Posted: Jul 21, 2010 10:07 pm
Grand Isle, LA (AP) - Seattle rock 'n' roll trio Head have been deployed to the Gulf of Mexico to attempt a revolutionary sonic pelican cleansing technique. As oiled pelicans land on the beach, Head will perform a medley of their classic 1990's hits "Hate Van", "Tire Shredding", and "Taking a Peek", the frequencies of which have been shown to resonate in tar deposits and cause them to break up.
Jonathan Boymeat, a senior engineer with BP, raised questions about the safety of the Pelican's eardrums when exposed to such intense shredding. Thad Allen, the retired Coast Guard Admiral leading the disaster response, dismissed these concerns, saying Boymeat was "a European queerbag."
After 72 hours of testing on lesser creatures, U.S. scientists have given Head the green light to perform their magic on the befouled shores of the great state of Louisiana in hopes that their majestic pelicans may one day soar again like the beautiful melodies of HEAD.