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Goner Message Board / ???? / You're boring.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:24 pm
 
I was hoping to be entertained and goof off a few times today but there is nothing worth a fart on this board today...Wow me. Insult me. Give me a fuggin thrill.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:25 pm
 
Boring and lazy
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:25 pm
 
Question: How do you guys select the music for porn? Is it pre-packaged? Done in-house? Is there a particular group of musicians you use?
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:27 pm
 
yeah me...I do a handful of tunes as well as another video editor.

It's tough. They don't want clever or even unique music for obvious reasons.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:28 pm
 
what's wrong with GONER'S today?
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:30 pm
 
Go watch the Arnold vid. You've never seen anything so un-p.c.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:31 pm
 
Go harass everyone on the Wisconsin rnr board:
http://www.statictrash.com/phpBB2/
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:31 pm
 
You might actually find something interesting there.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:35 pm
 
Wisconsin is cold and boring...Some good music though. It better be good joe I'm not in the mood for crap right now.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:35 pm
 
I really want to put a tune into a porn movie. It's like a life-long dream. Give me a description of something you need. Pretty please.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:36 pm
 
Right on...If you got anything worth a dime that's what they want. Nothing good or tasteful at all. Seriously.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:39 pm
 
O.K. Seriously. I guess my only question is, would this be for "soft-lighting with filters" or "raunchy, holy-cow-I-can-see-inside-the-Bat-Cave"?
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:39 pm
 
Watch the fucking vid already. Dang!
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:40 pm
 
I've been arguing with a co worker all day about pink floyd. He doesn't know who barret is or anything else but the wall. Hilarious, but sad. He's listening to Dave mathews right now. Godsmack is on deck. Oh my, I'm goin to lunch.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:41 pm
 
Jack, I'm in on this one with you. I've been looking for an excuse to buy a Wah-Wah pedal anyway.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 9:43 pm
 
Let's do this, man! I have a Casio ready to go!
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 10:45 pm
 
I want in on this shit with ya Jack.

I bought this little keyboard/groovebox called a Roland MC-303 in the mid 90's, and it had a bunch of sample songs on it. I also had one of those cable black boxes that got free pay channels and pay-per-view. Right after we got the box, I was watchin the Spice Channel, and I hear one of the sample songs from the MC-303! Fuckin hilarious. From that point forward, I too have always wanted to do some porn music cause it seems so easy.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 11:09 pm
 
oh hey brad. sorry to have bummed you out. do you think you could get over it and we could be "friends" again?
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 11:35 pm | Edited by: Jack Stands
 
brad, can you or clotta whip up some porn drums? Two tracks? One soft and gentle, the other one raunchy, possibly for fisting?

MattyB, in. Scott, in.

I too have always wanted to do some porn music cause it seems so easy.
This is totally about bragging rights.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 11:39 pm
 
cool. yeah i would still love that pack cd. thanks.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 11:40 pm
 
what pack cd?
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 11:49 pm | Edited by: I am the Arm
 
Jack, did ya know fisting vids are illegal in the USA on DVD? I call it the "rule of thumb". There has to be a thumb visible here, not the same as euro-porn's whole ARM up in it.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 11:50 pm
 
Got it. Thanks.

Brad, use no thumbs.
Posted: Dec 12, 2005 11:52 pm
 
haha, I could use some shitty soundin casio melodies...I'm terrible at a bland melody. Any good ones you got, I'm up for stickin it in...A soundtrack or root menu that is.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 12:12 am
 
I remember my dad had this video under his bed and it had this horrible but funny song that went:

working for the I... R...S, I've been workin for the I...R..S

Guess you had to be there.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 12:19 am
 
bushmeister: a cd-r of the pack album.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 1:18 am
 
I remember my dad had this video
I'd like to think you weren't watching that one with your dad.
Sounds like a great soundtrack.
The music I've done in the past is instrumental. Vocals just seem over the top corny.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:06 am
 
Watch the fucking vid already. Dang!

