Posted: Oct 20, 2006 6:11 pm
Dana and I have talked about being Hitler and Eva Braun
I watched "Downfall" the other day. I was thinking abaout how Hollywood would have approached it.
It's 1945 and Hitler and his henchmen are huddled in their top secret bunker somewhere in downtown Berlin. The US Army are moving in fast and it looks like there's no escape for the hiding nazis. Hitler picks up his cyanide pill and thinks about how things could have been different. If he'd only pulled himself together early in life when he was a lazy art student, Berlin would be ruling the world right now instead of sitting in blazing ruins. He puts the pill to his mouth when suddenly in bursts members of his secret SS science team led by Germany's top nazi scienist Wehrmann Von Shtruppf. "Stop!" he cries "There is hope mine fuhrer!". In Von Shtruppf's hand is a a device which they've been working on for 10 years and now at last it is finished. A time machine! Hitler takes the device and punches in 1923 into the keypad and with a quick "Auf wiedershein!" zooms back in time to a little farm in Austria where a young Adolph is lazing around in bed reading a book. Hitler sneaks in, past his mother and creeps upstairs. "Ze little shit will come back with me to 1945 Berlin and see how it all will end if he doesn't mend his lazy goodfornossink ways" he thinks. Creeping in through the doorway, hitler pounces. "Vake up! Vake up you lazy little shveinhund!". Young adolph shrieks in surprise "mine godt! Who are you?!". Hitler glowers at him "I am your future self! Vot are you reading there?...comics! You dreadful piece of scheisser!" he grabs the comic and throws it across the room "You will come forward in time with me and see what your lazy ways will lead to. Berlin! In ruins! Ze Americans moving in to destroy us and our glorious reich!". Young Adolph doesn't even know what a reich is "What the fuck is a reich?". Hitler is enraged! "You must buck your ideas up! You must start to work on your master plan to dominate ze world!". Young adolph laughs. "Fuck that" he says. Hitler bangs on the bedside table with his fists "All of germany depends on you getting your act together! You dumbkopf!". Young Adolph rolls over "I'm tired" he says, "Oh yeah, can you pass me my cigarettes?". Hitler grabs him and tries to dial 1945 on the time machine but young Adolph struggles and bites his arm "Ow!" screams Hitler "Stop biting me! You are supposed to be a vegitarian!". Adolph bites harder, Hitler screams and struggles, not realising he's punched in '2006' and instead of 'Berlin' has punched in 'Downtown L.A.'. Suddenly there's a flash and our hapless heroes are transported at once to modern day LA! With hilarious consequences!
"mine god!" says young Adolph, Berlin looks absolutely wonderful!". Hitler shakes the machine and puts his ear to it "there must be some mistake! Zis is not Berlin!".
The machine is broken and it looks like they're stranded! How will Hitler get back to Berlin when young Adolph is already enamoured with modern day LA? How will they react when a gang of punks walks by? Will the two hitlers start to get along in order to get by? Watch as Hitler lands a starring role in a big war film....playing himself! Watch out for the great scene where young Adolph persuades grouchy old Hitler got get more 'with it' and takes him to a swanky downtown boutique to look for a new outfit. Hear ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man" play over this hilarious scene as Hitler walks out triumphantly again and again from a dressing room in a variety of ludicrous outfits while the young Adolph shakes his head and sends hiim back in again until he comes out in something a little more, shall we say, presentable. And whatever you do, don't try to eat during the hilarious restaurant chase scene, you may choke from laughing. All in all, an action packed comedy that'll have you in stiches from start to finish. From the makers of "Look Who's Talking Now" and "Curly Sue", with an all-star cast including great performances from Bruno Ganz as Hitler, Ben Stiller as his young self, Cheech Marin as their permanently stoned landlord and Beyonce as the only woman who can melt the fuhrer's cold cold heart. Great cameo's too from Steve Martin and Xzibit. Definately one to put reich at the top of your list of must-see movies this summer.