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Goner Message Board / ???? / Ask the Dutchman
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Posted: May 8, 2007 6:20 am
 
Ryan,

What is the proper way to deal with a kid that thinks bands like Korn and Slipknot are 'pure fucking metal?' What's your take that though both bands are on the downslide (are Slipknot even around anymore) I still spot at least 3 people a day wearing one of their t-shirts in my town?
Posted: May 8, 2007 8:15 am | Edited by: Mullett
 
What is the proper way to deal with a kid that thinks bands like Korn and Slipknot are 'pure fucking metal?'

I know you didn't ask me & I know it's not proper, but send him to the Stonerrock.com board & tell him to start a thread entitled "Korn & Slipknot are pure fucking metal." He'll get torn a new backside. Some of those kids are so metal, they rust.
Posted: May 8, 2007 3:08 pm
 
I check the stonerrock.com board sometimes. I swear a ton of them are either dudes I used to work with at Record Time or are people that shopped there.

Dutchman,

Ya ever rock out to Electric Wizard?
Posted: May 8, 2007 5:32 pm
 
Dale, thanks for asking--Port Huron is a depressed industrial lake town, therefore I would expect nothing less than the lowest-common denominator mainstream metal bullshit to be sported by the vast majority of the local teenage populace. Funny thing is, nu metal is so awful that I can't imagine what these losers will be listening to in five-ten years--will they we breaking out their Limp Bizkit discs and rollinrollinrollin in the mini-van with three screaming kids? You are a stalwart, my friend, but you shoulda packed up the Merrill crew and headed to Wisconsin years ago already--the boys could be in bands around here already! But to answer your question, the proper way to deal with a kid who thinks Korn and Slipknot are 'pure fucking metal' is to get in his face and tell him you want more cheese on your double-decker taco supreme or you're gonna kick his ass after his shift is over. Fuckin punks.

Yes, I rocked out to Electric Wizard a couple weeks ago while taking a shower--you get an extra-deep clean when your riding riffs that huge while rubadubdubbing.

And stonerrock.com is a tremendous resource for delving into the world of current heavy rockin shit but particularly for the classics section--those manic record collectors really break down the 70's obscurities that rock and it's been invaluable since soulseek will allow you to check out these recordings almost instantly.

-Ryan
Posted: May 8, 2007 10:29 pm
 
Ryan,

Backmasking on records.
Can it really fuck up someone's head or is that a bunch of hooey?
Posted: May 8, 2007 10:55 pm
 
I think if someone is close enough to the edge that backwards messages on albums could definitely send them to work with an Uzi. The psyche can be a frail, fragile thing and shouldn't be messed with lightly. After all, humans are people, too.

-Ryan
Posted: May 9, 2007 12:17 am
 
Do you know bartman?
Posted: May 9, 2007 4:42 am
 
Dutchman,

If Paul D'ianno and Blaze Bailey got in a fight who would win?

What about Dave Dudley vs. Red Simpson?

When are you going to do an album of modern day truck driving songs? Would you call it "When It Comes To Heavy This Truck Is Pure Metal"? Would you put a honky tonk version of 'Rules of the Road' on it as well?
Posted: May 9, 2007 4:45 am
 
L7 or L7?

big chief or laughing hyenas?
Posted: May 9, 2007 6:09 am
 
proof against backward masking: [url=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5636910946432086857&q=ju das+priest&hl=en]dream deceivers
[/url]

if you have an hour to spare. not safe for happy smiles.

p.s. Priest is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: May 9, 2007 6:09 am
 
Posted: May 9, 2007 7:17 am
 
Glenn--I don't know Bartman (the cartoon superhero) or Bartman (the Cubs' goat) but I'd like to buy both of them a beer.

Dale--Paul Di'Anno would stomp Blaze Bailey into a small bloody heap of hair and leather. The dude is even scarier now than he was in 1980. Wolfsbane was a pretty good band so I'm not gonna hate on the Blazer, though. I've never seen a picture of Dave Dudley but Red Simpson looks like a human cow and is a total fucking truck balladeer POSER so I'm going Dudley even if he happens to be the size of Willie Shoemaker. I've always thought that someday when I get the right hook that I'd right a real trucking song about how it is but truth be told, "Rules Of The Road" IS how it is and I probably couldn't top it if I tried. If a honky-tonk won't play the original version of ROTR then they're posers, aren't they? Probably got the fuckin Badonkadonk song on the jukebox, too--fuck that shit.

Bruce--L7. Also, Laughing Hyenas in ye olde landslide. John Brannon stayed at my house once--nothing weirder than getting up to go to work and passing JOHN FUCKING BRANNON on the way to the bathroom. He likes to drink chocolate milk after a show--no shit.

Jason--Priest IS the best and I don't currently have an hour to spare but I'll check that shit out tomorrow.

-Ryan
Posted: May 9, 2007 7:42 am
 
nothing weirder than getting up to go to work and passing JOHN FUCKING BRANNON on the way to the bathroom

i was often woken up by phil durr(big chief) talking to his parents in a mixture of english/spanish/german during the middle of the night, of course the german had to be very, very loud. Not saying your wrong on the call but there was a time that big chief was very good and hyenas not so
Posted: May 9, 2007 5:25 pm | Edited by: Blind Lemon Jelly
 
Can you folks please get this silly shit to some highschoolforum?
Thank you.
Posted: May 9, 2007 6:22 pm
 
When are you going to do an album of modern day truck driving songs? Would you call it "When It Comes To Heavy This Truck Is Pure Metal"?

Call it "Too Heavy To Haul".
Posted: May 9, 2007 8:10 pm
 
Can you folks please get this silly shit to some highschoolforum?

NO. The internet is Serious Business and so are we.

-Ryan
Posted: May 10, 2007 1:02 am
 
Why are most people from Holland such super-douches? Is it the weed?
Posted: May 10, 2007 2:45 am
 
Sarah--I've never actually met anyone from Holland but Amsterdam seems like it must just be the biggest college town in the world.

-Ryan
Posted: May 10, 2007 4:04 am
 
Dutchman,

Smokey and the Bandit vs BJ and the Bear?
Posted: May 10, 2007 11:47 am
 
Dale--I still maintain that a truck is no place for a monkey, despite what all the research has shown. But I'm old school so there ya go. And I don't wanna make out with any chick called 'Frog'.

-Ryan
Posted: May 10, 2007 6:50 pm
 
R.,

Dutch Oven or dutch oven?
Posted: May 11, 2007 12:19 am
 
Ryan,

What is the optimum size when it comes to caffeinated road refreshments? I have seen your oversized beverage containers (i.e. "The Alcohauler") and I wonder if there is a fine line between helping and hindering your performance on the highway, once you factor in the number of piss-breaks one would inevitably have to take after drinking so much coffee/coke/etc.. Unless, of course, you have ways to get around taking piss-breaks - apparatus or excercises - in which case I would like to hear about them.
Regards,
Megan
Posted: May 11, 2007 6:03 pm | Edited by: dale
 
Dutchman,
Are you saying you've never had a rural county sherrif and his son chase you through a couple of states cuz you're hauling some Coors?

also
Devo vs Rush
Posted: May 12, 2007 2:04 am
 
Jesse--dutch oven.

Megan--I personally don't use the Alco-hauler while driving. I have a cooler with 4 20-oz water bottles that I refill every morning. Occasionally I'll have a cup of coffee in the morning (mostly in wintertime when it's cold) or a Coke or juice if I stop mid-day, but for the most part it's water and a trucker pill if my ass is dragging in the afternoon. Trucking can be summed up in two words--Bladder Discipline. Know your body, know your limits and you are on the road to trucking success.

Dale--Yes, that's what I'm saying. And I gotta go Rush over Devo although it's actually pretty close in that both bands have a few songs I really like and a bunch of shit I don't care about but when it comes down to it I'll take "Working Man" over "Uncontrollable Urge" because it's, like, three times longer and therefore allows me to rock three times as long.

-Ryan
Posted: May 12, 2007 7:40 am
 
When it comes to fingerbanging the young lasses which song that I played the solo on is the ultimate fingerbanging song of all times? And in case you didn't know I am THE Joe Perry of the legendary band Aerosmith!
Posted: May 12, 2007 7:51 am
 
Jesus, of course I know it's you, Joe. And I'd nothing better than to be fingerbanging a young lass to "Toys In The Attic" right now.

-Ryan
Posted: May 12, 2007 9:41 pm
 
how long til the brewers keel?
Posted: May 12, 2007 11:03 pm
 
Willowz?
Posted: May 13, 2007 2:13 am
 
Junior--The Brewers will definitely make the playoffs this year but I fear they will choke mightily under the October spotlight--too many young players. Nevertheless their talent may very well overcome their jitters--see ya in five months regardless.

Son--Are the Willowz that band that was on Sympathy? Or was that Willows with an 's'? They were/are horrible. In which case I don't know what Willowz with a 'z' is. But let's just assume for the sake of consistency that they also were/are horrible because, seriously, Willow is a stupid name for anything that's not a tree.

-Ryan
Posted: May 13, 2007 7:41 am
 
ryan.. .come on .. rocking to devo for 1 minute > rocking to rush for an eternity
Posted: May 13, 2007 8:07 am
 
Dutchman,

TANKARD!
Posted: May 13, 2007 4:48 pm
 
Dale--Just seeing the word TANKARD made me immediately run to my 80's metal shelf and grab 'Zombie Attack' to which I am now rocking at full volume on this fine Sunday morning. Lemme tell all the jerks who, in 2007, think that Municipal Waste and Evil Army are some kind of mind-blowing thrash throwbacks that these motherfuckers aren't fit to hold Tankard's fuckin guitar picks. If I wanna hear 1986 I'll fuckin listen to a record from 1986 thankyouverymuch. Thanks for the inspiration, Dale!

Dusty--We may disagree on the Devo/Rush question but SURELY we can agree that TANKARD kicks both their asses, right? Now convince GNL to cover 'Thrash Til Death'.

TANKARD!

-Ryan
Posted: May 14, 2007 4:04 am
 
I started this thread on the Stonerrock.com board, but did it by posing the question "What band most embodies PURE FUCKING METAL in 2007. Right now, the kids seem to like Lair Of The Minotaur.
Posted: May 14, 2007 5:55 am
 
Mullett,
Ya got hip them to Razor Fist.

