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Goner Message Board / Memphis / The Beer Joint on Broad and the P&H Cafe.....
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 2:01 pm

I am a former Memphian who lives and works in China. I have not been home in over seven years, although I look at the Commercial Appeal and this website to get a going on about what is happening back home.

My favorite place to have a burger was the P&H Cafe on Madison back in the late 1990s when Marty was the cook. Now Marty was a very obese woman, very homely, and more or less a druggie. She asked me once if I could take her to the 'hood to score, and although then I was a fellow traveller, I politely turned her down. At least the dealers would of been too busy laughing at two humongous people stuffed in a Toyota looking for white pebbles at 2 AM on Court...........

But I liked old Marty, and damn she made the best hamburger. I e-mailed the owner a couple years ago and was told that Marty is in prison. Does anyone know what happened to her? What did she do and all that.

One time, I was with Marty and we picked up a bartender at the Beer Joint named Possom, who was uglier than Marty. Cockeyed and all. Once Possum made a pass at me and I walked swiftly away. For some odd reason drunk, we ended up going inside the Paris Adult Movie Theatre. Now I have always loved pornography since I was a kid, and love going into porno places, although the genre is probably fading away because of computers and free porn there, but what makes a porn store great is all the rubber things they have, double dildos, vaginas complete with clit and hair. The rubber love doll. Amyl Nitrate. Then there is the completely weird person behind the counter, someone with tattoos and a face/haircut and general demeanor unfit for general society. A misfit who can only secure employment in a porno den on the midnight shift in a sketchy neighborhood.

I went to the Beer Joint because they were open when I got off work at 4 AM. The owner was a real asshole. He is in this sketchy, mostly black area operating a redneck bar with confederate flags and a general distain for the alcohol laws of the state of Tennessee and Memphis (not that most TN or Memphis laws are worth honoring, but still.) I remember about the guy was that he did not allow anyone to swear in his place. He got really mad about it. This was a real drunky place, with patrons dozing off only to be slapped awake by the bartender on duty, who worked a 12 hour shift in that shithole selling Budweiser in a can, with fruit machines in the front. I was introduced to David Alan Coe in that bar, which was worth the time spent there, no matter how occasionally harrowing.

Good times. Had to move to China to get my sanity back.

Posted: Aug 22, 2008 2:32 pm
hold on a sec...
<makes popcorn...opens beer>

Okay...go ahead.
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 2:32 pm
best post ever
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 2:44 pm
thanks for that, senor. so what do you do in China, if you don't mind me asking?
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 3:14 pm
thanks for the memories.

The Beer Joint is now "The Cove", which is kind of a fancy oyster place complete with the old Anderton's bar, booths, etc.
Broad Ave. is considerably less sketchy than it was for many years, and every year there is talk of "revitalizing" it. There's a rock club down there now that I've never been able to find. Broadway Pizza is STILL there.
I took some pics of Broad right before they started the new clean up push, and The Cove moved in.

I have a lot of history with this street, as I grew up on Autumn right around the corner. Caught the bus to Snowden up across the street from this old drugstore - still the drugstore of my dreams. (Vance Lauderdale...?)
I remember when they built the old Toddle House at Broad and Tillman. I was excited because we'd have a new restaurant. My grandma summarily informed me that "That's for the nigras".

Marty did make a mean cheeseburger at the P&H. It's never been the same since Wanda sold it.
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 3:34 pm
I remember one night at the Paris Adult Theatre...the guy behind the counter told a woman "No Ma'am, you can't buy the plaid one...that's my thermos!"
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 6:36 pm
...just checking in.
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 9:17 pm
There's a rock club down there now

Odessa. It's really like a large living room. It's a nondescript house-type building with gray siding, just west of Broadway Pizza.
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 9:36 pm
It's never been the same since Wanda sold it.

amen. no offense to the current owners, but ...
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 10:34 pm | Edited by: wfc
"I e-mailed the owner a couple years ago and was told that Marty is in prison. Does anyone know what happened to her?"

The person that owns P&H now told me that Marty was dealing from inside the P&H and that's why she wasn't there any more. I guess that's why she's in jail. She was always a lot of fun though. Her daughter actually looked pretty good at the time but is probably more like Marty now. Even then her daughter had already had kids taken away and put in state custody.

