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Goner Message Board / ???? / You have any weird neighbors?
Posted: May 28, 2006 4:31 pm
 
I had my window open earlier but my neighbor came out of her house to talk to the birds in a really creepy voice like people talk to babies or dogs. She's about 400 lbs and totally disgusting. I see her looking through her kitchen window all the time staring at me.
Posted: May 28, 2006 6:13 pm | Edited by: popo
 
I pictured that whole crazy scene as illustrated by Dan Clowes.

My elderly neighbour in the back started feeding my cat. Now he lives there. She calls me all the time telling me how he's doing. Leaves me notes and pictures of him in my mailbox. It's so insanely frustrating.

Total cat Stockholm syndrome.

Oh, oh, did I mention I still have to buy his food because she's on a fixed income?
Posted: May 28, 2006 6:50 pm
 
my street's pretty square by midtown Mem standards, so I'm probably the weird neighbor. I'm the only young(ish) single dude on the block which means:

1.loud music at 2 Am
2.no curtains on my bedroom windows for about 2 weeks cuz I was broke.
3.internet porn and accompanying activities in said bedroom (I'd like to think I'm fairly discreet, but the 49 year-old, chain-smoking divorcee next door gives me creepy smiles when I mow the yard. HOTT.)
Posted: May 28, 2006 8:44 pm
 
I got a 300lb gay law school graduate who lives on my floor. Comes over at 2am smoking cigars in a bathrobe, asks me to come over for drinks all the time. Is finally starting to get the point that I'm neither gay nor interested in really being friends with him at all, but still bothers me at least once a week. Usually to brag about a homo sexcapade or what he'll be doing after law school. Everybody hates this guy....

To even my bad luck out I did end up with a hot, big titted 22 year old blonde girl next door who has an out-of-town boyfriend. Normally really boring, but gets super friendly while drunk and gives me hugs, etc. Very touchy feely. Claims she would hook up with me if she didn't have a B.F. Said B.F. is moving in with her in a few months, so that will be the end of that fantasy....
Posted: May 28, 2006 9:12 pm
 
There;s a hoarder that tutors calculus living below me. His place stinks through the front door.
Posted: May 28, 2006 10:52 pm
 
well my boyfriend has this 60ish year old lady that lives next door who is kinda bigger and she just left a painting on the curb that has a pot leaf on it and 420 on it. pretty horrible looking. at any rate, she plays piano really late at night...once i heard it coming home from the bucc...and it sounds creepy as fuck. she also looks for her cat, named babycat, in our yard, and all the other neighbors' yards and she yells out "BABYCAAAAAAAAAT" really loud in this screechy voice. every single week, it seems she is also throwing out a piece of broken wicker furniture on the curb. this has been going on for 6 months now. i don't know where she gets all that wicker furniture, because i never see her take it into the house, just out.

the guy who lives in the apartment below me and my roommate owns a gun and when he and his girlfriend get in fights, he sometimes will fire off a shot, getting all the neighbors to call the cops on him. oddly enough, when he is not drunk and fighting with his girlfriend, he tries to hit on me. eek. the rest of our neighbors are nice and normal, with the possible exception of hippies. they're not necessarily normal, but they aren't too crazy or creepy. just smelly.
Posted: May 29, 2006 8:05 am
 
my neighbours have one
Posted: May 29, 2006 10:37 am
 
The apartment across the hall is owned by some mental health charity and they use it as a half-way house, or maybe 3/4 house.

The first guy who lived there seemed all right but a neighbor said he called her into his apartment one night to see if she could hear voices in there, too.

The current guy has lucid moments but I catch the fucker outside sometimes, walking back and forth and having animated conversations with himself.

Once, he was gone for a few months but when we heard the door slam repeatedly, we knew he was back. My wife spoke with him the next day:

"How are you? I haven't seen you in awhile."

"I've been away."

"Oh, did you have a good time?"