Dutchman,
What's your opinion on Razor Fist?
Posted: May 14, 2007 8:34 am
 
Mullett,
Ya got hip them to Razor Fist.


I'm not qualified to say. Never heard them & I haven't listened to metal in 22 years. I listened to metal in high school & when I got to college, it was all Black Flag's Damage, the 1st Suicidal Tendencies album, & Big Lizard in my Back Yard. Can you tell it was 1985?
Posted: May 14, 2007 8:11 pm
 
Dale--My opinion of Razor Fist is that when it's happening I can't believe it's happening and when it's not happening I wish it was happening. They need a second guitar player to blow it through the roof, though. They are the band I dreamed of having in high school circa '88-'89. Lots of fun.

Mullett--I can't remember if I've heard Lair Of The Minotaur or not--are they the Celtic Frost ripoff from Chicago? And no bands are PURE FUCKING METAL like High On Fire and Mastodon--they embody talent, power and unique style on both ends of the metal spectrum from where the tree first split into Sabbath (heavy bludgeoning) and Priest (technical virtuosity).

-Ryan
Posted: May 14, 2007 8:27 pm
 
Allow me to send you some sonsabitches sometime, Dutchman...
Posted: May 15, 2007 4:33 am
 
What typw of sunscreen does the Dutchman prefer?
Posted: May 15, 2007 5:17 am
 
Mullett--I can't remember if I've heard Lair Of The Minotaur or not--are they the Celtic Frost ripoff from Chicago? And no bands are PURE FUCKING METAL like High On Fire and Mastodon

Fascinating that you say that. Most on the Stonerrock.com board are saying Lair of the Minotaur, but a few argue that even though Lair of Minotaur is as metal as metal can get, their songs just aren't that good. After that, bands that got the next highest amount of support were HoF & Mastodon. Next to that would have to be Celtic Frost (w/votes for the Montheist LP). (I had the Hellhammer LP when I was in high school.)

The following bands got at least 3 or 4 mentions & I couldn't tell you the 1st thing about any of them.

Blood Tsunami, Crowbar, Unearthly Trance, Amon Amarth, Black Cobra, Manowar, I (especially the Between Two Worlds LP), Solace, Great Day For Up, Blade of the Ripper, Municipal Waste, Demiricous, Pig Destroyer, Teen Cthulhu, The Beserker, Orchid at a Stretch, Kreator, Baroness, Pagan Alter, Bible of the Devil, Slough Feg, Alabama Thunder Pussy, Solace, Orange Goblin, Skeleton Witch, Parasytic, Hellshock, & 3 Inches of Blood.

I don't think Alabama Thunder Pussy, Orange Goblin, or Great Day For Up really qualify. In Orange Goblin & GDFU's case, they are more like the metal side of Kyuss.
Posted: May 15, 2007 5:18 am
 
Also, to give you an idea of how much some of these kids are into metal, some have been talking about trading Hellhammer demos.
Posted: May 15, 2007 10:18 am
 
Jack--I clicked that link and it froze up my computer. I'd say the name is apt.

Meg--I don't wear sunscreen because they don't make flannel in lotion form and besides, if I wasn't red I wouldn't have any color at all.

Mullett--Yeah I looked up that thread and that was my opinion of LOTM--great sound but nothing memorable. Out of the rest of that list I like Orange Goblin and Unearthly Trance the most out of the bands of heard, which is most of them--OG put out one of my fave albums EVER (The Big Black) but haven't been the same since they dropped a guitarist although their new one is supposed to be a return-to-form but what veteran band who've slipped DOESN'T always describe their new album like that? All the HH demos are not only readily-available on Soulseek but at least one of them got reished on a fucking picture disc last year (and it is GREAT stuff).

-Ryan
Posted: May 16, 2007 4:38 am
 
I saw Orange Goblin twice last May. They came through Columbus on their way to Youngstown to play Emissions From The Monolith. Ben is a party guy indeed. They were actually pretty rockin'.

I never though they were uber metal. I thought they were the metal side of Kyuss, but their was a little more burnout to their guitars than just sheer metal.
Posted: May 16, 2007 4:51 am
 
Dutchman,

Canadian rock and especially it's metal. Got some favorites? Any opinion on Coney Hatch?
Posted: May 16, 2007 7:50 am
 
Dale--No opinion on CH, I always figured they would be a bit light for my tastes, same with Max Webster/Kim Mitchell. I dunno, beyond Voivod and Cryptopsy I wouldn't say any Canadian stuff blew me away--Anvil and Exciter had some good early 80's metal but nothing great. I had a DBC album but it was pretty rote. Never heard Infernal Majesty although they were supposed to be pretty good thrash metal. Beyond Possession were good crossover stuff, I've still got their album actually. A friend was a huge Annihilator fan in high school but I never got into them and checked them out again a couple years ago and still didn't care for it--weren't Tall Dwarfs from Canada? I remember liking a video they had on Headbanger's Ball in the late 80's that was kinda goofy. I've mentioned Rush had a few good songs already. I actually saw a Canadian thrash metal band called Metalist open for UK Subs in Philly in '91 and they ripped pretty good and won over all the spiky hairs. There's an infamous bootleg album of a demo by a band called Kraken from like '83 that's supposed to be great NWOBHM-type stuff. Canada's had some great punk/hc but it's been pretty sporadic for hard rock/metal.

-Ryan
Posted: May 16, 2007 3:05 pm
 
I had a DBC album but it was pretty rote.

If this album was not Universe, then that is one you should check out. One of my favorite 80's prog-metal records. If you don't like that one...well, we just gonna have to agree to disagree.

Now that the subject is metal, I just don't have enough time to discuss it all. From Mastodon's nose-dive after Remission to the fact that Manowar is still considered anything by anybody in 2007.
Posted: May 16, 2007 9:34 pm
 
John--I don't remember which DBC I had other than that it had a blue cover. Leviathan took me a while to get into due to the cleaner sound but I like it as much as Remission now and I liked Blood Mountain right off the bat. Never liked Manowar beyond a handfull of songs--'Kill With Power' is pretty fuckin great no matter how many loincloths are performing it.

-Ryan
Posted: May 17, 2007 3:11 am
 
Rush over Devo


YES!
Posted: May 17, 2007 4:55 am
 
Any opinion on Coney Hatch?

I know you didn't ask me, but in 1983, I saw Iron Maiden, Fastway, & Coney Hatch at the Toledo Sports Arena. They were OK, but I never bought anything by them.

Fastway was a band formed by ex-Motorheard guitarist "Fast" Eddie Clarke & drummer Pete Way. When the band splintered, Pete Way went on to form Waysted.
Posted: May 17, 2007 7:49 am
 
I saw Iron Maiden, Fastway...but I never bought anything by them

That's a goddamn shame.
Posted: May 17, 2007 8:01 am
 
I saw Iron Maiden, Fastway...but I never bought anything by them

That's a goddamn shame.



Hold on there, Steely Dan... I never bought anything by Coney Hatch. I think I remember seeing a video on MTV for a song called "Devil's Daughter." I had the 1st Fastway on cassette & everything Iron Maiden did up to & including Piece of Mind. I think the next record they did was Powerslave & I thought Eddie as a sphinx wasn't happening.
Posted: May 17, 2007 10:12 am
 
HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

You're awesome, Mullett!
Posted: May 17, 2007 10:27 am
 
Eddie as a sphinx

... did help me pass high school ancient history w/Alexander the Great (who cut the Gordian Knot?).

I mean, how can you not pass with such lyrics?

my son ask for thyself another
Kingdom for that wich I leave
Is too small for thee
(King Philip of Macedonia - 339 b.c.)

Near to the east
In a part of ancient Greece
In an ancient land called Macedonia
Was born a son
To Philip of Macedon
The legend his name was Alexander

At the age of nineteen
He became the Macedon king
And he swore to free all of asia minor
By the Aegian Sea
In 334 b.c.
He utterly beat the armies of Persia

Alexander the Great
His name struck fear into hearts of men
Alexander the Great
Became a legend amongst mortal men

King Darius the Third
Defeated fled Persia
The Scythians fell by the river of Jaxartes
Then Egypt fell to the Macedon King as well
And he founded the city called Alexandria

By the Tigris River
He met king Darius again
And crushed him again at the battle of Arbela
Entering babylon
And Susa treasures he found
Took pPersepolis the capital of Persia

Alexander the Great
His name struck fear into hearts of men
Alexander the Great
Became a God mongst mortal men

A phrygian king had bound a chariot yoke
And alexander cut the gordian knot
And the legend said that who untied the knot
He would become the Master of Asia

Hedonism he spread far and wide
The macedonian learn'd mind
Their culture was a western way of life
He paved the way for christianity

Marching on marching on

The battle weary marching side by side
Alexanders army line by line
They wouldnt follow him to India
Tired of the combat, pain and the glory

Alexander the Great
His name struck fear into hearts of men
Alexander the Great
He died of fever in babylon


Thank you, Iron Maiden.

Same goes for Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner
Thanks, dudes.
Posted: May 17, 2007 11:51 am
 
By the time I had my classic literature class in high school in about '88 the teacher was aware that some heavy metal band had performed 'Rime' but when I brought it up he said 'Now was it Motley Crue?'. No, they did 'Girls Girls Girls' by Dostoyevsky. I always thought 'Somewhere In Time' was Maiden's last great album but the Internet tells me that lots of folks had already given up on them by that point. Then again the Internet also tells me that lots of folks like people sucking off horses so hey, you say tomato...

-Ryan
Posted: May 17, 2007 3:45 pm
 
I don't remember which DBC I had other than that it had a blue cover.

That sounds like Universe. I gave it a spin last night. Still sounds pretty potent to me.

Never liked Manowar beyond a handfull of songs--'Kill With Power' is pretty fuckin great no matter how many loincloths are performing it.

Yeah, but they're talking about metal in 2007. That's what I find weird. Maybe they were joking.

Leviathan took me a while to get into due to the cleaner sound but I like it as much as Remission now and I liked Blood Mountain right off the bat.

As for the Mastodon, I'm just goint to have to say you've lost your mind here. It doesn't have anything to do with the sound, it's the songs. Plus the fact that they were supposed to change the face of metal. I mean, I saw them a bunch when they were still selling CD-R demos, and man I thought they were going to be this genre-bending fucked up behemoth, but none of the shit on the last two records even comes close to matching March of the Fire Ants or Ol'e Nessie from Remission let alone surpassing it. I mean there are moments here and there, but they should be completely blowing the fucking lid off at this point. Plus, stop trying to fucking sing. That guitarist should just hush and let Troy scream. When he tries to sing, he just sounds like somebody who can't sing. Especially on the new one "looooooking for cryyyyystaaaal", oh shut the fuck up. Sorry about the rant, but I saw them so much when they first started up, and I really thought they were going to be something special.

