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Goner Message Board / ???? / Best names of the new school year
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 12:33 am
and my personal favorite

Posted: Aug 11, 2006 12:34 am | Edited by: Theresa K
are these your mom's students?

holy cow.

that's a long way from my youth... weirdest names were "morgan" for a girl. that's NORMAL!

my last year in catholic school, there were 6 theresa's.... they all but 2 spelled their name the wrong way (without the "h" is the wrong way, in case you couldn't have surmised that)
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 12:44 am
There's a girl working here named Kenosha. I don't think she's from Wisconsin.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:34 am
my last year in catholic school, there were 6 theresa's

My principal was Sister Theresa!
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:36 am
Holy mother!
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:37 am
my fav from last school year at CCHS was......TRASHEENA.....she was really pretty too.....and she pronounced it trash een a.......who the fuck names their kid that??
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:40 am
HOLY WHAT THE HELL?? I don't even understand that. "Baby, I want you to be a hooker when you grow, k?"
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:45 am
I was listening to WEVL the other day. There was a Public Service Announcement about racism, talking about this. We're not supposed to talk about this.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:46 am
as marilyn manson has been wont to say:
it wouldn't be a cliche if it wasn't true

Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:53 am
You deny the authority of the Ad Council?

I scared marilyn manson once. True story.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:54 am
Parents don't give out names such as these if they don't want people to be talking about them, dumb WEVL.

When I was a social worker in Memphis, I went to court on this newborn named "Corvoisier". This was LONG before the hit song. On the court docket, it read "Corvoisier Baby Boy Age 0".
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:57 am
i went to a perkins here once and there was a waitress named chlamydia. (i don't know if i spelled that right or not). i bet she wanted to kick her mom's ass, if she even knew what it meant. i kept wondering if i could summon her by clapping, but i was too chickenshit to ask. i'm not THAT mean. (most of the time, anyway.)

people name their kids some really heinous shit in memphis anymore. i think that drake and zeke with their "bad baby name of the day" thing have their work cut out for them here in this city. hahahah.

and i cannot get over people naming their kid "laprecious". that's funny. i don't know why but naming someone "precious" in the first place was bad enough. "precious" is the name of an old lady's pet poodle, not a baby, damn it.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:00 am
it's not racism. if a white person named their kid something stupid, which i know several that have, i'd make fun of it too.

a truck driver that used to work with my dad back in the day was named "Otto Graff" and my mom worked with a lady whose married name was actually "Mary Christmas". funny though, that Mary Christmas lived in Santa Claus, Indiana. heh. the lady actually CHOSE to keep her married name like that too. i guess she didn't care what anyone said about it.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:14 am

best name yet!
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:18 am
I knew a white girl, her name was Cherry Candie Gibson.
Helloooooo 1-900 number!
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:19 am
"LaPrecious" is precious. I like that for a cutie pie little girl and Zerris is kind of a cool sounding name for the right kid. Now all the "Tray______" and "Ja_______" is a little played.

Here in whitepeopleville, the trend is to name your kid something "unusual and quirky" such as August, Zona, Olive or Moxie. I love our friends to death who named their kid Moxie and her middle name is Olive, but...anyway it all fits with the nouveau-hippies having mad babies out heruh. It is almost like they are naming their children as if a comic will be written based on their lives.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:21 am
At the Cub in Chicago there was a LarHonda working. I think they capitolized the wrong letter, but it is still a great name
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:21 am
when i worked at the law firm that represents bobby brown, he and his pre-whitney houston lady named their child La Princia QUeenisha.... i am just spelling it phonetically.... of course, bobby is functionally illiterate, so when i called him to ask how they spelled her name for the platinum spoon the firm was going to send, he said "just like it sounds." we opted for initials --- LPQB

i figure that child (who is now 17) will either LOVE her name or have changed it to "mary"
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:38 am
of course, bobby is functionally illiterate, so when i called him to ask how they spelled her name for the platinum spoon the firm was going to send, he said "just like it sounds."

And you likely spelled it right on the money!
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:40 am

Whitney Houston's husband, R&B crooner Bobby Brown, has enough troubles, but he should check out what his kids are up to on the Internet.
He might need a tranquilizer after reading the myspace.com profile of his 16-year-old daughter, LaPrincia - whose mom is Brown's ex-girlfriend Kim Ward.

The teen, who lists her favorite alcoholic beverage as Smirnoff raspberry vodka, entertains a battery of off-color questions:

"Would you ever be an exotic dancer?"

"Ohh yess," LaPrincia answers.