"Not 'that' kind of 'away.'"
Posted: May 29, 2006 11:02 am
 
First house in Antwerp I lived was a big old house with 20 appartments. There was a dealer snortin' coke all night with his door wide open - he also had a lot of stolen bikes stocked in the corridors. There also was a complete Chinese family living in a 2 person appartment, making noise and preparing their stinky food without ever opening their window - accusing a Columbian kid (who was probably the nicest person in the house) of theft all the time. There was a 50 year old guy, always in a 3 piece suit, completely broke and totally isolated : He was so drunk one night he couldn't climb the stairs and fell and I had to help him up. Oh yeah, there were 6 floors and no elevator. There were needles around, empty beercans. The "caretaker" was an alcoholic who lost his keys all the time and then entered the house from the basement window. That basement btw as one of the eeriest places I've been so far. Everyone in that house was weird.
Posted: May 29, 2006 2:59 pm
 
My last place was a goldmine of insane neighbors. I had a rooming house next door, with INSANE alcoholic fistfights, pit bulls, and just creepy/sad stuff going on all the time. Recently released convicts would come over drunk at 10 in the morning , bark like dogs at women walking by... Across the street was a guy who sat on the curb yelling, smoking, drinking 40's and spitting, horking up mass phlegm and keeping us up with the neverending spitstorm. You'd hear the random houses yelling "SHUT UP!" Unsettling. But the craziest part was the house on the other side of us, where a really nice but bizarre family lived. THe guy collected junk, it was everywhere. He'd fix his siding by stapling carpet to it, was always "repairing" stuff in his bathrobe in the backyard. He'd build fires to cook hot dogs. Anytime we went into the backyard, his 17 yr old son would apppear, and goad us into converations about gardening. He sometimes walked around in a druid's gown, practising his swordsmanship with a rebar sword he made. He told me that he was a master of "Smithery". or the "Smithing Arts..."
Nice family, but was I ever glad to move. Now I live in a small town- great neighbors!
Posted: May 29, 2006 9:26 pm
 
He told me that he was a master of "Smithery". or the "Smithing Arts..."

okay....
Posted: May 29, 2006 9:35 pm
 
the only weird thing about our neighbours is that none of them have ever complained about the noise (even when we have dance parties until 9 am on a tuesday morning).
Posted: May 29, 2006 10:15 pm
 
I used to have some weird neighbors. Margie lived next door...well, first her grandfather lived there and she lived two doors down. When he died she moved in. She was a redheaded ex-trucker in her fifties who was "disabled", and her bf was a carpet laying drunk. There were various and sundry people living in the house, including her stripper (excuse me, escort) neice and young car theives. They used to hang out at the Beer Joint on Broad. They were all from Birmingham, and big Alabama (the band) fans. She collected dolls and Precious Moments and those Bradford Exchange plates. We had an ongoing gardening pissing contest. Well, she did. Margie was convinced the man who had lived here for 40 years before me had taken her down in my basement and my garage and molested her. All of them (including BF's young daughter) had molestation issues. However, I loved Margie et al., we used to play Continental Rummy for hours and get drunk. Margie had a young car thief from B'ham living with her who showed up at my door one morning screaming, "SOMETHING'S WRONG!!" I went over to find her dead in her bed and called the cops. I really loved her, despite how fucked up she was.

My only regret is that I didn't take the full bottle of valium on her bedside table before the police came.

Next post I'll tell you about the neighbors on the east side.
Posted: May 29, 2006 10:45 pm
 
i've got some pretty fucked up neighbors right now.they're fema trailor rejects from bay st louis,and total white trash.the husband is about my size(short and skinny)and the wife isabout 6 feet 200+ lbs.they have a kid who they always hit and yell at.his name is cecil.
usually when a child is abused he will do one of two things.become a loner or latch onto anyone who shows him kindness.
my fucking luck,cecil has turned into a latcher.always coming over,always giving me hugs,always bugging the shit out of me.
they leave their apartment door wide open,and anyone walking by can hear the wife on the phone asking her coke dealer for some more "COLA".which i dont really mind per se,but when you dont save any money for buying your kids clothes or food,its kinda fucked up.and the bitch could be a little more discreet about it.
and she's always bumming cigarettes from me.i've stopped giving them to her because i dont like child abuse.in fact i'm seriously thinking about calling dhr on them.
Posted: May 29, 2006 11:52 pm
 
