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Goner Message Board / ???? / Phrases you love...
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 9:42 pm
Late at night, as the wife and I turn out the lights, I usually wait about three minutes before I say, "Guess what I'm holding in my hand?"
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 9:52 pm
"with bacon"
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 10:07 pm
"I'll be right over to take a look at that lawnmower."
But that's a sentence isn't it?

okey dokey smokey
the bees knees
fuckin' suckola (go elle!)
per usual
make that a double
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 10:09 pm
"seriously" (comma can go before or after this one)
",ya know"
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 10:11 pm | Edited by: Alisa
fart in a jug
hell to the no
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 10:17 pm
shit or get off the pot
i wouldn't piss on him/her if they were on fire
fuck me runnin'
pabast and a jameson neat, please
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 10:41 pm
trippin' balls
crap on ice
shit the bed
slicker n' two eels fuckin' in a bucket o' snot!
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 10:43 pm
per usual

Love this--it is cute, but somehow not grating (to me).

make that a double

Or..."You want a double, right?" (gentle reminders always work wonders)
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 10:49 pm
Fat guy with an ipod.
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 10:49 pm
She'll be beating them off with both hands/stciks

I feel like I am going to puke my pants
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 10:54 pm
"Have you ever kissed a bunny between the ears?"
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:03 pm
"wildly inappropriate"
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:05 pm
dorks of the world, unite!
stay gold, ponyboy
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:06 pm
fuck me runnin'

and, this one too.
also, fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:20 pm
"May s/he rest in peace"- This phrase comprises about 75% of my 96 year-old great-aunt Frieda's vocabulary. I've heard her use it as many as 4 times in the same sentence. "I went over to Florrie's house, may she rest in peace, to pick up Yeta's shawl, may she rest in peace, to bring it to Miriam's funeral, may she rest in peace, and I found Chaim lying dead on the kitchen floor, may he rest in peace."

Also good are- "That's a spicy meatball", "put that in your pipe and smoke it", and "you and what army?"
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:24 pm
I used to work as a part-time custodian. The full-time custodian I worked with was a country broad who said awesome stuff like:

"I just about shit and fell back in it."
"You're about as useful as tits on a boar."
"I'll jap-slap you."
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:34 pm
"That ain't hittin' on nuthin' with me!"

I have been saying this a lot lately.
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:36 pm
I used to work at this small metal shop in the middle of nowhere. This one dude who worked there was fond of saying

"hotter 'n a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire"
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:46 pm
"That ain't hittin' on nuthin' with me!"

Yes. Yes, indeed. Followed by "You need to get educated."

I also am a fan of the sentence-suffix, "...and whatnot."
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:48 pm
"You're about as useful as tits on a boar."

you're as useful as a football bat
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:51 pm
rotsa ruck
life is change
fuck all y'all
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 11:54 pm
Webshits and blablablas
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 12:16 am
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 3:15 am
"er no" always at the end of a sentence. bob seger got me hooked on saying it. you use it like this: "you fellas wanna get some beers er no?"
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 3:18 am | Edited by: jerryd
"tighter than a nanny"

I really like that one
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 3:25 am
She can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 3:26 am
I love this one phrase so much that someone had it airbrushed on a shirt for me for my birthday. Never has a truer phrase been printed:

Posted: Jul 25, 2007 4:57 am
"I have such bad luck that I could fall in a berrel fulla titties and come up holding a dick !" "Well ,it looks like your turn in the barrel this time!"
"Grim reality has dropped it's dirty diaper"
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 6:13 am
"I'm so hungry, I could eat a baby's butt through a park bench." Lifted from "Neighbors."

"Like stink on rice." Lifted from "Sealab 2021.
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 7:14 am
"ain't that as cute as a bug's ear"
"i wouldn't fuck that with someone elses dick"
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 7:20 am
Gee whiz/gee fucking whiz.
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 12:52 pm
"Too good for cats" (when they're sniffing round after potato chips/crisps!)
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before" (when the cats are crying for their dinner!)
"Cock-knocker" (aka wanker)
"Fuckin' 'ell" (general statement of exasperation)
"Cool-i-o" (general statement of hipness/excellence)
"That went down like a brick in a bath"
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 1:10 pm | Edited by: SSSSSSS
I know it ain't a phrase, but one of my favorite words is,,.