"Have you ever danced like a whore?" "Yess all the time."

More innocently, she also confesses to streaking, kissing a girl and skinny-dipping.

Fourteen-year-old Bobby Jr. - also Ward's child - boasts on his myspace.com profile: "i can read but i choose not to."

Twelve-year-old Bobbi Kristina, Bobby's daughter with Whitney, used the toe-curling screen name "nimpho babby," and wrote: "i love swimmin with hot guys lol (memories), i love makingout, i love cheerleading, i love driving, and last but not least i love BOYS, BOYS, BOYS!!!!!!!!" Her profile was removed recently after bloggers outed her celebrity parentage.

Meanwhile, Sean Combs' 11-year-old son, Justin (screen name: "microdiddy") lists his favorite rapper. It's not his dad, but 50 Cent. He reveals that he likes "sports, girls, football, girls, football, and girls." Pastimes? "i like to chill wit my peeps.....chill wit my fam."

Justin's big brother Quincy, 14, lists "Napoleon Dynamite" as his favorite movie, but apparently isn't big on books - which are "retarted/Stupid." He isn't big on spelling, either.

Guess it doesn't matter when your income is, as both of Diddy's kiddies claim, "250,000 or higher."
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:44 am
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:47 am
About ten years ago, every new kid in our neighbourhood were called either Kyle, Callum, Cale, Caleb or Jordan and thats about it. Then five years ago they went all russian. I have a five year old cousin called Ilya, a cousin called Aleksei, one called Mikhail and a cousin called Natalya. the kid across the road is called Stepan. Its like living in Leningrad.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:50 am | Edited by: Jack Stands
I think every dude in Lafayette, IN is named "Chris".
Except Drew.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 3:55 am
My brother went to Jr. high with a kid named Dewhite Walls. Some cashier at Kroger checked me out had a name tag: "Lasanya". The sacker's name tage revealed his parents had given him a biblical name : "Herod" !!!!!!!??????? ( That would be like naming your kid Stalin)
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 4:04 am
man.... i don't feel so bad now when we called our dobermans "fluffy" and "satan"
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 4:11 am
i seem to recall a few years back there being some dude in the nba or some shit, or at least a ball player somewher called 'scientific map'. no joke. anyone remember this? it's a very vague memory.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 5:05 am
i remember scientific mapp. he had a brother named majestic mapp too.

bray!~!!! http://www.thesabre.com/basketball/roster/11mm.html
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 9:52 am
i'm just waiting for "ocelot." that is gonna be the next jim brown.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 11:33 am | Edited by: grosso
I think every dude in Lafayette, IN is named "Chris".
Except Drew.

why do you think they call me grosso
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 11:34 am
I scared marilyn manson once. True story

and i wanna hear this story
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:54 pm
I went to high school with a "Candy Sweet". Also, my best friend in high school was named "Tag", and it wasn't short for anything.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 1:58 pm
Dewhite Walls

Sometimes I need to repeat things to myself to make them more real.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:01 pm
i worked with an "aquanette".
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:02 pm
My brother went to school with "John Lennon". I believe the guy now goes by his middle name.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:33 pm
I think every dude in Lafayette, IN is named "Chris".
Except Drew.

There were about four guys named Chris from Lafayette in my place last year. It was surreal.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:33 pm
i went to school with a kid named bo norman (boner man).
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:34 pm
My mother went to H.S. with a girl named Candy Kane. After she got married she was Candy Knight.

Still think "Trasheena" wins though.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:36 pm
And JS, I know the PSA you're talking about. I laugh hard whenever I hear/play it.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 2:52 pm
That's Jeveil,
Jeveil is gonin' on,
I am warnin' you brother,
You better watch your happy home!
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 3:15 pm
My two favorites are Lint and Toylette.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 3:15 pm
There's a whole chapter in "Freakanomics" about this phenomenon.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 3:19 pm
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 3:25 pm
I still like D'Brickshaw a lot. And the girl at the day care I worked for named Saudie Arabian.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 3:42 pm
I'm thinkin' if anybody want s to start a girl group, here's where one could find a great stage name.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 5:39 pm
Here in whitepeopleville, the trend is to name your kid something "unusual and quirky" such as August, Zona, Olive or Moxie.

Olive is my grandmother's name, and it's on my shortlist for... sometime in the very distant future.
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 8:57 pm
I sent a letter out to an insurance claims adjuster a couple of months ago named Tijuana Hooker.

That turned out to be one of the greatest days I've ever had at work.

