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Goner Message Board / ???? / Justin Timberlake is a douche
Posted: Sep 15, 2007 10:54 pm
 
From fourfour:

I find myself often going out of my way to experience things I hate. I'm not a masochist, I just like being right -- I like unspoken validity some asshole friend of a friend gives you whenever he shows up and starts talking about his AmEx bill or starts using the word "hipster" 5,000 times in a single conversation (this is totally off-topic, but I'll never get around to saying it otherwise: BITCHING ABOUT HIPSTERS ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU USE THE WORD "HIPSTER" REPEATEDLY IS ABOUT THE MOST HIPSTSER THING YOU CAN DO, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP, HIPSTER). Sorry about that. My point is that being right is fun and so is funneling your negative energy to a single source, which is why I watched HBO's Labor Day broadcast of Justin Timberlake's FutureSex/LoveShow concert. But you know what? I was wrong: previously, I had thought JT was a mere weenie. Not the case. He is, instead, a douchebag.

And god, what a douchebag he is. His middle name is Massengil. Instead of a nose, he has a nozzle. He is a not-so-fresh feeling in my genitals on a breezy beach day.

Seriously. He's the kind of asshole who tells people to get out their lighters (and, in a 2007 twist, cell phones!) to salute him during a ballad. He laughs at his own unfunny jokes. He makes falsetto interjections for no reason. He wipes a (one) nonexistent tear from his eye to exemplify gratitude. He acts like he's playing the guitar, when in fact, he might not be -- check the second clip in the video below (and the slow-mo replay that follows). I know some people over-strum, but it looks to me like his rhythm is seriously off, especially when he strums and no sound comes out. I can't say for sure if he's faking it, but I wouldn't put it past him -- his craft is artifice. The dichotomy of his pipsqueak Lothario and castrated pussy personas that made FutureSex/LoveSounds such a chore to get through is only amplified in his live show. I don't buy either act. They're so flashy and broad and cartoonishly dudeish, it's as though he was raised by '80s-movie frat boys. I know that pop music revels in falseness, but Timberlake's shtick is particularly unbelievable. I'm insulted that he thinks I'm dumb enough to buy it.

So yeah, that's why he repeatedly annoys me and to celebrate that annoyance, I've assembled some clips that best exemplify his douchiness. If you're with me on that point, I think you'll get this. If you're not, and you actually like the guy, I feel like this video will be a big so-what. In that case, you're already gone and there's nothing I can do for you. Tonight, I shall drying a (one) nonexistent tear for you.

Posted: Sep 15, 2007 11:18 pm | Edited by: Jack Stands
 
I don't think you're looking at the larger picture. When he and Britney get back together, Herenton will resign, the manatee will come back to life, the seventh seal will be opened and there will be peace in Memphis and everywhere else.
I know you think that Millington is NOT Memphis, but it is. It really is.
Posted: Sep 16, 2007 12:55 am
 
Herenton as your mayor for the last 16 years is warping your view on reality, JS. I am so sorry. It is my prayer that Herenton resigns tomorrow for your sanity's sake.
Posted: Sep 16, 2007 1:44 am
 
dick in a box is pretty funny.
Posted: Sep 16, 2007 2:08 am
 
I chuckled at Dick in a Box, but he grated at me, regardless. After seeing that clip above, it sealed the deal. He's a douche and a fake.
Posted: Sep 16, 2007 3:34 am
 
Some great comments:

You waist your time with making a vid like this.

what is a douchebag?? (sorry but english is not my first language)

fuck you i love JT he's proubly way better than you.... wai the is i love im he's hot and i love hi smusic so FUCK YOYU BITCH

LMAO i agree with this timbalake can suck my hairy sack

k i dont know at u r talking about justin timberlake is like the best person
in this enitr wolr i whent to thhis tour and it was soooo freaking amazing. u have no idea I LOVE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!!!

hahaha I can find better talent in the toilet

I just went to his concert on laber day but now that you showed this, he really is corny.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Who ever did this, kudos! Timberlake looks weak in the sack, he looks like a one minute brotha who acts like he did something.
Posted: Sep 16, 2007 4:06 am
 
