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Goner Message Board / ???? / Alternate Sex Practices to Try Out....
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 5:54 pm
 
УTHE LOCH NESS MONSTERФ
One partner defecates in the toilet, doesnТt flush, and then forces their partnerТs head down into the water.

УWEEKEND IN THE DESERTФ
The male has sexual intercourse with his partnerТs armpit.

УTHE MONKEY GRIPФ
The first partnerТs toes are wrapped around the second partnerТs penis like a monkey gripping a banana with its feet, resulting in a delightful Уfootjob.Ф

УTHE CHEESE DANISHФ
The male squirts his semen into his partnerТs ear.

УTHE CALIFORNIA BRUSH FIREФ
Holding a lit match to their own anus, the first partner breaks wind, scorching the second partnerТs pubic hair.

УTHE THIRD RAILФ
At the moment of climax, one partner grabs the otherТs hand, forcing their finger into an electrical socket.

УTHE SONIC BOOMФ
Upon reaching orgasm, one partner screams into the otherТs ear as loudly as they can manage.

УTHE SKEET SHOOTERФ
The male partner masturbates while standing two feet in front of his female partner, who kneels on the floor, topless. He tries to hit both of her nipples with his cum.

УTHE CHIMNEY SWEEPФ
Sexual intercourse while both partners have toothbrushes inserted bristle-side-up into their rectums.

УTHE OLD FAITHFULФ
While having sex, one partner delivers a sharp, unexpected punch to the otherТs stomach, causing them to vomit.

УTHE KENTUCKY DERBYФ
A woman lies naked on her back, holding one fried-chicken drumstick in her mouth and one between her legs. The neighborhoodТs stray dogs are then let into her room, whereupon they run around her excitedly.

УTHE DEADBEAT DADФ
In the middle of lovemaking, the male dismounts, gets dressed, leaves, and never calls the woman again.

УANAL BUKKAKEФ
A group of men climax in turn over the face and/or body of a woman, who obsessively cleans up every trace of ejaculate before the next partner approaches.

"THE CHAVEZ"
California table grapes are used to fill the female's orifices. On the East Coast, The Chavez is strictly male-on-male.

"THE FOLGERS"
Prior to coitus, the male uses a tiny funnel to pack his urethra with instant coffee, and the female gives herself an enema with a liter of piping hot water. Anal sex ensues, and coffee follows shortly after.

"SAILING FOR THE NORTH HARBOR"
The male inserts his penis into several fleshy folds on a morbidly obese woman's abdomen, seeking her navel, into which he ejaculates.

"A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT"
While two people are fucking, a third party urinates into the space between their pressed-together chests.

"MAMPLE"
A morbidly obese man uses his man-teat to stimualte a woman's clitoris.

"MARCH OF THE PENGUINS"
With pants around the ankles, a man is made to stagger forward through his house or apartment by a woman stimulating his prostate with her finger.

"HURRICANE KATRINA"
One person shits, pisses, pukes and ejaculates all over their partner, then waits five hours to bring them a washcloth.

"GELDING THE LILY"
Rubber bands are applied at the base of the scrotum, and a team of six prostitutes labors night and day in shifts until climax is achieved and the severed balls fall heavily to the ground.

"MAGNUM, G.I."
As partners reach simultaneous orgasm, they uncork and let champagne rocket up their asses.

"THE RED DWARF"
A male pushs his fist into his menstrating partner while clutching (in his fist hand) a wad of Silly Putty, which he leaves up in there. With her bottle cap opening Kegel muscles, she pushes the putty out. Male grabs a still camera and shoot a stop motion short of the bloody blob.

"THE COLON POW!"
Male packs a condom tightly with several packets of Pop Rocks until firm. He insert the condom into his partner's ass all the way. Use the back end of a wooden spoon if necessary to force it as high up into the rectum as possible and let's it simmer.

"CHINESE PICKLE"
That's when a girl gives you a blowjob while you are taking a shit.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 5:55 pm
 
Where's the Tony Danza? Incomplete!
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 5:58 pm
 
УTHE OLD FAITHFULФ
While having sex, one partner delivers a sharp, unexpected punch to the otherТs stomach, causing them to vomit.

УTHE SONIC BOOMФ
Upon reaching orgasm, one partner screams into the otherТs ear as loudly as they can manage.


ha ha ha !!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 6:01 pm
 
theebest is hurricane katrina
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 6:03 pm
 
"THE GORILLA MASK"

One partner shaves off their pubic hair and leaves it in a pile on their nightstand. After ejaculating onto the face of the other partner, the "Mask Maker" tosses a handful of the hair onto the sticky face of the "Masked".
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 6:09 pm
 
"THE RODNEY KING"

Seven males "beat" an eighth "victim" with erections till "victim" complys. This works best if "victim" takes massive doses of PCP.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 6:17 pm
 
"SHOCK AND AHHHHH"

1st partner lays face down with ass raised into the air while holding an M-80 in each hand and a bottle rocket inserted into rectum. Second partner orally copulates 1st parnter and lites fuses just seconds before the moment of climax.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 6:28 pm
 
"THE FUZZER PUMPER"

1st parnter takes a fully cooked polska-kilbasa and shoves it into ass whole. 2nd partner twists 1st partner's arm till 1st partner expels said sausage. 2nd partner eats sausage as it comes out.