Powerslave & I thought Eddie as a sphinx wasn't happening.

Hey Mullet, you're missing out. Powerslave is a fucking great record. Piece of Mind loses points for Quest for Fire where the lyrics indicate that dinosaurs and cavemen lived during the same period. What, are they a bunch of creationists or something? This is supposed to be the smart metal, not the meathead metal.

Damn, sorry for the long post.
Posted: May 18, 2007 2:46 am
 
Dutchman,

Leinenkugel! Should anyone believe the hype? What if bring Point is brought into the mix?
Posted: May 18, 2007 5:30 am
 
Hey Mullet, you're missing out. Powerslave is a fucking great record. Piece of Mind loses points for Quest for Fire where the lyrics indicate that dinosaurs and cavemen lived during the same period. What, are they a bunch of creationists or something? This is supposed to be the smart metal, not the meathead metal.

No sweat. For me, now, pretty much all metal is meathead. I know that is a hasty generalization, but I don't care. I'd rather cruise down the highway in a hotrod blastin' 60s garage than banging my head with the leather studded metal kids.

I don't really think of the 1st 2 Iron Maiden records as metal, either. When Paul Di'anno was in the band, they were closer to hard punk. Skunk used to do an awesome version of "Wrathchild" live. They couldn't do it the 2nd time I saw them when they has lost the 2nd guitar player.

Never liked Manowar beyond a handfull of songs--'Kill With Power' is pretty fuckin great no matter how many loincloths are performing it.

Yeah, but they're talking about metal in 2007. That's what I find weird. Maybe they were joking.


You know, Manowar is still an active band putting out records & touring...

Damn, sorry for the long post.

No sweat. It's an internet chat board. That's what it's here for.

Eddie as a sphinx

... did help me pass high school ancient history w/Alexander the Great (who cut the Gordian Knot?).


Funny that you mention that. I had to write a poem for a history class. We had a teacher (Milton Cooper) that was so insane, he named one of his kids Abraham Lincoln Cooper. At any rate, I stole "The Trooper" word for word & got a "B".

The moral of the story... Talent borrows, genius steals.
Posted: May 18, 2007 2:44 pm
 
I know that is a hasty generalization, but I don't care. I'd rather cruise down the highway in a hotrod blastin' 60s garage than banging my head with the leather studded metal kids.

Can't you have both. Why limit yourself? Get in touch with your inner leather-studded metal kid. He's in there somewhere... Besides, you're spending time on the stonerrock board and talking about Kyuss and Orange Goblin. There are metal bands that are doing far more interesting things than most of the bands that get the stonerrock label. Anyway, I can see this turning into a looooong discussion, and isn't this supposed to be "Dutchman's" thread?

I don't really think of the 1st 2 Iron Maiden records as metal, either

Agreed...sort of. Definitely some crossover there.

You know, Manowar is still an active band putting out records & touring...

Yeah I know, but I can't imagine...I just can't...I mean, they were a joke in '85. Surely the joke has only gotten more stale over the last 20+ years.

Damn, sorry for the long post.
No sweat. It's an internet chat board. That's what it's here for.


Yeah, but I just feel like a whiner. "Awwww man, Mastodon let me down man..."
Posted: May 19, 2007 1:20 am
 
Dale--I don't drink Leinie's because it doesn't end in a 'z' like Blatz, Schlitz and Hammz, which is the only stipulation I make on cheap beer that I consume.

John and Mullett--I'm proud to have my name on any thread that ends up with people breaking down Iron Maiden albums.

-Ryan
Posted: May 19, 2007 1:28 am
 
god i love this thread.

v. CRUCIAL indeed!
Posted: May 20, 2007 3:40 am
 
Can't you have both. Why limit yourself? Get in touch with your inner leather-studded metal kid. He's in there somewhere


You're right, but I just don't care. Make no mistake, I was very in touch with that metal kid 22 years ago. I was wearing a rising sun Iron Maiden headband when I saw them. I shook my fist in the air the whole time I saw Judas Priest. I saw Black Sabbath on the Born Again tour. There was no CD-Rs or file sharing then & I did all of the legwork like I had to do for punk. (Read every magazine including Kerrang!, buy 5 LPs to find one really good one, etc...) After I got past the arena metal stuff, I had records by Manowar, Grim Reaper, Tokyo Blade, Cirith Ungol, Hellhammer, & as many of those Metal Massacre compilations as I could find. That's how I 1st heard of outfits like Y&T & Bitch.

What can I say? Taste change. We all know how Michael Gira played punishing punk for years, now all he wants to play is country & folk. Kyuss never really struck me as metal, either. Josh Homme cut his teeth in Screaming Trees & that stuff comes off to me as the hard rock side of grunge. I gotta say I love it, though. I love Sky Valley so much that I looked up the license plate SKY VLLY in Ohio. It's currently not being used.
Posted: May 20, 2007 8:47 am
 
Dutchman,

Pancakes?
Anthrax singers?
Hawaiian Shirts
Posted: May 20, 2007 9:22 am
 
Dale--Pancakes are great in limited doses. When I was a kid my mom would heat up applesauce to put on em, which is a nice alternative to syrup. All three Anthrax singers have been good but Spreading The Disease is still their best album. Hawaiian shirts are for people who are hanging out in warm weather but who aren't in Hawaii because Hawaiians don't wear that shit. I can appreciate a good Hawaiian shirt, particularly on a fat guy because he's screaming 'LET'S PARTY!!!' without saying a word.

-Ryan
Posted: May 20, 2007 8:15 pm
 
Dutchman,

How do you feel about most people (even here in MKE) never getting hip to Optimator??
Posted: May 20, 2007 10:34 pm
 
Dutchman, what's your take on Angelic Upstarts? Homeopathy? Dogs that piss on the floor when they're excited to see you? Hobbits?
Posted: May 21, 2007 1:56 am
 
Dutchman, are you really Dutch? Do you wear clogs? Do you eat Old Dutch potato chips? Do you like windmills? Did you ever meet any hot chicks in Beaver Dam?
Posted: May 21, 2007 3:22 am
 
Adam--Funny, Midget Mart was selling Optimator recently but when I stopped there Friday they didn't have it so I asked the guy in the booth when they were gonna get more in but he didn't understand me but he asked me to write down what I wanted so hopefully they'll get more in soon. That's a level of service above and beyond what I would normally expect from a relatively ghetto-ass corner market and they should be supported. Essen Haus in Madison has Optimator on tap and that's where I first imbibed over a decade ago. Optimator combines two of my favorite things--Germany and malt liquor and despite what Old Milwaukee claims, it just doesn't get any better than that.

Todd--My take on Angelic Upstarts is that I woulda liked em better if they had a better singer but '2000 Voices' and 'We Gotta Get Outta This Place' are pretty alright 3rd wave UK punk albums with a handfull of standout tracks like 'Police Oppression', 'You're Nicked' and 'Last Night Another Soldier'. I'm not sure what homeopathy means--is that medicating yourself at home? No dog was ever so excited to see ME that they pissed on the floor so you'd have to answer that one yourself. I found that I was more than happy to fork over 8 bucks a pop to watch hobbits have crazy-ass adventures and battle evil and whatnot so I guess they're doing alright, plus with feet like that they must be using their cocks for belts.

Keith--My dad's dad's side of the family is 100% Dutch, straight from the Old Country. My last name translates as follows: 'Poort' is Dutch for 'gate' and '-enga' refers to people from the Dutch state of Friesland. At least this is what my uncle told me after his trip to Holland but I'm inclined to believe him. Somebody distant relative of mine traced our family back to like 1648 to a guy named Tjebke, apparently Dutch people only used one name til some king mandated that everybody get themselves a surname. I've never been to Holland but the Internet tells me that teen Dutch girls are cute and totally love to put out so, you know, you got THAT going for you, which is nice. I don't wear clogs. Nobody does. Ever. I'm not a big potato chip fan but if I'm buying chips it's probably not gonna be some 3rd-rate bullshit like Old Dutch. I like windmills, both in windmill-form and cookie-form. I never met any hot chicks in Beaver Dam because there really weren't much for hot chicks in Beaver Dam--I would describe BD chicks back in the day as 'doable' or 'not-doable'. I did meet a number of doable chicks while I lived in Beaver Dam and that number was maybe four or five. Of course, I lived there from 94-97 and all the chicks still looked like 1988 so it was a tough call to make.

-Ryan
Posted: May 21, 2007 4:04 am
 
I've supposedly got some Dutch in me somewhere, squished between the German and Polish mix. It depends on which relative I talk to as to what percentage...

I was going to get OPTIMATED last night, but instead chose to experiment and get a different German brew called Radeberger. Drinking the leftover bottle right now, I realize I made the wrong decision.

Strangely enough, the grandstands at the racetrack in Beaver Dam went up in flames today. Doh! http://www.myfoxmilwaukee.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail?contentId=326036 4&version=9&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1
Posted: May 21, 2007 8:30 pm
 
Dutchman, are you really Dutch? Do you wear clogs? Do you eat Old Dutch potato chips? Do you like windmills?

You missed the most obvious question. Dutchman, have you ever stuck your finger in a dyke...um...I mean dike...?
Posted: May 21, 2007 9:03 pm
 
John--Yes and No.

-Ryan
Posted: May 21, 2007 9:51 pm
 
One last question, Dutchman. Should I continue trying to convince Mullett that there is some new metal worth hearing, or is he a lost cause?
Posted: May 22, 2007 4:05 am
 
One last question, Dutchman. Should I continue trying to convince Mullett that there is some new metal worth hearing, or is he a lost cause?

I get this from my friends on the Stonerrock.com board quite a bit. Latest was being prodded for not going out to see Middian who sound a lot like Yob. Turned out, Middian blew a tire & screwed up a rim in Indiana & never made it to Columbus.

I have a buddy that makes me CD-Rs by Yob, Lair Of The Minotaur, Sons of Otis, & the like. I have CD-Rs around the house of High On Fire & Mastodon. What other bands do you think should be on my heavy rotation?
Posted: May 22, 2007 4:52 am
 
Hey Dutchman, can I hear the story about when you beat up Hunkel again? Please!
Posted: May 22, 2007 5:01 am | Edited by: dale
 
Dutchman,

To shadow the Veeth's question-Have you ever had to beat up an actual rocker?

