2008 11:52 am
 
Jerryd, I'm warning you: don't make me post that link of you rapping. I will.
Posted: May 25, 2008 11:53 am
 
I'm willing to suspend disbelief once or twice, but there was far too much BULLSHIT in this one.

Agreed.
Posted: May 25, 2008 1:07 pm
 
I need to see Jerry rapping. Really, I really need to see this!
Posted: May 25, 2008 1:18 pm
 
I'm willing to suspend disbelief once or twice, but there was far too much BULLSHIT in this one.


yep. my roommate and i were discussing exactly WHAT you could suspend your disbelief for -

i'm willing to give them the fencing on the moving vehicles
but the going over the waterfalls 3 times - no way!

yes the CGI gopher was stupid, but the CGI that really turned me on (as in, i wish i had the budget to execute that) was when they were at the bottom of that crystal skull cave and the water gushed them upwards -- no bad matting or green screen shadow, no stupid tell tale vector moves... pretty flawless.

story-wise, that extraterrestrial thing just didn't cut it for me. the other 3 all acknowledged and played with some kind of belief system, but the ET factor here just blew. i mean - in The Last Crusade, i totally suspended disbelief for that 100s of year old knight guarding the Holy Grail

spielberg is a pretty easy target though - xtra large and FUN to poke at
Posted: May 25, 2008 1:36 pm
 
i mean - in The Last Crusade, i totally suspended disbelief for that 100s of year old knight guarding the Holy Grail

Good point. I was watching Holy Grail on cable last week and wondered where that guy pooped. But I didn't care, cause the IDEA of having a 700 year old knight guarding the grail was cool. However, the IDEA that a bunch of monkeys would help Shia La Boof swing thru the vines was stupid, and therefore the unbelieveable was more unbelievable.

If you're gonna ask me to suspend disbelief, at least make it something cool, like the ability to rip someone's still beating heart out of their chest. That's fucking awesome. Shia-as-tarzan is just gay, gay, gay!!!
Posted: May 25, 2008 1:52 pm
 
Goin' to the drive in tonight to see it. A double feature with Iron Man. Not expecting much out of either movie really but it is an excuse to trek 45 miles to the drive in's season opener.
Posted: May 25, 2008 2:23 pm
 
Typically, I'm a Spielberg apologist!! However, the balls that he seemed to grow for Munich disappeared on this one!!

I don't even mind the alien stuff. The movie is set in the 50s, and that just sort of seemed apropos. They certainly didn't end the end result being what it was. They could have left it at a "Last Wave" or "Chariots of the Gods" type of conclusion.

The whole movie just seemed lazy to me. It could have been so much better.
Posted: May 25, 2008 2:35 pm
 
A double feature with Iron Man.
Iron Man was GREAT!
Posted: May 25, 2008 2:37 pm
 
Ahem....where's the rapping footage?

I'm totally freakin out about this!
Posted: May 25, 2008 4:14 pm
 
Ahem....where's the rapping footage?

for real. bring it on!!! he says you like coldplay. that's enough to warrant bringing out the rap footage.

i can't wait to see this movie. i loved all the indiana jones movies. grew up watching them. cheesy special effects are just part of the series. :)
Posted: May 25, 2008 6:33 pm
 
the special efx are exactly WHY i go see george lucas stuff.

Too bad there's no reason to see his work for an interesting movie.

No camera angle in the world could've saved this movie. It should be re-named Indiana Jones & the Big Pile of Suck.

Lyndsey love going to the movies & is eager to find reasons why a movie was good or why she liked it. At one point, she fell asleep &, at another, turned to me & said "We can leave if you want." We stayed for the end. We did not stick around to see if there was something at the end of the credits a la Iron Man.

Hollywood keeps this shit up & Iron Man will be the #1 movie again in a week or two.
Posted: May 25, 2008 6:34 pm
 
Best thing about this movie today was the preview for Frank Miller's rendition of Will Eisner's The Spirit.

Will Eisner... Now THERE'S a forgotten genius.
Posted: May 25, 2008 11:21 pm
 
Four Movies Better Than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:

1. Lawrence of Arabia
2. Shane
3. On the Waterfront
4. Tank Girl
Posted: May 26, 2008 12:39 am
 
Four Movies Better Than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:

there are probably 4 THOUSAND movies better than indiana jones/crystal skull, including the previous 3 indiana jones movies and another movie harrison ford was in - AMERICAN GRAFFITI

i have heard nothing but positive things about IRON MAN, by the way - from my pals and their shop talk (ie: all the special efx dorks i know) to everyman on the street who just likes his $10's worth at the cinema
Posted: May 26, 2008 11:19 am
 
Saw this last night. WHEW! That was a rough one! It seemed like Harrison forgot how to act half way thru the flick.

I remember when they welded one of those crystal skulls into the top of the pyramid cause the Indians said it was cursed. They took it out later.

They have found 4 of 'em in real life.
Posted: May 26, 2008 1:26 pm
 
It's kinda like the acting on all of those HBO dramas. How do people take shit like The Wire seriously?

Probably because it's one of the best TV shows ever.
Posted: May 26, 2008 9:04 pm
 
i have heard nothing but positive things about IRON MAN, by the way - from my pals and their shop talk (ie: all the special efx dorks i know) to everyman on the street who just likes his $10's worth at the cinema

I know, me too, which is why I couldn't believe how horrible it was. Man, if Speed Racer had the bad word on the street buzz compared to Iron Man, I can't imagine how bad it must be. Iron Man WAS NOT GOOD, by any stretch of the imagination. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise. I thought it was awful.