This is one of my fave quotes:

i dont get why you would go through all the trouble to edit a video to make justin timberlake look stupid when he's the one with his concert on HBO... i didnt see yours there...hmmm the real douchebag is u, cuz when ur makin this video, justin is on tour havin fun and ppl r lining up to see him...
Posted: Sep 16, 2007 8:09 am
 
alan douche is a douche...

justin timberlake is justa stinkycunt.
Posted: Sep 17, 2007 11:59 pm
 
He played bass for Flaming Lips so if he is faking his guitar playing, he doesn't have to. His music is great too. Whatever.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 12:56 am | Edited by: Alisa
 
I've decided I love Justin Timberlake. I really do.

I know you think that Millington is NOT Memphis, but it is. It really is.
Why yes, it really is. As is Bartlett and Raleigh, but NOT Germantown, Cordova, or Collierville.

He may be a douche but he's our douche. If they think they're better than him they're wrong.
So I went to the park and took some paper, and that's where I wrote this song...
We talk real funny down here...we drink too much, we laugh too loud
We ain't gonna make it with no Northern crowd...
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:03 am
 
the clip of him playing bass with flaming lips its questionable if he's really playing. he's definetely not audible (not even a tiny bit) and at parts his fingers dont seem to be matching the song at all.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:03 am
 
i thought he was funny on SNL too, never heard his music so dont know about that
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:12 am
 
We ain't gonna make it with no Northern crowd...

We're too dumb to make it with the Northern crowd
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:25 am
 
but NOT Germantown, Cordova, or Collierville.

Alisa! If you are counting MILLINGTON, you have to count those three unmentionables. You have to. And, as I have said plenty o' times, he'd claim Orlando as his hometown if suddenly Disney became as cool as Stax. He spent more time down there and in LA than he ever did in West TN.


His music is great too. Whatever.


No it isn't. Whatever.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:28 am
 
i can only only give him dick in the box and he didn't totally suck on the snl epsiode. other than that, yuck.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:33 am
 
Alisa! If you are counting MILLINGTON, you have to count those three unmentionables. You have to.

Nuh uh. The three unmentionables are just that...unmentionable. And, damned upstarts who don't even WANT to fly on our coattails. Millington, Raleigh and Bartlett all have the same "redneck, rivertown" mentality as does Memphis proper. Cordova, Germantown, Collierville don't want to have anything to do with that.

His music ain't great, but I do appreciate Dick in a Box. How funny is that?
And, I'm sorry, but I always rock out to "Dance with Me." And, that breakup song about what's her name is just hypnotic. I want to hate it, but I can't.
Sure he's kind of a douche. BUT SO WAS ELVIS!!
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:38 am
 
If you are counting MILLINGTON, you have to count those three unmentionables.

This is true, too. In my new book, Memphis Geography and Why Midtown Can Suck It 'Cause They Ain't Midtown No More, And By The Way, Chicago Is Not The Midwest, Because Denver Really Is - Chicago Is More Of A Mid-Middle Now, Southaven and West Memphis are included as part of the Memphis universe; actual boundaries make up Memphis proper.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:40 am
 
Anyway, you people are missing the point; JT and Britney MUST get back together. You all want salvation, don't you?
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:46 am
 
And by the way, Elvis wasn't a douche. He was a narc.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:49 am
 
Andy Samberg wrote Dick in a Box.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:51 am
 
Millington, Raleigh and Bartlett all have the same "redneck, rivertown" mentality as does Memphis proper.

Raleigh is Memphis proper these days; Memphis ZIPs. Bartlett is basically what you find driving out Summer Avenue, there is no real moment of being noticibly out of Memphis. Millington, however, you have just that bit of distance that makes you feel like you went somewhere out of town a bit. Just like West Memphis. I will give Jack Stands Southaven.

Regardless, Millington doesn't wanna ride on Memphis' coattails! JUSTIN does! Because he is from Orlando!
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 1:57 am
 
The Millington connection is Raleigh. Raleigh got to be what it was because of Millington. My parents moved here when I was 1 or 2 because my dad was transferred from the Naval base in Norfolk, VA. They settled in Raleigh.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:10 am
 
Raleigh got to be what it was because of Millington.

