Posted: Feb 27, 2014 6:22 pm |
Edited by: nickg
i think the worst i've had in the past 5 years or so would be 4 Loko and Joose. both are malt liquor energy drinks. i was in san diego waiting for a show to start or some such thing and cracked a 4 loko in the car, parked on the street. driver didnt like that so much so i figured i'd make short work of it and get back in the club. so for some grasp of this, a can of 4 loko is 24 ounces and 12% alcohol (might've been 14%? not sure, i just remember it being the same as a lot of wine). plus the "energy" component. anyway, it was a cherry flavored 4 loko and i put it away in about 20 minutes. this was no small feat as this shit is absolutely vile. kind of like if you mixed sparks, cooking wine, redbull, and cough syrup. anyway, i could feel my face turning red as it was happening. ears burning. it should be mentioned i am sensitive to alcohol anyway, in that my liver apparently metabolises it very quickly, but incorrectly, and delivers some sort of poison throughout my body. some people call it Asian Flush because a lot of asian people suffer the affliction. i've been told i am 8 to 10 times more likely to develop esophageal cancer than the average person, but really, how likely is it to happen to the average person? if it's 8 x pretty slim chance, then whatever, i guess. anyway, my face reddened immediately, as did my ears, and i got a little bit puffy. the "energry" component actually worked, not like a red bull or some such shit, and i couldnt sit fucking still for about 2 hours. like, i didnt feel energetic. i felt fuckin wired and shitty, like i'd taken 4 ritalin or something. my buddy even told me i looked "fuckin sketchy, dude." anyway, 4 loko is something to be avoided.
then a week later i picked up a lemonade flavored Joose, a similar product to 4 Loko (what the hell is my problem?). for some reason i came to believe the lemonade flavor would save the drink, and hey, it couldnt possibly be worse than 4 Loko. i was wrong. it was. cant comment on the effects, however. after 3 or 4 tentative sips i took a big slug, gagged in the alley for a bit, and tossed that thing the fuck out.