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Goner Message Board / ???? / so how many goners have done telemarketing
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 7:31 pm
i did it for about 3 weeks then wanted to kill myself. i felt like the biggest hypocrite ever.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 7:31 pm
oh, man, now I'm going to have to start a list
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 7:32 pm
heheh. i did it for maybe 3 hours and i told the manager to go fuck himself cuz i couldn't do it. i couldn't talk people into signing up for credit cards. i felt like i was starting to grow horns.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 7:37 pm
i tried selling time shares for 6 days. walked out, no questions asked.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 7:39 pm
Didn't telemarket, but did telephone surveys for a few weeks before I moved out here.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 7:40 pm
i did and it was the worst job ever. made me feel like total shit bothering people.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 7:51 pm
telephone surveys
close enough
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 7:58 pm | Edited by: Uptight White
I loved it. It was my first job that didn't involve manual labor, bartending, or food service. I was in an office full of decent looking sluttishas, and we would get buzzed almost every lunch.

The more people you harrassed, the more money you made. The shift leader kept score, and you'd get bonuses all the time. It was like being paid to prank people at their work and ignore every single one of their objections.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:04 pm
I did it after I quit Kmart. it got me through high school until I started working at the boat dealership
perfect shift - 4-9 pm - even though I never did anything after work. Nobody bothered me and i got my work done as fast or slow as i wanted to. I made a game of pronouncing people's names correctly. They totally didn't want me to quit, but I was selling almost as much as some of the long-timers that worked full time and they were getting pissed. The other workers were the scariest people i had ever worked with.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:10 pm
was that for the shriners?
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:11 pm
I got hired to sell Wisconsin Badger tickets to UW alum when I lived in Madison. I was fired after 53 minutes 'cause the high-school gym teacher lookin' dude running it (decked out in a Badger-red sweatsuit, even) told me he didn't think I had the heart! I spent the six bucks cash I earned at Burger King, and that was that.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:12 pm
I used to telemarket cemetary plots to old people...

"Have you thought about your future? You don't want to your family to have to carry the burden at the same time they're grieving do you?"

Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:14 pm | Edited by: Shawn Carpetbagger
I did telemarketing for about a month and it was easily the worst job I've ever had. We would call people to renew magazine subscriptions and get them to subscribe to new magazines as well. The worst was calling women who were subscribed to "Baby's Life" magazine (I think that is what it was called???). I guess a lot of doctor's have a deal with the magazine and expectant mothers got a free 6-month subscription if they signed up at the doctor's office. I felt like a total scumbag whenever I'd ask if they wanted to renew subscription and they declined because they had a miscarriage. I imagine that type of shit would ruin someone's day because it made me feel like a total jerk. A horrible job.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:15 pm
was that for the shriners?

yes. i sold circus tickets
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:27 pm
Aluminum siding to old, poor people

"May I speak with Mr. Barnes?"
"He passed away tuesday."
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:38 pm
Incoming call telemarketing was a breeze. I worked in a call center in Madison, WI while I was there for a few months hiding from my psycho ex about 15 years back. People would call in about a coupon or an ad and I'd have to read them canned responses from a script on the computer and take in different information from them, depending on which product they were calling about. (auto parts and gyro sandwiches got the most responses)

Decent pay - I made enough for a bus ticket back to NY and to give my cousin $$ for food and utilities for his apartment where I was crashing.

Never did do outgoing telemarketing, though. That is rough work.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:38 pm
i just remembered a survey job i had where i had to call old people and ask them questions about the V.A.'s service

"look, you tell those mother fuckers i still have agent orange!"
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 8:43 pm
was that for the shriners?

yes. i sold circus tickets

holy shit, i did that too. i lasted a day and a half, then i got fired cause i couldn't sell shit.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 9:06 pm
i worked at a not-really-legal telemarketing scamster place (hey its me! your toner supplier! i'm just gonna mark ya down for two more boxes!). i didn't get a chance to feel any guilt for ripping off a company because i was way too incompetent to make a single sale. apparently black randy used to do the same thing. the various employees were amongst the nicest people i've ever worked with, and the bossmen were very understanding & patient with me.i left after a week in abject shame that i couldn't sell shit.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 10:50 pm
My first year of college I had a job calling alumni and asking for money. I loved it. I was really good at because I was always really high and enjoyed talking on the phone to people I didn't care about. It was probably the best paying job I have had to date.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 10:58 pm
i had a temp job for a real estate company in century city that i thought was to be a receptionist. BUT it was answering incoming telemarketing calls for a time-share ad for las vegas time share condos. this was in 1979 or so - i did it for 2 months and as a practical joke, sent las vegas time share marketing material to people who either annoyed me or would totally get the joke.

the funny part about this was that the person callers were to ask for was "Ham Jordan," yes - the name of the white house chief of staff at the time. not a single caller mentioned to coincidence. well...... it was funny to me
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 11:53 pm
I did outgoing telemarketing selling magazines for 2 days. Awful job. When I went to get my check, the boss said he was sad to see me go, because I was the top seller over my 2 days there. I think I sold 10 subscriptions in my 16 hours of employment! He MUST have been lying, right?