Alisa, your neighbor lady reminds me of my friend's old neighbor. Woman was a hooker/crack head in her late 40's...real fuck up but had a sob story about losing custody of her kids, and was a decent person besides her profession/addiction. I remember she invited us over to watch her smoke crack because I had never seen anybody do it. "Oh you've never seen anybody smoke CRACK?" She acted like I was missing out on some divine, decadent part of life that I needed to be filled in on. She gave us this dramatic speach about her years of crack addiction, laid back on the couch, and smoked up. Everybody was all "ohh", and "ahh!". For a brief moment, she was a star...
Posted: May 30, 2006 12:05 am
 
Yep, Singles, Margie was a star. She wasn't quite that obvious, but a star in her own right. Larger than life, in more ways than one. She had weird kid issues too...her daughter was some kind of handicapped, and she'd lost custody of her. Her son was a kid she'd committed to a mental hospital for a couple of years, then a roadie, and she'd abandoned him in some way too, but he came back to be one of the cast of characters next door. Then married and left. He's still one of my favorite people, ever.

SWC, call DHS immediately. There's a little serial killer or rapist in the making.
Posted: May 30, 2006 12:29 am
 
Satanic War Cecil!!
Posted: May 30, 2006 12:32 am
 
Our neighbours like to yell at each other alot - sometimes at 4am on a weekday. They also get their dog to piss on our front lawn from time to time and have stolen our recycling box at least three times. Its hard to complain though when we have three bands that practice in our house. If I were old and boring I'd hate living next door to us.
Posted: May 30, 2006 1:20 am
 
The family that moved in two doors down last month are the worst I've had in awhile. They're selling fucking vacuum cleaners from their driveway, day and night. Rows upon rows of old 7ts vacuums.

And people actually seem to stop and buy them.
Posted: May 30, 2006 2:26 am
 
satanic war chicken, you should go ahead and call dhs.
Posted: May 30, 2006 2:38 am
 
and, be nice to cecil before they take him away. don't get frustrated and go off on him and give his miserable little life credence...let him give you hugs til they take him away.
Posted: May 30, 2006 2:49 am
 
If it as bad as all that, call DHS. Really. Hitting kids, continuously yelling at them, doing a bunch of drugs instead of caring for your kids...call em up. Maybe they will assign a therapist to the family so they can keep Cecil at home but try fix his home environment--they are doing that more lately, esp. if the kid is a bit older and there isn't anything wrong with them (yet). Sometimes it works...and if it doesn't then there is foster care, which is so fucking iffy.

Yuk.
Posted: May 30, 2006 2:51 am
 
have stolen our recycling box at least three times.

my ex and i used to steal the people down the street from us's recycling bins all the time. (not the people next door though. just other random people living on the same street late late at night). we always would forget to take the stupid things out the night before trash pickup and would always need an extra one cuz we drank way entirely too much. it was pretty sad when on any given week, we had to take at least 2 recycling bins full of bottles/cans out. that's when we remembered to take them out the week before. if not, hard telling.
Posted: May 30, 2006 3:07 am
 
yeah,cecil is a pretty nice kid.too bad he doesnt have a chance to be normal.as soon as i get my phone turned back on,i'm calling the department of human resources.
Posted: May 30, 2006 3:49 am
 
Let's see. Who to start with?

The neighbor that has the two dogs and two cats who never lets them outside, so on a windy day with the windows open, you can smell the apartment from a mile away. Unemployed. Probably some sort of mental disability check.

Or how about the hooker who just moved out of the same building who was fucking the meat delivery guy while her boyfriend was at work. And the meat gave her packaged meats. And she tried to sell us some of the packages of pork chops for a little cash.

Or how about the crazy black guy who goes to the empty lot behind our house and digs holes in the dirt and then fills them back up. And when I talked to him one day and asked what he was doing, he gave me a long speech about how he was checking the dirt for " bad soil" . I know. I just stared at him too. And then he explained that he was a distant relative of pres. James Davis, and don't let hic color fool you. Oh yeah, he hates all other black people. Thinks they are savages. Especially the ones from Frayser. Come by and talk to him sometime. Peabody and Somerville. Look for the guy in the union jack suit with a shovel and safari hat on.