Try it out. Instead of "I'll see you in a little bit", "I'll see you shortly"
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 1:23 pm
I gotta say, besides Adam K, all y'all are faggots, when it comes to phrases. Most of that shit is complete sentences. Yeah, yeah, so you're hard, and with goodtime and worktime you get out early. One of my girlfriends flipped when i tossed a pack of smokes at a work crew. It's something everyone should do tho.

I know Adam's contribution was more like an exclamation than a phrase, but all the other shit was a goddamn sentence!

I wanna add on to Adam's contributio:

Golly gee whilllicker!
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 1:26 pm
Damn, I guess the Jameson is talking. My favorite phase =
My word..............................................
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 1:30 pm
Dude, if someone says something freaky to you, just say.................\

My word
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 1:48 pm
"I am not going to be fucked with that"
"Sounds like a Y-P not an M-P"

I also looooove a good spit take.
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 2:33 pm
"Balls", is that short enuff for ya, SSSSSSS?
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 3:14 pm
"Let's get some beers and get fucked up like Rocky Dennis!"

"I gotta shit like a tied coon"

"It's colder than a well-digger's ass"
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 3:15 pm
"Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest"

"Happier than a puppy with two peters"
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 4:25 pm
Eunuch, the Brit version of that nugget is "Happy as a dog with two dicks"!
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 4:42 pm
"it's chilly fritos out here" (my friend lorie used to say that when it was cold outside.)

"eat a bag of dicks"

"i gotta piss like a rushin' race horse"

"got an admit one ticket to ride the vomit comet"
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 4:45 pm
"I don't know what it is, but keep it away from my ass!"

"And the rest was history."

And from my Brit friends:
"What a load of pants."
"She went Tits over Arse for it."
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 4:48 pm
"Bite me"
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 5:10 pm
I don't know if this qualifies as a phrase but I like,

"He went to shit and the hogs ate him."

(when someone has asked about a person's whereabouts.)
Posted: Jul 25, 2007 5:39 pm
I love

"you gotta be fucking kidding me"


"shut the fuck off" or

"shut the front door!" when you want to swear but can't or just want to be extra funny.
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 1:55 am
"Okie Dokie Artichokie" (courtesy of Hillary R. Clinton)
"If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle"
"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride"
"That was snake-bit from the git-go" (it's all fucked up)
"Pulldatdoughtoo" (shut the door)
"If it's good to you, it's good for you"
"Meanwhile, back at the ranch.."
"I'd give my left nut for that...."
"I'd crawl naked over broken glass, just to see her piss"
"Shakin' like a dog passin' a peach pit"
"Worse than farting in church"
"That went over like a turd in the punchbowl"
"Tore up more'n a swingset in Nutbush"
"Busier than a jumper cable at a Puerto Rican wedding"
"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger"
"You can't polish a turd"
"You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig"
There are many more, of course, as I am a son of the Deep South, where these things are rampant, but they will have to wait until later.
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 1:58 am
"Tore up more'n a swingset in Nutbush"

I like that one.
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 2:04 am
Couple that with polish the turd, you may have a song
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 2:05 am
"I'm more fucked up than a niggers checkbook"

That's a good one to say while very drunk at a bar.
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 2:08 am
"Two monkeys fuckin' a football" (Used when two people are trying to fix a problem and are failing miserably, as in: "Looks like two monkeys fuckin' a football.")
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 2:15 am
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 2:41 am
Shitfire and save the matches, was the way I learnt it
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 2:53 am
He wouldn't say shit if he had mouthful.
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 5:58 am
This means of course according to my grandmother:
"Does a cat have an ass?"
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 6:16 am
not a phrase, but my mom always told me: "Wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one gets full first."
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 6:19 am
i've also heard "mexican minute" as in "i'll be there in a mexican minute" meaning in an hour.
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 6:27 am
When lucky: "Time to go downtown and look for wallets."
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 5:37 pm
I'd climb over a mountain of pussy to suck the dick of the dude who fucked that broad last night.
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 5:54 pm
"I'd have my nuts dragged across an acre of cactus just to suck on the lug nuts of the truck that takes her panties to the laundromat."
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 5:56 pm
"I'd eat a mile of her shit if she'd show me where it come from."
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 5:59 pm
My pops always used to say "I'd let her piss in my eyes just to see where it came from." Always liked that one.
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 8:42 pm
as useful as chicken shit on a pump handle

i'm a catfish in a pond, and its feedin time
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 8:54 pm | Edited by: bvalentine
Look'n around like a one eye'd cat in a fish factory (describing a situation where a lot of hot girls are present).
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 8:55 pm
I'd be on that like stink on shit.
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 9:01 pm
"you and what army?"

