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Goner Message Board / ???? / who's got weird mexico stories???
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 4:30 am
mexico is fucked.....

Posted: Jul 18, 2007 4:33 am | Edited by: michael baker
too many Mexicans; other than that, a dead culture and persistent, stifling humidity

Posted: Jul 18, 2007 4:46 am
I got a few. Lived in Mexico from Sept 1992 to Mar 1996 minus the 6 weeks I was in Peru. Some stories can be repeated here. Some can't.

When I was helping to build the telephone switch in the basement of the old Hotel de Mexico which was being mostly ripped up altogether to rebuild it as the "World Trade Center," we watched a guy with a jackhammer demolish the roof he was standing on & eventually fall to serious injury. He didn't die, but he had to be really fucked up. Also, there was no toilets other than outside port-o-potties. As a result, a bunch of guys started pissing in a bucket & dumping it down the elevator shaft 'cause that's what all the other construction crews were doing. This was actually better than the port-o-potties. The port-o-potties were fucking awful. Fucking awful. There was another hotel nearby, so if someone had to take a dump, they'd go to the hotel bar & buy a couple of drinks before using the can.

God... There's tons. They're mostly disgusting, but they wouldn't be very interesting if they weren't startling
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 4:48 am
A friend of mine went down (that means eating pussy) on a Tijuana whore. No lie.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 4:48 am
who's got weird mexico stories???

Who does'nt?
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 4:51 am
A friend of mine went down (that means eating pussy) on a Tijuana whore. No lie.

One time when we were in a strip joint on Revolution in TJ, I picked up one that took me to a hotel around the corner. While in the bar, I noticed this drunk, excited guy, who was hitting on a guy in drag who really wasn't a bad looking woman for a guy. At any rate, when my girl & I were done & we were leaving, we saw the transvestite & the excited drunk guy headed into the door in which we were coming out of. I don't know if the guy wound up being surprised or not.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 4:54 am
my poop was transformed into mousse.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 5:05 am
I know 2 ex rodeo clowns that lost.. got their first lay in Laredo. The fact that i know two ex rodeo clowns still kind of blows me away. I've had disgusting things happen on the border.. I think about them every day gene!!!!! you still rule!
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 5:13 am
two ex rodeo clowns still kind of blows me
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 5:17 am
I personally never saw it, but I know a couple of guys who worked in a Telmex phone office in Mexico City that said they stepped over a dead guy every day for 2 weeks on the way to the office.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 5:51 am
Two years ago me, my girlfriend and her sis were down there for a weeks vacation. We were driving down one of the out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere roads on our way to Zacatecas and some big suburban truck towing a trailer pulled up behind us and then passed us by real fast. 10 minutes down the road we see that same suburban smashed up with its trailer crumpled open and its contents strewn all over a field and another car smashed up real bad too. It looked like a head on collision. The cops were already there and were waiting for an ambulance. I couldn't tell how bad people were hurt, but it sure didn't look pretty. Nearest hospital must have been a hundred miles away. Another one to add to the multitude of roadside shrines in Mexico.

On our drive back to the States we took the toll highways(much safer) and some big truck passed us by carrying a massive load of bones. Rib cages, vertebrae, femurs, etc. We got the photos to prove it. Never seen anything like it.