I still have to say that Dick Trickle goes down as the most unfortunate name in history. I mean, why wouldn't you go by Richard?
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 8:58 pm
I rented a U-Haul on Union when I moved. Next time you're in there make sure you say hello to Daninja. ENTER DANINJA!!!
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 9:00 pm
My brother went to school with "John Lennon".

When I was at Island, I worked w/ a songwriter whose real name was Michael Jackson. He had to go by his middle name, Gregory. However, all his ID said Michael G. Jackson, and it was hellacious booking flights, hotels, etc for him.

I still have to say that Dick Trickle goes down as the most unfortunate name in history.

My best friend's dad tells us a joke about "Richard Whiskey," who is referred to as Dick Liquor...
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 9:26 pm
A couple of years ago there was a bank robber in the news. He had the first name of Chevalier. That's my last name. Awwwww yeah!
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 9:29 pm
True story- back in the day when I worked at a TJ Maxx in Atlanta- I heard this woman yelling at her kid- "Latrina, get over here!". I thought about asking her if she'd ever heard what a latrine actually was but... opted not too since she was already screaming at her poorly named brat.

I had friends here in Portland who recently squeezed out puppy- the kid got lucky & was a boy so he's called Lincoln (I feel sure this is gonna be one of the new yuppie favs). If it was a girl they were gonna call her Freya. I know it's a norse goddess n all but c'mon...
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 9:40 pm
what ever happened to the old world naming conventions that my people adhere to?

my grandma is theresa, as was HER grandma ad infinitum
it makes it easier than THINKING about what kind of weird-ass name to give your kids

amongst my conservative relatives, the weirdest name is my cousin Nickole - only for the spelling.... because her dad's name is Nick. Why its not Nichola escapes me.... we of the superfluous "h" clan....then again, we gotta lotta "K's" too
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 9:43 pm
I manage a database largely made up of kids, so I get to see some of these weird trends. I also enjoy reading the english names that Asian folks have chosen for themselves. I know I've mentioned this one before, but one Korean man picked "Audiovox" as his new, Canadian first name.

And one of my personal favourites: Malena/Melina/etc., because in medical terms it means "bloody poop."
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 9:47 pm
And one of my personal favourites: Malena/Melina/etc., because in medical terms it means "bloody poop."

jeez.... does KoMelina Zydeco aka Ko Shih, know this? I bet she'd go back to her real (short) name real fast if she knew
Posted: Aug 11, 2006 9:49 pm
I had no idea either, until my uncle introduced my stepmum (who is an RN) to his new stepdaughter, Melina. The look on my stepmum's face was priceless.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 12:46 am | Edited by: Useless Eater
I also enjoy reading the english names that Asian folks have chosen for themselves. I know I've mentioned this one before, but one Korean man picked "Audiovox" as his new, Canadian first name.

When I worked at the video store there was an exchange student whose college ID said Clark Kent on it. Of course when I finally go to school in Hong Kong I'll have to chose between Wang Chung and Woo Weed.

Aw shit, I remember a few students from the Philippines with single names for their college and state ID's. "Who the fuck are you?" "Sultan."

Most unfortunate first name for a girl I saw: Porn.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 1:02 am
Something tells me Carress is gonna be very chaste, dignified young lady.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 1:12 am
In the early days of Gilman Street, there was hottie teen punkette there named La. That was her legal name. And her family used no surname. Don't ask me how that worked. It's Berkeley, man. Her dad played in Country Joe and the Fish. No, he wasn't Country Joe. He must've been the Fish.

Best REAL Vietnamese name ever (not a joke like Hu Flung Dung):
Man Ly Phuc
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 1:18 am | Edited by: dale
My son Nolan goes to a kid named Targete'...but it's pronounce Tar-Jay.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 2:10 am
When my wife was expecting, the boys name I'd picked out was Navin Jerome and eventually that gave way to Navin Maxwell...(Jerome is my grandfather's name, Max is the guy that introduced my wife and I)...Apparently no one thought I was serious and when it became known that I was, I had to be talked out of it. The only other boy's name I came up with I came up with while drinking and my wife loved it so much it became the boy's name - Keith Moon. We had a girl and named her Marian Jane, after my wife's grandmother and not marijuana.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 2:45 am
I almost like "Olive", but there are seriously like three Olive's that I know born in the last year. And family names are excluded from my ridiculous judgments! Hell my middle name is "Irene" (French pronunciation, which I fucking gave up on as no one bothers with the accent anyway), which was my Frenchie great-grandmom's name.

