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Goner Message Board / ???? / Things to do while drunk and alone
Posted: May 16, 2006 5:03 am
 
I drink alone, frequently. This is because I am a 'goner', which is a more acceptable way of saying I am an alcoholic with decent taste in music.

I have noticed that a bunch of amateurs like to post on this board while drunk and alone, resulting in some really stupid, gay blablablas being written. Like, every night. I would like to offer up some advice. I'm qualified to do this because I have been both an internet geek and a drunk going on ten years now.

First of all, don't write anything on the computer when you're drunk. Seriously. Just don't. My present self excluded. Not only are you going to post shit on the goner board that isn't funny, you're going to write e-mails to ex-sexies that you'll regret, have instant message sessions that end up in misunderstandings and awkwardness, send naked pictures of yourself to another continent, etc. Just don't do it. Drunks on the computer are even worse than drunks on the street. Not to mention how pathetic your nerdy drunk ass is. Nobody respects you.

In conclusion, don't torment others with your drunken stupids. Go look at porn, or watch something on cable, or drink more, or all of the above. The reason you're drunk and alone is because nobody wants to listen to your stupid drunk ass-- remember that. Don't take it out on internet people. Myself, I've been taking a lot of baths and doing some reading. I love reading. Unfortunately reading the goner board has been ruined by a bunch of lonely, bitter, drunk fucks.
Posted: May 16, 2006 5:09 am
 
you rule.
Posted: May 16, 2006 5:24 am
 
word.
Posted: May 16, 2006 5:27 am
 
I am your friend Martell. Like Kirk to Spock.
-Chris V.
Posted: May 16, 2006 7:34 pm
 
this reply is only to put this back at the top of the board...carry on.
Posted: May 16, 2006 7:59 pm
 
i recommend green tea for reading, otherwise one paragraph--MAYBE one page--is all you'll absorb before you'll go horizontal nighty-nite.
Posted: May 16, 2006 8:08 pm
 
Myself, I've been taking a lot of baths and doing some reading.

wow! a boy who likes baths!
Posted: May 16, 2006 8:19 pm
 
1. Make paper airplanes, tape the bug you were getting ready to smash with your foot, and make it the pilot.
2. Find office numbers for Geffen. Leave voice mail karaoke.
3. Call your local grocery and speak with the manager. Give praise to "Timmy" the stockboy. Make up your own description of what Timmy looks like.
4. Mix half a glass of water with half a glass of vegetable oil. Yell at said contents for "not being able to get it together". Israeli/Palestinian conflict references would not be entirely off the mark.
5. Learn rope tricks, like a cowboy (you should probably go outside for this).
6. Blow up as many ballons as possible. Just because.
7. Make a small house from popsicle sticks and glue. Once dry, recreate any given scene from "Twister".
8. Scratch paper. Pen. Begin free-association writing. Call any given company 1-800 number located on any product in your laundry area. Read them your masterpiece. If there's actually anyone there, they can't hang up on you. If they aren't know that your voice mail will be recorded for posterity. (Please make sure said 1-800 number is NOT the Poison Control Center).
9. Start a Cult.
10. Write what you were thinking of posting on the Gonerboard down in a notebook. Reply to yourself using your favorite characters.
Posted: May 16, 2006 8:27 pm
 
3. Call your local grocery and speak with the manager. Give praise to "Timmy" the stockboy. Make up your own description of what Timmy looks like.

and also Listen to these for inspirado...
http://www.derekerdman.com/neux/pranx.htm
Posted: May 16, 2006 8:39 pm
 
11. Tweed everything in site
hookorcrook
Posted: May 16, 2006 8:48 pm
 
between coming to that realization and not having enough time at work to be able to say what i mean without sounding like a total dick, that's why i rarely post anything anymore.
Posted: May 17, 2006 1:17 am
 
1. Make paper airplanes, tape the bug you were getting ready to smash with your foot, and make it the pilot.


make super tiny paper airlplanes and use the bug (if it has wings) as the jet engine. two bugs....twin burners baby!
Posted: May 17, 2006 6:53 am
 
Make paper airplanes, tape the bug you were getting ready to smash with your foot, and make it the pilot.



or let the bug be the driver of your matchbox cars
Posted: May 17, 2006 7:22 am
 
learn to meditate or learn to write poetry
Posted: May 17, 2006 7:25 am
 
Hippie Bojangles
That is the worst suggestion
Just airbrush stray cats.
Posted: May 17, 2006 7:39 am
 
Oh brother. Just cause WR's dexterous brain fires on all fours while boozy doesn't mean the rest of US should abstain!
Posted: May 17, 2006 7:40 am
 
See. I'm a pefect example!

Boozy typing is fun!
Posted: May 18, 2006 2:47 am
 
I second the "boozy typing is fun!" !!!!
Posted: May 18, 2006 2:50 am
 
I drink alone, frequently. This is because I am a 'goner', which is a more acceptable way of saying I am an alcoholic with decent taste in music.

who wants to make a t-shirt with this on it?
Posted: May 18, 2006 3:28 am
 
I drink alone, frequently. This is because I am a 'goner', which is a more acceptable way of saying I am an alcoholic with decent taste in music.

who wants to make a t-shirt with this on it?



Make sure none of the Marked Men fans get one.
Posted: May 18, 2006 8:58 pm
 
Marked Men rule.
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