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Goner Message Board / ???? / Neighbors, Dog Poop, and Revenge!
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 9:16 am
 
I don't have any pets. I think they're great but, much like children, I don't have any because I don't feel like I can or want to take care of them at this point in my life. I also feel that you shouldn't have them either if you don't have the capacity to do so.

I already confronted my next door neighbor once about letting his mutt poop in my yard, right next to my front step (where I actually WALK sometimes). He said "It's cool, brah." and that was it. WELL, my girlfriend was leaving my place yesterday morning and you-know-who (not Jay Reatard) was doing his usual and darted home instantly when he heard my door open, acting like he was running through my yard with his dog.

I plan to gather as much doggie-doo as possible to pile on his porch. Any other ideas?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 9:54 am
 
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: DO NOT DO the flaming bag trick! It'd probably work!
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 9:58 am
 
Somebody had to say it! The 74 year old guy I work with laid that one on us this morning as if we'd never heard about it before. We humored him.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 10:15 am
 
i was gonna suggest something from miss linda's bag of tricks, light the porch on fire then throw the poop at them when their trying to put it out
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 10:24 am
 
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 10:26 am
 
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 10:28 am
 
Any other ideas?

BRAAAY!!
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 10:35 am
 
cut the top end off a wiffle ball bat or other kind of plastic bat. scoop up poop with said bat. tap the bat handle on the ground and let the poo settle. Then swing it! With just a little practice you can get pretty accurate.. I have used this many times and swear by the results.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 10:37 am
 
ANOTHER PROBLEM SOLVED BY JARTHUR!
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 10:47 am
 
steal your neighbors jebus:
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 10:47 am
 
Burning down his house might work...

Does this guy have any kids? You could try killing them, or his girlfriend.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 10:56 am
 
i'm curious... how long does it take poop to settle in a wiffle ball bat?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 11:07 am
 
a couple of light taps. Of course this all depends on how fresh/moist the poo is. You have to watch it with the real sticky stuff, it won't release as quickly and has the potential to hit your house or the person standing next to you.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 11:19 am
 
All fine suggestions especially the wiffle bat one. Thanks Jarthur!

I do like the murder idea but he has no bambinos and I don't think he's got a woman either.

And I don't think I could bring myself to call 311 to report this as suggested in one of Donkey's links. It's a job best settled between men. ..Men with wiffle bats, but men nonetheless.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 11:56 am
 
Another thing you could try is, invent a pill that's like a reverse-laxative, then feed them to his dog. Then the dog will never be able to poop, and when all his food gets backed up he'll get all fat and explode!
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 12:34 pm
 
Another thing you could try is, invent a pill that's like a reverse-laxative, then feed them to his dog. Then the dog will never be able to poop, and when all his food gets backed up he'll get all fat and explode!

Well, I migghhttt, but you never did my drawing of the Oblivians as the Three Wise Men with Reatard as the baby Jesus so maybe I wont!
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 1:30 pm | Edited by: miss linda
 
i was gonna suggest something from miss linda's bag of tricks, light the porch on fire then throw the poop at them when their trying to put it out

Do this after dark, and wear a ski-mask...please.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 1:36 pm | Edited by: miss linda
 
.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 1:44 pm
 
your neighbor sounds disgusting. the fact that he even says hey brah is awful. i confronted a dude who was doin it on our sidewalk and it was an awful unfun fight but he stopped. get up in that dudes face. i think there's stuff you can buy to spray to make dogs not wanna pee in certain places. i wonder if that works with shit????
i hate assholes who don't pick up their dogs poop. fuckers.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 1:54 pm
 
cut the top end off a wiffle ball bat or other kind of plastic bat. scoop up poop with said bat. tap the bat handle on the ground and let the poo settle. Then swing it! With just a little practice you can get pretty accurate.. I have used this many times and swear by the results.


DOOKIE JAI-LAI!
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 1:56 pm
 
DOOKIE JAI-LAI!

In deed.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 2:01 pm
 
do you own a shotgun?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 2:45 pm
 
do you own a shotgun?

Yes I do.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 2:53 pm | Edited by: CS Eunuch
 
My neighbor who has a motorcycle he leaves parked in his front yard with a slipcover on it left a note on it warning everyone that the next dog he sees pissing on it he WILL shoot with a pellet gun.

So I guess you could camp out with a pellet gun, just keep your eyes peeled for the ASPCA.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 2:58 pm
 
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 3:00 pm
 
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 3:41 pm
 
I forgot to bring a bag on our walk last night, and my dog picked the perfect house to drop one in front of. They don't shovel their snow, EVER, and they left a shattered beer bottle on the sidewalk for months, so I always had to walk around it into the street so the Bone's feet wouldn't get cut up. They also used to have the sweetest Ridgeback who they left outside all day, every day, even when it was 2 degrees. There is no streetlamp there and no-one was around.... the perfect crime!!! Normally I'm a decent citizen, though.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 3:43 pm
 
You're a good pal Donkey!

My Dad has one of those traps in the backyard for various critters. He sits out there with a pellet gun protecting his tomato plants and occasionally resorts to the bow and arrows for larger victims.
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 4:52 pm
 
Posted: Feb 14, 2008 6:11 pm
 
"DO IT!"
-Paul Stanley
Posted: Feb 15, 2008 11:20 am
 
"He calls the shit POOP!" - Billy Madison
Posted: Feb 15, 2008 2:39 pm
 
Another thing you could try is, invent a pill that's like a reverse-laxative, then feed them to his dog. Then the dog will never be able to poop, and when all his food gets backed up he'll get all fat and explode!

If a dog, like a human, gets constipated enough it will vomit feces. Always remember to follow your bowel protocol.
Posted: Feb 15, 2008 8:19 pm
 
Beat him with a chain or a pipe!
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