"POOPER SCOOPER"

East Coast variation-Same as above except 2nd partner eats said sausage off the floor while barking like a dog and sniffing 1st partner's ass.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 6:29 pm
 
"RIVER OF TEARS"

Man ejaculates on partner's eyeball.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 6:31 pm
 
"RIVER OF TEARS"

You actually sang about this before.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 6:51 pm
 
Where's the Tony Danza? Incomplete!
and what about "the shocker"?
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 9:57 pm
 
"WHAT'S UP DOC?"

During a physical, prior to dr. sticking a finger in Man's ass, Man shoves a carrot up doc's ass until climax.

"FRIENDLY NIEGHBOR"

Man enters movie theater alone and sits next to kissing couple. Man delivers handjobs to couple. Man leaves curtiously before film is over.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 10:32 pm
 
Y'll know about "The Stranger"?
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 10:55 pm
 
Sit on one's hand for about 20 minutes until it falls asleep. Then masterbate with "dead" hand giving the impression that someone else is providing hand job.

WHITE DRAGON

Male climaxes in partners mouth, then tickles her causing cum to stream out of her nose.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 10:58 pm
 
'round these parts the Chinese Pickle is known as the Blumpkin

and of course the reverse Blumpkin is where the male jerks off into the toilet and shits in his partners mouth
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 11:01 pm
 
"THE RUSTY TROMBONE"

jerking off your (presumably male) partner during a rim-job.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 11:08 pm
 
iam the fag likes that one. then he beats his male lover up because he feels dirty.
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 11:09 pm
 
I stil think I like the imagery of the Angry Pirate the best, although the Kentucky Derby could catch up. Space Dcking is just impossible
Posted: Mar 30, 2006 11:13 pm
 
I'm sure I'm late to the party, but I just became aware of the existence of an act with the moniker "donkey punch" yesterday. I'm still laughing.
Posted: Mar 31, 2006 12:26 am
 
"CLEANING THE RIFLE"

A pipe cleaner is inserted into the man's urethra (dick-hole). The partner then jacks-off the man and rips out pipe cleaner at moment of climax.

"SANDING THE POLE"

Strictly male-on-male- Tit fucking an obese man with a hairy chest.

"TACO SALAD"

A woman fills her vagina with guacamole, salsa and onions. Partner eats the filling while preforming cunaligus.

"SLOPPY JOE"

Just like the "Taco Salad" but ground beef and BBQ sauce is used instead.

"THE CORN DOG"

A blow job after the penis has been dipped in corn batter.
Posted: Mar 31, 2006 12:38 am
 
"TACO SALAD"
"SLOPPY JOE"

Mmmm...
Posted: Mar 31, 2006 1:44 am
 
Whatever. "THE FOLGERS" is the best.

Prior to coitus, the male uses a tiny funnel to pack his urethra with instant coffee, and the female gives herself an enema with a liter of piping hot water. Anal sex ensues, and coffee follows shortly after.

Extra dark roast.
Posted: Mar 31, 2006 4:44 am
 
nice to read you working blue George, and I got to get a copy of that frisky lp "Love, Death and Sex, in the desert"

stay hydrated..
Posted: Mar 31, 2006 12:24 pm
 
i always thought it was "public hair" until i found out it's actually "pubic hair"!!
Posted: Mar 31, 2006 2:37 pm
 
"THE TENNESEE TRAIN WHISTLE"

Two partners grab a naked corpse, and a ladder and head out to an abandoned train yard. One partner sets the ladder nearly straight up against an abandoned boxcar while the other partner lays the naked corpse on the ground. The partner on the ground with the corpse inserts their penis into the corpse's asshole. The other partner climbs up the ladder and then when they get to the top they push off the boxcar while holding on to the ladder and send themselves in a giant arc and then down legs first into the belly of the corpse exploding the insides all over the first partner.
Posted: Mar 31, 2006 5:07 pm
 
THE CHILI DOG

Male partner shits on female partner's chest. Then titty fucks her. That's probably generic for you guys. Nobody talked about "The Hot Carl" yet. I don't know if that involves sex or if it's just exotic defication.
Posted: Jun 24, 2006 12:05 am
 
