Goner Message Board
 | Forums | Register | Reply | Search | Statistics | Manual |
Goner Message Board / ???? / HO. LEE. CRAP!!!
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:31 pm

Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1 Million

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo's sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:36 pm
Is his arrogance a gimmick? You really gotta read this interview hid did with himself in Grand Royal.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:37 pm
The one in BB Gun was pretty priceless, too.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:38 pm
Hmmmm... I'll see if it's in my stack.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:39 pm
Is that the one where he rips Ricci to shreds? If so, that was pretty friggin' funny.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:40 pm
By funny I mean ridiculous.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:40 pm
By funny I mean ridiculous.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:54 pm
A blond jew, those don't come around very often.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 6:55 pm
Didn't think it was possible, but he's truly one-upped himself.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 7:04 pm
Is that the one where he rips Ricci to shreds? If so, that was pretty friggin' funny.

Yeah, he's on the cover. Came out a couple years ago.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 9:27 pm
the richest fag in the world is going to buy some of it and guzzle that shit! greg lowery, comments?
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 9:31 pm
WHY??????? What the fuck?? Nazi, man.
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 9:33 pm
sounds like he is trying to make a blond blue eyed jewish master race
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 10:30 pm
didn't anyone tell him that April 1 was 7 months ago?
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 10:41 pm
I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt.

If you're into chicks with giant clits...
Posted: Nov 4, 2005 10:41 pm
And meat curtains.
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 4:08 am
If you wanna take a gander at Vincent Gallo in 25 years check out Uncle Leo from Seinfeld.
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 4:26 am
heard him interviewed on Stern last year and Dead Air Dave went crazy with the dump button on Gallo's rant.

Unc Leo also had a bit part as an usher in "Everbody Loves Raymond"
I really like it when old actors get bit parts - now if they would only have a slick 60 banging a twitty 20, or don't they do that with the strippers in The Sopranos?
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 4:32 am
thank you for making me laugh for the first time today, mr. ick. that's priceless
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 5:12 am
funny! the guy is nonstop laughs! i can't believe it.

what about his video featuring paris hilton? so ridicuous.

http://theprettiestpony.typepad.com/the_prettiest_pony/2005/01/vincent _gallo_t.html
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 7:54 am
which grand royal is it in? i only have the lee perry and moog issues...i need to track the others down, theres like six in total right
Posted: Nov 5, 2005 9:37 am
who dat..?
Posted: Nov 7, 2005 5:03 pm
This is a great way to finance films.
Posted: Jan 23, 2006 7:20 pm
I remember, every now and then, one of my good friends would confess to me that they just got herpes. I'd say, "Aw, man fuck that's awful!" Then I'd say, "How did you get it?" They would always say, "You know what girl Jean was dating...?" It was like that. Thank God for Jean because it put fear of disease in my mind by 1979. Otherwise, I probably would have gone up a few girls' assholes, without a rubber. But I was afraid of herpes. That probably saved my AIDS life. I was famous for the rubber. Girls would always say, "I'm not gonna get pregnant!" I would say, "Pregnant? I'm going up your ass. I'm not worried about pregnancy"
Posted: Jan 23, 2006 8:48 pm
Who'd want the fucker's sperm if they couldn't "span time" with him. What a cocksucker. Pardon the pun.
Posted: Jan 23, 2006 8:50 pm
Just pretend like we're spanning time, ok?
Posted: Jan 24, 2006 12:04 am
Blimey, didn't expect to bump into this lot here!
Posted: Jan 24, 2006 12:23 am
I'll do it for HALF PRICE! Think about it ladies!
Your Reply Click this icon to move up to the quoted message

Only registered users are allowed to post here. Please, enter your username/password details upon posting a message, or register first.

  Goner Message Board Powered by PHP Forum Software miniBB ®