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Goner Message Board / Food & Drink / The WORST thing I've ever cooked
Author Message
Alisa
Member
Posted: Jan 10, 2010 7:26 pm    
And I even looked it up online!
I had some pork neckbones, and looked up how to cook them. The number one recipe said to put them in a pot, and pour a can of sauerkraut over them. Which I did.
That stuff was so nasty I threw it all out. There's only a handful of my cooking experiences over many long years that I've had to throw out.

So...what's the worst thing you've ever cooked?
Windy
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 12:16 pm    
Spaetzle from a box. I think we powered through it for part of a meal and then all gave up and threw the rest out. It was totally the recipe I concocted and not the actual spaetzle. Ugh.
Thee Gilded Chimera
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 12:59 pm    
One time I was at my buddy's cabin in the early spring. We were both really hungry, but the water wasn't turned on, so we had to boil spagehtti in beer. It was really gross. I took one bite and spit it out.
SSSSSSS
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 1:00 pm    
shoulda used pee.
Franny
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 1:03 pm    
And I even looked it up online!
I had some pork neckbones, and looked up how to cook them. The number one recipe said to put them in a pot, and pour a can of sauerkraut over them. Which I did.
That stuff was so nasty I threw it all out. There's only a handful of my cooking experiences over many long years that I've had to throw out.

So...what's the worst thing you've ever cooked?


VERY similar to my experience. I wanted to utilize my crockpot and I also used an online recipe. I threw in pork shoulder, sauerkraut, beer, potatoes and it was so fucking nasty. The beer pretty much boiled the pork and when I walked in my house that night it smelled like a big sauerkraut beer fart.
Miss Strange
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 2:26 pm    
This past Thanksgiving I made the same tried & true recipe that I make every year & it's usually fantastic. This year apparently my cheap ass roasting pan (good cook) apparently went bad. The non stick coating came off after the first use, but I still used it for years with no problems. This year however the drippings became infused with a overwhelming metallic rusty tin can flavor. I didn't taste the drippings before adding them to just about everything in that meal. or before adding the huge batch of stuffing to that same pan for baking. so needless to say the whole meal tasted like rust. Horrible.
Jesse Garon
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 4:29 pm    
ewwwwwwwwwwwwww on the 'kraut.
Alisa
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 7:04 pm    
it smelled like a big sauerkraut beer fart.
I won't go into detail about my farts from just a couple of bites...but, it was pretty shocking.
Glad to know I'm not the only one to fall into the trap of "online add sauerkraut" recipes!

And, Miss Strange, you win so far. Damn, on Thanksgiving!
deadcityrebel
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 7:24 pm    
grief stroganoff:
package of ramen
lb of ground beef
cream of mushroom soup.

i only eat it if i'm super desperate.
SSSSSSS
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 8:21 pm    
I LOVE that recipe. Except I do it up with some store brand egg noodles. Add as much sour cream as soup and a good sized onion.

My ex made some real Stroganoff once, but I still like the Strokenoff a little better.
Wire
Member
Posted: Jan 11, 2010 8:37 pm    
Rice, beans, tomatoes, onions, sardines.
Wire
Member
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 8:13 am    
Canned tuna, Grape Nuts, Italian dressing, warmed in the microwave
Joe
Member
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 12:04 pm | Edited by: Joe    
Rice, beans, tomatoes, onions, sardines.

Doesn't sound too bad. I've never thought of going the mushroom soup route for stroganoff... I'll have to try that one of these days.
Joe Buddha
Member
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 12:15 pm    
I tried to make falafel.
It was a nightmare. I ruined a friends cast iron skillet and set off the fire alarm about five times.

And, it was 5 am after a shift at the deli followed by a couple more hours of shots and beers. Not a good idea.
bruce
Member
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 12:28 pm    
refresh for more fun
elle
Member
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 3:13 pm    
i made some chicken breasts that i marinated in orange juice, then added some cinnamon to it for some stupid reason. it ended up being sickening sweet and gross. i was stoned like a total dumbass. bad ideas happen like that.

when i was a kid, i made some cookies. they were vile. i didn't have any flour and instead, used cornmeal. i didn't have any vanilla, so i used cherry flavoring. i wanted to dye them a different color too so i put red food coloring in it too. even cooked, they looked like a pile of raw hamburger meat because the corn meal was stone ground from an actual old timey mill. tasted HORRENDOUS. i was about 10 years old at that point, so i didn't know better. i got my ass beat for that too. my mom was pissed i wasted all the sugar and cornmeal and whatnot. hahah.
deadcityrebel
Member
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 5:05 pm    
wow, bruce, that is wicked
Miss Strange
Member
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 5:49 pm    
i made some chicken breasts that i marinated in orange juice, then added some cinnamon to it for some stupid reason

this reminds me of Little House On The Prairie. I seem to remember a couple episodes mentioning "cinnamon chicken" as Laura's specialty.

I don't think the orange juice/cinnamon sounds bad. makes me think of al pastor, just needs some chipotle or some other chilis.

I used to try to bake all of the time as a kid. Thought I was following the recipes, but they were always nasty. I figured it out in retrospect many years later that I was using the baking soda from the fridge. BAH! the taste of a years worth of leftovers...
Alisa
Member
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 6:39 pm | Edited by: Alisa    
Yeah, that's awesome, bruce.