Arnold teaches the world how to suck cock. Nice one Joe
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:08 am
 
What about when he made those little hand binoculars when the "mulatos" started dancing? That was hysterical!
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:10 am
 
He's hi as shit through the whole thing. What a hippie. Hilarious!
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:14 am
 
Why, yes. Yes I do!
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:18 am
 
I'll take anything cheesy and tasteless...
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:20 am | Edited by: Jack Stands
 
Don't you worry about that none. I was inspired by the Yacht Rock and the Weather Channel.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:23 am
 
Nice...I'm intrigued. Hit me with it.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:35 am
 
What happens with porn music? Does someone come in and say "Right, we got a DVDA then the guys withdraw and two shoot on the tits, the other guys shoot on the ass. So we need something that kinda builds up to a crescendo. You think you can come up with something this afternoon? Great"
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:43 am | Edited by: Shaun A
 
"Right, I'm really sorry to disturb you, I know you're busy. But we really need something to accompany an anal fisting scene we just shot. I know this is last minute but the director is shouting at us about needing music. It's in the editing suite now. Just anything will do. Maybe something with trombones. Thanks, I owe you one"
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:51 am
 
having never seen a fisting video, can you please be more specific as to musical style?

Fisting should sound like the heavy metal pole-dancer at the shake-joint, done with drums loud, and no fills. Almost like a drum machine.
Like this.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 2:53 am
 
But the other, remember: soft lighting, filters, slightly smokey, and remeniscent of dew on spring flowers. Like "Sailing" by Christopher Cross. That's the magic....
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 3:19 am
 
lots of ride cymbal?
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 3:54 am
 
if your scoring something for a fisting, you'd want something Clapton-esque, i'd think.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 3:56 am
 
Clapton-esque
I would think that vein would run more Pete Townshend-ish...
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 12:05 pm
 
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 3:51 pm
 
Like this.

duh..nah..nah..nah...
duh..nah..nah..nah...
duh..nah..nah.....nuh!

then the fisting comes in.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 4:01 pm
 
Best porn music I've ever heard was in "Biker Trash." Mid-'80s "film" made with what looks like just a step above camcorders. Featuring a non-fucking cameo from a kinda/sorta young(er) Ron Jeremy, overweight (and real) bikers with hilarious tattoos, very disgusting female actresses, hilariously bad looped sound that doesn't match the video, etc. Anyway, the song in question is called "Fuck You." Sounds like a really horrible bar band attempting to sound "tough," but they come off like the Gizmos trying to cover Steppenwolf. Pretty great.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:06 pm
 
Almost like a drum machine.

Jack you got the job. I just listened to 8 seconds of that...
Techno and other drum machine style beats work for sure. The guitar is good too. Heavy is good for anal. Brad wah wah funky is over rated and played out. But sexy and smooth shit is cool sometimes too.

having never seen a fisting video...Me neither. I've seen it several times in person though, never on film.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:08 pm
 
Today is fucking really boring around here.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:08 pm
 
O.K. Seriously. I guess my only question is, would this be for "soft-lighting with filters" or "raunchy, holy-cow-I-can-see-inside-the-Bat-Cave"?

Bat cave for sure
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:13 pm
 
Scott Rogers is coming over tonight to work on the Dutch Masters and the Smooth Groove for Soft Filters tonight. I have a theme for this soft classic, but really need to get it on tape.

The heavy stuff actually came from an ongoing project of mine, "Music For Shake Joints". I want to make an album of strip club music, too; that's my other dream. You're more than welcome to use it, if you can find a place for it.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:19 pm
 
I wish I knew someone who could play saxophone, too...
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:23 pm
 
I just played it for a co-worker. He's laughing and sayin it sounds like the last feature called Anal Renegades. It fits right in. He thinks it's perfect. Can you send it to me in another format besides MP3? Good work Jack. Keep it up.

Joe, you need a hug?
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:24 pm
 
Yep. What format you prefer?
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:25 pm
 
wav file or on cd-r in stereo...I really want to avoid MP3
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:27 pm
 
I'll email you. I can upload the wav.

Thanks, man!
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:28 pm
 
nice...I'll let ya know when I get it.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:29 pm
 
I need booze, drugs and records. You know, the stuff that makes things un-boring.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:29 pm
 
Yeah, like wings.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:31 pm
 
and batman re-runs!
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:32 pm
 
and the new norton catalog.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:33 pm
 
Joe, get yourself a cup of java and vodka a joint and a cigarette and slap on some old western shit...Sons of the pioneers if ya got em'. Always a funtime.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:33 pm
 
Sorry, dudes. Making a dream come true here. O.K., maybe not you're dream, but...
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:34 pm
 
I need booze, drugs and records. You know, the stuff that makes things un-boring.

amen. I need some too.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 6:46 pm
 
Jack, the editor in chief liked it.

