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Goner Message Board / ???? / Funny/Cruel School Yard Nicknames
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 10:03 pm
There used to be a kid when I was in 3rd grade who had a speech impediment like Elmer Fudd. His name was Billy Lawan and EVERYBODY called him "Biwwy Wawan". |There was another guy who EVERYBODY called "Pickle Butt" or "Pickle Ass" and why they did I never knew. He was a skinny kid with red hair. There was nothing strange about his butt at all.

Both of these guys later hung themselves in high school.... just kidding, I don't know what happened to Biwwy and Pickle Ass.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 10:06 pm
there was a dude in my high school everyone called 'goat'...think real hard about that one
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 10:08 pm
I knew a huge black guy by the name of Sammich. Ya know, because he liked em.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 10:09 pm
In 4th grade there was this kid who never took showers and always wore dirty clothes, so we took to calling him "Pigpen"....that's really not that cruel.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 10:10 pm
In junior high, there was a guy who had deformed arms that were different lengths and he had no hands, and they called him "one-third, two-thirds."

I heard he always liked to eat the roach when the kids would have their morning marijuana session out by the bleachers.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 10:26 pm
I met a guy in jail everybody called "Bighead/Little body" for obvious reasons.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 10:33 pm
I know a guy that everyone calls Walmart because he's a poor sonofabitch.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 10:34 pm
one-third, two-thirds

Crippled Masters rules. Thalidamyde forever!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 11:10 pm
There was a guy in school named Peter Ching and people called him "Peter Chink" or even "Peter Ching Chong Chinaman" It's true, so solly.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 11:22 pm
There was a very obese 5th grade teacher who's name was Mrs. Gollosel and EVERYBODY called her "Mrs. Colossal". One day she asked the class a question and this guy raises his hand excitedly and says, "Oh, oh Mrs. Colossal!!!" She stopped and said, "What did you just call me??!!" Then she sat on him... ahh memories....
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 11:26 pm
my nickname was Four Fingers because i fingerbanged some girl with four fingers. she had a pretty gaping gash for a sophmore. ahhhh, the memories
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 11:32 pm
Haha, we used to call the Asian kids "ching chong chinamen" too...

Good times
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 11:34 pm
are there any Oriental Goners? if so speak up.....we wanna know whats hot in Ho Chi Mihn City these days
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 11:36 pm
My brother and two friends went to Mexico and rented a whore from a pimp. The pimp gave them explicit instructions to take her back to the hotel, fuck her and pay him afterwards. They had 30 minutes. Mike went first. 5 mintues pass. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. The door flies open and the whore comes running out. The pimp comes dashing around the corner and asks what happened. The whore talked Mike into paying her before he even got completely undressed, then took off out the door. My brother and his friends referred to Mike as "ass wipe" for a long time after that.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 11:41 pm
I learned a long time ago how the Chinese name their children. They take a handful of silverware and throw it on the floor. The noise it makes is the name they give their new baby. "Ling Ching" "Ning Dong", etc...you get the idea.

I'm a little suspicious that this might not be true, though. Why would Chinese have silverware? They use pork chops to eat with.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 11:41 pm
I meant chop sticks.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 11:43 pm
I used to hang out with guys a couple of years older than me. They used to call this really sweet girl "Tippit". "Dude, you going to the party at Tippit's house?" I finally asked why they called her "Tippit" and they told me that one of the guys got together with her and when she gave him a blow job she only put the head of his dick in her mouth... just the tip.. get it? Tippit.. tip it. ahh, those memories
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 12:08 am
We had a dude, Eddie Butterini, that supposedly got caught in the parking lot with another dude doing the nasty. He was forever thereafter called Eddie Buttfuckerini. I felt sorry for the guy 'cause who knew if it was true. It didn't stop me from callin' him that but I felt bad everytime I did it. Kinda.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 1:39 am
there was a girl who used to eat her boogers constantly. her name was Nova. everyone used to yell "NOVA 454!" and make a car revving noise (vrooooom vrooooom!). i don't know the correlation between eatin' boogers and big engines, but it always severely pissed her off.

there was a guy named harry balls. we called him harry balls.

the philliopino kid that hung out with us was nicknamed Rice, and i never knew his real name.

a kid at our rival school supposedly got fucking a dog, and his real name was charlie bowser.

Posted: Feb 10, 2006 2:06 am
We used to have a girl at school named, "Rose O'Keef."

We used to call her "E Palm."

That wasn't very nice.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 6:55 pm
This is horrible, but in grade school i knew a kid named Marchelow. Everyone would say to him "marchelow, marchelow the burnt up marshmallow" for obvious reasons. Very stupid but funny because in essence it makes no sense.

I also knew a kid named Abdius. Of course everyone called him "up the ass."
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 6:57 pm
I use to shoot my retarded twin neighbors with pellet guns when I was a kid.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 7:03 pm
I think I already wrote about this. Anyway:

Twister: Retarded kid who literally always shook his head back and forth while doing anything, including eating.