Mullet-Seriously! Check out Razor Fist.
Posted: May 22, 2007 2:58 pm
 
I have a buddy that makes me CD-Rs by Yob, Lair Of The Minotaur, Sons of Otis, & the like. I have CD-Rs around the house of High On Fire & Mastodon. What other bands do you think should be on my heavy rotation?

I don't know. I mean, those are definitely gateway bands. If you like the stoner rock, those would be the ones most likely to pull you into the metal realm. So, if you don't really get into those, I doubt you'd like my suggestions of stuff like Nasum, Agoraphobic Nosebleed or Abruptum.

Latest was being prodded for not going out to see Middian who sound a lot like Yob.

Yeah, there's a former member of Yob in there. They're playing here in Memphis tonight (unless they blow a tire). I do believe I'll check them out.
Posted: May 22, 2007 3:13 pm
 
They're playing here in Memphis tonight

Que?
Posted: May 22, 2007 3:21 pm
 
Si.

At the Black Lodge Microdome with Red Fang and Unstoppable Juggernaut (the guys that used to be in Issen).
Posted: May 22, 2007 3:45 pm
 
Black Lodge Microdome

Sorry, that's Microdrome

http://www.myspace.com/blacklodgemicrodrome
Posted: May 22, 2007 3:46 pm
 
Microdrome

So that's what they're calling it now...
Posted: May 22, 2007 3:49 pm
 
that should be rad. can three bands' equipment fit in that room?

that picture of the guy in the chair with his hair blowing straight back comes to mind.

whoah.
Posted: May 22, 2007 3:55 pm
 
that should be rad. can three bands' equipment fit in that room?

They've cleared it out a lot and rearranged some stuff, so probably. Yeah, should be LOUD.
Posted: May 22, 2007 7:45 pm
 
There's current metal worth hearing but not many bands with unique sounds and memorable songs--more like a bunch of genre slaves who are surely competent but that's about all. This is a problem among virtually every sub-genre of underground punk and metal music these days. If you like a certain style enough I suppose you could find a half dozen good representations of it easily enough but then what?

John--you know as well as I do that very, very few people are ever gonna connect with extreme music like Nasum, A.N. or Abruptum--the first two are good for 40 identical songs on each album but at least Abruptum are doing something unique, it's almost like a black metal version of Whitehouse, very disturbing but compelling pieces of music.

I'm not typing out the Hunkel story here and the last time I beat up an actual rocker was New Years Eve when I had to take down The Lone Mosher in an act of the purest and most-righteous dancefloor justice allowable under the Patriot Act.

Red Fang and Unstoppable Juggernaut are AMAZING band names--I would actually show up early to check them out just based on their names.

My fave metal/stoner rock of the last ten years:
HIGH ON FIRE--Surrounded By Thieves/Blessed Black Wings
MASTODON--everything
ENTOMBED--Morning Star/Inferno
IN FLAMES--Clayman
CATHEDRAL--Endtyme
DOWN--II
ORANGE GOBLIN--The Big Black/Time Travelling Blues
CELTIC FROST--Monotheist
FACE DOWN IN SHIT--self-titled/Nothing Positive Only Negative
THE HIDDEN HAND--everything
BONGZILLA--Gateway
BORIS--Heavy Rocks/Amplifier Worship
WARHORSE--As Heaven Turns To Ash

-Ryan
Posted: May 22, 2007 8:29 pm
 
Dutchman,

What are the chances of trading in my adult size small Bear Proof Suit shirt in for a youth size large Bear Proof Suit shirt? It seems I've overestimated and I'd love to ride the orange whale in a better fitting T. I've rolled it back into its' original tube shape and have reapplied masking tape for your convenience. Let me know and thank you.

-Steph
Posted: May 22, 2007 8:43 pm
 
Dutchman, do you still subscribe to the theory that metal is defined by having "a lot of notes?" What else makes something metal? Also, describe some of your most memorable false metal moments.
Posted: May 22, 2007 9:00 pm
 
This is a problem among virtually every sub-genre of underground punk and metal music these days.

I'd say it's a problem in all music these days, not just underground punk and metal, but it is our DUTY to search out the best and most interesting examples of each genre and well...listen to them, and try to get others to listen, as well.

you know as well as I do that very, very few people are ever gonna connect with extreme music like Nasum, A.N. or Abruptum

Yeah, but I was searching for something that might spark an interest, have a different sound, something that pushes the envelope a little. Seems like that might appeal to Mr. Mullett.

the first two are good for 40 identical songs on each album

Jeez, Dutchman, you sound like my dad. "All that stuff sounds the same." Just not true. AN has the cool aspect of the inablity to program repeating patterns on the drum machine, so by this limitation, they've crafted something somewhat unique, I think, by having songs with well, no repeating patterns. Even if they are only 30 seconds to a minute and a half long. And Nasum, well they just kick some fucking grind ass. Fuck a damn tsunami!

Red Fang are from Portland. Unstoppable Juggernaut are from here in Memphis and these guys have been in about 4 bands that have all pretty much kicked ass. Maybe they'll do something this go 'round.

Your list is pretty potent, although there are a couple of missteps. I'll let you have your Down and Bongzilla, if I can have my Agoraphobic Nosebleed and Nasum. And that Warhorse record is just one of the best god damn records I've ever heard. Pity it seems like the last one they'll put out.
Posted: May 23, 2007 12:24 am
 
Steph--No problem. I was gonna make a comment about achieving Maximum Boob Accentuation but that would be in poor taste.

Todd--Hmm...a lot of metal has a lot of notes but that really doesn't always apply. So here's what DOES apply: METAL MUST BE HEAVY. I've never personally had a false metal moment but the most memorable ones would be Metallica's 'Load' album and the band photos within signifying the utter destruction of a once-great band and also about ten years ago when I first noticed teenagers wearing old metal shirts ironically. "Hey, I've got that Testament shirt, too! I saw em in '89." "I got this shirt from my older brother, I've never heard them." "Guh." The ultimate low would have been some horrible emo band who's drummer was wearing a Slayer shirt for some reason. After they were done he walked past me and I saw it was actually a WEEZER shirt using the Slayer logo. Justifiable homicide? This reporter thinks so.

John--I like some grind just fine, I was just saying most people are never gonna get that far. I just don't know why grind bands put out albums--gimme your absolute best ten minutes on a 7" and that'll work--No Comment's 'Downsided' ep is my favorite 7" of all time because it feels like an album compressed into about 8 minutes and the songs are very distinctive. I tried to find the guy who mastered the Warhorse album, he's actually some techno dude or something. The sound of that album is incredible--like your head is inside each individual drum and cabinet.
Posted: May 23, 2007 4:41 am
 
If you like the stoner rock,

Not really. I really like Kyuss & I like the 1st couple of Queens of the Stone Age albums & I think everything else sucks hind tit to that. Orange Goblin was pretty good live but I really don't spin their records. Ben from Orange Goblin is quite a guy. I think he has some well-paying cake job like one of David Gilmour's personal assistants. There's a bunch of kids on the Stonerrock.com website that adore a type of metal they call "sludge" & I think the Butthole Surfers' record Locust Abortion Technician closed the book on that 20 years ago.

They aren't metal, but the one band that I like that fit into the stoner rock mode was Rival Schools. That 1st CD is great.

I know a guy in Lamb of God, too. They are really nice. The guy got us back stage when they played the Nationwide Arena in Columbus on the Gigantour with Megadeth. I've been backstage at a lot of clubs, but never at an arena show like that. My girlfriend went to the can at one point & couldn't believe it because she was absolutely the only woman in there.
Posted: May 23, 2007 3:23 pm
 
I just don't know why grind bands put out albums

Dutchman - I guess 'cause I keep buying them. I will admit, though, that I generally listen in chunks unless I'm driving. And those were just some extremes I was hoping might bring out Mullett's sense of adventure.

"sludge" & I think the Butthole Surfers' record Locust Abortion Technician closed the book on that 20 years ago.

Mullett- Hm, I'm not really down with the kids. What are they calling sludge? And as for closing books, that's pretty silly. Sorry, nobody can write or like any more space rock, Hawkwind closed that book with Space Ritual (live). Nobody needs to do any more crazed garage mayhem, Black Monk Time took care of that. I know, I'm picking some of the most obvious examples, but in music/art, nobody ever closes the book on anything. There's always a new take, a new perspective, a new twist somebody can put on an old form to make it worth hearing. Or they can just ape the old shit and make a boring rehash. It just depends on the players, I think.

Anyway, my initial impression was that you really hadn't tried the current crop of metal, but it sounds like you've gotten a pretty decent dose and have determined it ain't your bag. That's cool, I just have a hard time relating 'cause I'll be listening to The Kinks - Arthur one minute then some To Live and Shave in LA the next and then maybe I'll throw on that Warhorse record I like so much, then, if I'm feeling really froggy, I might jump on over to some of my old prog rock records and on and on. Drives the wife nuts, because when I switch up, she'll say, "That last one was fine, but can you put on your headphones for this one."

Latest was being prodded for not going out to see Middian who sound a lot like Yob.

Saw 'em last night. Despite a few equipment issues, they ate my fucking lunch. A few of the TSOT guys showed up, but I think Red Fang ran them off. Oh and of interest to the old-school hard core fans, they did a rousing cover of My War.
Posted: May 23, 2007 5:19 pm
 
Saw 'em last night.

I was gonna go, but I fell asleep. Sorry I missed you, John.
Posted: May 23, 2007 5:48 pm
 
I was gonna go, but I fell asleep. Sorry I missed you, John.

You woulda liked Middian. Wish you coulda made it.

Hey man, your sonsabitches e-mail still the same/working?
Posted: May 23, 2007 5:52 pm
 
it's the same; working, well, yes no maybe. try it. it's been weird lately.
Posted: May 23, 2007 6:54 pm
 
Dutchman,
When it comes to cool rock star hair what rock star has had the coolest?
Posted: May 23, 2007 7:00 pm | Edited by: bruce
 
sebastian bach? Sub Pop era soundgarden? Steven pope?
Posted: May 23, 2007 9:27 pm
 
Dale--Sib.