P&H back then (early to mid 90's) was a great place with Wanda, Marty, Lisa, Brian and an occasional appearance by Michael Greer who scared the hell out of most of the college kids. Now, it just isn't the same. I'm surprised it's even still open.
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 12:43 am
孟菲斯 meng fei si- Memphis
孟菲斯大学 meng fei si da xue-University of Memphis
猪肉-zhu rou-pork
墨西"mi xi ge Mexico
德语市de yu shi Germantown
牛津 niu jin Oxford
密西西"-mi xi xi bi Mississippi
河-he river
阿肯色-a ken se Arkansas
"纳西 tian na xi Tennessee
啤...' pi jiu beer
大吗 dama marijuana

老虎 lao hu Tigers
反叛... fan pan zhe Rebels
志愿 zhi yuan Volunteers
牛头犬 niu tou quan Bulldogs
红猪 hong zhu Hogs

'爱你 wo ai ni I love you.
做爱 zuo ai make love

穷'饥饿 qiong he ji e Poor and Hungry
...'吧 jiu ba bar

A few Chinese sentences. Maybe you cannot read these maybe so.

I moved to China for numerous reasons, mostly to get away from the scene here, I was a casino dealer in Tunica and hated it, a desire to see the World, an interest in Asia and Chinese culture. I left Memphis in April of 2001 and have never returned, nor do I have much desire to do so except to eat some good food. My parents are there in Germantown and I need to see them because I am an only child. I wish they would get out of Germantown and out of Memphis, but they have lived there since 1960, have a big ugly house in G'town, not to mention they are in their 70s.

I was still living in Memphis when Wanda was robbed by a couple of spooks, which caused her to sell the business. Then there was Dennis, whom everyone loved for some odd reason, I thought he was the biggest jerk. I liked the eclectic crowd that went in there. Midtown is the only part of Memphis that has a true "big city" feeling, unlike the churchies in the suburbs, and the boring white crowd in DeSoto and the eastern edges. When I was a kid I wanted to live in Midtown, but circumstances have changed, and I am sure the area has totally changed. It's not the 70s anymore, or even the 80s. People miss those times, there is even another post about old rock concerts in the Mid South Coliseum back in the day, and it is shocking to me that the ACDC concert I went to was 25 years ago.

What is more amazing is that Jerry Lawler and Bill Dundee are still wrestling. I mean these guys are 60 for God sakes. Hillary Clinton's age. I know it's fake and all, but wrestling still requires a lot of strength and being in shape, and that cannot be faked. Besides now, there is no Lance Russell so why bother watching it anymore.

Zaijian (Goodbye in Chinese)

Posted: Aug 23, 2008 12:32 pm
Hey Senor,
Would I be outta line asking your real name?
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 12:41 pm
was marty the one with the moustache????
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 1:36 pm
Ah - here's a track from back then that features Marty and her daughter:


"This is a beer joint, this ain't the fucking Peabody."
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 1:49 pm
Indeed...complete with the sound of sizzling burgers on the falt top!! I had Marty wink at me one time back in the day. It made me feel special..or maybe not or especially something or other.
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 3:16 pm
here's a track from back then that features Marty and her daughter:

"life is no fun if you're right all the time."

that was great.
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 5:17 pm
I had Marty wink at me one time back in the day. It made me feel special..or maybe not or especially something or other.

Yeah, she always had something classy to say to the regulars when they walked in like what the fuck do you want now, etc. All in good fun. We'd swap the kegs out for her and Lisa in exchange for beer and a greasy hamburger. That place attracted some really eccentric people. This one old guy lived next door and was always drinking mad dog 20/20 grape. Marty made a point of warning us to stay away from him, he's nothing but trouble, etc and she was serious. Coming from Marty, we didn't really know what to think but the guy seemed OK. Another guy we met and became friends with was a guy who called himself Johnny Torch. His other nickname was the Crazy Cocksucker because he bit some guys dick off in prison. He siaid that was the only way he could think of to make people leave him alone and keep from being raped.
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 5:40 pm
Hey Senor,
Would I be outta line asking your real name?

My name is Glenn L. Andrews. Germantown Class of 1985. I graduated in the same class as Chris Parnell, who became a member of Satirday Night Live. This totally flabbergast me that he did this. He was a theatre nerd. I went to school four years with him but never had a class together. I was a bit interested in the theatre myself, but I hated the theatre director wioth a passion. I wanted to take a class with him, and he asked me if I was a trouble maker. He did not know me from anyone. I was not a troublemaker in High School. MF'er did not want me in his class. I have tried to e-mail him and tell him how much this hurt me, but I have not connected with him, or the bagel nibbling jew bastard does not care, content he helped make Chris a star.

I went to Ole Miss, which I call Old Piss, because that's really what it is and the place has hardly changed over the years. Graduated Old Piss Class of 1989. I hate Ole Piss, I went there for a year and did not like it, but my parents wanted me to go there. One of the greatest mistakes of my life was to go there. I would of been more happoer at Memphis or maybe Tennessee. However, Tennessee Knoxville probably much better, however it was a bigger school in a better environment.