Scientific Mapp's dad was on Howard Stern around 1997 and he was kee-razy!!! He truly believed his children were some sort of weird royalty that would end up changing the world...it was great.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 2:54 am | Edited by: dale
Best Vietnamese name in my high school was Ho Phuc Yu (or maybe it was Yu Phuc Ho). I don't have a year book to double check but funny either way.

Also went to school with a dude name Ted Nugent...and yes they were related.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 3:20 am | Edited by: lemissa
My husband works with a guy named Richard Stillhard.

I laughed for 20 minutes when he told me. Poor guy.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 3:24 am
they just call me
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 4:26 am
when I was a kid, I had a neighbor (on cape cod, where I stayed with my mom) named Sterlin Silva.

And of course, although I've always loved being named Jahna Rain, I always felt kinda bad for my cousin Rafael (pronounced 'Ray-Full') Sunshine. Hippy punsters ROCK!
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 4:35 am
Sterlin Silva

i think we have a winner!
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 4:45 am
Jahna, Ray Sunshine, not THEE Ray Sunshine is your cousin!!!
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 4:46 am
As in TAPEWORM producer Ray Sunshine!
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 4:49 am
Everybody must know a 'Dolores'. Dolores - a normal name. It means HEADACHE is SPanish!! hahahaha!
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 4:54 am
I went to see the Wizard of Oz tonight at the Orpheum. There was a costume contest for the kiddies before the movie. Some little fucker named Satchel won. He was dressed up like a flyin' monkey though.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 5:09 am | Edited by: dale
This is Stef Dale's wife. I forgot my user name. I am a customer service rep the the phone company. I got some good ones.
Choklit Spice, Marijuana Jones, Kucci Pudi, Fanny Kitchens, Babylove, Aquanetta, and our favorite family joke from a kid that went to school with our son. Targete as dale already mentioned. We also have a lady that works in our collections department who's name is Mrs. Raggs.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 5:16 am
Oops I forgot bout Mrs. Titts
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 3:00 pm
i went to highschool with a white girl named Tequila. she was super rich and preppy too.

at fhu there was a girl named Gaye and she married a guy with the last name Butts. i think their wedding announcement made it on jay leno.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 5:35 pm
As in TAPEWORM producer Ray Sunshine!

Nope. Rafe is much younger, and never lived in CT.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 6:17 pm
As in TAPEWORM producer Ray Sunshine!

also, that guy's real name was ray cialto or something like that.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 6:32 pm
Some little fucker named Satchel won.

He looked like he was having a hard time getting his name out, didn't he?
Seems like his name actually got a laugh too.

Sterlin Silva

i think we have a winner!

I second this.
Posted: Aug 12, 2006 6:40 pm

Most unfortunate first name for a girl I saw: Porn.

there was a little thai indie rocker girl that lived down the hall from me in the dorms at indiana university whose name was veraporn. everyone just called her bee, though.

Some little fucker named Satchel won. He was dressed up like a flyin' monkey though.

unfortunate name, great costume.
Posted: Aug 13, 2006 12:39 am
I was trying to come up with some good names for my eventual black children and for the girls I've got Loquacious and Excreta and my son will be Duracell.

Posted: Aug 13, 2006 1:43 am
Sterlin Silva

i think we have a winner!
I second this.

In MA, because of the huge Portuguese fisher population, Silva is like Smith - ubiquitous...

Sterlin was the granddaughter of these lobster/tuna fisherman who lived two doors down from my mom's shack on the water. Behind their house - on the water side - were hunting dogs in cages who howled incessantly and huge piles of lobster traps. Funny how I don't remember the name of her cousin, who I made out with a few times when I was 14 or so, or many of the other neighborhood kids, but I will remember her name forever! There is something in a good/bad name.
Posted: Aug 16, 2006 1:07 am
I have a cousin called Keyser, and one called Kynan. I think a Keyser is a Geyser that spurts forth keys.
Posted: Aug 16, 2006 1:21 am
When I was in high school there was a girl named Nefrahteria. Sounds like Cafeteria.

Back when I was like 9 there was a Family of strange named Jackson' boys. Shamari, Jalahni, Jameel and Jamal...Totally Swahili names. They all had the middle name "Bem". It means Peace in Swahili. They taught me to Beat Box like the Fat Boys.
Posted: Aug 16, 2006 1:58 am
I just met a nice young black woman named "Detherine" the other day. Now, Detherine was what I used to call my meth lab in Johnson City, TN.
Posted: Aug 16, 2006 2:00 am
Once I met a hooker who went by the name of Sarah Tonin...
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