Billy the Red-Faced Retard (BTRFR): Pretty self-explanatory.

Sloth: Couldn't understand a single fucking word he said.

Puddles: Had those arm-brace things and a particularly cruel friend of mine would challenge him to "races" outside and he'd get so excited that he'd piss himself. I'm going to hell for laughing at this one.

Scooter: Stuck in a mechanical wheelchair that he couldn't control at all.

Batman: This was actually a teacher who taught the retards. Looked like Michael Keaton, had Napoleonic complex and was an intolerable asshole.

Face Like a Doberman: Again, pretty self-explanatory.

Man, there are a million of these.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 7:04 pm
They used to call me "that kid with the huge brown pee pee."
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 7:21 pm
My sister had a friend named Christy Budrich. Everyone called her Krusty Butt-itch. I always enjoyed that one.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 7:39 pm
Billy the Red-Faced Retard (BTRFR): Pretty self-explanatory

I was waiting for you share this one!!! its so bad.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 7:46 pm
We had girls named light bulb and snicker, cuz I guess they stuck those things in their thingys. Haunted george has a special nickname.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 7:46 pm
They used to call me "that kid with the huge brown pee pee."

Joe, I hear you. They called me tripod. Growing up is tough...
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 8:52 pm
There was a girl in my grade school (most likely she's a big dike by now but anyway) She had long red hair, and kind of a manly physique, and we all called her Trailduster.

My affectionate nickname from the bully in 4th grade was "Bucky Beaver" - due to having buck teeth. I was actually grateful when I got braces put on. Add to that growing boobs at age 9- which did not make me popular, just more different- and grade school pretty much sucked.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 8:59 pm
in 6th grade i tripped on the playground and smashed my face all up on a wall. my nickname was "wally" for a couple years...

later on there was this nun who had a big nose and buckteeth. She was called "Sister Ed" and we'd make horse whinnying noises when she had her back to the class.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 9:14 pm
There was a kid who always looked like he was going to cry. We called him "Pussyface." I still use that one, pussyfaces.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 9:14 pm
I like ____face insults.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 9:36 pm
There was a guy named Keith Smith that we called Queef Sniff, which still makes me laugh to this day. Oh, and a whole family of Bluetts, as in Martha Bluett 'cause she needed the money...
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 9:44 pm
there was a family of Dickgrabers, pronounced with a long "a", at my school.
that was just too easy.
Posted: Feb 10, 2006 9:59 pm
my older brother ended up with the unfortunate neighborhood nickname name of "Kermit" because of his proclivity for fucking fat girls. Also, his theme song was The Smiths "Some Girls are Bigger Than Other Girls". If he ever got uppity that went on the stereo he turned bright red stormed off, then got liquor drunk and would usually kick me and my younger buddies asses whilst blacked out. Ah, the good old days.
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 1:17 am
They used to call me "that kid with the huge brown pee pee."

Posted: Feb 11, 2006 1:40 am | Edited by: Windy
uh there was this girl that came into my 5th grade class half way through the year. i don't know what her name was but we called her the pain from spain (her family had just moved back from Spain) She ate the ex-lax laden candy intended for the teacher. I got suspended.
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 2:43 am
i used to pick on this kid a little bit as did everyone else.. i would chase him around the schoolyard and call him "snatcho" then one day the kids really got to him and he punched this kid in the stomach.
Later in my youth, kids called me VandenDouche. I like that name nowadays.
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 3:51 am
I got suspended.

as well as a good ole country ass whoopin

then we all laughed about it
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 6:08 am
Don't Laugh at Me
(allen shamblin/steve seskin)

I'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
'cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep

I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In god's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm the cripple on the corner
You've passed me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat
And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet

I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone cross that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
And right now I'm down to holdin'
This little cardboard sign...so

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In god's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In god's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 7:45 pm
"Red eye".
Hearing that one taught me how to fight as a wee bairn.
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 8:46 pm
SCUM-BOOGER - Was this poor kid at school, really tall & big, probaby coulda kicked anybodys ass. He was very slow, smelled metallic. And he's related to my step-mom.
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 8:47 pm
STEAK FINGERS - Was this girl that supposedly got caught masterbating with a hotdog. I alway that she was kinda hot.
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 8:49 pm
POODLE PUMPER / DOG FUCKER - was this guy John Poole who supposedly got caught...well, you know.
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 8:51 pm
ROGER DODGER THE BOOTY MASSAGER - Was this poor fat retarded kid with a perm. I cant even laugh about the shit this dude took (and I'm a cruel sick fuck).
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 8:52 pm
SNAKE DICK - Was this dude who apparently whipped his uncircumsized wang out.
Posted: Feb 11, 2006 8:53 pm
CROC-A-GATOR - Was this black girl that had some horrible skin condition.
Posted: Feb 12, 2006 6:01 pm
We used to throw rocks at all the jew kids and call them "Christ-killers" and "Dirty Kikes". I still laugh today when I think back on it.
Posted: Feb 12, 2006 7:59 pm
Treasure Troll Tuesday: This retarded girl that wore a t-shirt with a treasure troll on it EVERY Tuesday.
Posted: Feb 12, 2006 9:39 pm
not from school but when i was about 22 or so my friend kevin called a girl "kickball face" at a bar. i could never understand if he meant her face looked like a kickball or if it had been used as a kickball but either way i was pretty fucking loaded and it was pretty fucking funny.
Posted: Feb 12, 2006 9:41 pm
shit, i forgot all about this developmentally challenged kid named arthur who was known to one and all as "arty retardy".
Posted: Feb 12, 2006 10:34 pm
as well as a good ole country ass whoopin