No, no, no...NOT TRUE JACK STANDS! Raleigh was in existence long before the Navy base. BARTLETT got to be what it was because of Raleigh. Raleigh Springs was a genuine "resort location" in the twenties and thirties.
Here's an interesting "Ask Vance" about it:
http://www.memphismagazine.com/gyrobase/Magazine/Content?oid=oid%3A292 72

Bartlett is basically what you find driving out Summer Avenue, there is no real moment of being noticibly out of Memphis
Oh yes there is. Bartlett is what you find NORTH of Summer. I grew up there, and it wasn't Memphis. And, isn't now. It's still noticeably Bartlett.
Though, I know what you're saying, as Summer Ave...Hwy 70...is so grown up now it's ridiculous, and included in "Bartlett."

And, by the way, I said that Elvis was a douche in the most loving way possible.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:24 am | Edited by: Jack Stands
 
I know all about that. But the suburbs didn't pop up big-time until the Navy Base.

http://www.nsamidsouth.navy.mil/cmd-history.htm

On January 1, 1943, the Naval Reserve Aviation Base was renamed Naval Air Station Memphis. However, in April 1949, the base's functions completely changed, and a new Naval Air Station was established, different in both scope and function.

The new NAS assumed logistic support for all the commands at Navy Memphis, except the Naval Hospital. The boundaries included all Navy property on both sides of the Millington-Arlington Road (Navy Road). NAS Memphis continued its support and logistics role for some 50 years.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:27 am | Edited by: Jack Stands
 
Also, I'll add that from where I sit in the clark tower, Frayser, Raleigh and Bartlett all sit on a ridge that goes westward into Cordova. James Rd.>Stage Rd.>HWY 64 runs (for the most part) at the top of that ridge.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:35 am
 
So you can see that topographically from Clark Tower...COOL!

(Hey Jack, she's baaaaack. Scroll to bottom.
http://www.goner-records.com/board/index.php?action=vthread&forum=2&to pic=31758)
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:38 am
 
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:40 am | Edited by: Alisa
 
Yeah I did.
Hey, you know what it is. SHE'S RUNNING FOR OFFICE!!! Another cause!
[img=http://www.goner-records.com/board/img/smilies/heehaw.gif]HEE-HAW !!![/img]

(I made the donkey work!)
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:42 am
 
Yeah I did.
Hey, you know what it is. SHE'S RUNNING FOR OFFICE!!! Another cause!
HEE-HAW!!!
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:42 am
 
Crap, no I didn't but then I did.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:56 am
 
And lo, the angels decended upon Aaron, and whisper'd into his ear the Baby Jesus' Word. And that Word was the truth: from that day forward until Britney and Justin were married, the Toolbag, her name which cannot be uttered shall never be spoken of again.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:57 am
 
AMEN BROTHER!
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 4:47 am
 
justin timberlake is a fag.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 5:43 am
 
That may be true. Don't matter to me. I like his music. It's good stuff. Way better than Elvis.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 7:11 am
 
Way better than Elvis.

no way in hell.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 7:33 am
 
I don't like Elvis, so it doesn't take much to be better than Elvis to me, but anyway, I was just trying to rile people up there. Boring. Anyway, I like catchy music and dancing, so Timberlake is right up my alley. It's good stuff, and I know I'm not the only one here who knows it.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 8:54 am | Edited by: Joe Pestilence
 
Wow. Justin Timberlake sucks. You coulda fooled me. I think the only reason he even mentioned "Hipsters" was to court the Ironic Market that buy his CD's as a joke(always remember the MC5 Tee he wore way back when... why would he need that kinda "Punk Cred" otherwise?). It's practically a shout-out if you ask me.

Saispas,like most modern celebs that aren't Don Rickles,he's just an Android,a mere Replican't. Didn't Blade Runner(or the Philip K. Dick novel on which that movie was based) teach you anything? ROBOTS YES,ANDROIDS NO!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 9:01 am | Edited by: Joe Pestilence
 
"I know all that. but the suburbs didn't pop up big time until the Navy Base."And etc.w/that post.

