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Goner Message Board / ???? / Who's Watching the Grammies Tonight???
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 10:36 pm
I am.... just as soon as I'm done standing on my head, putting my dick in my ear and fucking my brains out though my nose...

P.S. Where are the little animated smiley faces kept on this board?
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 10:38 pm
no emoticons here buddy!
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 10:39 pm
use verbs and adjectives.
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 10:50 pm
i heard some of the nominees on npr this morning. mostly profiling the chicago nominees.
ministry is up for best metal record....ministry? WHAT? that's one thing about the grammies that really gets to me: the recording industry has its finger on the pulse of the new and fresh sounds!
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 10:57 pm
I am, if I get back from my bathroom wall graffitti session in time.
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:05 pm
Here's a couple of classics for you Joe:

Here I sit
My bowels a flexin'
Just gave birth
to another Mexican

I saw this one in Texas and word Mexcian was crossed out and replaced with Texan!
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:06 pm
Here I sit all broken hearted
I tried to shit and only farted
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:07 pm
No matter how hard you shake and dance
The last drop always falls in your pants
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:12 pm
"...that's one thing about the grammies that really gets to me: the recording industry has its finger on the pulse of the new and fresh sounds..."

There's NOTHING more in the world that I HATE more than these industry awards shows and the Grammies is the all time worst!!! "Hey didn't we do great this year???" No you didn't!! I worked in Hollywood for over years and the whole Academy Awards..... Oh My God!!!... I'm getting so pissed I'm SHAKING.... excuse me
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:18 pm
shake it more than twice then you're playing with yourself
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:20 pm
A crude drawing of a penis or a vagina works.
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:24 pm
no Grammy event I've witnessed was more horrendous than a couple of years ago when dave grohl and i can't even remember what weak dick dudes were doing some really fucked up, fay quartet. maybe hootie was in it? i can't remember. did anyone SEE THAT?? i was stoned and it made it all the more PAINFUL to bear.
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:34 pm
Hey Joe, I read this one on a gas station bathroom wall in Oklahoma but feel free to use it.

Niggers are living proof that the Indians fucked the Buffalo.
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:39 pm
if you sprinkle when you tinkle
be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

words to live by.
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:41 pm
Some come here
to shit and stink
Some come here
to sit and think
I come here
to scratch my balls
and read the writing on the walls
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:52 pm
Above the urinal that covered with gaffitti:

Why are you laughing? The joke's in your hand!
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:55 pm
Heavy Metal Rules!

(to which a clever prankster adds)

...the Fools!
Posted: Feb 8, 2006 11:57 pm
I'm stealing this one. Perfection!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:00 am
"...I'm stealing this one. Perfection!..."

I'm sorry, these are all copywrited. You'll need written permission from the author and a lawyer.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:01 am
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:03 am
This is a teepee
for you to go peepee
Not a wigwam
to beat on your tom tom
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:05 am
"(insert name here*) gives good head"

*preferably female
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:08 am
damn, i think you've graffitti'ed every bathroom i've ever been in...

you forgot

"what are you looking up here for, the joke is in your hand"

or the classic "ping pong" where a jokester with a pen writes "look behind you" and then behind you, writes "look behind you."
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:20 am
What about where somebody draws two "V"s going opposite each other vertically. Then scribbles a dick on the top corner, facing down, and a pussy on the opposite bottom corner, facing up. Thus giving the effect of looking from the feet between a couple in the act of coitus.... This was all over my grammer school bathroom stalls. As soon as it was washed away it went right back up.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:28 am
What was that all over memphis a few years ago? holden rushing was born with a vagina. I think it was holden rushing is a woman, then holden rushing whines for cock. Everywhere! Who was that?
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:34 am
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:34 am
"...damn, i think you've graffitti'ed every bathroom i've ever been in... "

Eric, I didn't write these! These are from memory. I hardly ever have a pen with me when I in a public john, but all over Southern California it's been nothing but gang style graffitti for the last 15 years or so. It's time the kids be introduced back to some classics.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:49 am
Hey you nasty fuckers, the grammys might actualy be worth watching for this:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The biggest mystery at Wednesday night's Grammy Awards has nothing to do with how many of music's top prizes leading nominees Mariah Carey, Kanye West and John Legend will take home.

Rather, everyone is wondering whether reclusive funk music pioneer Sly Stone will make his first major public appearance in almost 13 years at the event.

Grammy organizers have invited the 61-year-old to attend the Staples Center ceremony, which will feature an all-star tribute to his band Sly and the Family Stone, purveyors of such hits as "Dance to the Music" and "Everyday People."

Stone, whose real name is Sylvester Stewart, last made a big splash in 1993, when he showed up briefly for the band's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Los Angeles. Dressed in a blue jumpsuit, he muttered "see ya soon," and quickly disappeared into the night. Since then, his only reported appearance was at a Los Angeles club last August for a tribute performed by blind musicians.