THE MINI VAN

Two(fingers) in the front.
Five in the back.
Posted: Jun 24, 2006 1:03 am
 
THE RUSTY FISH HOOK

One partner stands, slightly bent over. Second partner gives rimjob from kneeling position from behind, then inserts one finger into anus, removes finger and places in standing partners mouth while continuing said rimjob.


ct
Posted: Jun 24, 2006 1:32 am
 
i now know how George stays horny out in those dry and windy badlands.
Posted: Apr 1, 2007 5:27 pm
 
MONKEY IN THE POOL HALL

One partner claps their hands repeatedly on the other's balls.
Posted: Apr 1, 2007 7:40 pm
 
THE FBI

One partner lures the other to a house for some hot underage action, and then arrests him. Coitus actually occurs eight months later in prison cell.
Posted: Apr 1, 2007 9:54 pm
 
Yeah, HOT CARL, HOT LUNCH, CLEVELAND STEAMER...generic scat fetish.

Now, what I find apalling is FELCHING. When you come inside someone's ass and then suck it out.

There are some sick fucks in this world, man, just sick.
Posted: Apr 2, 2007 9:09 am
 
as a warning.....don't EVER google felching on google images with the filters off......it's a rough ride , lemme tell ya.......
Posted: Apr 2, 2007 4:32 pm
 
THE CHIPMUNK

A lot like regular intercourse, but instead of putting your erect penis inside a man's anus, you insert it into a woman's vagina. No matter how disgusted you get, you must try to hold all of your vomit within your cheeks.
Posted: Apr 2, 2007 5:47 pm
 
I still want to know what a "Cincinatti bow-tie" is. Anybody?
Posted: Apr 2, 2007 6:43 pm
 
FELCHING. When you come inside someone's ass and then suck it out.

In the Gay world it's called Shrimping except they suck the jizz out with a straw. Ewww!

Shrimping is also toe sucking for the straight world.

Cincinatti bow-tie
Posted: Apr 3, 2007 1:05 am
 
my friend's girlfriend just posted this on a myspace blog.. how topical



The Meditteranean Platter (or the Persian Caterpillar): shitting on one's forehead to create the illusion of a uni-brow.

The Hambone: a ham-induced boner. Sounds rare, but we all have that one "friend" whose dick gets just a little bigger at the idea of certain foods.

Baked Alaska: similar to "whiskey dick," this term refers to the inability to perform sexually due to smoking too much weed.

Alabama Bro-down: when two "straight" dudes have consensual drunken sex, claiming they're not doing "any gay shit" the whole time, and then high-fiving each other afterwards.

Chow Yun Fat: coming all over someone's double (or triple) chin.

Leather Face: having an old lady sit on your face.

Abercrombie and Fist: taking home a really drunk Water Street-type of girl, and then surprising her by fisting her.

Tortoise and the Hare: when a retarded person fucks a speed-freak.

Moons Over My Hammy: when a dildo is shared between two assholes.

Crimson Squid: when a girl quiefs out menstrual blood onto her partner. And I hope this is really one of those things that never, ever happens.

Kindergarten Cop: when a teacher involves their students in naughty role-playing games.

Mississippi Tortilla: when a guy and girl have really drunk sex and both pass out during and the guy pees inside of the girl. I've actually heard of this happening, so it definitely deserves a name. And shame.

Dreidel Nuts or Perpetual Scrotion: when a guy has been having really rough sex in which his balls are constantly slapping against his partner or being moved about in some way or another. (Perpetual Motion Balls are those silver balls that hang together on a little stand and if you pull out the one on one end it sends the one on the opposite end into motion... but I thought "scrotion" could eliminate the word "balls"... whatever.)
Posted: Apr 3, 2007 2:07 am | Edited by: I am the Arm
 
I actually love the crimson squid and really find it fun and exciting to see little splatter marks on the bed sheets like a murder scene. Yay! Now I have a name for it! It doesn't have to queef though to get the splatter.

Thanks DustyMedical!!!
Posted: Apr 3, 2007 2:52 am
 
I sure do miss Haunted George's presence on this board. He's a busy man though. A hard workin man.
Posted: Apr 3, 2007 9:48 am
 
you need videos to back these up

"dog in the bathtub"
balls in the ass, dick in the pussy. keeping the balls in is like keeping a dog in a bathtub. you have to keep pushing on it/them.

<a href="http://www.dickscab.com/nutsinass/alisha-17.mpeg">Dog in the Bathtub</a>
Posted: Apr 3, 2007 9:48 am
 
Posted: Jul 22, 2009 4:31 pm
 
fuckin love it. u guys r some freaks. deff. gonna have to try some these. any volunteers???
Posted: Jul 23, 2009 12:20 am
 
This should be collated and published. The Goner Sutra!
Posted: Jul 23, 2009 9:07 am
 
The "tony danza".....
(some of you here already know this one...for reals! ha-ha!)