I did customer service at a credit card company for almost 2 years. The card targeted deadbeats with bad credit. In addition to the usual customer service inquiries, I had to try and sell membership products such as "credit protection" ($149 for 2 years.) Before we had a $100 million class action suit against us for shady business practices, we could say practically ANYTHING to get a customer to sign up for credit protection. I actually used this line: "Sir, if you don't have credit protection and you should be unemployed or have an accident where you can't pay your bill, it could result in the total annihilation of your credit history." The dude actually gasped in terror and I made the sale. I felt dirty afterwards.
Posted: Apr 11, 2007 11:54 pm
I did it in HS for about a week. I also wanted to kill myself.
Posted: Apr 12, 2007 12:01 am | Edited by: Hugh Jass
Oh yeah, I once tried to sell credit protection to Lorna Luft, who was a customer. She screamed at me, "I don't need that! Do you know who I am?" At the time all I could say was, "Yes. You're Ms. Lorna Luft." A very jealous gay co-worker later told me that Luft was Judy Garland's daughter/Liza Minelli's sister.
Posted: Apr 12, 2007 8:05 pm
One of my first jobs. I still remember the script...

"Hi, I'm from Restaurant Research Associates and we are doing a survey on Fast Food restaurants. Could I have a few minutes of your time to answer some questions? It will only take a moment." (If yes, continue)

"Have you eaten at any fast food restaurants more than twice in the last 6 months?"

(If no) "Thank you for your time and have a great evening"
(If yes) "Have you eaten at any of the following fast food restaurants:
1. Burger King?
2. Dairy Queen Braiser?
3. McDonalds?
4. Jack in the Box?"

...they ask for "a few moments" but this shit went on for at least 15 or 16 pages. My supervisor at the time was this HUGE Samoan lady who was "Mountain Fuji", a female wrestler in GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling)...
Posted: Apr 12, 2007 8:44 pm
"Mountain Fuji",
NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: Apr 12, 2007 8:51 pm
"Mountain Fuji",
NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know who I'm talking about? GLOW was pretty stupid but I used to watch it anyway. Yeah, she was HUGE! Big Samoan Gal! She was a weight lifter. She was nice and not really that into being at a telemarketing place.
Posted: Apr 12, 2007 9:20 pm
GLOW was pretty stupid but I used to watch it anyway.
Big Bad Mama!
The Southern Belles!

I loved G.L.O.W.!
Posted: Apr 12, 2007 9:20 pm
GLOW! Hollywood and Vine!!!!!!!!!
Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:04 pm
I loved G.L.O.W.!

I remember "The Farmer's Daughter". She had a blacked-out tooth and painted on freckles. They used to do really stoopid comedy skits between matches.
Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:29 pm
joe pestilence!
Posted: Apr 12, 2007 11:39 pm
I remember G.L.O.W. How an overweight Samoan woman would constitute "G"orgious, I don't know.

My first telemarketing job, was at a total bullshit fly-by-night boilerroom. It was for $4 per hour. You had to sell tickets for the Shriner's Circus for the J.C.'s or something along those lines. I quit after 15 minutes and never got my $1 they owed me. My friends stayed on for a week and they never got paid at all...
Posted: Apr 13, 2007 6:28 am
That fucking rules that Mt. Fuji was your pit boss.

I did telemarketing for a couple of weeks in high school, selling subscriptions for the Globe & Mail newspaper. When I went to get paid after two weeks, the office had done a midnight move and there was a padlock on the door. Never got a penny.

Next to riding a Dickie Dee ice cream bicylce when I was twelve, worst job ever.
Posted: Apr 13, 2007 6:58 am
My supervisor at the time was this HUGE Samoan lady who was "Mountain Fuji", a female wrestler in GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling)...

So fucking jealous. Hollywood & Vine indeed!
Posted: Apr 13, 2007 1:06 pm
Hi, I'm from Restaurant Research Associates and we are doing a survey on Fast Food restaurants. Could I have a few minutes of your time to answer some questions? It will only take a moment." (If yes, continue)

"Have you eaten at any fast food restaurants more than twice in the last 6 months?"

(If no) "Thank you for your time and have a great evening"
(If yes) "Have you eaten at any of the following fast food restaurants:
1. Burger King?
2. Dairy Queen Braiser?
3. McDonalds?
4. Jack in the Box?"