no, i actually didn't get my ass beat for that one. dad just told me that i wasn;t gonna go to hell for something like that but that he wasn't going to let me out of sight come jr high because i was well on my way to juvie

and THEN we all laughed about it.
Posted: Feb 12, 2006 10:50 pm
Asprin: This annoying skater kid who was little and pale...like an asprin.

G-tard: Retarded guy who was white and dressed and talked all gangster. He loved the nickname. He used to walk into a classroom and yell "G-tard in the house!"
Posted: Feb 14, 2006 2:37 am | Edited by: SwizzleStick
There was this guy in junior high named Garen McDonald. He had this retarded step-brother named Ernest Johnson. For some reason, people called Ernest, Gurnest McJohson or Monkeyface. Unfortunately, his face was actually very monkey-like for a white boy.

These days, I think they call him Bazooka Joe. I could be wrong, though.
Posted: Feb 15, 2006 5:09 pm
Ok so this last post-SwizzleStick-and the above by bvalentine actually made me laugh out loud...esp. Steak Fingers, Croc-a-Gator, and Snake Dick.

I'm going to hell too but at least I'll be doing it knowing that I was called Capn' Crunch Teeth by a neighbor in gradeschool.
Posted: Feb 15, 2006 5:26 pm
We used to call this one kid "Beldar" because he had Conehead teeth.
Posted: Feb 15, 2006 9:15 pm
I learned a long time ago how the Chinese name their children. They take a handful of silverware and throw it on the floor. The noise it makes is the name they give their new baby. "Ling Ching" "Ning Dong", etc...you get the idea


there was a fat girl in my high school named brie, and called brie buns, cause everyone said she put a frozen hot dog in her pussy. i doubted that rumor, since no one ever actually talked to her, i dont know how they'd know.

i got called suckface for awhile, cause i was makin out with a boy on the bus. prudes!
Posted: Feb 15, 2006 9:16 pm
I thought all chinese people were called ping pong?
Posted: Feb 15, 2006 9:20 pm
We used to throw rocks at all the jew kids and call them "Christ-killers" and "Dirty Kikes". I still laugh today when I think back on it.

Some kids found out that my middle name is Lincoln. After that, my schoolyard nickname was Abraham Linc-kike. "Where's your top hat, Linc-kike?" Genius!
Posted: Feb 15, 2006 9:24 pm
you want to hear genius? from the time i was like 5 or something people called me 'arman hammer'.
Posted: Feb 15, 2006 11:14 pm
Cory Scaggs would eat my string beans to spare me the rod at Winegar's.
Seriously, they would spank you for not eating your vegetable scoop. Sick fuckers.
Posted: Apr 3, 2006 11:52 pm
erasable ('cause i real white) and i still that way
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 12:00 am
The cholos (mexi-gang-bangers) @ my middleschool used to call me PATO (spanish for duck) coz I'm flat footed and I used to bob up & down when I walked.

Posted: Apr 4, 2006 12:00 am
I vaguely remember calling this one girl "Suckadick" in school. I think I was really just hoping she would, though...
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 12:03 am
We used to call this kid "Cream" because he looked like the dude from the Cream of Wheat box. Also, another dark (mexican dude) we used to call "Choco". They still use these nicknames to this day... Kids are mean.
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 12:17 am
Another kid had the name "Corn Nut" because he had buckteeth AND they were yellow and rotten.
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 3:59 am
We had a kid named Bogus. His real name was Robino Bogustus Mugahi, and he threw snot at the popular girls. Also, there were 2 brothers, real wierd looking, huge foreheads. Everyone called them "Loner" (both bros got the same name.) Guys tormented these dudes, smashed their bikes, really humiliated them daily, but only one time did I see the guy freak out- and I mean LOSE IT. They'd say really crass shit, like about his mom sucking dick, etc., but he beat the shit out of his tormentor only when he was called CHICKENFACE! The worst insult.
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 4:20 am
There was this one dude that I went to school with that was a mongloid or hydrocephalic. At any rate, we used to call him "Mailbox Head". Another class mate of ours was caught masturbating by his sister, earning him the nickname "Spanky". I had poor posture in jr. high school so all the skater's and preppies would call me "Igor". Talk about good fuckin' times! I gotta choke back the tears!
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