-Ryan
Posted: May 24, 2007 5:35 am
 
I'm not really down with the kids. What are they calling sludge?

Any of the following bands... Rwake, Graves At Sea, Moss, Laudanum, Lionen (from Finland), Corrupted, Damnweevil, Negative Reaction, Eyehategod, Consular, Fleshpress, Brainoil, Lord By Fire, Weedeater, & Rue.

I just don't know why grind bands put out albums

Dutchman - I guess 'cause I keep buying them. I will admit, though, that I generally listen in chunks unless I'm driving. And those were just some extremes I was hoping might bring out Mullett's sense of adventure.


I was into it back in the late 80s/early 90s. When Big Black wasn't enough for me anymore, I started listening to Napalm Death, Godflesh, Boltthrower, Pitchshifter, & whomever else was on the latest Grind comps that I had. The only ones I have left are the Pathological comp (whatever happened to Stretchheads?) & the Grind Crusher comp with the world's shortest 7".
Posted: May 24, 2007 3:16 pm
 
Any of the following bands

Gotcha. I've listened to most of those bands, but didn't realize it had a name. I like a few of them. Corrupted...I love that stuff and they crack me up. A Japanese band that sings all their songs in Spanish. What a pack of cards. And none of those bands sound anything like BHS LoAbTech to me.

Pathological comp
Grind Crusher comp

Those are some great comps. The Pathological comp has my favorite Coil song ever...except for maybe that Windowpane 12". Hard choice. Oh and yeah You Suffer from the GC comp, love it love it.

whatever happened to Stretchheads?)

Eh, broke up in the early 90's, I think.

For a guy who doesn't like metal any more, you sure keep up with it pretty well. I think, deep inside, you want to like metal, but think it's kid stuff. Let's move on, though, tell me about your realtionship with your mother...
Posted: May 25, 2007 5:10 am
 
Let's move on, though, tell me about your realtionship with your mother...

Sweetheart of a woman who taught me most of what I know about unconditional love, but she's starting to lose her mind. Love her though. She's a keeper.

For a guy who doesn't like metal any more, you sure keep up with it pretty well

Stonerrock.com board. I love this board for the music, info, & some of the hyper-outstanding people. The Stonerrock.com board is a more elaborate & the people are buck nutty. They are way more scathing than this board & include a Hollywood TV writer, a natural gas trader who gets monster expense accounts & loves Lionen, & guys who make 600 mile trips & take nothing but underwear, socks, & Robitussin. It has its Dirk Digglers, too.

I think, deep inside, you want to like metal, but think it's kid stuff.

I do think it's kid's stuff. Dana Hatch was big on the notion that once you turned 15, you'd pretty much outgrew any need for David Bowie. Bowie's a little better than that, but that mostly holds true for Kiss & heavy metal in general.

I do have the blessing & curse of being weened on NWoBHM. Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Motorhead... It's tough to beat that for me regarding metal. Motorhead's probably not even metal; just violently hard rock. When I first put up Gris Gris, Lars put in a High on Fire CD that he had, went into the front room of my old apartment & turned all the speakers so that they were pointed at his head. I thought it was a good record.

Don't worry about me not getting enough exposure to metal. Legendary Columbus nutcase Craig Regala brings me CD-Rs of the all the Stonerrock darlings & one of my oldest friends from high school will talk about Lair of the Minotaur with me at the drop of a hat.

none of those bands sound anything like BHS LoAbTech to me

Why? LoAbTech not metal enough or not lumbering enough. Sure, I am not the definer of genres, but when someone says the word "sludge" to me, the song that immediately pops into my mind is "22 Going on 23." If that type of rock isn't wading through miles of muck & shit, I don't know what is.

And as for closing books, that's pretty silly. Sorry, nobody can write or like any more space rock, Hawkwind closed that book with Space Ritual (live). Nobody needs to do any more crazed garage mayhem, Black Monk Time took care of that. I know, I'm picking some of the most obvious examples, but in music/art, nobody ever closes the book on anything. There's always a new take, a new perspective, a new twist somebody can put on an old form to make it worth hearing. Or they can just ape the old shit and make a boring rehash. It just depends on the players, I think.

Yeah, you're right.
Posted: May 29, 2007 5:27 pm
 
I do think it's kid's stuff. Dana Hatch was big on the notion that once you turned 15, you'd pretty much outgrew any need for David Bowie. Bowie's a little better than that, but that mostly holds true for Kiss & heavy metal in general.

First, Kiss never was and never will be heavy metal. Maybe, on some of the songs Gene sang, they came close, but no heavy metal cigar. I had a teacher in high school that said all rock and roll is kid stuff, and the kids with sense would outgrow it eventually. At this point, all of us that are over 30 should be sitting around sipping cognac and listening to Rachmaninoff, I suppose. Or maybe we just don't have any sense.

I do have the blessing & curse of being weened on NWoBHM. Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Motorhead... It's tough to beat that for me regarding metal. Motorhead's probably not even metal; just violently hard rock.

Well, I agree that Motorhead isn't exactly metal, but they're a hell of a lot closer than Kiss. Man, Kiss? I can't believe you even brought them into this discussion. Yeah, JP, IM and Motorhead are tought to beat, but if someone takes what they've done and builds on it and pushes it further, or does something "metal" that's completely outside of those influences, I'm not sure it should just be dismissed with an "I don't care" or "that's kid stuff". Older people were saying the same stuff about rock and roll from the get-go. I'd say, that when they were new, those 60's garage rock tunes you're enjoying so much were dismissed by some guy about your age who said, "Bah, kid's stuff."

"sludge"

Oh, I'm not saying that 22 going on 23 doesn't sound like something that could be called "sludge". I'm just saying that Eyehategod and Corrupted sound nothing like it. The guitars sound different, the drum rhythms are different, and when there are vocals on LoAbTech, those certainly sound different...it just sounds different. I think, though, the drugs are mostly the same. Lots of downs and heroin, but probably lots more psychedelics for the Buttholes.

Oh, and Mullet, just so you know, I'm not really trying to convince you at this point. Just having fun arguing instead of working.
Posted: May 30, 2007 4:17 am
 
Kiss never was and never will be heavy metal

Didn't mean to imply that they were. Just stuff for underdeveloped minds is all.

Mullet, just so you know, I'm not really trying to convince you at this point. Just having fun arguing instead of working

No sweat. Frankly, I am enjoying this chat as well. I modestly can't believe it's been awarded a non-plummeting high spot on this board.

Look, it's probably going to work, anyways. I've got in contact with a NYC buddy who has everything by Corrupted & he'll send me a stack of CD-
Rs. One big problem with metal for me is that it's so far removed from it's Blues roots, I've lost touch with a lot of it.

I'm not saying that 22 going on 23 doesn't sound like something that could be called "sludge". I'm just saying that Eyehategod and Corrupted sound nothing like it.

Eyehategod definately doesn't sound like LoAbTech. What can I say? I've held a grudge against the Stonerrock.com board for what I believe is inappropriate use of the phrase "stoner rock". I guess I feel the same is true with "Sludge."

Older people were saying the same stuff about rock and roll from the get-go. I'd say, that when they were new, those 60's garage rock tunes you're enjoying so much were dismissed by some guy about your age who said, "Bah, kid's stuff."

I'm very well aware of that. Frank Sinatra said that rock 'n' roll was a fad. He still may very well be right.
Posted: May 30, 2007 9:38 am
 
Also, the Stonerrock.com site has introduced me to thousands of people who think Brain Johnson-era AC/DC is great. I had never met a person in my life who'd stand up & say "Yeah, I think Flick Of The Switch is a fantastic album." For me, it was startling.
Posted: May 31, 2007 3:02 pm | Edited by: John3of4
 
I modestly can't believe it's been awarded a non-plummeting high spot on this board.

Somebody in the administration forgot to "unsticky" it when it went from "Ask the Dutchman" to "John and Mullet discuss the merits of metal all-star panel".

Look, it's probably going to work, anyways. I've got in contact with a NYC buddy who has everything by Corrupted & he'll send me a stack of CD- Rs.

You are jumping right into the fire with Corrupted. I like that attitude!

I've held a grudge against the Stonerrock.com board for what I believe is inappropriate use of the phrase "stoner rock". I guess I feel the same is true with "Sludge."

Eh, they're just labels. I just figure it's easy short-hand and don't worry about it. Generally, when someone says "stoner rock", I pretty much know what they mean, just like when someone calls something "doom metal", I get a pretty good idea. Really, a band like Corrupted sounds a lot like doom metal to me, so I had just been calling them that. Eyehategod, I just call them junky metal. Now I know that they are "sludge" (according to the kids), but I'm sure I will forget to call them that.

introduced me to thousands of people who think Brain Johnson-era AC/DC is great.

Well, they sold a lot of records. I guess somebody had to have liked them. I say, hit 'em with a brick.

Just stuff for underdeveloped minds is all.

If you're saying this is true of metal as well as Kiss, I think you're just picking at me, which is ok. I think, with good metal, it's less for underdeveloped minds than it is for that primitive part of your brain. Primitive, I think is a good word. It delves into primitive emotions: Anger, hatred, fear, lust etc. No matter how complex the music gets, I think it continues to push those buttons, and I think we all need those buttons pushed sometimes. Even if someone has a highly developed mind and spends all day immersed in Dostoevsky and the fugues of Bach, that primitive part of the brain is still there...lurking.
Posted: Jun 1, 2007 4:32 am
 
I think you're just picking at me,

No, c'mon, now... Look, it's just what happened to me. I listened to metal in high school, got into punk in college, & after that, I sorta figured that metal is what everyone should have listened to as a kid, then grew out of.

Believe me, I let the kids on the Stonerrock.com board know what I think & they tore me a new ass.

There's a question... Why aren't you on the Stonerrock.com board John3of4? It seems like more of your music.

You are jumping right into the fire with Corrupted. I like that attitude!

As you said yourself... A japanese band singing in Spanish. That's nuts. Yeah, spin it!
Posted: Jun 1, 2007 2:40 pm
 
Wait, wasn't this a thread to ASK THE DUTCHMAN?

All I'm seeing now is stonerrock.com everywhere?

Where is the Dutchman?
Posted: Jun 1, 2007 4:58 pm
 
No, c'mon, now... Look, it's just what happened to me. I listened to metal in high school, got into punk in college, & after that, I sorta figured that metal is what everyone should have listened to as a kid, then grew out of.

