It was purple and smelled like jam.

I've had a couple of near misses...

A bird flew by and shit on my shoulder when I was a kid. I wasn't impressed.

That happened to me at fuckin' Disneyland of all places.

I've been divebombed a couple of times...

Getting pooped on by a bird is considered good luck in many cultures. Congratulations.

Everybody's a critic

Ask Cindy Lauper if she thinks it's good luck

I hope you fucking kicked that bird's ass.

Man, I fucking hate birds. They're probably my least favorite thing that poops.

Mice and roaches shit and niether of 'em sing. Chicken's a bird and I loooooove chickens!

My arm's are fecal-free. However, my Ford gets the attention of every pigeon in LA.

Joe likes Cocks!