Posted: Sep 1, 2006 11:33 pm
Thanks for the link Theresa. Everytime I think of that look on my grandfather's face, like he was drowning in air it unleashes all sorts of ugly shit in my head. It makes me hate the people I love for doing that to him. I can't put into the words the look in his eyes, it was so desperate, like they were looking deep inside me and screaming "kill me, please, if you love me, just kill me now" but his face just looked so confused, like "why is this happening, what did I do to deserve this" mixed with a complete lack of understanding of what was happening to him. He was gone completely, all that was left was suffering. That my family let him go through that, well, it's hard for me to forgive. Everytime I think of that, it makes me want to hold them underwater and look them in the eyes until I see them make that same face... and I love my family.
The fact that I could have been put in prison for killing my grandfather is one thing. That's evil on a level that is beyond my comprehension, and I've explored some very dark corners of life. What's worse however is the social framework that could suggest that someone who loves and cares about another person does not have the responsibility to take them from life with love and dignity.
I've always thought it was disgusting when people take animals to shelters. I think people should always be responsible for euthanizing their pets themselves. Anyone that doesn't is worse than lazy, they have no right to have that kind of power over another life to begin with. It's all so far beyond cruelty, it's sadistic.
If you love a person, you have a moral obligation to them to do the right thing no matter how painful it may be for you. Better that it does hurt, that's the safety mechanism. It shouldn't be fun to kill something you love, it should be a psychologically heavy experience, but that doesn't mean that it has to debilitate you. People who can't deal with that kind of trauma should probably never have been allowed to live in the first place, they're too weak for life.