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Goner Message Board / ???? / COVET! my new fragrance commercial!
Posted: Aug 13, 2007 9:24 pm
 
Uh.......EXCUSE ME!

Hi.

It's my pleasure to introduce my new fragrance to the world and especially you kind "little people" here in your Gooner Land or whatever you call it. I know it's been awhile since I've been here and I apologize to everyone here in Gooner Land as I know I have been severly missed by my subjects.

PLEASE DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH!

I have been extremely busy working on some VERY exciting stuff!
Including the new tv ad for my awesomely newhighly saught after fragrance "COVET". You can indeed purchase your very own bottle for
yourself RIGHT NOW!

Here's the link to my new tv ad. Oh!, and yes, I AM speaking FRENCH in it! (my idea of course!)

Pepe! Post the linky thingy!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sqxf7sSVXj8

I am also in pre production for the SITC MOVIE! Scheduled for 2008.



Buy my perfume!
Posted: Aug 13, 2007 9:31 pm
 
Whoops!

Here is the ENTIRE COMMERCIAL IN IT'S ENTIRITY.

I swear. It is impossible to find good help these days. I ask Pepe to post a simple link for the little people in Gooner Land and he CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE IT HAPPEN . EVER!

There will deffinetly be a Guatamalin family going without heat this winter! You better believe it!

Here is the long version with ALL OF THE FRENCH IN IT!.


Posted: Aug 13, 2007 10:37 pm
 
was it also your idea to look like a demented hag in it?
Posted: Aug 13, 2007 10:46 pm
 
No matter how good you smell ,you're still ugly. And just what smell are you trying to cover up with that perfume exactly?
Posted: Aug 13, 2007 11:01 pm
 
The smell of quiet despair, at the loveless marriage to her betrothed pickle kisser.
Posted: Aug 13, 2007 11:02 pm
 
i totally saw up your dress
Posted: Aug 13, 2007 11:14 pm
 
Uh....EXCUSE ME???!!!!

HELLO?

I'm Sarah Jesica Parker thank you very much. And the only thing I'm trying to cover up is the stench of stagnit normalacy you little people in Goober Land (or whatever you call it) keep eminating from your inconsequential little lives. JUST KIDDING! It's mainly for when I have to go to your little po-dunk towns to film my movies and I need to mask the stench of your garbage dump/lame excuse for a town/ smells. This is why you should use it too! Then you can join the 21st century like the rest of us.

I bet you don't even HAVE a driver! Please, feel free to contact my publicist to complain when you get a driver. Otherwise, pleasse continue taking free meal hand outs at the free meal place or whatever it's called.

If you need a job , ( i apparently need a new Pepe!!!) feel free to send my publicist your resume. I am currently hiring for the position of "coat holder".
That means you get paid to hold my coat/bags/apple martini/dog etc....

Think you can handle it? Let me know. In the meantime...

BUY MY PERFUME!
Posted: Aug 13, 2007 11:25 pm
 
eel free to send my publicist your resum


ok!

Objective Find a job where the people I work with aren't all against me. Also, I'd like to find a job where the boss doesn't pick on me. I'm thinking of someday being my own boss. I want to make a lot of money. I need some creative space so I can make things. I want to have the extra time to enjoy the things I'm interested in, like partying and seeing some bands. I'm a people watcher, and I'm thinking about learning to play guitar. I just read a book that describes how men can have multiple orgasms without ejaculation. I'd like some time to practice this.

Employment
a) Astro Gas , interection of Greely and Portland Blvd.

Employed: December 2 to December 22 1995

Responsibilities: I pumped gas, checked oil, and sold cigarettes to motorists and the high school students that waited for the bus there.

Reason for leaving: The boss and everyone had it out for me. The bastards I worked with told my boss that I was stealing money from the till, then they framed me for it.The boss was picking on me for being late a few times, and got pretty uptight about me showing up with booze on my breath. (It was a good damned thing that I'd drank that whiskey right before I got to work; otherwise he would have smelled the weed on my breath too. Hey, I wasn't kidding when I said I liked to party, man.) He got mad because I sold cigarettes to minors. I think that law is bull shit. He doesn't know what he's talking about. He's an idiot. He wouldn't let me have time off for Christmas so I can visit my brother. No one treats me that way. He'll get whats coming to him. I'm telling you; that bastard is going to pay.

b) Parr Lumber, Martin Luther King Blvd, Portland.

Employed: November 6 to November 22 1995.

Responsibilities: Take the broken pallets and make them into good, usable ones. Got the door for the contractors. Swept the parking lot and yard to keep it free of dangerous debris, like wet cardboard, sawdust, and wood chips.

Reason for leaving: The boss would ride me about smoking and talking to people walking by. I was doing Parr a customer service deed by establishing good relations with the public. If you call them they will tell you I made a lewd comment to a customer. That ho is fulla shit. She flirted with me. She started it. My boss was a dork from Vancouver. His daughter was foxy and he would get uptight when I'd talk to her. He was infringing upon my constitutional rights be telling me I couldn't smoke in the warehouse because of "fire codes." Thats a bunch of crap. Everyone knows that a cigarette couldn't burn down a whole warehouse. It was just too big. He was an insensitive ass for not letting me have Thanksgiving off to visit my brother. He also claims that he caught me jerking off in the warehouse. I wasn't jerking off. I got a sliver down there and was trying to get it out.

c) Burger King, Barbur Blvd, Portland.

Employed: October 20 to November 1 1995

Responsibilities: Cook and janitorial work. I took the 40 pound frozen hamburger patty box out of the freezer, broke them apart with a screwdriver and a 5 pound ball peen hammer and put them in the cooker conveyor belt. Took the cooked patties and buns (there are two sizes, whopper and regular,) and put them into the appropriate sized bun. Put the assembled burgers into the steamer. It was also my responsibility to clean the tiles on the floor underneath the tables where the cleaners couldn't reach with their machines.

Reason for leaving: I came into work the day after Halloween and a couple pigs were there and they told me I wasn't allowed to go in. The manager came out and gave me my last check and told me I was fired. I asked him what it was all about and he said I came in on Halloween and started screaming and throwing things around and shoved a lady up against the salad bar. That's a lie. I was drinking with Ciccione in N.E. Portland. I was riding my brother's Huffy (because my car was impounded for a bull shit DWI charge I was framed on.) I don't think there is any way I could have got from N.E. Portland to S.W. Portland on that bike in one night, especially since I was so drunk. He hated me anyhow. I got more dignity than that. So I punched the son of a bitch and the pigs arrested me. That bald headed do gooder punk deserved it. He had to have been lying. He said I was on a blackout. That's a lie. I don't remember ever having a blackout. He got mad at me for spitting on the paddies with with my buddy Rob. He said that that was discusting and that he was really dissapointed. What a geek. He didn't even see the humor in a harmless game of "burger roulette."
Posted: Aug 13, 2007 11:43 pm
 
Uh.....HELLO?

How colorful.

I have uh, reviewed your "credentials" and It seems you might not exactly be completely qualified for this position. Or maybe your overqualified. Who knows. Next time I need someone to scrub the pavement, I'll have my people call your people.

I am intrested in knowing what exactly "burger roulette." is tho....

Please explain.
Posted: Aug 14, 2007 2:16 am
 
That ad on the sides of city busses is a total career killer. Thanks a lot bitch.
Posted: Aug 14, 2007 3:34 am | Edited by: dtrain
 
haww!
Posted: Aug 14, 2007 10:40 am
 
still juicy?
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