Posted: Mar 27, 2006 9:54 pm
(a) walk around with an iPod plugged into his ears at all times, listening to the latest from Bloc Party....HA! ipods and bloc party are gay
(b) regularly buy his clothes at Urban Outfitters....GAY
(c) take her toddler to a Mommy’s Happy Hour at a Brooklyn bar.....again, please, everyone in new york, walk into the east river
(d) stay out till 4 A.M. because he just can’t miss the latest New Pornographers show, because who knows when Neko Case will decide to stop touring with them, and everyone knows she’s the heart of the band....stay out till 4am because i'm working at the shithole club that hosts said douche bag bands and have to put up with their shitty, vapid fans(thanks walter fucking meego, you faggots)
(e) spend $250 on a pair of jeans that are artfully shredded to look like they just fell through a wheat thresher and are designed, eventually, to artfully fall totally apart....never have never will, i just let my bike seat shred the crotch of my jeans so my scrotum can 'artfully' hang out of my pants
(f) decide that Sufjan Stevens is the perfect music to play for her 2-year-old, because, let’s face it, 2-year-olds have lousy taste in music, and we will not listen to the Wiggles in this house....can we fit one more douche bag in the east river??? yeah? sufjan get your homo michigander folk ass over here!
(g) wear sneakers as a fashion statement....no comment i guess.
(h) wear the same vintage New Balance sneakers that he wore on his first day of school in the seventh grade as a fashion statement....never had NBs. wore pony.
(i) wear said sneakers to the office....don't work in an office
(j) quit the office job because—you know what?—screw the office and screw jockeying for that promotion to VP, because isn’t promotion just another word for “slavery”.....ha ha, your prissy sarah lawrence educated wifey poo is going to divorce you. HA!
(k) and besides, now that she’s a freelancer, working on her own projects, on her own terms, it’s that much easier to kick off in the middle of the week for a quick snowboarding trip to Sugarbush, because she’s got to have some balance, right? And she can write it off, too, because who knows? She might bump into Spike Jonze on the slopes....see 'j'
(l) wear a Misfits T-shirt....GAY FUCKING ROD!
(m) make his 2-year-old wear a Misfits T-shirt....PEDOPHILE!
(n) never shave...GAY PEDOPHILE!
(o) take pride in never shaving(p) take pride in never shaving while spending $200 on a bedhead haircut and $600 on a messenger bag, because, seriously, only his grandfather or some frat-boy Wall Street flunky still carries a briefcase
so, no sarah, i see very little in common with that article.