Or how about the gas station behind us where the transvestites use the outside bathroom to give blowjobs in. Yep. You can just look out our back window and see some strange shit going down 24 hours a day
Posted: May 30, 2006 4:13 am
 
I give it 18 months based on what has happened in with Hurt Village. As soon as those new Lamar Terrace units go up, the neighborhood will be much different. You'll have the transvestites paying you to use your house and then you can afford those discounted pork chops.
Posted: May 30, 2006 5:48 am
 
To even my bad luck out I did end up with a hot, big titted 22 year old blonde girl next door who has an out-of-town boyfriend. Normally really boring, but gets super friendly while drunk and gives me hugs, etc. Very touchy feely. Claims she would hook up with me if she didn't have a B.F. Said B.F. is moving in with her in a few months, so that will be the end of that fantasy....


Can you introduce her to me?
Posted: May 30, 2006 6:42 am
 
the people who live downstairs from me are equal parts insanity and tragedy in motion. they're like a eugene o'neill play gone wrong. the mother is an invalid and confined to a wheelchair, the daughter is severely developmentally disabled and has birth defects that have left her facially deformed and scary. the aunt who lives with them has no teeth, hates "niggers spics and chinks" but is a devout fundamentalist christian who watches some holy roller channel at full blast all day long. we can hear it upstairs between her screaming at someone or another at the top of her lungs and trying to cast out the evil spirits. the son is the only partially sane member of the clan, and he works to support all three women, has no girlfriend, and we have seen him either sober as a judge or so high foaming at the mouth with silver paint around his lips you'd think he held up the home depot.

starting at 5:30 am every morning, we can hear what sounds like all of the furniture being moved around downstairs and someone on television praising jesus hallelujah.
Posted: May 30, 2006 6:47 am
 
the people who live downstairs from me are equal parts insanity and tragedy in motion. they're like a eugene o'neill play gone wrong. the mother is an invalid and confined to a wheelchair, the daughter is severely developmentally disabled and has birth defects that have left her facially deformed and scary. she never leaves the house as far as we can tell. the aunt who lives with them has no teeth, hates "niggers spics and chinks" but is a devout fundamentalist christian who watches some holy roller channel at full blast all day long. we can hear it upstairs between her screaming at someone or another at the top of her lungs and trying to cast out the evil spirits. the son is the only partially sane member of the clan, and he works to support all three women, has no girlfriend, and we have seen him either sober as a judge or so high foaming at the mouth with silver paint around his lips you'd think he held up the home depot.

starting at 5:30 am every morning, we can hear what sounds like all of the furniture being moved around downstairs and someone on television praising jesus hallelujah. sometimes it sounds like they're wrestling and occasionally we hear blood-curdling screams. all of the neighborhood cats hang out on the front porch because the aunt leaves chicken bones and leftovers out for them.

my landlord says, "they didn't get everything that was comin' to 'em, so you gotta have love in your heart."
Posted: May 30, 2006 7:10 am
 
Anita Baker. What a freak!
Posted: May 30, 2006 7:28 am
 
Nobody beats Bobby Stanley. My neighbor who used to show up at Compulsive Gambelr and MWGLH shows. This guy had a blow up doll hangin from his clothes line on Harbert street. He'd then shoot gubs and run down the street naked. He was 65. One time, me and Chris Sittel and Marc G. were drinkin with him and he put a 7 shot 22 caliber army issue revolver on the coffeee table while we were talkin and acted like nothin was any different and then took a seat and continued the conversation. While he wasn't looking me and Chris unloaded the chamber and put the bullets in my pocket with him none the wiser. That was weird. He used to show up at shows with pizza and demanding to pay us all like, 100 bucks and shit. It was strange. Ask Kristen H. No shite...
Posted: May 30, 2006 8:37 am
 