Mexico is an interesting place.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 6:11 am
I thought that I was going to die down there for reals... I ate something, I'm not sure what, but I started puking out both ends for about 2 hours. Then I got freezing cold and sweaty. I passed out in the tent. We were way the hell down in Mexico, hundreds of miles from the states. The nearest town was like something out of an Indiana Jones movie; donkeys pulling carts, broken down jeeps, chickens in the streets and stuff like that. I was passed out for about 16 solid hours and at one point I came out of it for a little bit and calmly thought to myself, "I think I'm gonna die"...
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 7:22 am
One time when I was working in the Baja (San Quintin, specifically), we were cooking out on the beach & we had some clams. We wound up getting pretty sick & later found out that someone with us had bought clams from a beachcomber who had a bag of them. I puked so hard, it came out my nose.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 9:36 am
not sure what
moldy peyote
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 2:00 pm
It's so weird that as soon as you go through the border turnstiles in Tijuana ,it's instant third world!! No transition at all! You go from Macdonalds and parking lots to beggars with leprosy,unidentifiable food, death stench and dogs fucking in the street.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 2:09 pm
I woke up in a bathtub of ice and someone had put another kidney in me....now I got three of em and have to pee a lot.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 2:35 pm
The only weird thing that occured when we were down there involved a VERY SHADY Texas expat who screamed "Junked Out Drug Runner", but he had all his money in this bizarre surfer crash pad/tattoo studio/"sports bar" basically run out of his living room. He even had business cards and ads in the local (Troncones) paper for this so-called sports bar. How Ryan and I escaped that living room without getting caught up in white slavery I will never know.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 2:39 pm
I went to Mexico and did stuff. A couple times.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 2:40 pm
I once ate a taco in Mexico and it wasn't as good as a taco from Taco Burrito Mexico here in Green Bay. Best Mexican Place ever (I'll make some room here for El Sarape, too).
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 2:54 pm
Kevin D said the same thing until brought to some place in San Fran this spring (a restaurant I now would like to visit for gastroscientific purposes). TBM is the shit, though, definitely better than the mexfood I've had in Meheeko, Texas, LA, etc.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 2:55 pm
Mexicans rule! My favorite minority! Fuck eskimos!!!!
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 3:01 pm
There's a viable opponent to TBM in Portland somewhere too. I wish I could remember the name so I could give 'em a plug. I have no recollection of the place at all other than the food was TBM-caliber.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 3:47 pm
In Tijuana (does that even count as Mexico?) in 1996 a friend and I were just perusing the local shops and we noticed every time the owner brushed up against us prices would go done. We eventually got him to reduce the price of a chess set to almost free just by letting him, not so slyly, touch our asses when he would pass us in the small aisles. Usually, I'm really offended by stuff like that , but the obviousness of it was pretty funny.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 3:57 pm
Directions to a market: Go down this [fucked up cobblestone] street, past the dwarf with one leg at the cantina, and make a left... and sure enough there was a one-legged dwarf drinking in a folding chair outside the cantina...
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 4:23 pm
i spent an afternoon in juarez, across the border from el paso. walked around the downtown & didn't see a single gringo anywhere the whole time.

juarez is a very sketchy place.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 4:25 pm
One time in Mexico as a kid I tricked this other kid into eating a super hot chili pepper from my gradma's garden. His mouth spontaneously combusted and I got in BIG trouble.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 5:44 pm
juarez is a very sketchy place.

Last time I was in Juarez the "circus" was in town: an old elephant, a three-legged tiger and a half-bald chimp chained to a flat bed truck that drove around town.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 6:01 pm
First time I visited Mexico I couldn't figure out what "tacos de cabeza" were. It just didn't make any sense, I thought maybe it meant 'the best'.
Hitchhiking, we got a ride in the back of a brand new pickup truck. The bed was immaculate, except for a giant pig's head in the corner, which would roll back and forth as we went around turns. When we arrived in the village, everybody was so happy --- fresh tacos de cabeza para todos este noche!!!

I've since eaten them but much prefer the purer 'tacos de lengua' or even sesos. somehow that mix of eyeballs and snout & ear cartilage just doesn't appeal.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 6:05 pm
One time, Mike Ball, Dave Fish and I went to Tijuana and caught a bus down to Ensenada. The destination sign on the front of the bus (you know, the one that says what city the bus is going to) was replaced with a picture of Jesus Christ. Several old ladies had cages on their laps that contained chickens and one guy had a goat.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 6:22 pm
From Zipolite in Oaxaca, we walked over to the next town for lunch. On the way, we saw a rabid dog on the sidewalk, panting and red froth around its mouth, with people going about their business, kids riding their bikes...

We ate lunch and were filing out; I was outside, waiting for everyone to emerge, looking down at my shoes, when something splashing on my shoes startled me: my friend puked right outside the restaurant (on my shoes). The food was righteous but las drogas were too cheap there ($10 gram of blow, $10 gram of opium)...

Back in Zipolite, there was a gang (?) of wild horses that walked around town; a farty mule followed them but the horses wouldn't have anything to do with the flatulent mule and avoided him: the funniest / saddest thing I've ever seen.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 6:24 pm
Last time I was in Juarez the "circus" was in town: an old elephant, a three-legged tiger and a half-bald chimp chained to a flat bed truck that drove around town.