Your doin your gal from behind when you say 'hey baby, who's the boss?'.
And she says sarcastically 'uh,...you are?'...
Then you smack her on the ass HARD and say 'no bitch, Tony Danzas the muthafuckin BOSS!!!'


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahhahaa!!!!!!







I have done this.
Posted: Nov 4, 2009 6:47 pm
 
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Posted: Nov 4, 2009 7:07 pm
 
^ thai me up!
Posted: Nov 4, 2009 8:25 pm
 
keep it simple: PULL UP YOUR PANTS AND SPLIT!
Posted: Nov 6, 2009 4:38 am
 
"THE ABRACADABRA"

The male, while taking partner from behind, fakes orgasmic verbalization and hocks a loogie onto their partner's back. The partner then assumes sex is over and turns around to kiss their partner. It is then that the male nuts in his partner's face and with 2 jazz hands says "Abracadabra!"
Posted: Nov 6, 2009 5:42 am
 
"COLOSOTOMY GRAB BAG"

Whilst doing his partner vaginally from behind, the male unexpectedly inserts his beer bottle into the female partner's anus, in effect giving her a beer enema.

"THE WHEELBARROW"

Whilst doing his partner vaginally from behind, the male takes the legs of his female partner and stands up, leaving her to walk with her hands so to speak. He then walks her out the door of his room and drops her, only to return to his room and lock the door. Then he throws all of her clothes out the window.
note: must be performed at a crowded party.
Posted: Nov 6, 2009 8:44 am
 
If Haunted George were an alternate sex practice, what would it be?
Posted: Nov 7, 2009 2:39 pm
 
kuwaiti tugboat - getting a hand job with motor oil as lube
Posted: Nov 7, 2009 3:09 pm | Edited by: SSSSSSS
 
Cosby Sweater: Eat Fruit Loops or Fruity Pebbles and vomit over your lover's chest or back.
Posted: Nov 7, 2009 7:13 pm
 
Carrie keeps wanting me to try spawning. What's up with that?
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 1:03 am
 
Ok try this.

Chunneling: not that thing that connects england to france.
but it's when you insert a clear tube inside your asshole and insert the other end into your partners asshole and then one of you proceed to shit inside the tube and gravity taking it's toll falls inside the other partners asshole

that would be awesome to watch in a porn flick
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 1:01 pm | Edited by: misslinda
 
The "tony danza".....
(some of you here already know this one...for reals! ha-ha!)

Your doin your gal from behind when you say 'hey baby, who's the boss?'.
And she says sarcastically 'uh,...you are?'...
Then you smack her on the ass HARD and say 'no bitch, Tony Danzas the muthafuckin BOSS!!!'


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahhahaa!!!!!!







I have done this.



Oh no Mike,
Judith Light's the "Boss".
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 5:44 pm
 
"HURRICANE KATRINA"
One person shits, pisses, pukes and ejaculates all over their partner, then waits five hours to bring them a washcloth.



Best thread ever.
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 7:55 pm
 
"MISS LINDA"
Man dons blonde wig, lures another man to a burger king parking lot with promises of oral sex. Upon arriving at the dumpster in the back, the man in blond wig removes wig and beats the hell out of the other man, takes $7.52 from other man and goes inside the Burger King, orders, then sits down to a delicious meal.
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 8:40 pm
 
"delicious" si the unbelieveable part!
Posted: Apr 4, 2010 9:33 pm | Edited by: Beer Joint
 
The Anna Lee

That's just anal sex with some frigid southern belle bitch...
Posted: Apr 5, 2010 8:17 pm
 
"Michael Jackson"

While banging a hot chick from behind, dip your hands in glitter, then suddenly moonwalk away and into a boys locker and "Beat It"
Posted: Apr 7, 2010 12:05 am
 
Posted: Apr 7, 2010 4:51 am
 
"Newtons Cradle"

1: an 80's executive desk toy favoured by cunts in red braces etc..
2: The scene in an Art Flik when one thespian is up the front tube and the other is up the wrong un'
Posted: Apr 8, 2010 10:14 am
 
The Glenn Beck
1. A girl sticks a finger in a man's ass
2. The man cries, then licks the finger and says "yummy"
Posted: Nov 18, 2010 10:31 pm
 
now we all know about the "Shocker" right

well let me introduce you to the Mini-Van
2 in the front, 5 in the rear
Posted: Nov 19, 2010 1:05 pm
 
"dudes."
Posted: Nov 20, 2010 12:13 am
 
"THE ONE-INCH PLASTIC MATTRESS"
You get arrested for being a perverse cunt while I engage in heterosexual intercourse without jabs or feces
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