Posted: Jul 26, 2007 9:02 pm
road hard and put up wet
Posted: Jul 26, 2007 9:10 pm
"Life's tough in the big city." (anytime anything bad happens to anyone anywhere)
"It's great to be back." (this is my all-purpose greeting to friends, even if i'm just coming back from, say, the kitchen)

Posted: Jul 27, 2007 1:52 am
"does a bear shit in the woods?"
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 1:58 am
"Suck It", "Fancy Faggot", Slut Bag"
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 2:51 am
"does a bear shit in the woods?"
me and t-money had a shit pot of these on a drive back from new orleans.

does the pope shit in the woods
does a bear where a funny hat...etc..
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 3:55 am
does howdy doody have wooden balls? you tell me! fag.
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 5:18 am
"I'm not a racist but..."
"My heart pumps piss for you."
"Tight as a nun's cunt on Sunday."
"Party carcass rocks the hardest."
"All hat, no cattle."
"Fill a goose full of speed, it will swim circles all day."
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 6:25 am
"shut the front door!" when you want to swear but can't or just want to be extra funny.

One of my most favorites, and used often.
I also like, "Son of a buscuit maker!".

"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger"-"...with the crabs"

...was the way I heard it

Fur piece.
Sweating like a whore in church.
To see a man about a duck. When asked "Where ya goin'?"
Be there in a little minute!
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 6:26 am
Oh and,
"How can we miss ya if ya won't leave?"
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 6:53 am
"shut the front door!" when you want to swear but can't or just want to be extra funny.

One of my most favorites, and used often.
I also like, "Son of a buscuit maker!".

Posted: Jul 27, 2007 11:42 am
"the whole box and dice"
"i wouldn't fuck her with yours"
"he knows his way to the fridge"
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 4:10 pm
'Faster than greased weasel spit'
'Sweating harder than a pregant nun'
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 5:17 pm
he's/she's not the coldest beer in the fridge...
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 5:22 pm
FIX THAT!!!!??????/////////
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 5:26 pm
her pussy's so loose it's like fucking a glass of water.
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 5:29 pm
who invited the asteroid?
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 5:34 pm
...like trying to fuck a yeti's boot.

...like sticking your dick out the window and fucking the night.

...like pitching a cigarette down an alley.

...like [url=video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1425957770881170950]the wall of death[/url].
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 5:34 pm
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 5:35 pm
"She's so skinny, it'd be like trying to fuck a bicycle."
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 7:21 pm
like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 8:43 pm
"jack myself into a coma"
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 8:49 pm
Hangover phrases

"I feel like the festered remains of a Chinese fuck festival"
"I feel like hammered shit"
"I feel like I've been shot at and missed and then shit at and hit"
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 8:52 pm
I feel like I've been shot at and missed and then shit at and hit

Posted: Jul 28, 2007 12:23 am
like a drunk elephant falling off a bed
Posted: Jul 28, 2007 1:58 am
"shut the front door!" when you want to swear but can't or just want to be extra funny.

One of my most favorites, and used often.
I also like, "Son of a buscuit maker!".

Mother father, chinese dentist
Posted: Jul 28, 2007 2:07 am
"She's so skinny, it'd be like trying to fuck a bicycle."

or a bike rack.

here's a hangover one i use a lot: i feel like regurgitated asscrack pate.

my grandma always uses the phrase "son of a sea biscuit" instead of "son of a bitch".