We were in san pancho during the celebration of their anniversary, and the main(only) attraction was "El Toro" - a huge metal bull that shot fireworks out of it's "hooves" directly at children as they ran screaming through the streets. We were told the town spent all the money they raised for the festival on El Toro, who apparently is rented from town to town every year to celebrate their birth. PARTY!
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 7:00 pm
I went to a small town in Mexico with my family when I was 17. Over the two weeks we were there, this little Mexican guy who stood about 4'11" and seemed to only ever wear a black speedo, would tail my 16 year-old cousin and I at the beach. When we'd find our spot for the day, he'd settle in within eyeshot and burrow down into a little sand nest, puff out his chest, and make eyes at us while squirming around in his ditch. We nicknamed him "Mr. Pokey Pants" because of his perpetual state of arousal. At one point he bought a frozen banana from a vendor and proceeded to fellate it in our general direction.

Not that weird, but somewhat traumatic.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 7:03 pm
There was a scorpion on the floor of our hotel room when we were in La Paz, Baja on our honeymoon. I had never seen one and I about passed out from fright. It was just like the Brady Bunch episode when they go to Hawaii, except it was a scorpion instead of a tarantula and Mexico instead of Waikiki.
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 7:05 pm
did you make a necklace out of a aztec idol?
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 7:48 pm
plenty but too long. actually matt hoopengardner has the best one ever but it is really long.

james, you remember the one greg ashley has about the tranny at Boy's Town?
Posted: Jul 18, 2007 7:49 pm
matt hoopengardner has the best one ever but it is really long.

of course i mean his beaner cock.
Posted: Jul 19, 2007 3:04 am | Edited by: No Big Thing
I once learned that "tengo un fuego en mis pantalones para tu" is not a good thing to drunkenly tell a surly Juarez citizen.

Two hours in a Mexican jail is two hours too many.

After I moved away from El Paso, my brother escorted JJ Champion and his bandmates on a tour of Juarez's gringo-friendly drinking establishments. I don't know any particulars of the sojourn, but I'd have to think there was some weirdness.
Posted: Jul 19, 2007 3:52 am
juarez is a very sketchy place.

last time I was in Juarez I had played in El Paso at a place called the Attic where I lost my shoes when I threw em at somebody in the crowd.

so that morning I had gone down to juarez bought a brand bnew pair of shoes at the Payless and then spent the rest of my money on beer, tacos, and mood enhancers.

When I finally arrived at the border the federales tried to make me pay $0.50 to get back across. With visions of me going to work at a maquiladora for a week so I could enter the US I just stood there, till they finally, angrily, waved me through
Posted: Jul 19, 2007 7:09 am
I went earlier this year with my friend to his wife's parent's place in San Alberto, which is like 120 miles past the border at Piedras Negras. We stayed overnight at their house, which was an adobe hut without any floor or windows or plumbing - it was kinda fun, like camping out indoors! They slaughtered a goat before we left the next day so we could bring back some of the meat with us, and the customs guys questioned us at great length about the mysterious slab of flesh in our cooler.

There's some kind of convenience store chain there - I don't remember the name, but their slogan is, "Your Party Starts Here!" It made me laugh 'cause every time I saw one it made me think of Manitoba's Wild Kingdom!
Posted: Jul 19, 2007 4:31 pm
Getting shaken down by highwaymen while rock climbing in a remote area in Nuevo Leon, not very far from the city of Hidlago. No guns or knives were involved, but we were severely outnumbered and handed over our dummy rolls, which they took as an "access fee". Their take was about $30.

It was naive to venture off like that unarmed and without a large group. Local law enforcement officers did nothing but watch it go down from across the canyon. When we mentioned this to locals, and they told us the cops would have done the same thing to us if the gang hadn't beaten them to it.
Posted: Jul 19, 2007 5:49 pm
A peeping Tom (peeping Tomas?) in San Pancho saw me nekkid. There was a window above our shower, and a stairway accross the hall with a perfect view down into the bathroom. Funny thing is, I had a feeling someone followed me from the fiesta...so, unsure how sheer the blinds on the patio doors were, I opted to change in the bathroom...looked up and saw hombre just a minute too late. Later, when I was out smoking on the patio, the bushes started whistling. Spent the rest of the trip hoping to spot that fucker...but never did.
I also know a dude who drank beers with Poison's Brett Michaels in Cabo. Later got jumped, beaten and busted for nothing by some plain clothes Mexican Po-Po. Woke up the next morning only to be bailed out by none other than......Brett Michaels.
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