Now you know you were wrong (now I'm just picking). It just gets my dander up when people want to ignore something just because they think they should have left it behind. I mean, for most of high school, I had left metal behind and was listening to all sorts of 60's and 70's rock. Then someone played Ride the Lightning and Reign in Blood for me. I thought, hey there's something to this metal thing.

Believe me, I let the kids on the Stonerrock.com board know what I think & they tore me a new ass.

I hope I've been more reasonable than that.

There's a question... Why aren't you on the Stonerrock.com board John3of4? It seems like more of your music.

I try to avoid message boards, really. I have a pretty severe case of social-anxiety disorder and the "proffessionals" have advised me that communicating via computers and message boards only makes it worse. I'm just glad I found someone to marry me, or I'd probably be a complete hermit. The reason I ended up here is just that I've known Eric and Zac for ages, was around when Eric was an Oblivian and Zac was a Jack Monkey. I was tending bar where they played most of their shows, and now I'm just trying to keep up with things. I can keep up with metal easily through my buddies and reviews and whatnot. Plus I come here to promote shows from my (yes un-metal) band.
http://www.myspace.com/newintruders

Also, I talk about metal quite a bit, but like I said earlier, I listen to all kinds of music. I saw Tom Waits when he played here, I've loved the Residents for years, I like Dead Moon, I just drove to Nashville to see To Live and Shave in LA, I'm all over the place.

Wait, wasn't this a thread to ASK THE DUTCHMAN?

All I'm seeing now is stonerrock.com everywhere?

Where is the Dutchman?


Like I said, the name of this thread should be changed to "John and Mullet discuss the merits of metal all-star panel" Or the John and Mullet Show for short. But any time the Dutchman wants to jump in, he's more than welcome.
Posted: Jun 2, 2007 2:49 am
 
Dutchman,

Have you heard the rumor that Whitfield Crane of Ugly Kid Joe is gonna be the new singer for Anthrax? What the hell?
Posted: Jun 2, 2007 3:03 am
 
dutchman,

t-bag for you!!!
Posted: Jun 2, 2007 3:33 am
 
Dale--NO. NONONONONO. What the fuck. Jesus. Bring back Neil Turbin for fuck's sake.

TBag--Thanks, homie.

-Ryan
Posted: Jun 3, 2007 5:04 am
 
Dutchman,

From what I read there's been rumors floating around that he was in the band for the past month or so and they were playing some show with him on vox this weekend BUT according to Billy Milano John Bush is gonna join back. I thought "what the fuck" too.

Have you seen "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey" yet?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4711350863806958735&hl=en
Posted: Jun 3, 2007 6:04 am
 
Dutchman,

I forgot to mention something about that metal movie. 37 minutes there an interview with Mayhem. It alone make the movie worth watching. The dude talks to Tony Iommi, Bruce Dickinson, Lemmy (natch...he shows up in everything), Geddy Lee and so on.

What do you think about Lemmy showing up everywhere?
Posted: Jun 3, 2007 7:15 am
 
Dale--I have heard of that movie but have not seen it. My take is that Lemmy shouldn't be in any metal movie since he's steadfastly denied for 30 years that Motorhead is metal. Iommi and Dickinson are classy motherfuckers and I'd listen to them spin yarns like eating pudding on a spoon. Geddy Lee needs to fuck the fuck off unless we're suddenly in 1973.

-Ryan
Posted: Jun 3, 2007 3:23 pm
 
I just saw Lemmy play a "rockabilly" set with members of the Stray Cats and it was pretty good - what's yer take on that? Lemmy wandered around amongst the flamedice/Bettypage crowd for a few days and took a funny picture with Timebomb at a slot machine.
Posted: Jun 3, 2007 6:33 pm
 
Todd--I would've liked to have seen that.

-Ryan
Posted: Jun 4, 2007 7:49 am
 
Dutchman,

Girlschool. Yeah or Neh?
Posted: Jun 4, 2007 4:28 pm
 
Dale--First two albums, 'Demolition' and 'Hit And Run' are pretty good, after that don't bother.

-Ryan
Posted: Jun 6, 2007 4:36 am
 
Dutchie,

Does my cock taste better than Jay Retards?
Posted: Jun 6, 2007 7:59 am
 
Scott--No, because his still tastes like Alicja's pussy.

-Ryan
Posted: Jun 6, 2007 5:32 pm
 
Dutchman,

The latest rumor is that the dink from Slipknot is gonna be the next singer for Anthrax.

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Artic le&newsitemID=74063

When all is said and done do you think anybody is really gonna care at all who they go with?
Posted: Jun 7, 2007 11:30 am
 
Pepto-Bismol or Kaopectate?
Posted: Jun 7, 2007 12:15 pm
 
Pepto is way more crucial. It's got those commercials where they sing "Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion, Upset Stomach, Diarrhea!" and when the chick says "diarrhea" she totally cops a feel on her own butt--wait, I think this is in the wrong thread
Posted: Jun 8, 2007 6:25 am
 
when the chick says "diarrhea" she totally cops a feel on her own butt--wait, I think this is in the wrong thread



Not hardly. That works well in any thread, my man!
Posted: Jun 10, 2007 8:14 pm
 
I've never had Kaopectate, but it sounds like a good name for a grindcore band. Have you ever had Diet Mountain Dew? It tastes like carbonated Pepto.

-Ryan
Posted: Jun 11, 2007 4:02 am
 
I've never had Kaopectate, but it sounds like a good name for a grindcore band.

I don't remember the band off the top of my head, but one of the bands on that Grindcrusher comp had a song called "Colostomy Grab Bag."
Posted: Jun 15, 2007 12:11 am
 
dutchman,
what do you think of these band names: 1) winno))) 2) intense homosexual war
Posted: Jun 15, 2007 11:00 pm
 
I think I'm never gonna pay to hear either of those bands.

-Ryan
Posted: Jun 16, 2007 4:28 pm
 
Hey Ryan, do you like the Toy Story movies?? What's yr favorite pizza in the city? Do you have any regrets about wearing fresh white customized shoes to a sloppy-ass bar show? How do you feel about the dude who does those introductions for Plexi 3???
Posted: Jun 16, 2007 5:49 pm
 
Adam--I liked the first Toy Story movie when it came out, never saw any of the other ones. Remember when Tim Allen was a big deal? I haven't had pizza from anywhere in MKE besides Shuttle and this place out in Waukesha that the office people at my job order from called Jimmy's Grotto which has really good thin crust. I was just telling someone last night that when I drive around the south side and see all the local mom & pop pizza joints it kinda makes me think there should be some sort of pizza club where every week we go out and try a different place. I heard about some south side place that apparently does deep-fried pizza. You gotta live life, Adam, so I have no regrets about my Bear Proof Shoes getting a beer christening from Steph dropping her entire pint. The dude who does those introductions for Plexi 3 needs to get better writers.

-Ryan
Posted: Jun 21, 2007 10:55 pm
 
Posted: Jun 23, 2007 1:48 am
 
Joan Jett or Suzi Quattro?

Is Glam Truly Crucial?

David Bowie? Crucial?
Posted: Jun 23, 2007 7:20 am
 
Joan Jett or Suzi Quattro?


chrissie hynde

Is Glam Truly Crucial?


t rex

David Bowie? Crucial?



first 4
Posted: Jun 26, 2007 6:14 pm
 
Ryan,

What is your take on Adult Time?

-Megan
Posted: Jun 27, 2007 9:47 pm
 
Megan--I've never been to Adult Time because central Illinois is so flat that when you're trying to look at porn there are no hills to hide behind. I only patronize side-of-the-road porn shops when I'm trekking a major mountain range like, say, The Andes. Did you know the Incas knit their own colorful wool condoms down there? They don't work for shit but they look GREAT.

-Ryan
Posted: Jun 28, 2007 7:52 am
 
God, this thread is 7 weeks old & it's still a pretty good read.
Posted: Jun 30, 2007 7:05 am
 
Never liked Manowar


you, sir, are no damn metalhead
Posted: Jun 30, 2007 7:21 am
 
Dutchman, I've owned Riot's Fire Down Under a handful of times now (some how it keeps returning to my house without me actually buying it) and have yet to acquire a taste for it

and yet I like TKO and the Rods and Lizzy Borden just fine

what the hell is up with that?
Posted: Jul 1, 2007 8:45 am
 
Mark--Sometimes there are just bands that by all rights you SHOULD be into but they just don't click. I don't think Riot really sound like the bands you listed and in fact I much prefer their sound but there you go.

-Ryan
Posted: Jul 3, 2007 8:04 am
 
Dutchman-

Last time I went to a huge metal show was Gigantour which featured the likes of Arch Rivals, Opeth, & Lamb Of God opening for Megadeth. My girlfriend went to the can at one point & couldn't believe it because there was absolutely no one in the women's WC besides her.

Why don't the ladies dig metal? Could this be one of the reasons I've turned against it?
Posted: Jul 3, 2007 8:10 am | Edited by: Jack Stands
 
Why don't the ladies dig metal?

I don't know about now. It could all be Toby Keith and milk and a cow.
But back in the day, cosmetology girls were the first in line for metal, pot, and handjobs.
Posted: Jul 3, 2007 11:18 pm
 
That's cuz 20 years ago metal for women equalled dressing up crazy and doing their hair up crazier--pretty much the same for the guys, come to think of it. Now metal is just black hair and black t-shirts i.e. boring.

-Ryan
Posted: Jul 6, 2007 10:32 am
 
metal for women equalled dressing up crazy and doing their hair up crazier--pretty much the same for the guys, come to think of it.

That shit is fukkin' funny! I will say that there are more women who dig metal than dig stonerrock. The only thing worse than a bunch of guys standing around staring at each other in a bar is a bunch of guys standing around staring at each other at an afterhours party. Such gatherings are known as "Sausage Parties" in Ohio. When I spent a summer in Seattle, I was told they were called "Sword Fights" there.
Posted: Jul 9, 2007 9:24 pm
 
Why don't the ladies dig metal?

What??? You have obviously been hanging out with the wrong ladies my friend!!
Posted: Jul 11, 2007 5:45 pm
 
But back in the day, cosmetology girls were the first in line for metal, pot, and handjobs.
now they line up for the fashioncore bands
Posted: Jul 13, 2007 9:00 am
 
What??? You have obviously been hanging out with the wrong ladies my friend!!

Outside of my girl, the women at the Gigantour could have been counted on one hand.