Even though I hated Old Piss and would not recommend it to my dead dog, I did graduate college and I am proud of that, but I was not much of a student, even at GHS. I graduated the same year as Chris Parnell, and Parnell lived about a block from me. I was totally dumbfounded when he was member of Saturday Night Live. I actually saw him in a video store in China talking to Brittany Spears. Amazing, and I thought he was just a theatre nerd.

I live in a city called Hangzhou which is about 150 miles south of Shanghai. Hangzhou has a population of 2.5 million people but is considered a small town in China.

I have been in China for seven years, but I look at the Commercial Appeal website almost everyday. Memphis is a very violent place and is getting worse by the day. My father was a pilot for Northwest Airlines, a genius who builds his own airplanes in a hanger in Dewitt Spain airport in Frayser. His name is Leon, and he is a good man. A Scottish engineer and a fine southerner (from Iowa, but he's been here since 1960.) I don't get along with the old man easily, but that is a father/son thing. If you dont mention me on this website and if you have cute kid, he will take them in his taildragger on Sundays. Truly.

For me, I live in a city called Hangzhou which is about 200 kilometers from Shanghai. I came to Asia to probably run away from my problems, especially a bad pebble problem I metioned before. No pebbles here. Drugs are here in plenty, a lot of meth. But no pebbles.

I miss Mexican food. Tacos especially. I miss Taco Bell. Please eat a taco bell for me. When I finally come home, I will want Mexican food for about three or four days. Maybe I will fart myself to death. I also miss Krystal burgers, I haven't eate oneof those since Clinton was in office. Waffle House will be a holy shrine. When I return home, I will stop at the door of a Waffle House and pray to Jesus Christ that he was merciful to allow me to return there. then it's waffles and scattered smothered and covered.

America is a fucking mess now. Bush has been a total assclown for the past eight years. America is 9 trillion dollars in debt. America is borrowing money from CHINA to finance this misadventire in Iraq. Why do you think China is rising. Pay your taxes, it's coming here.

The American media is lying about China. So much bullshit. China is seen as the enemy, but they are not the enemy. The same people who preach this misinformation are those who are selling you the Chinese socks. In 2003, my Chinese wife was denied a visitor visa to visit the United States while China has given me a visa for seven years. The day she was denied a visa, I basically whipped my ass with the red, white and blue. I am not sure I want my wife to see Memphis anyway, since it is so ugly, superstitious and violent.

I smoke here, it is hard not to. Smokes are 60 cents a pack. $0.60. There are more expensive cigarettes, up to 5 dollars USD. But the good stuff is that cheap. Gasoline is about $2.50 a gallon. A taxi cab has a flagfall of about $1.50. Busses are plentiful and cheap at less than 50 cents.

When I come home, will anything be really different. I need to see my parents, but I dont really want to. I dont want to return to Memphis, much less the United States.

My advice, if you can escape, get the fuck out of Memphis. Get the fuck out of the Mid-South. Get the fuck away from the bullshit and hassle of living there. Get the fuck out of Tennessee. For your sanity if nothing else. Go somewhere else. Memphis is going the same road as Detroit and everyone that could packed their shit up and went on. Even the dead of Detroit is moving. Get the fuck away from Willie Herenton. Get the fuck away from Midtown, every big city has a midtown. Make Willie so poor he has to beg under an underpass. Ley the spooks have it, they deserve it.

For those of you who refuse to leave, vote for MONGO. After you do, smoke a pebble and have a taco. Jesus will appreciate it. I will appreciate it.

I just came back from Kashgar which is the most western city in China. It was also the furthest I have ever been from Memphis Tennessee. It is a muslim city, and many of the women wore burquas, and the men were pious Muslims who did not take strong drink and worshipped in the local mosques in the neighborhood. I have two months in the summer to travel, and I went to Xian and Xinjiang in the far west of China.I ended up in a place very close to Afghanistan and Pakistan. I was seeing the great mountian and lake there (Karakul for Wiki people) and thanking Jehovah that I was'nt in motherfucking Tunica working for motherfucking Harrah's (a former shitty employer) dealing $3 blackjack in the middle of the night. I go back to my wife, my teaching job and my sanity.

Mail a can of beans to Marty in the joint. She can fart them out and it will be so loud that I can hear it.

Posted: Aug 23, 2008 5:57 pm
drunk but truthful post above. Sorry for the misspellings.I am an Old Piss Graduate.

Hey Sparky Reardon, fuck your mother!

Posted: Aug 24, 2008 10:30 am
Great Story, but you aren't the guy I though you might be.
Posted: Aug 25, 2008 1:19 pm
you are a good man, senor. except that part about the spooks. but your story is funny and you advice is wise.
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