my great grandpa used to use the phrase "it's a cootsababa" which i'm not sure if i spelled it right, probably not. it was supposed to mean that it was something that tasted good. he was german and was born in the late 1800's to immigrants from bavaria. i haven't ever found anything close online about that phrase. he also used to say "i'm going to buxaricks" when he didn't want to tell where he was going. there was an entire phrase in german that he would say afterward if you asked him to repeat where he was going. i have NO CLUE what it is. my grandma knows but she couldn't begin to spell it and she didn't know what it meant either. very strange. some sort of colloquialism his parents may have brought over. i dunno. but i still like the phrases. they make me smile cuz my great grandpa was quite a character.
Posted: Jul 28, 2007 3:56 am
My mom had a serious east Texas twang, and whenever we would say something "shocking" to her, she would say "Oh, mah low-erd!" (Oh, my Lord!) My brother once said, "Yeah. I think I would try cocaine." Of course, the reply from Mom was "Oh, mah low-erd!"

Another one she always said was, "Mercy, me!" or "Mercy me, Miss Agnes!"

She was kind of genteel, my mom. I miss her. <sniff>

<That was supposed to be an emotional sniff, not a cocaine sniff.>
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 2:39 am
"Crazier than a shithouse mouse"
"Too fucked to fly"
"Tighter than a gnat's ass"
"Hotter than a two-dollar pistol"
"Slicker than coon shit on a wet log"
"Harder than Chinese algebra"
"I hate that for you"
wait, there's more....
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 2:48 am
Kiss mah griiii-yts.
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 4:36 am
"she's got a face like a smashed crab / dropped pie / welder's bench" etc

"fuck up" instead of shut up
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 8:00 am
I\'ve heard these:

\"i\'d drink her bath water\"
\"hotter that two squirrels fucking in a wool sock\"
\"hotter than a two-peckered billygoat\"
\"he hasn\'t had pussy since pussy had him\"
\"fuck that up against a wall with handcuffs\"

oh yeah and calling short people \"sawed off\"

I got a feeling these are all blue collar comedy tour zingers
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 8:58 am
Having a beer with my boss.....Nasty cowgirl walks by.."look at the shitter on that critter". Never heard that one before, but I say it to my wife all the time!
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 3:21 pm
I have a love/hate with : "Aw, that'll buff right out."
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 3:22 pm
I have a love/hate with : "Aw, that'll buff right out."
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 3:23 pm
Ackk double post !
Posted: Aug 3, 2007 8:20 pm
"Dumber than a sack full of hammers"
Posted: Aug 3, 2007 8:42 pm
"Happier than a dog eating shit"
Posted: Aug 3, 2007 9:32 pm
"in my ass is OK?"
Posted: Aug 3, 2007 10:03 pm
"you gotta be fucking kidding me"
That's in my personal usage
"I'm more fucked up than a niggers checkbook"
jerryd, you are GROUNDED for that.

Some of my favorites:
Skinnier than a bar of soap
Drunker'n Cooter Brown
Drunker'n nine lesbians
Drunker'n a goat
Sooner climb up a tree and tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth
High as a test rat
Grab the bull by the balls (thanks to mom, who never gets phrases right)
Do what now? (also in my personal usage because I am apparently a hillbilly)

I'll think of some more--I'm full of 'em.
Posted: Aug 4, 2007 4:06 am | Edited by: le chev
Colder than a witch's tit
Darker than Toby's ass
I'm so fucked up I don't know whether I'm foot or horseback
S/he's so dumb s/he don't know their ass from a hole in the ground
Go piss up a rope

P.S. I learned most of these phrases from my dad who grew up in rural N. Dakota. YANKEE TERRRITORY!!!!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2007 5:10 am
Dirt star!!!! (=butthole)
Posted: Aug 4, 2007 5:14 am
if you can\\\'t stand the heat....... get off the porch!!----alberto aka. the king of spain!
Posted: Aug 4, 2007 8:13 am
"Bet SHE can shit" - said of a larger female or one with a larger arse

"I'd rather fuck her than fight her" - said of a female who does not meet with the minimum standards of pulchritude
Posted: Aug 8, 2007 9:44 pm
"grass never grows on a busy street" (courtesy of my bald grandpaps)
Posted: Aug 8, 2007 9:46 pm
"sure, you can leave work early, Steph"
Posted: Sep 22, 2007 5:01 am
"...like trying to find a peanut in a gyro..."
-said of she of a larger vagina

"...like trying to find a pube in an afro..."
-the sort of 'general' racism that won't getcha inta too much trouble with the cunts at work
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