Let me ask you this... Have you ever been to an arena show & been the only woman in the can?
Posted: Jul 13, 2007 2:55 pm
 
Outside of my girl, the women at the Gigantour could have been counted on one hand.

Maybe gals just have better taste in metal. Opeth and Lamb of God are mediocre and the rest of those bands suck balls. I mean, Megadeth? They last put out a good record at least 17 years ago. At least. And I'm guessing you meant Arch Enemy. They are just fucking awful.

Most of the metal shows I see around here definitely tip the scales to the males, but it's usually about 70/30 or sometimes 60/40 if the band has some hipness level outside of the metal community.
Posted: Jul 19, 2007 6:33 am
 
Dutchman,

Favorite Venom album?
Celtic Frost's cover of Mexican Radio?
Blind spots?
Sandwiches at gas stations?
The Midnight Trucking Network sydicated radio program?
Posted: Jul 19, 2007 12:22 pm
 
Dale--thanks for asking

1. Black Metal
2. Haven't heard it in years but remember thinking it was alright, not horrible, not transcendent.
3. Blind spots are only blind spots WHEN YOU DON'T LOOK--cmon people!
4. Major label gas station sandwiches are pretty gross but when a gas station gets a local deli or something to make sandwiches for their cooler they can be pretty good--I recommend the Italian beef with swiss on garlic/parmesan french bread at the T/A on exit 4 at the Wisconsin/Minnesota state line.
5. I'm not familiar with this program, is it all old country stuff? I'm never driving at midnight, unfortunately (or fortunately).

-Ryan
Posted: Jul 21, 2007 8:10 pm
 
A old friend came to Columbus last night & I went with him to see Withered & Skeletonwitch. It was fucking awful. I had to step out of the club a few times just to get away from the music. I find that stuff as unlistenable as even the most painful Japanese noise.
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 2:57 am
 
Dutchman...why is it, do you think, that the dutch are the tallest people (on average) on the planet?

do wooden shoes have that big of heels?
Posted: Jul 24, 2007 7:08 pm
 
Mark--Sex, drugs and windpower, dude. And if you wanna learn about the formation of the Dutch state, check this shit out:
http://www.abcgallery.com/R/rembrandt/rembrandt53.html
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 2:28 pm
 
Dutchman...why is it, do you think, that the dutch are the tallest people (on average) on the planet?

do wooden shoes have that big of heels?


If I may: Dale once made a study about that weird lenght.
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 3:04 pm
 
Dutchman, I am sure this sounds ignorant, but what's the big deal about Nick Cave? I just never got into any of his projects. When I heard them I was like, "so?" Should I accept that I missed the boat on that one or is there a particular seminal album that will shed some light on this for me?
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 10:24 pm
 
Sarah--I like Birthday Party okay but other than that, who gives a shit? And that's more about the music the band was making than the fuckin frontman. If dude wasn't an Aussie with amazing hair nobody would give a fuck. I think his look is 80% of his career. Serious, brooding artistes can pretty much suck it. Except for Pink Reason but that's just because Kev's a fellow cheesehead hick and everybody knows it.

-Ryan
Posted: Jul 27, 2007 10:39 pm
 
Dutchman: UFOs- real or no?
Posted: Jul 28, 2007 2:44 am
 
If I may: Dale once made a study about that weird lenght.


What the fuck does that even mean? Calm down, Nanny.
Posted: Jul 28, 2007 3:08 am
 
Except for Pink Reason but that's just because Kev's a fellow cheesehead hick and everybody knows it.
That guy seems extremely unpalatable even if his band isn't.
Posted: Jul 28, 2007 9:48 am | Edited by: Blind Lemon Jelly
 
What the fuck does that even mean? Calm down, Nanny.

I calmed down.
Didn't you, back in the days of the Wisconsin Board, had a quote underneath all your posts for some time about the Dutch all of a sudden getting this enourmous bodylenght? And had a weird article about it?
If my memory serves me wrong - sorry.
Posted: Jul 28, 2007 3:57 pm
 
Hmmm. It might've been a take I asked RFA but I don't recall.

Dutchman,
Richard Adventure is single again. What does this mean to the ladies of Wisconson...and the state of Wisconsin in general?
Posted: Jul 28, 2007 7:27 pm
 
I'm not the Dutchman, but it likely means even more drunken ass-grabbing and beer spilling than usual around 1 AM. He's cruising up to GB tonight, so we'll see. Kevin seems pretty "palatable" to me, you can't believe everything you read on thuh inter net.
Posted: Jul 28, 2007 7:30 pm
 
Dutchman, what's your take on sloppy joes? Or do you call them Spanish Hamburgers? Either way, tasty treat or insult to meat?
Posted: Jul 29, 2007 12:54 am
 
Eric--UFOs are the real deal.
Sarah--Kevin's internet persona tends to get a bit out of hand--if you met him in person you wouldn't believe it was the same guy.
Dale--It's hard to say what a newly single Richard is gonna mean because nobody lives up by him anymore. Will a caged grizzly bear released back into the wild shrivel up and die or start bitchslapping salmon down at the river right away?
Todd--Sloppy joes are fantastic--I went to a house show in Bayview two weeks ago and they had a huge pot of SJ going with quality buns and a stack of muenster cheese slices. I wasn't even hungry but I also wasn't gonna pass up a feast like that. I seem to remember some people calling them Spanish hamburgers when I was a kid but that's the first time I've heard that term in a long long time.
Posted: Jul 30, 2007 4:45 am
 
Dutchman,

Do you think the Horndogs deserve to get their asses kicked?
Posted: Jul 30, 2007 8:29 am
 
Dale--I think The Horndogs fuckin RULE and deserve to tagteam on that big-haired blonde at the beginning of the clip. Anyone who lip-synchs to Fear at summer camp is alright by me.

-Ryan
Posted: Jul 30, 2007 12:30 pm
 
Dutchman, there are actually more people in the area from "the old Cafe days" than anywhere else, but since most of 'em never leave the house your point could be valid. We got sick stuffing ourselves at Taco Burrito Mexico and cut the drinking short the other night, so no evidence either way (though I was basing my comments on the Chicago trip weeks back).

What's your take on fishing? LSD? The French?
Posted: Jul 30, 2007 6:24 pm
 
Todd--Fishing always bored the shit outta me as a kid. I had a river right behind my house but couldn't be bothered with it. My boss goes deep-sea fishing off of Florida and caught a shark this winter which is now mounted on the wall over his desk--THAT is some fishing I could get with. I recommend checking out some Youtube fishing videos of dudes battling marlins and tarpons and sharks.

The LSD I took in California in the 90's was outstanding stuff and if there was anything around here as good as that I would probably trip every goddamned weekend.

I have only personally met two French people in my life and they were cool punk rock guys on vacation who gave me their own taped copies of a bunch of 80's French punk stuff. Seems like the French (the people AND the government) are gonna do what they wanna do and live how they wanna live and don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks about it...sounds kinda familiar, no, mon ami?

-Ryan
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 7:25 am
 
Fishing always bored the shit outta me as a kid. ... My boss goes deep-sea fishing off of Florida and caught a shark this winter which is now mounted on the wall over his desk--THAT is some fishing I could get with.

I heard that. My family fished in Lake Erie when we were young & although lake walleye & perch is great, sitting out there all day for 1 wasn't worth it.

Deep sea anything is awesome. I didn't fish, but I went out with a boat that did out of San Quintin, Mexico. We went about 70 miles out & it took about 4 hours one way to get there, but it was really, really cool. No one caught a shark, but there were a few that swam around the boat from time to time.

The LSD I took in California in the 90's was outstanding stuff and if there was anything around here as good as that I would probably trip every goddamned weekend.

That's poetry, really.
Posted: Aug 6, 2007 7:13 am
 
Dutchman,
-What the fuck is up with this? Do you think he secretly lurks the Goner board and thought "I ain't taking the heat or the shit?" What do you think it will take for Anthrax to get the hint that maybe it really is time to call it a day?
-Molly Hatchet vs. Blackfoot?
-The trucker speed limit being 10 miles per hour less than the one everyone else has to adhere to on Michigan expressways?
Posted: Aug 6, 2007 6:17 pm
 
Dale--I don't think Corey Taylor lurks the Goner board and I'm afraid it will take a plane crash in the Mississippi swamp to kill Anthrax at this point.
Blackfoot fuckin rule, Molly Hatchet blow, that one ain't even close. Skynyrd woulda rocked WAY harder if Ricky Medlocke had stayed in the band.
Nothing worse than the states with that fucked up truck speed limit--we're ON THE JOB and most of us aren't interested in dawdling down the road goddammit.
And Happy Birthday to me, today.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 7, 2007 8:53 am
 
Dutchman,

Do you believe that the only problem with cancer & violence is that sometimes they just happen to the wrong people?
Posted: Aug 7, 2007 1:35 pm
 
Do you believe that the only problem with cancer & violence is that sometimes they just happen to the wrong people?

I am just a dutchie, but:
Huh?
Posted: Aug 7, 2007 4:32 pm
 
Mullett--I can get behind that.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 8, 2007 6:45 pm
 
Interesting. You both must be either very bitter or, more likely, totally stupid and sick in the head.
Posted: Aug 8, 2007 8:51 pm
 
BLJ--If you actually live in Holland I'm sure everyone is friendly, polite, good-looking and high but, as I'm sure you've seen on tv, Americans are horrible people. Therefore, I shall continue to inflict violence and cancer on those who oppose me, starting with the asshole who called my boss today and complained that I was tailgating them on the highway--motherfucker, if I'm REALLY tailgating you YOU'LL KNOW IT. VIOLENCE! CANCER! Ahhh...I'm sated. God Bless America.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 9, 2007 10:37 am
 
You are just An Original Cosmopolitan Dumbass finally getting some attention.
And one can see you needed some real bad.
Posted: Aug 9, 2007 11:45 am
 
The Original Cosmopolitan Dumbass...I think I'll copyright that and print up some business cards. Thanks!

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 9, 2007 4:10 pm | Edited by: Stephanie
 
Dutchman, "goner" dreams? I had two last night! Weird?
Posted: Aug 9, 2007 10:53 pm
 
Dutchman-

I went to Ozzfest last night, then hung out with Alex Feeler afterwards 'cause it was his birthday. A friend of mine is in one of the bigger bands & got us backstage. We sat in an air-conditioned bus & drank band beer. Is it morally OK to take advantages of such friendships & perks when I really don't care about any of the bands?