"I would expect him to be there," Recording Academy vice chairman Jimmy Jam told Reuters. "That's just my gut feeling."

And that's about the best organizers can hope for until the three-and-a-half-hour televised show begins at 8 p.m. EST (1 a.m. GMT).

Stone did appear at a Monday Grammys rehearsal, according to the Los Angeles Times. But the paper said he was late, dressed oddly in a hood, plastic camouflage slicker and pants and played only two of three run-throughs of a song. He disappeared for the third and had to be replaced on keyboards by a crew member.

Although Sly and the Family Stone were hugely influential practitioners of a pop-rock-funk hybrid that crossed racial barriers during their brief heyday in the late '60s-early '70s, Stone has not been able to bask in the glory. By the middle of the decade, as disco was catching on, he was plagued by drug problems and arrests. He was jailed at least twice in the '80s for cocaine possession. Various comebacks never led to much.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 12:53 am
Joe, this disscusion is now about bathroom wall graffitti, thanks very much to yourself, OK?
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 1:07 am
It was you who privided the inspiration, S. George.

And thanks!

And I'm sorry.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 1:14 am
What's the one that says something about "the crabs in this place jump three feet off the ground"????

I never truly paid attention to this stuff.... (sniff) and now it's gone...
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 1:33 am
no need to wipe the seat, cuz the crabs in here can jump 10 ft!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 1:36 am
"no need to wipe the seat, cuz the crabs in here can jump 10 ft!"

Thank you
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 1:41 am
There used to be a freeway overpass (either the 5 or the 405) down near the Los Angeles County/Orange County that said in HUGE letters: "NANCY HAS BOOBS!" It was there for years and I used to laugh EVERY time I passed it while driving with my folks.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 1:41 am
Bono is so annoying.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 1:58 am
Kelly Clarkson can eat a dick.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:04 am
I bet she can in a really good way.
Damn. Bono's on spewing more shit. U2 won best rock album. No doubt, as he pimped that Vertigo song EVERYWHERE. Has it only been out this year? I must've heard it 100,000 times.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:14 am
God, he makes me so mad. I loathe him. Isn't Helter Skelter a John song?
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:15 am
That's John!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:17 am
But Paul did a killer Little Richard. 43 fucking years ago.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:18 am
Immean, yeah, that's Paul. I'm kinda drubnk and only from three beers. Sorry, it's only Tuesday.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:18 am
"Whatever you do, don't look down."
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:18 am
Oh I still loathe him. What was with all that video keyboard stuff? It hurt my head. He's such a BABY!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:19 am
It's Wednesday, BJ.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:25 am
It's Wednesday, BJ.

Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:25 am
Doesn't the Rolling Stones "Beggar's Banquet" have a bunch of bathroom wall graffitti on it? I can't find my copy right this second.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:34 am
Well, I don't think the Beatles were overrated...you know, historically speaking music wise.
I'll agree with the "stupid cunt" comment, though.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:02 am
Sly? Oh no, this is blasphemous.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:06 am
Oh lord, there he is. I'm mesmerized. He looks way weirder than Miles ever did!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:11 am
I think he's done done that, and arose from the dead.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:12 am
And then he walked... although who can blame him? What was that, the Opryland theme park Sly medley or the Solid Gold Sly medley?
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:13 am
I've been rocking this early Sly Syewart 45 lately. It's called "I Just Learned How To Swim" and it deserves 23 Grammys.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:14 am | Edited by: Alisa
Whatever it was, it was downright embarrassing as fuck.

Talkin about the medley...
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:16 am
The show peaked early with U2 and Mary J.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:16 am
So tell me what happened with Sly so I don't have to sit through that shit. I am two hours behind you, Alisa!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:18 am
No No No. Paul Mc rapping Yesterday with Jay Z and Linkin Park. This is dreadful.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:18 am
Oh it's getting even weirder. Kanye (I think) and Paul McCartney are onstage with some other guy singing "Yesterday"...Kanye has on the LENNON NYC shirt!!!!!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:19 am
Okay, JayZ. I'm so out of touch.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:20 am
You really have to try to be this awful. They must have spent months planning this. It will probably good for a drop of 10 percentage points in CD sales at the end of the year.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:23 am | Edited by: Alisa
Fiery, if you're a fan of surrealism, I'd stay tuned. The whole musical experience is just thrown all together and blending in a most LSD way. There was this dreadful Sly medley with....I don't even know. Joss Stone, Steve Tyler...many others I'm trying to block out. Then Sly came out. I would definitely stick around for that appearance. He played keyboard and sang for a little bit on Higher. Whoa. He had a huge blonde mohawk and a Wicked Pickett gold lame cape. His shirt was slit to the navel. It was awesome. Looked all the world like Miles Davis, though...in his declining years.