Thus furthering the theory that JT was a military experiment... somehow. Just like Captain America!!!

I wonder if Justin Timberlake dreams of Electric Sheep...
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 2:15 pm
 

Thus furthering the theory that JT was a military experiment


YES!

Even JT knows the coolest thing ever in Millington is the Blue Angels. Dork.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 3:37 pm
 
ROBOTS YES,ANDROIDS NO!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha!
hookorcrook
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 11:02 pm
 
i have a friend whose real last name is Massengil.

the original post is fucking dumb. if you don't like things, ignore them. there are too many good books and records and movies to devote any time to stupid shit that doesnt matter. you dont HAVE to watch tv or be aware of famous people at all.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 11:10 pm
 
you dont HAVE to watch tv or be aware of famous people at all.
there was a time when i felt left out for not knowing . not anymore.
Posted: Sep 18, 2007 11:11 pm
 
Anyway, I like catchy music and dancing, so Timberlake is right up my alley.


if you cant get down to Elvis' "Bossa Nova Baby" but can get down to JT, then you are a 13 year old girl
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 12:16 am
 
elvis sucks.
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 12:17 am
 
elvis sucks.

Another JT fan!
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 12:29 am
 
naw, im a 13 year old girl.
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 12:39 am
 
you dont HAVE to watch tv or be aware of famous people at all.

That original post came from a guy who gets paid a healthy wage to write celebrity blogs, so I suppose he has to pay attention. Hell, I would, money or no. I prefer to be aware of things, bad or good. And I fucking like TV. And I still read "good books".
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 1:42 am
 
the original post is fucking dumb. if you don't like things, ignore them. there are too many good books and records and movies to devote any time to stupid shit that doesnt matter. you dont HAVE to watch tv or be aware of famous people at all.

Amen, brother. Far too much bitching on this board about stuff that's not worth paying attention to anyway.

I actually don't mind JT that much, but I barely even care enough to...type...this...sentence...
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 3:17 am
 
Since I exclusively spend my time and money on quality entertainment, I honestly don't know much about "JT", but after I watched that video compilation, I thought he was kind of funny. I liked his white acoustic guitar. I liked that one snippet, where he tells that butler to get the silver platter "out of his face." and then sez, "I feel good. Do you feel good?".
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 3:20 am
 
Far too much bitching on this board about stuff that's not worth paying attention to anyway.

The Mississippi River will run backwards and Gideon's trumpet will sound when Justin and Britney get back together. How is this not important?
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 11:10 am
 
but will he get rid of that not so fresh feeling?
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 2:49 pm | Edited by: saispas
 
Far too much bitching on this board about stuff that's not worth paying attention to anyway.

Then you should leave threads alone with titles like "Justin Timberlake is a douchebag", just like I ignore threads I know I'll have no interest in. I am sure I miss some stuff I'd like, but got other things to do. Or start your own threads with some interesting stuff for everyone who doesn't watch the demon TV or pay attention to the world of popular culture.
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 4:01 pm
 
There are far more fascinating people in real life than some cardboard fools I'll never meet.
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 6:50 pm
 
Agreed. Room enough for all!
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 7:12 pm
 
Gideon can't play the trumpet for shit.
Posted: Sep 19, 2007 7:19 pm
 
liked that one snippet, where he tells that butler to get the silver platter "out of his face." and then sez, "I feel good. Do you feel good?".

He's no Morris Day.
Posted: Sep 20, 2007 4:13 pm
 
I get it, you guys are from Memphis, or are obsessed with the city, so you like have to dig on Elvis, otherwise you're just rootsy 'lil posers, right? Well, I just happen to be able to appreciate barbeque, the atmosphere of the city and the people there without listening to shit music that has absolutely no relevence to my life whatsoever.

Sometimes I do feel like a thirteen year old girl. Throw on the first Strokes album after I've had a six pack of tall boys and I'll be rubbing my pussy and dancing around like someone put a cigerette out on my sphincter. Gimme some hot sluts and a couple of choice Timberlake tracks and I will dance my way up their skirts. That's my idea of fun.
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