Good story about Lordi, though... Their bus driver snapped & drove the bus to the airport, took the keys & busted some wire so they couldn't start the bus. He took off after that. Don't know where he went, but he wasn't driving the bus anymore.

Interesting. You both must be either very bitter or, more likely, totally stupid and sick in the head.

You are uptight & boring & clearly not bright enough to grasp something said tongue in cheek.

You are just An Original Cosmopolitan Dumbass finally getting some attention.
And one can see you needed some real bad.


Please note that the Dutchman neither started this thread or left it at the top of the board, but he did give it legs. You're the one that needs attention. Why else would you stick yourself in a pretty fun-loving thread & start slinging shit?
Posted: Aug 11, 2007 4:45 am
 
Steph--Do you mean you dreamed about people you know from the Goner board? My many years of research into sleep phenomena lead me to the following conclusion: that's not weird.

Mullett--Here's the rule: If it's free it's for me and I'll take three. If shitty bands are inflicting their horrific art upon you, I'd say the very LEAST they could do is ease your mental suffering with copious amounts of fine imported beer and a swank deli tray, no? And thanks for having my back in my burgeoning cyber-war with the humorless Hollander and for reminding us all that freedom isn't free.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 11, 2007 5:49 am
 
And Happy Birthday to me, today.

Holy shit. Happy birthday, man.

Mace vs. flail?
Posted: Aug 11, 2007 1:03 pm
 
If it's free it's for me and I'll take three. If shitty bands are inflicting their horrific art upon you, I'd say the very LEAST they could do is ease your mental suffering with copious amounts of fine imported beer and a swank deli tray

Lite Beer from Miller & no deli tray. They had some friend that had a bar-b-q grill runnin' which looked good, but we weren't waiting around for him to finish. Even the buses for the bands on the 2nd stage had bottles of Maker's Mark & Patron on them. My friend is in Lamb of God. They had a swirling 50 foot mosh pit on the lawn & the other kids on the lawn threw plastic bottles up in the air constantly to the point that it had to be seen to be believed. Maybe someone's YouTubed it.

And thanks for having my back in my burgeoning cyber-war with the humorless Hollander and for reminding us all that freedom isn't free.

No sweat. This thread has been great from the metal chat to the Dear Abbey shit. Besides, I got torn a new ass one time for dropping myself in the middle of a Zakk Wylde thread on the Stonerrock.com board & insulting everyone in it. Pretty funny though.
Posted: Aug 11, 2007 7:03 pm
 
Why else would you stick yourself in a pretty fun-loving thread & start slinging shit?

Because I love Gonerboard-violence, you silly fistfuck.
(And I love to bore the crap out of Bazooka Joe, when he is not jerking off to his faked Ned vs BJ-files.)

O, and the guy who started this topic has Korsakov, so don't blame him.
Posted: Aug 11, 2007 7:35 pm
 
Jack--I gotta go mace, by the slimmest of margins, only because of the control issue. I think learning to use a flail to it's maximum potential would take some practice and by then on the battlefield it might be too late. And thanks for the b-day recognition.

Nanne--I don't mean you.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 12, 2007 10:02 am
 
Because I love Gonerboard-violence, you silly fistfuck.

I'll remember that the next time another chick from Holland travels to Columbus to be with a local musician. If you want some Gonerboard violence, hold up a picture by Theresa K & spin the latest by Harlan T Bobo during self-immolation.

I totally agree with BLJ on this thing.
You are two very sad fucks.


Great... Another rocket scientist who doesn't understand tongue in cheek.
Posted: Aug 12, 2007 10:17 am
 
I proclaim this the Stanley Cup finals of international gonerboard BS doubletalk.

give each other twenty dollars. or Thatchers, or Carls, or Rupees. or salmonskins.

sarcasm reserved for americans...it's the red in our flag.

remember the violence
Posted: Aug 12, 2007 8:08 pm
 
sarcasm reserved for americans...it's the red in our flag.

I am stealing these words and making them lyrics. Boo-yah!

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 12, 2007 10:35 pm
 
(O, great job bracing yourself Jack. )

I have no idea what this means.

sarcasm reserved for americans...it's the red in our flag.

Forever and ever, and ever and ever, amen.
Posted: Aug 16, 2007 9:04 pm | Edited by: Stephanie
 
Dutchman,

If you were a secretary for a real estate agency in a notably snobby Northshore neighborhood, what tactics (if any) would you employ to get a sales agent to retire early?

Thanks in advance,
Steph
Posted: Aug 17, 2007 9:55 am
 
Dutchman-

Sure the 1st 2 Iron Maiden albums rule, but what about Di'anno's Battlezone? Are you feelin' it?
Posted: Aug 18, 2007 12:52 am
 
Steph--I dunno, her credentials are pretty damn impressive. I guess there's always the old standby of poisoning her dog. Perhaps you should aspire to something more than secretaryhood, like get some three-letter acronyms after your name or something and then you'll see the world through Jodee's eyes. I must say I'm surprised that she seems to have retained her stripper name when she entered real estate.

Mullett--Paul Di'Anno's Battlezone was a fucking travesty and you damn well know it. Quit pissing me off because now I remember that "Antigua" exists. Great.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 18, 2007 3:08 pm
 
Paul Di'Anno's Battlezone was a fucking travesty and you damn well know it.


Yeah, I know. Sorry. I'm sick that way sometimes.
Posted: Aug 25, 2007 1:00 am
 
Ryan,

Danzing finally comments on getting punched by that fat guy in the new Spin

question: In a widely circulated video clip from 2004, a guy confronted you backstage because his band didn't get to play at one of your gigs. Then you shoved him and he punched you out. What happened?

Danzig: No one asks "Why did you push him instead of nailing him right in the face?" Cause there's a camera rolling! I have so many friends who've lost tons of money from that setup, punching people and getting sued. One of my guys a long time ago worked for Guns n Roses and he told me "You're lucky you've never been sued." He said Duff McKagan would go into these clubs, and a guy would have a friend there with a camera: "Hey, Guns n Roses pussy!" [Strikes fist against palm, mimicking a punch] And they'd walk out. Next day, million-dollar lawsuit.


Thoughts?
Posted: Aug 26, 2007 8:25 am
 
It only took him three years to come up with a response to the most awesome public and deserved ass-kicking of a rockstar probably ever? Danzig is a dick and that shit was long overdue. Those are my thoughts.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 26, 2007 11:09 am
 
That sentence of yours accidently happened to be very insulting to me and I am not gonna explain why.

If you're upset with me over some internet banter, so be it. I Know A Fag probably doesn't like me, either. Maybe you two can start a club.

I don't understand how the words 'only' and 'sometimes' can make this sentence sarcastic/tongue in cheek.

You're really stretching it here. If cancer & violence only happened to, say, the Republican Party, it wouldn't be a problem.

I never liked this sort of kidding around. And this time it really hit a nerve at a very wrong moment.

I do know how you ladies get when your period arrives.

I do not think that one can't be funny about cancer or violence, but you better come up with something good if you try.

I don't mind cheap, vulgar, Howard Stern-style humor. Besides, if you are so worried about grammar, note your double negative meaning you think one can be funny about cancer & violence. If you like, I may be able to switch to quadriplegic, Ethiopian, & Hitler jokes. Or not.

Did it really take you 2 weeks to come up with a response for this?
Posted: Aug 28, 2007 12:56 am
 
Nevermind the Nabobs, Here's an easy one:

Cummin' or Strokin'?
Posted: Aug 29, 2007 7:24 am
 
Dutchman-

What does it say about a person who is turned on by this woman? Clearly started as one hell of a good judoka and then added some decent strikes. She's greased lightning.

URL:
Posted: Aug 29, 2007 5:28 pm
 
My two cents worth...

Meshuggah's "Catch 33" is a metal masterpiece. You have to listen to it about 15 times to be able to anticipate the off-kilter insane time signature 8 string swedish mathmatic motherfucking riff-mongering against the drummer's 4/4 grove. Lyrically, it displays occult light-shedding to new heights. In short, I haven't been as excited about a metal record since Vulgar Display of Power.

:)

Enjoy!
Posted: Aug 29, 2007 11:15 pm
 
Jesse--Is 'Cummin' a song, too? Hard to top Clarence Carter's classic I think.

Mullett--I think I would jizz my shorts while she was flipping me over her head. She's got a sadistic streak maintaining those holds for a few seconds after the opponent and ref start tapping. She makes the other fighters look like gymnasts who wandered into the wrong building. Yep...it must be love.

Nigel--I've never checked out Meshuggah too much but what I heard made me think it was too nu-metal plus Jack Osbourne was into them so how good can they be? I'm not a fan of the Dillenger Escape Plan school of wacky ultra-tech metal bullshit and Discordance Axis doesn't count.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 30, 2007 4:24 am
 
Adam Jones from Tool said they were cool, so I checked it out. It was weird at first, but it grew on me. Now I respect their art.

:)
Posted: Aug 30, 2007 5:44 am
 
Adam Jones from Tool said they were cool

That alone would be a warning sign to me to NOT check out the band. I've heard Messhuganah before though...Ehh. I can see where a guy in Tool would like them. I'm not a fusion jazz metal fan myself.

Dutchman,
What's your opinion Tool? And what's you take about being at a party where everyone is having a good time and some jackass puts on a Tool record? Is that as much of a buzz kill as a when a dude puts on a Zappa record at a party?

What's your take on this. Does it mean Maynard of Tool wasn't the tortured artist all along?
Posted: Aug 30, 2007 6:05 am
 
I just noticed that Maynard is an anagram of Man Yard. Or Yard Man. Sleep awaits.
Posted: Aug 30, 2007 12:11 pm
 
First off, thanks to everyone who's contributions got us to the second page of this thread. Now,

Dale--I don't like Tool and I don't know anyone who likes Tool and I hope I would never find myself at a party where Tool fans are present to the point where someone feels comfortable putting a Tool record on. I always laugh when I see a car with a Tool sticker on it. I've also never been to a party where someone puts on a Zappa record--who the hell are you hanging out with over there? The best party music is Black Sabbath. Period.

-Ryan
Posted: Aug 30, 2007 2:54 pm
 
Ah, the subjective. :)
Posted: Aug 30, 2007 5:35 pm
 
Is 'Cummin' a song, too?

damn, i thought you drove a truck
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