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Goner Message Board / ???? / I shit my pants today
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:21 pm
It was fucking horrible. I had to run home from the library cos there was no toilet. I was about thirty seconds from my front door and I just couldn't stop it. I've never done that before. Bad day.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:22 pm
I stayed home from work on Friday cuz I woulda shit my pants on the way. Sorry bro.

Hee's something that'll settle your tummy, I made my famous pot roast last night. It was great and there's tons of leftovers. Come on over!
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:25 pm
I'm afraid to go too far from the house now. I was real lucky that I was close by. I had brown trousers on but the smell woulda been awful. I'm gonna have job interviews soon too. Might have to buy some special pants. Thanks for the offer. Might poop round later.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:25 pm
I mean pop round.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:32 pm
I almost did this once on the train to work. I got off at some random stop and ran to a supermarket, laughing the whole time. I kinda wish I actually would've shit myself, if for nothing other than the experience of it all, but also because I hated my coworkers and would've liked to make them smell my shit all day.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:34 pm
I think running adds to the problem. I might just sit down and take deep breaths next time. Cos there will be a next time.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:35 pm
someone shit all over the floor of the mens' room last night at the buccaneer. Was that you?
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:35 pm
I wish.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:38 pm
I love shitting all over the Buc.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:39 pm
Muddy pased out ON THE TOILET at Magnetic Field in Brooklyn but there was no shit, other than his face.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 5:40 pm
Good times. Shit, I gotta go.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 7:04 pm
its amazing how many times i've either, or been told by friends, nearly, just barely made it to the toilet, bursting through the door, wildingly attempting to take off a belt and back up onto a bowl, just making it by miliseconds to a colonblow of laughing sweet relief. makes me think in 20 years or so everyone i know is going to be shitting themselves all over town when they are too old to run, too old to care.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 7:17 pm
recently, i was drinking and driving. had to piss so bad and was almost home. so i finally pull into the driveway, head toward my stairwell (which is inside) and finally get to the top. fuckin' lights burnt out and i cant find the right key. holdin' my dear self, i just start pissin my jeans. shittin' yerself seems a lot shittier.
Posted: Dec 5, 2005 11:17 pm
A friend of my mother's was on a church trip in Europe to sing for the pope. she had to shit but couldn't figure out the pay toilets. She had a shitty performance.
Posted: Dec 6, 2005 12:47 am
that guy that played the guitar for the pope with his feet...
how does he wipe?
a hobby horse maybe?
Posted: Dec 6, 2005 2:24 am
it's not too badd to shit yourself...it just sucks when you do it in your sleep and you accidently shit all over the girl you brought home...i haven't heard that much screaming in a long time...i say shut it ori do it again...this time on yer fca e
Posted: Dec 6, 2005 5:16 am
man,, i remember working at factories, and you had to get someone to relieve you for a potty break...goddamn that shit.
Posted: Dec 6, 2005 5:17 am
sometimes i shoulda wore an adult diaper.
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 3:30 pm
What kind of shampoo do you use? I JUST SHIT MY PANTS!
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 4:05 pm
Muddy Rear.
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 4:07 pm
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 4:14 pm
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 4:18 pm
i pooped in my pants on the way to the bus about 4 years ago. i had just gotten over the flu, and i'd been fine for a few days. i had to fart (i thought) so i let her rip, and crapped myself. i had to turn around and walk 4 blocks back to my place. i called my boss and told him i was gonna be late cause i crapped my pants on the way to the bus. he thought it was awesome.
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 4:21 pm
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 4:36 pm
That would be catagorized as a SHART.
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 4:43 pm
bushmeister got banned?
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 5:26 pm
All you have to do is hold you ass, run away and just scream "someone put shit in my pants"
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 6:19 pm
haha! you earned your name. "muddy spear" as in TURD. harhar.

the other day, my work restroom was full of diarrhea splattered all over the aisle floor leading to the stall then all over the toilet. some people man! must be those loose sphincters huh? grody.
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 8:24 pm
Happened to me once when I was working at a record store on a Sunday - by myself. Had to sheepishly ask the customers to come back later while I ran home...
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 9:09 pm
my dad shit all over my sisters apartment once
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 9:22 pm
oh yeah. that was hilarious. I still can't figureout how he managed to get it on the "pretty" towels that were hanging on the wall.
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 9:22 pm
mom farted and shat herself once at the mutts & butts
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 9:33 pm
i was completely drunk, at a party, thinking "man, i gotta shit real bad". i hurry to the toilet, and think "oh good, i made it in time" - then i pull down my pants and see my legs are already full of diarrhea. that shit was so diarrhiffic, it was just light brown water, but lots of it. it had been a very drunk time back then for weeks and weeks, so i guess my ass just couldn't hold on to that beershit no more. still i had a girl lick my balls later that evening, that must've been a real delicacy.
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 9:54 pm
Posted: Jul 27, 2006 11:18 pm
Even worse than disgracing your pants is being found out. Pissed my pants at school when I was in the first grade (over 40 years ago) and my brother still makes fun of me to this today. I knew that whatever I great things I might have accomplished in this life , there would always be the threat of " Yeah, he might have cured cancer ,but did you know he pissed his britches in front of the whole class in the first grade?".
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 1:24 am
I worked security at a midwest grocery chain about 10 years ago, and when we caught some lady stealing she was so scared that she shit her pants on the spot. It was by far the most foul thing I've ever smelled. We had to search her pockets for merchandise, and we were all gagging the entire time. I feel sick just thinking about it.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 2:54 am
a friend of mine shit his pants while we were playing racquetball in college. he thought it was going to be a fart. sounded like lightning hitting wood.

