Posted: Apr 8, 2006 7:19 am
The TROUBLE guide to Memphis:
The best parts of Memphis are the things that arent in the tourist books. In fact, most Memphians never go to whats GREAT about this town. Its one of the great ironies of the best city in the world. People would rather have their culture spoon-fed to them than venture out from the neighborhoods to parts of the town where every building doesnt have a twin next door.
Things that suck:
Graceleand sucks. Fuck that bloated drug addict.
The Peabody and its ducks suck. Not really, but its the first thing in travel guides (besides the Elvis stuff), and its the last place I want to go around here. Actually, the people-watching at the bar on Friday nights is hilarious. You can watch floozies hit on the out-of-town businessmen all night and try to get free drinks.
Beale Street sucks.-Its commercial Babylon.
The Pyramid REALLY sucks. It was a dumb idea when it was built, and now its a derelict dumb idea.
The Grizzlies suck. Well, they do. Whos ever heard of a Griz in Memphis, TN?? The fellas i've, met have all been nice guys, though.
Hueys sucks-There are LOTS of better burgers around, but Memphians have their heads too far up their own asses to bother looking for them. At least there are now locations in Germantown and Collierville. Stay in the 'burbs, suckers!
Despite a strong season, Tigers basketball sucks. Its a team of thugs and assholes. Fuck em.
Rendezvous doesnt suck, but it sure as HELL isnt the best BBQ in town-not by a damn sight!
Things that dont suck:
Guss Fried Chicken-the only restaurant to which Ive been in my life that actually lives up to the hype. It is simply the best chicken in the world. Special of the Day: chicken.
Cozy Corner-best ribs in town. THIS is the place that gives Charlie Vergos nightmares. The Cornish game hen is also delightful.
Paynes-best BBQ sandwich in town. Two words: fuck Corkys.
Stax-This is the single best music-centric thing in town. Stax has amazing tunes and an amazing museum. Stax is also the prefect metaphor for the city: Black and white people doing cool shit together only to be fucked over by bad business decisions and general apathy.
Goner Records-Best record store in the world. Eric Oblivian and Zac Solution have done their town proud. Not only is it the only place in the tri-state area where you can buy Big Balls and the Great White Idiot records, but its also the home of a diverse record label, and a bi-annual music fest. Ill be a Goner until I die.
The Lamplighter-Shirly makes good burgers and pours good cheap beer. Nuff said.
The Beer Joint-You cant cuss here (theyll kick you out), but a sixty year old waitress will try to get in your pants every time. Its a classic.
Rhodes College. It it wasnt for Rhodes, Id never have been to Memphis. Love my college and my city. An Ivy League education for a fraction of the price, the most beautiful campus in the world, and Profs who actually love their jobs and care for their students. Go Lynx!!
Other places of interest:
P&H Caf-best burger in Memphis
La Taqueria Guadalapana (sp?)-only authentic Mexican restaurant in a town with a rapidly grow(n)ing Hispanic population.
Malco Drive-In on Summer-Bring a cooler of beer and watch the pictures as they fly through the air! The perfect summer night.
Last Chance records-the OTHER good record store in town.
Sun Studios-Tourist trap, but it IS the birthplace of ROCK AND ROLL.
Chickasaw Gardens-THIS is how rich people are supposed to live.