Elle brought to mind with the baking story the heretofore worst thing I ever cooked. I was just 20, and staying with my beloved in his brother's super cool 100+ year old house in Somerville. In the country...all in love...we decided to make fudge. Whoda thunk that his brother would have a whole canister of SALT. Jeesh, it looked just like sugar...

I hadn't thought of that in a long, long time.
dutch hercules
Member
Posted: Jan 19, 2010 2:25 am    
once I fried an adopted baby.
Franny
Member
Posted: Jan 19, 2010 12:41 pm    
I'm foraying into crock pot usage for the first time since my boiled beer sauerkraut fart pork experience. Has anyone ever used the Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker cookbook? It kind of scares me- a lot of the recipes look super bland.
rayultine
Member
Posted: Jan 19, 2010 3:39 pm    
bruce, that link = tears of laughter in office.
littlemisslinda
Member
Posted: Jan 22, 2010 1:23 pm    
I threw in some pecans making stir-fry. It was bitter as Hell, and I had people over that night.

I've always had bad experiences cooking and even baking with nuts, and unless the boss tells me to do it, I never will again.
littlemisslinda
Member
Posted: Jan 22, 2010 1:28 pm    
this reminds me of Little House On The Prairie. I seem to remember a couple episodes mentioning "cinnamon chicken" as Laura's specialty.

It was that stupid Alonzo's favorite dish, and Laura fucked it all up because she was stupid too.

I bet if Nellie Olson made me cinnamon chicken I'd get an instant hard-on, but fish tacos are my favorite.
Miss Strange
Member
Posted: Jan 22, 2010 7:42 pm    
It was that stupid Alonzo's favorite dish, and Laura fucked it all up because she was stupid too.

I cant believe I remember this, but Nellie hired Laura to make it for her date with Alonzo & tried to pass it off as her own cooking. So Laura being jealous, sabotaged the dish by switching the cinnamon with paprika.

I don't remember many episodes of that show, but for some reason that one stayed with me. it also left me with the falsehood that paprika is really spicy because they were acting like their mouths were on fire.
littlemisslinda
Member
Posted: Jan 22, 2010 8:49 pm    
I cant believe I remember this, but Nellie hired Laura to make it for her date with Alonzo & tried to pass it off as her own cooking. So Laura being jealous, sabotaged the dish by switching the cinnamon with paprika.


I believe you're right!

I liked the episode where their adopted brother kept breaking into the Dr's office cuz he was on the "stuff".
Jack Stands
Member
Posted: Jan 22, 2010 8:51 pm    
No. Liver and broccoli are the worst things you ever cooked. Shame on you.
elle
Member
Posted: Jan 22, 2010 10:07 pm    
yeah apparently the chicken was too spicy for almanzo. what a wuss.
Alisa
Member
Posted: Jan 23, 2010 3:54 pm    
but Nellie hired Laura to make it for her date with Alonzo & tried to pass it off as her own cooking. So Laura being jealous, sabotaged the dish by switching the cinnamon with paprika.

Wow, looks like I missed some good stuff being partial to The Waltons.

No. Liver and broccoli are the worst things you ever cooked. Shame on you.
Speaking of...when's the Goner Cookbook II coming out? I included my recipe for "Alisa's Nasty Southern Broccoli Casserole." That stuff's like candy. And I'm not even going to get into the liver with you, Jack. You're obviously a closet...something!
chandy
Member
Posted: Jan 30, 2010 6:17 pm    
mr. t cereal and dr. pepper
Vinyl Ritchie
Member
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 9:43 am    
I once though it would be a good idea to boil some pasta in guiness, why? I dont know...but it was a bitter-ass, awful, awful plate of pasta
littlemisslinda
Member
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 6:47 pm | Edited by: littlemisslinda    
I once though it would be a good idea to boil some pasta in guiness, why?



Drunk............and high!
dustymedical
Member
Posted: Feb 3, 2010 1:59 pm    
the worst thing i ever made, and had to throw out, was the first time i tried guacamole. i think i probably put 5x the needed amount of garlic. it was just fucking awful!
JimiHaze
Member
Posted: Feb 4, 2010 4:58 pm    
I guess you can have too much garlic.... Never thought it possible.
Ria
Member
Posted: Feb 5, 2010 6:48 pm    
I dont think you are supposed to put garlic in guacamole period.
Alisa
Member
Posted: Apr 6, 2010 5:53 pm    
I topped myself last night.
I tried to make chicken gravy after I fried some (excellent) fried chicken. I'm never any good at it, but last night was the absolute WORST. How come mom can do it, and I can't?
There's an extra large cast iron skillet in there still full of the nastiest light brown goo you ever saw. I'm afraid of it, and can't figure out how in the world to dispose of it!
Tango Fistula
Member
Posted: Apr 6, 2010 6:04 pm    
You have dogs?

Dump that mess into a big coffee can and stash some into their kibble every day until its gone.

They will be exstatic...and the evidence will be gone
Alisa
Member
Posted: Apr 6, 2010 6:09 pm    
I do, I do have a dog!
That is a great idea. I don't have a big coffee can, but I'm sure I can figure something else out. Like another use for my favorite kitchen invention...the gallon size freezer bag.
Thanks!
carney
Member
Posted: Apr 7, 2010 10:01 am    
I dont think you are supposed to put garlic in guacamole period.
Just a little, maybe one clove if you are going to make in in a molcajete.
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