Moondoggy, you're right about MJB and One. That was really good.
You're right about the rest, too.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:26 am
I thought it was a Plasmatics reunion when Sly emerged. Oh, and more surrealness... Dave Chappelle introduces the medley... Mr. MIA meet Mr. MIA. What's next Jimmy Hoffa introducing a Jim Morrison medley?
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:30 am
Eck. Why does this Joss Stone even exist??? I don't know if I can take her twice in 4 days (she was with Stevie at the Super Bowl and she tries to overtake everone else that is more famous than she is with her big blonde self).

How was Mariah? I really like the two ballads off that album. Seriously.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:31 am
Yep, they should have said goodnight after MJB and U2. It just doesn't get better than that. She was feeling it... carried away. Like she didn't care if anyone else was in the room except her and the band.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:33 am
How far into the show is the Sly thing? I just can't see us sitting through all of that. Cable spoils a girl.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:33 am
I like those Mariah songs, too. Unfortunately, she just lost Song of the Year to that fucking annoying BONO!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:34 am
Mariah tried. She did a Billy Joel... bringing in a church choir. But the bell had already been rung.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:36 am
Ahhhh...yeah, having to go up against mary j, no comparison. But that "We Belong Together" is as good as it gets; reminds me of Mary J more than Mariah in parts.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:36 am
Yep, they should have said goodnight after MJB and U2. It just doesn't get better than that. She was feeling it... carried away. Like she didn't care if anyone else was in the room except her and the band.
Agreed. But I am glad I caught Sly.
Hell, I'll probably watch the rest of it.
Hey, Merle Haggard won the Lifetime Acheivement.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:39 am
her bitties deserve a grammy
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:40 am
Jamie Foxx and Kanye West with marching bands...
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:41 am
Fuck... Fuck ... Fuck. It's like the Music Man on acid.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:43 am
I do love that Golddigger song.
Man, I am falling all over the floor. This is SO strange.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:44 am
High School production of Music Man...updated to this time period, of course.
How modern!
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:45 am
THIS was where the bring out Sly.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:46 am
THIS was where to bring out Sly.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 4:09 am
That guy rules.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 4:12 am
hell yeah. that's some ruling...
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 4:25 am
Allen Touissant rules, too.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 4:31 am
Well, I must say that was a bang up finish. Sam Moore and Irma Thomas singing "Midnight Hour" after Touissant and Dr. John.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 4:56 am
wow.... i didn't even realize they were tonight. amazing. i'm so happy they were not on my radar.

i went to see peter case tonight and he told this story introducing one of the songs off the tribute to mississippi john hurt album that he a&r'd and was nominated for a grammy - the year t bone burnett swept and won either 8 or 11 of them and peter was talking about being in the loser's circle with bono and bob dylan. it was funny - but i guess you had to be there.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 5:06 am
Was it funnier than Sly's mohawk?
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 5:33 am
i didn't see sly's mohawk...does he look like an old man version of jean bouvoir? or is it just sad.... like old man crack addict sad?

i do think hearing "loser's circle" and "bono" in the same sentence is pretty funny, though.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 5:54 am
It looked like Jean B with Sly circa 1970s shades. He looked okay but he was only on for part of the last song and he walked during it. He was also doing a Brian Wilson... singing when he felt like it and not singing when he didn't feel like it, which was most of the time. I bet someone had their hand on the dump button and was sweating gallons during the two minutes he was "on."
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 6:23 am
during the mid/late 80s before i left LA, sly was on this kick of going to shows and then coming up to "join" whoever was performing.

on more than one occasion, he joined bobby womack. on a good day, they were stupendous, and you wished there was a recording made.... other times, it was disastrous. poor sly.... can't get that monkey off his back
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 7:46 am
HEY --- what time did the telecast end? someone in LA is calling me when its over and i wanna know how long i have to wait.
thank you
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 2:37 pm
Paul gets lotta points for doing Helter Skelter and not, say, hey Jude.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 3:32 pm
Paul did Helter Skelter? Can somebody post the Youtube link whenever it's up? Thanks.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 7:28 pm
How long have they been giving an award in the "featuring" category? I hate that "featuring" shit.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 7:32 pm
i didnt know Goners watched the Grammy's.....i'm suprised
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 7:35 pm
I usually surf by 'em to see if Mariah Carey looks like a $5 whore . . . she usually does.

I really hate Gwen Stefani and her "rich girl" song featuring Eve.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 7:37 pm
i was all about Project Runway.....that pesky Santino is skating on thin ice.
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 7:37 pm
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 9:51 pm
"he who writes on bathroom walls
rolls his shit in little balls
he who reads this bit of wit
eats those little balls of shit!"

The more you read this, the more you realise how true it is
Posted: Feb 9, 2006 10:11 pm
Just above a urinal: "You have a small penis"
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