cilantro really makes me have to shit. and not in a clean way. i love mexican food & this has caused problems more than once.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 3:00 am
I've shit myself twice at work. It kind of goes along with the third shift baker's position. You put in the bread, all of the sudden it hits you and you can't risk ruining your whole night and burning the bread, so you wait, and then you start checking it, cause you know you can't hold it anymore, which makes it take longer and then half a second from the toilet you shit yerself.

First time it happened I lived two blocks from work, and I took care of it. The second time was at a different place, far from home, and I just left and never came back.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 6:21 am
if i'm drunk on mad dog or irish rose and standing in my freeway begging spot, i just shit and piss in my pants..see the cops can rest ya if ya drop trawl, nopw i just put my wang in a covered trash can and got myself trained to shit in the am only..
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 11:20 am
I'm walking down a causeway in Dunedin, Florida. Probably a mile long. Hot as fuck outside, mid-afternoon, summer.

1/4 of the way there, I realize I got the liquid shits coming for a visit. Rather than turn back and go home, I decide to hike to the end of the causeway, where I (incorrectly) assume I will make it to a bathroom.

There is no bathroom on the causeway.

I make it back almost to the edge of the causeway, after a journey all the way to the end and back. I'm about to explode the whole time. Finally, it just comes out. I grin and bear it. I figure I'm almost home, and if some old lady smells or sees shit coming out of my shorts, it's not the end of the world. I just said "please God, don't let any hot chicks walk past me while I'm simmering in my own waste."

I look up about 40 seconds later. Two blondes in swimsuits walking towards me with picinic baskets in their hands.

Posted: Jul 28, 2006 1:20 pm
I have this guy at work who used to shit his pants about 5 times a year. He used it as an excuse to take a day off; "hey boss, gotta go home to change clothes, I've done it again". And then he stayed home the rest of the day. After a dozen times our boss didn't trust him no more and no matter what he said, he had to finish his work first.
It has never happened again since.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 1:58 pm
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 2:51 pm
A buddy of mine shit his pants while puking outside of a bar one night. He then had to walk home about 2 miles with puke on his shirt and shit running down his leg. I made fun of him pretty hard after hearing the story. But then about 2 weeks later I was riding in said friend's brother's car to go pick up some weed, and farted and shit my pants pretty bad. I told him we needed to go back to my house because I forgot my money, but then I admitted what really happened a few days later.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 4:51 pm
HAHAHA! Thanks for bringing this thread back. I'm crying...
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 4:54 pm
After a dozen times our boss didn't trust him no more and no matter what he said, he had to finish his work first.

Not a very smart move for your boss to make. That's a lawsuit waiting to happen. Even if the man doesn't have a medical condition, he could probably never have to work again and make it so your boss would never be hired again in management. A friend of my family, who is now a judge in the town I was born in, well, he's told me of lots of weird lawsuits he's one. One of them was for a ten year old kid who chronically wet the bed. He got the kid so much money in disability that he'll never have to work again. Apparantly having that weak of a bladder basically prevents you from ever having a good job, or that was what the argument was at least.

I don't know the guy in question, maybe he's just a manipulative douchebag, but from the sounds of it, he may just not press charges because of the embarasment associated with his case, in which case, your boss should probably be curb stomped.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 5:55 pm
That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Not in the Netherlands. Like I said, the guy only used it as an excuse to take the rest of the day off. Even if he had some sort of medical condition, the most he would get out of a lawsuit is his boss being fired. There's certainly no money in it for the guy, Dutch court doesn't award that much as in America.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 6:03 pm
That's how people ask for the rest of the day off in the Netherlands?
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 6:32 pm
That's how people ask for the rest of the day off in the Netherlands?

it worked in kindergarten.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 6:59 pm
he thought it was going to be a fart.

This happened to my kid last night.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 9:07 pm
eh - i'm glad someone brought up the problem with being a baker & having to shit.

i used to make dough for a mom/pop pizza place in college. every day, like clockwork, i'd have to shit at the same time. the problem was that it was always when the dough was rising & before i'd spread it into pans.

i had to time my shits *just* right so that the dough wouldn't rise so much it became too difficult to roll out. just a minute or two extra on the can complicated things a whole lot, especially during the summer when it was really hot (causing dough to rise quicker).

i've obviously led a rough life.
Posted: Jul 28, 2006 9:43 pm
That's my favourite shits/dough rising story ever! I'm gonna read it again later. Thanks.
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