My job was similar to that. I had to ask if they would like to answer me a few questions then I would terrorize them with stupid questions for half an hour or longer. I had to ask about their income and personal stuff like that too which was horrible when I talked to old or poor people because they thought that I had some kind of authority over them. They felt that they must answer that shit. Some of them even started crying and apologized that they wont tell me because they were ashamed of being poor. I always told them that they didn't have to answer which would bring me in trouble with the assholesupervisorbitch that wanted to fuck me. I did that for about 5 days then left. I didn't quit I just didn't show up again so one of the supervisors called me and asked where the fuck I've been. I pretended that I was my flatmate and told hin that I hung myself.
Posted: Apr 13, 2007 1:21 pm
I did 'market research' for a few summers. Highlights included asking people how the buttons on their Nokia phones 'felt' on a scale of 1-10, and calling up people in Indonesia who sounded like they were in heavy traffic. Occasionally hilarious, mostly dull.
Posted: Apr 13, 2007 4:12 pm
I did mall market research, for about a year. I REALLY loved it for the first six months or so, then it got to be a drag.

I did telemarketing twice.
Posted: Apr 13, 2007 5:25 pm
I have a few different times. There was one gig at the Fraternal Order of Police - and now they call me every year. I made so many drug connections at that job, you would not believe. I also had a very short- lived one at this place that later turned out to be a bunko outfit, totally fraudulent... but they let us smoke cigarettes at our desks, which I liked because obviously that was when I smoked. It is a pretty lame job to have... very thankless.
Posted: Apr 14, 2007 7:58 am
who was "Mountain Fuji",
OMG i LOVED GLOW - used to watch it all the time as a kid
Posted: Apr 14, 2007 9:45 pm
I quit after about a year when they had us calling old southern people and asking them if we should sell aborted fetuses to colleges for medical research and give out needles and condoms at highschools. ugh.
Posted: Apr 15, 2007 8:27 am
i did it inbound for about five months in omaha. i would always get old guys calling and to tell me that they were putting the siding on upside-down in the sears commercial (they were). also, i had to shill stuff for tom bosley, but didn\'t know who he was at the time (i hadn\'t watched happy days since i was a kid and hadn\'t seen the informerical yet) so i kept calling him tom booze-lay until someone yelled at me for not knowing how to say his name. that night i saw his informercial, and decided to keep mispronouncing his name and any other one i could just to get on people\'s nerves.
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 5:25 pm
I did this for awhile too, for a PA company that sold safety posters and supervisory/OSHA/sales newsletters and the like. It was pretty miserable. One of the best things was looking over the leads from direct mail; got hits from a couple of dudes from NAMBLA. I don't think the powers that be at that company even knew what that particular acronym stood for.
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 6:42 pm
I am telemarketing at the very moment for german telephone company, selling the new e-mail-package (which nobody really needs).
It`s cool cause i can surf the Internet all the time.
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 8:02 pm
i did an incoming call center thing for a temp job a long time ago. it was for Ty, the company that makes Beanie Babies. they had some promotion for to get a free Christmas bear or something. this was at the height of the beanie baby thing, so they wouldn't tell me who i was working for till i got to the office. and their building was in a field in the middle of no where, no sign or anything. they were SUPER paranoid that crazy fucking housewives in the Chicago burbs were going to find out where the headquarters were and start stalking them. for real. they wanted to make me some kind of manager or something, but i got the fuck out after a few months.
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 8:13 pm
got hits from a couple of dudes from NAMBLA.

did YOU talk to them? and did they BUY?
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 8:45 pm
got hits from a couple of dudes from NAMBLA.

did YOU talk to them? and did they BUY?

I did actually try calling, for the hell of it. Don't remember anybody actually picking up. You would think I would remember such a conversation if it had happened.
Posted: Jul 31, 2007 8:47 pm
joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Posted: Aug 1, 2007 3:03 am | Edited by: Juan Kerr
Telemarketing is RAD. You get those weird cross country skiis, and go up the chairlift, and come down those steep-ass hills all crouched down on one knee and out of control.

Posted: Aug 1, 2007 5:32 pm
telemarketing for singles video dating service,

"hi, are you a valley single?"
"why yes i am...you sound hot"


"are you going to be there when i sign up?"

"i sure am. i'll have my pants down to my ankles, mouth wide open waiting for you...hurry."
Posted: Aug 1, 2007 6:17 pm
I telemarketed off and on for around five years. I used to make as much as $50 an hour doing this shit.

I'll post some stories later when I feel upto writing like six paragraphs. I've got a lot.
Posted: Aug 1, 2007 6:34 pm
[1st telemarketing message]: Greetings friend! Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you have the power inside you right now, so use it! Send one dollar to "Happy Dude" 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay, eternal happiness is just a dollar away!

[2nd telemarketing message]: Hello, this is Homer Simpson a.k.a. Happy Dude. The court has ordered me to call everyone in town and say that I'm sorry for my telemarketing scams. [pause] I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please send one dollar to "Sorry Dude" 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. You have the power!
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