I'll have to send you a release for legal purposes and it's a deal.
Your name will appear in the credits as you wish...So come up with a name or use your real name if you'd like.
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 8:28 pm | Edited by: Windy
 
Jack Stands' name in a porno flick. damn.
So JackStands, what does my lawyer have to get you out of for me to get a copy of THIS?
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 8:56 pm
 
Arm! Sent link to your yahoo e-mail. Let me know if you don't get it!
Posted: Dec 13, 2005 8:58 pm
 
Jack Stands' name in a porno flick.
YEEEEE HAAAAWWWWW!!!!
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 1:00 am
 
Today is fucking really boring around here.

What is it? I'm catchin a cold just for fun now.
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 1:01 am
 
Jack "give it to me" Stands
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 1:03 am
 
Jack "fouteen inches" Stands

Or maybe Jizzy Rivers or Dick feelings (or has Killings used that name before???)
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 1:03 am
 
Actually Mr Stands, Jack Stands sounds already pornolized!
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 1:23 am
 
Jack Sands, Jack Hands, Jack Handy, or just plain Jack.
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 1:31 am
 
Dirty jack, he's a naughty one
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 2:05 am
 
Jack Mehoff
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 2:12 am
 
congratulations jack on your succesful porno soundtrack!
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 2:18 am
 
eric o face...eric o mygod. eric o giveittome. eric o ergasm.
got one for yourself?
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 5:02 am
 
Scott says we're going with a 6/8 Ballad for the "soft-light, girl-touches-flowers-naked" scene.
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 1:51 pm
 
I want to make porn music. But I'd need to see the footage first. Actually, it would be cool to just let me plug up (my guitar) and jam along to the footage. But I dont know how well I'd play with a hand full of lotion.
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 1:57 pm
 
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 6:34 pm
 
No way...You didn't do that. Did you?

I'm horny for some reason. That big taco looked nice.
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 6:46 pm
 
No... but I woulda.
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 6:51 pm
 
Sideways sloppy joe!
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 6:59 pm
 
I was hopin they'd say Moose Knuckle. I'll take some cooter cleavage instead.
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 7:03 pm
 
Do you get to jackoff while editing?
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 7:37 pm
 
I got two hands. Why not? I'm a big boy.
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 10:54 pm
 
I'd love to join you.
Posted: Dec 14, 2005 11:00 pm
 
Posted: Sep 5, 2011 9:56 pm
 
bubb
Posted: Sep 5, 2011 11:31 pm
 
Weird. Brad's posts are missing from when the cops showed up at his door with reams (I said reams) of goner and other threads printed out.
Part of this is like reading Garfield Minus Garfield.
Posted: Sep 5, 2011 11:34 pm
 
Also, I think Arm got canned shortly after this, or maybe it was later.
Point is, the song never made it into a porno - but it almost did.
Arm also sent me some free porn eventually.
I love Arm.
Posted: Sep 6, 2011 12:06 am
 
yeah they had literally a bible sized sheaf of paper. (i said sheaf)
it was indexed and bookmarked too so they could quickly flip from subject to subject.
Posted: Sep 6, 2011 12:07 am
 
i would estimate at least 600 pages...
Posted: Sep 6, 2011 12:12 am
 
Crazy. You should write them a nasty letter about wasting govt. resources.
Posted: Sep 6, 2011 12:34 am
 
they were ordered by the judge of an ongoing murder trial to investigate, i believe they did what was correct, nothing more or less. i had a couple big bongs sitting out and they didnt say anything about them though they made comments to make it clear they were aware of their presence. i am the idiot that made them waste their time, and they made it clear if they had to come back it would be difficult for me. they said something to the effect of "we dont want to infringe on your freedom of speech but you might want to be more careful what you write online". it made me consider what i was writing and who the intended audience was versus the reality of anyone with an internet connection being able to easily put 2+2 together. my guess is perhaps family of the victim were googling the case and saw the reference to a joke swampy made and i went along with about me being on the jury. obviously if you had read my posts at the time you know it would not be a good idea to have me on any jury. also, if you didnt know us its easy to see how someone would not "get" the joke, the whole thing was a joke to us and there is no punchline, i love andy kaufman and the type of humor that doesnt let everyone "in on it". the scariest part was when they read me something i wrote about being convicted of a crime i did not commit and the cops lying on the stand, confronted with that by two angry detectives was bad but i told them it was true and i did write it. i think their visit was legit, they had to make sure i was not on the jury or influencing anyone who was on the jury. the judge had the responsibility to send out investigators and they were a little hard on me but they were fair and didnt threaten me or waste time charging me for some weed bongs.
Posted: Sep 6, 2011 8:20 am
 
on this note I would just like to reaffirm that I have never been in the CIA. Alot of folks have but not me...I would also like to reaffirm that I am well endowed in the pants.

Guitar Wolf 4-ever!!!!
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