I had an apartment on 12th street in Manhattan once that was sooo bad that the women underneath us had 40+ cats and she was like..100 years old. The whole building smelled like cat piss. They couldn't kick her out cause she had been there like ..100 years so her rent was like , $200 bucks or somethin. On top of that..the women upstairs from us had a problem with turnin off the focet when she went to the store so it would flood my apartment from above. whatever. so instead of kickin her out...the landlords decided to build an entire air contitioner size drainege system in MY CEILING! Since there were 40 cats downstairs, and a huge metal drainage system in my ceileng...this is where the rats the size of cats lived! Im not kidding. I would thro poison up in the ceiling and they would fight over it at night...They would scream and kill each other over the shit cause they thought it was food. One time, I walked out into the kitchen (where they lived in the cieling) and there was one (and im not kidding) the size of a full grown cat lookin right at me...the only thing that would've scared this thing off would've been a gun... It was the size of a full grown possom. No shite. It looked right at me, not scared in the least, and then somehow fit its fat ass between the wall and the fridge. I swore I couldn't sleep there without some sort of fire arm after that, and made it so.

Ended up stop payin rent on the place except for 100 bucks a month. They said I owed thousands..I said..the place smells like dead cats and rats (which it did!) and they say said, listen..we can't rent the entire building cause of the cat lady..why don't you stay cause it's better than nothin for us and we'll waive what ya owe..(cause there were no other tenants in the other 12 aprtments due to the rats..)

I said no thanks ..and moved to Brooklyn.
Posted: May 30, 2006 9:42 am
 
I would thro poison up in the ceiling and they would fight over it at night...They would scream and kill each other over the shit cause they thought it was food.

it IS food!!! not good food, though.
Posted: May 30, 2006 3:37 pm
 
"as i get my phone turned back on,i'm calling the department of human resources."

That's the stupidest shit I've read in a long time. Praise Jesus!
Posted: May 30, 2006 3:47 pm | Edited by: m t millionaire
 
I live in Hudsonville, Michigan, which is overrun by Christian Reformed people. My neighbors will scowl at me if I mow my lawn on Sunday. My neighbor on one side has a "Truth-eating-the-darwin-fish" on his car, seriously. I only live here because the schools are good, and I care more about my kids than myself.
Posted: May 30, 2006 7:19 pm
 
Ah shit man, my dad's family is originally from Hudsonville (my last name is Poortenga). They aren't religious but the town in Wisconsin they moved to that I grew up in was full of those uptight Hollander douchebags. Yeah, that Sunday lawn mowing line made me smile cuz it's so true.

-Ryan
Posted: May 30, 2006 7:33 pm
 
Sunday lawn mowing

I was warned about this before I moved, but I honestly didn't believe it until I got here. I've only lived here about a year, but this "no Sunday beer sales in Ottawa County" is a REAL pain in the ass.
Posted: May 30, 2006 7:55 pm
 
There's a house in my tract home neighborhood that has the same 11 cars parked in front every night. The weird part is that it's only a 3 BDR house, and there are at least 2 children living there with the 11 drivers.

Viva La Raza!
Posted: May 30, 2006 8:25 pm
 
At my first place on Madison across from Ardent, we had this middle aged female neighbor who had a male friend who drove the most ridiculous pickup--one with "hips" ("Dually") back before they were known to anyone outside of Texas. It also had all kinds of lights and curb feelers etc. He was an old fat trucker looking dude--they seemed out of place for Midtown but they were nice enough.

Then one night we were in the living room watching SNL and we hear this redneck woman start screaming in the entry hall, "PAUL! I KNOW YER IN THAR PAUL!!!!!" and we just started snickering like mad. Then all the sudden, BULLETS START FLYING IN THE HALL!!!! I crawled back to the bedroom while the bf called the cops--I know this has been reported on this board, but fuck it--then she went around back and started shooting up the windows of the woman's apt and the dude's (I take it she was either another girlfren or his wife) truck. The cops--ONE BLOCK OVER ON UNION--did not show up until well after she had taken off.
Posted: May 31, 2006 11:02 am
 
billy gates and his private army live a few miles up the lake from where I like to fish, i steal a sail boat and cast my line out some foggy mornings hoping for something tasty, i'm trying to live off the land more this summer and hold down those empty calories.
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