I saw the Indy movie today, and overall it was pretty meh. Didn't annoy me as much as Iron Man, but they are obviously coasting on the goodwill built up by the previous movies. If Ford wasn't there to lend this movie a bit of dignity, it would be a flop. Nobody would care if not for the nostalgia for the earlier, better films.

Slightly better than Temple of Doom, I guess? I>III>IV>II
Posted: May 26, 2008 9:30 pm
 
AMERICAN GRAFFITI


i just saw the sequel a couple weeks ago, never having known it even existed. it was bad, but i couldn't stop watching it. HF was only in it for a second, and he played a cop.
Posted: May 27, 2008 2:57 am
 
Probably because it's one of the best TV shows ever.

Wow, you must really have a low opinion of TV shows.
Posted: May 27, 2008 4:19 am
 
have heard nothing but positive things about IRON MAN, by the way - from my pals and their shop talk (ie: all the special efx dorks i know) to everyman on the street who just likes his $10's worth at the cinema

Gulp...IRON MAN!?!
Posted: May 27, 2008 4:20 am
 
I KNOW YOU.
Posted: May 27, 2008 11:01 am
 
Theresa:

How much back-end $ you think Harrison Ford's gonna make on this movie? Apparently, a lot of people paid good money to see him and his bullwhip.
Posted: May 27, 2008 12:20 pm
 
harrison ford makes $20MM up front per movie - or at least he was getting that in the 90s; he and spielberg/lucas go way way back and he was getting something ridiculously high as a back end for his deferred salary on STAR WARS, so i'm sure he's getting record-breaking, off the charts percentage here.

i would guess he's getting about 25% of what lucas and spielberg are getting and they'll be getting that money soon - seems that between domestic and foreign box office for the past week, they have beyond recouped the close to $200 MM it cost to make the movie.

its all gravy now.
Posted: May 27, 2008 1:09 pm
 
I saw the Indy movie today, and overall it was pretty meh. Didn't annoy me as much as Iron Man, but they are obviously coasting on the goodwill built up by the previous movies. If Ford wasn't there to lend this movie a bit of dignity, it would be a flop. Nobody would care if not for the nostalgia for the earlier, better films.

Slightly better than Temple of Doom, I guess? I>III>IV>II


Jeez, what's with all the ToD hate? I love that one - like it way more than Last Crusade, in fact. Capshaw's annoying, but the sheer malice of that pic makes up for it. The father and son schtick of Crusade bugged me out, which brings me to this Crystal Skull business. Saw it today, and it just felt "off". Liked the jungle chase, but the whole thing seemed too self referential and kind of a going through the motions affair. Even when they brought Marion back it was just more cheeseball shenanigans. Aliens? Feh. I give it a C-.

I>>>>>II>>III>IV
Posted: May 27, 2008 1:40 pm
 
Probably because it's one of the best TV shows ever.

Wow, you must really have a low opinion of TV shows.


No surprise there, TV sucks.
Posted: May 27, 2008 1:46 pm
 
And the last thing I give a shit about when seeing Indiana Jones is if the special effects are believable or not.
Posted: May 27, 2008 2:43 pm
 
harrison ford makes $20MM up front per movie

Isn't that what Reese Witherspoon gets as well as Jim Carrey? I don't think Jim Carrey could command that anymore. I'm really glad his 15 minutes, and Adam Sandler's, are finally over.

Chevy Chase at his height of popularity was getting $6 million bucks. I bet Aflac ads don't pay near as well.
Posted: May 27, 2008 2:55 pm
 
the whole thing seemed too self referential and kind of a going through the motions affair.

yeah - usually spielberg (the ultimate postmodernist if you ask me) refers to other oldie but goodie movies in his work, ESP. in the indiana jones franchise - but right from the beginning of the crystal skulls, he was referencing himself. look for him to create his own filmed obit. he's probably doing it now...

i'm not really happy about the break with his own tradition that martin scorsese's been doing the last 10-15 years but at least he tries (even though for me he largely fails) - i hope that spielberg can get back on that MUNICH track. that one took cajones that i didn't think he had

as for special efx -it isn't about believeability. for my $10 and for spielberg and paramount's $200MM, there had better not be bad matting, bad compositing and tell tale chroma key signs of bad special efx lighting.
Posted: May 30, 2008 12:12 am | Edited by: dale
 
Tom Scharpling went on an over 20 riff about the film last night that ruled. Check the archives. It starts at 51 minutes into the show.
Posted: May 31, 2008 2:56 pm
 
he was blown up by an atomic bomb and had the radioactivity scrubbed off with no problem, in the first 30 minutes of the movie no less.
That is good writing.
Posted: May 31, 2008 3:24 pm
 
That movie was awesome!!! Indie rules forever! (Yeah, I get that it was totally retarded, but that's what made it such a blast)
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 3:31 pm
 
Iron Man WAS NOT GOOD, by any stretch of the imagination. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise. I thought it was awful.

It was good.
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 5:17 pm
 
Iron Man WAS NOT GOOD, by any stretch of the imagination. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise. I thought it was awful.

It was good.


Agreed!
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 11:14 pm
 
It was better than I thought it would be. I was just glad to see Jones after so long. It is hard to top the previous 3.
Posted: Jun 3, 2008 12:40 am | Edited by: dale
 
RULES!

and I never did send elle that ulimate Tom T. Hell comp I made for her.

Sorry. Would she still dig it?
Top
Your Reply Click this icon to move up to the quoted message
 

 
Only registered users are allowed to post here. Please, enter your username/password details upon posting a message, or register first.

 
  Goner Message Board Powered by PHP Forum Software miniBB ®